New Baby & WFH. Is it do-able? Or am I kidding myself?

[expectinglittlebear]

Unfortunately my employer do not offer any enhanced maternity pay and therefore only offer SMP. I am due our first baby in January.

Due to finances, I am only able to take 8 weeks of maternity leave (6 weeks SMP and 2 weeks annual leave tagged on the end). Childcare is also extortionate (and also wouldn't want to leave my baby with anyone that young, bar family), so my employer have offered for me to WFH 4 days a week, and then my mum will be looking after baby the other day so I can go into the office (Husband works full time). I am very grateful for this opportunity to WFH around baby as we wouldn't be able to afford for me to be off work, or pay for childcare. So after my 8 weeks off, I will be back to working full time, while caring for our baby too.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and gone back to working full time after a short maternity leave, working from home and caring for baby - is it doable or am I completely kidding myself thinking I can work around baby at home full time? For context, I am an office manager and PA, but my job is relatively easy and stress free. It would be the odd zoom call meeting, but other than that just mainly working from a laptop.

If your employer is aware and your work load is light then why not give it a go. Just get organised the night before, shower before bed, so you don't have to mess around in the morning, make up bottles the night before , use the baby sling , so you can carry baby round whilst on phone calls, it might work , there's definitely no reason not to try, good luck

People don't think you are stupid, just inexperienced and naive. Caring for a toddler (18 months) during lockdown in Spain while wfh was the most anxiety producing experience I have ever lived through. After baby was born I just COULD NOT think straight. It was like fog in my brain, the only way I can explain it. Hope you don´t experience it and my baby was easy peasy, by the way. No colic, no reflux, no pain, good sleeper...and I was thanking god I was on maternity leave.

I wouldn't let anyone in my team do this. No way.

Your focus will be on the baby.

If your job is so easy you can do it whilst looking after a baby full-time, I'd question whether your job is actually needed. Harsh, but that's the reality of it.

You cannot work and do childcare. Have some respect for your work as an employee and for your work as a mother. They're both big undertakings, and you can't do them at the same time without help (e.g. daycare).

With that said, I do appreciate the finances are rough and you're looking for a solution. Unfortunately, this isn't it.

@Aurora791

A lot of us have done this out of necessity during covid and never again (the very fact of a covid case in our nursery room or a cough or sniffle brings me out in a cold sweat). At best I was being a poor mother to my new 2 year old, and a poor employee, at worst I was putting my child in potential harms way because you can’t even take your eye off a toddler for 2 seconds. Please don’t do this- you’ll have good days and bad days but for the sake of your sanity and your child’s safety it’s just not worth it.

That was meant to say now 2 year old, but I had to do some days wfh with her from 8 months, and it’s not fun!

Nope. And I say that as someone who had a relatively “easy” baby. She slept 2 hours, was awake for one, every day for months. Apart from a few weeks of colic, it was pretty straightforward for the first 6 months. There is no way I could have done a full time job.

That wouldn’t have been possible until she started primary school.

I did 1 month wfh with a 6 month old with some add hoc help and it was hell. No way should you even attempt this.

It can be done, but it's fully dependent on how much your baby sleeps, how good a sleeper he/she is, and how flexible they're really being at work. I was able to do it with a 9mo. But he slept around 5 hours at the time (always very predictable) and did the remaining hours in the evening.

Depends on what baby is like & how you personally are.

You won't know until baby is here.

How long are you planning on doing this for? Because I’ve not done it with a tiny baby, but DD was 8 months and just starting nursery when lockdown happened and the nursery had to shut. We moved in with my PILs and all four of us (DH, MIL, FIL and me) were wfh full time and taking shifts to look after DD. It was not possible to work while watching her except during her (pretty unreliable) naps. It was a nightmare.

You’re contemplating this when your baby will be 7/8 weeks? At that stage my DD refused to be put down, she napped on me, I held her constantly or she howled. No way could I have worked.

Unfortunately this time around it appears rather condescending.

Just because it's almost unanimously realistic, and doesn't say what you want it to say, doesn't make it condescending.

You can't work from home with a baby, or toddler, or young child. It's explicitly written into most contracts.

It's not ideal, OP, but obviously you're aware of that.

If there's no other option then I would suggest a good quality sling (some babies sleep far more next to mum) and break up the day so you're only doing 3 or 4 hours in the day, and the rest in the evenings when you have more help.

Good luck - and congratulations 💐

But why are so many declaring it to be impossible? When it is clearly possible, as several here have said. Yes, there are many situations in which it’s a compromise, but I wouldn’t go back and change it even if I could. I made professional progress over those years I could not have done otherwise and I am in a better position now that I was then. I actively chose to take on the bigger projects when one of my babies was newborn rather than putting them back to when they were older and more mobile.

There are thousands of people with caring responsibilities who experience no let up in their role because a new baby arrives. A mother of three has a full time job looking after three, but doesn’t get to stop doing it when baby four arrives. Parents with older disabled children needing 24 hour care still have to provide that care to the child and the newborn. Families with older dependent relatives or any number of scenarios - you don’t get to take leave.

ALL babies come along for the ride if they have to. Regardless.

If you have absolutely no other choice, I would think you'll make it work, but OP please don't drive yourself to the brink if you don't have a magical calm baby who will entertain themselves while you work. I didn't get to take much time off due to finances, my OH took some off to take us to 6 months of age and after that, trying to work (from home) with child at childminder 2 days, juggling the rest of my work evenings and weekend and baby sleeping terribly, until about 1, I think killed more brain cells than I now have left.

@whatswithtodaytoday

Absolutely not possible. I'm very surprised your employer would suggest this, looking after a baby is a full time job even if they're quite easy and sleep well.

For the first 3-4 months of my baby's life I binge-watched 'Say Yes to the Dress' when he napped, because that was all my brain could handle. I have zero interest in weddings, am not married and have never wanted to wear a traditional wedding dress. I cannot emphasise enough how much that programme is not my kind of thing. I think that's why it appealed, it required absolutely no thought. My brain was fluff.

This is hilarious and I totally get what you mean! It took me months to get round to claiming child benefit, I just couldn’t think straight to do anything. I guess that’s what being woken up 10 times a night does to you.

Hi OP, I did this out of necessity during the Covid lockdown, and worked as follows:

1. I took a day's annual leave each week and split it over the week to reduce my hours per day.
2. I worked 8am to 2am to be able to do my hours split across the day. Baby needs feeding, putting to sleep, nappy changes, playing etc so these things interrupted my day, as well as cooking, cleaning etc.
3. I tried to block time in my diary so people knew when I would most likely work and be on breaks. This didn't always go as planned depending on baby's needs.
4. My husband had a significant input into looking after the baby.

But honestly, I hated it. I barely had any sleep, no time for self care, couldn't fully focus at work and wasn't giving my best to my baby. My baby would start crying during calls and then join us - adorable at first, but not anymore. I was so depressed. I wouldn't recommend it.

If your employer didn't let you wfh, what would have been your alternative?

You're asking for advice from someone who has done it - there is a reason most people have not tried it themselves.
You should get childcare, you can't give full attention to your baby and to your job, it isn't fair to your child, or the company you work for.
I tried doing a keep in touch day with my 4 month old daughter next to me. I did 3 hours and it was incredibly shoddy work on my part, both to my work and to my daughter!
Would not recommend, even if you have an "easy" job.
What if your daughter gets sick one day? What if you have a work emergency that requires more attention? Get childcare.

"condescending"?! So many women have shared their advice and real, lived experience of motherhood and apparently that's condescending?

@TataMamma

I did this, although in my case I was an agency locum and had just got a new role and really needed the money, so they didn't even known I was pregnant/had a baby. I worked from within a week of my baby's birth. It was hard but manageable until around 4 months. (My DD was a very easy baby mind). At 41/2 months I put her in nursery part time because she was awake and more demanding much more. It only worked at all because I was rarely on the phone and they didn't seem to mind that I worked slightly strange hours. II think it is doable until they are more awake/alert, but then not. Also, you won't be winning employee of the month awards! Can you work part time hours over 5 days a week, so maybe 4 or 5 hours a day rather than 7 or 8, but spread out according to your needs at the time? That would be a hell of a lot easier.

You realise this was illegal right? You are not allowed to work for 2 weeks following giving birth.

But why are so many declaring it to be impossible? When it is clearly possible, as several here have said.

Because for some babies this would be a situation that is impossible. You cannot just say bluntly that it worked for you so it will work for the OP. A tiny minority of people give birth to babies who would allow this situation to work effectively. It's a very niave idea to hope you have one of those babies.

My friend did it with a sixth month old but there wasn't much work due to covid at that time. She just got one task a day.

I couldn't have done this with either of my babies. I was living on 2.5 hours' sleep a night, broken into blocks of 30 minutes max.

I'd suggest you maybe look at some US websites, as they have very little maternity leave so it's common there for mothers to be returning to work whilst their infants are still very small.

I have no advice as your baby will be so young at the time but luckily at that age they tend to spend so much time asleep so it may be okay for you.

My good friend went back to work after her DS was 11/12 months and she WFH. Luckily at that age her son was a little more independent so would sit down and play with his toys or sit to eat a meal whilst my friend worked and she found that manageable. She works for the council and her day to day workload is quite light.

I'll be going back to work in Jan when my DD is 8 months old and I'll also be WFH. She'll be with me full time and I know it'll be a challenge but I'm sure I'll manage. I already know I won't be able to get AS much work done as before, but I'll still be able to do a considerable amount lol.

I think once you get into a little routine and figure out how much work you can do in a small window (for example when the little one is asleep) you'll be able to manage.
Good luck

I have a 9 week old. It's impossible! I manage 10mins for breakfast, often skip lunch despite being starving, I can usually get her to play long enough to splash some water on myself of a morning. The days I get enough time to make some dinner I feel like a bloody super hero.
If she does nap long enough for me to have some time to myself then I nap! And my baby sleeps 6 hours at night, alot don't. Even with being on maternity and my mum often staying once a week it's still bloody hard work and I feel like sometimes we are just keeping our head above water!

I worked from home (self employed) with my second and third babies from about 4 weeks onwards. BUT not full time hours. I was probably lucky if I managed 2/3 hours a day and that was sat on the sofa with my laptop next to me for most of the day.

Sadly a lot of it will depend on your baby. I have three and two of them had reflux. They wouldn't be put down at all. So I had no choice but to hold them all the time. So I was typing one handed! I was also getting next to no sleep and honestly my head wasn't in the game.

Maybe you'll have a brilliant baby who naps for hours on end and sleeps through the night, you never know. But I guess my point is, it's very hard to plan. And I'm worried you'll make yourself ill trying to juggle it all!