New Baby & WFH. Is it do-able? Or am I kidding myself?

[expectinglittlebear]

Unfortunately my employer do not offer any enhanced maternity pay and therefore only offer SMP. I am due our first baby in January.

Due to finances, I am only able to take 8 weeks of maternity leave (6 weeks SMP and 2 weeks annual leave tagged on the end). Childcare is also extortionate (and also wouldn't want to leave my baby with anyone that young, bar family), so my employer have offered for me to WFH 4 days a week, and then my mum will be looking after baby the other day so I can go into the office (Husband works full time). I am very grateful for this opportunity to WFH around baby as we wouldn't be able to afford for me to be off work, or pay for childcare. So after my 8 weeks off, I will be back to working full time, while caring for our baby too.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and gone back to working full time after a short maternity leave, working from home and caring for baby - is it doable or am I completely kidding myself thinking I can work around baby at home full time? For context, I am an office manager and PA, but my job is relatively easy and stress free. It would be the odd zoom call meeting, but other than that just mainly working from a laptop.

I wouldn't have had a child either if I couldn't have afforded one

It's a shame you didn't consider finances sooner, but you are where you are.

Do you and your husband rent or own your home?

Do you have any debts?

It is quite unusual not to be able to afford a few months on reduced pay, if both of you have been working full time, which is why I wondered about debts.

Depending on your husband's income and whether you rent or own your home, you might be eligible for some universal credit after baby is born.

I think you might come back to this thread in six months time and feel embarrassed that you ever thought the idea was even slightly worth entertaining!

@expectinglittlebear

As I have mentioned, yes my employer does know I would be working full time alongside caring for our baby full time.

My workload is incredibly light, we are a very small company and so in my 40 hour work week, if I was to cram all my 'weekly workload' together, it would probably be 2 days max. So yes can easily be spread to when baby is asleep / evenings when DH is home etc.

Thank you for all those who have suggested getting childcare - I absolutely would if I could, obviously. In my original post I did state that this wasn't an option.

@stalkersaga It was a genuine question, there is no need to get funny at all. I was in no way insinuating anything by that question.

Thank you all for taking the time to respond to my question. I do not have any other option with this set up, was just hoping for some tips and tricks from others who have been in the same boat, rather than repeatedly told I am being silly. It is my first baby but I am not stupid and I know it is in no way going to be an easy ride. However, thank you for your advice, it is much appreciated and gives me much more of an insight into what to expect! :)

Tips and tricks:

• get a sling and hope baby likes it.
• have a desk and comfortable chair so you can type and have baby in the sling
• plan with your DP and employer that'll you'll mainly work evenings and weekends so you can get uninterrupted time to get through your workload.

As an employer, I wouldn’t allow this. You can’t work and look after a baby at the same time, we do not allow it.

I’m a bit shocked your workload is so light - do they really need you FT?

What are your childcare & financial plans? Have you saved up to cover mat leave? Surely you’ve thought about how to cover mat leave and pay for childcare by now?

Why are you employed for 40 hours when your workload is 16 hours? Why do they not mind that you’d have sole care of a baby as well as working? All seems very strange. I could probably send a few emails while my 9 week old sleeps, but much more than that would be very challenging. Smp isn’t great but it’s more than I would get if I put my baby in childcare and went back to work. That’s one reason why I am taking maternity leave.

It would be easier imo to look after an eight week old and wfh than it would be a more mobile baby/toddler....but still pretty much impossible. An odd day if childcare fell through would be manageable but not as a permanent arrangement.

Yes, I did it - pre-lockdown whilst working overseas with no family.

I did it from 12 weeks to 23 months and it was generally fine. DS woke early and after a feed, went down for a couple of hours. I sent emails and prepped for the day in that time. When he woke, I took a break of about an hour, tended to him, had a play and fed him. Then he sat with me in by home office. I used a sling at first, then a combination of a bouncy chair and a play pen. At "lunch Time" we went out for a walk and had a feed. He then would have a sleep and I would get another couple of hours in. I would then clock off until he went to sleep and then would do a couple of hours more when DH was home from work. Most days I would manage about 8 hours work. In 4 two hours stints. My company (a large multinational) counted clinic visits and if baby was ill as sick leave for me. He was an exceptionally easy baby and most people on calls found the occasional gurgle or giggle charming. I was in a reasonably responsible management position.

I wouldn’t have been able to work on a laptop while looking after my baby. It would have been impossible.

I am not stupid and I know it is in no way going to be an easy ride.

Not stupid, no but incredibly niave and viewing the whole thing with Rose tinted glasses.

As a previous poster said I'd also be mega concerned that if management realise you can do your 40 hour workload in less than 2 days whilst also looking after a baby they may be quite keen to save some money and employ someone else to do the job in part time.

I work with a colleague who has been doing this, it's horrendous for everyone. The baby is constantly in the back of calls making it hard to hear, she's always having to leap up and stop them causing trouble/stealing things/provide snacks/find entertainment so everything takes twice as long. I don't know how she gets anything done as it seems constant even on the short calls we have. I briefly did some training with her and had to retrain with someone else as she got interrupted so much I couldn't get my head around what she was explaining. When the baby was upset she would sit then on her lap so they babbled straight into the mic, her work suffered, and we aren't a particularly intense team, we have a lot of leeway for personal issues if we need it.

I actually find it so offensive, upsetting, misogynistic etc etc that the care of a newborn baby is so deeply deeply devalued by our society that ANYONE would think it is possible to do it alongside another full time job. Actually makes me boil with rage.

Sorry OP that’s a broader point.. but I suspect once your baby comes along you might get a bit of feminist outrage yourself!

I’m not from the uk but where I’m from it’s not uncommon to go back to university (online) when on maternity leave.

In my experience and those of my friends, it works out for some - a combination of easy babies, late nights and lots of family support especially from the other parent.
It doesn’t for others - “difficult” babies, PND, unsupportive partner.
But we didn’t have the constraints of doing it “between working hours” we had the chance to listen to a lecture whilst breastfeeding, doing homework between naps, etc.

It’s possible. But extremely difficult!

@Mamabear2020
The first couple of weeks will be fine (assuming you're happy to ignore baby for most of the day)

I agree @juliainthedeepwater ...

OP it looks like you have to choose the lesser of two evils - either take a longer maternity leave with SMP (like many thousands of women before you) or find a way to afford childcare for a newborn (!) - maybe read up on the concept of the fourth trimester to focus your decision, and speak to anyone with a young baby...

This is hilarious.

I changed job two weeks before I fell pregnant so not qualifying for enhanced pay…but when we found out I was pregnant we knew this and have since lived accordingly to enable me to take the year off.

I cannot fathom a job where you’re paid 40 hours a week but only have enough work to fill 20 hours - sounds like a dream! And the employer is okay with all this?

It sounds very unfair on the child, will negatively impact their development surely? Unfair on mother, very stressful.

Madness all round.

Some days you might not be able to put the baby down at all. When it does you will be bf'ing or making up bottles/cleaning up vomit/collapsing in a heap/getting yourself something to eat/drink.

You will NEVER be able to have a meeting as you won't know when the baby will let you.
You will regularly be interrupted during calls when the baby is crying because it wants to eat/play/cuddle/be winded/be changed/be comforted/is too hot/is too cold/has a cold/has an earache etc etc

You will probably be exhausted through sleep deprivation and need to catch up on naps when the baby sleeps.

It wouldn't have been possible for me when ds was a newborn and I cannot see how anyone could do it so young. Think you need another plan op.

I agree juliainthedeepwater I can totally see why it makes you angry.

@juliainthedeepwater

I actually find it so offensive, upsetting, misogynistic etc etc that the care of a newborn baby is so deeply deeply devalued by our society that ANYONE would think it is possible to do it alongside another full time job. Actually makes me boil with rage.

Sorry OP that’s a broader point.. but I suspect once your baby comes along you might get a bit of feminist outrage yourself!

I know that this isn't what this thread is about, but I agree 100%

I was a feminist before having children, but nothing opened my eyes to the way women are devalued like motherhood has. If our society properly valued the work of raising children, especially in their first weeks and months, the OP would never even be in this position.

I didn't RTFT but I think it would be very premature to refuse the opportunity before trying at least.

I had a colleague who joined the company I work for when her baby was 3 months old. It was 2020 and so we were working from home (in the US) but she absolutely did make it work. During zoom meeting she would mostly be on mute but would participate when needed and showed a great focus on the conversation. Sometimes we'd see her baby on screen or she would turn the camera off to breastfeed.
She left for a better opportunity.

You must be pretty good at what you do for your employer to offer you this opportunity!

It depends on what kind of baby you get, there is a huge range.

IF you have a very easy baby, who sleeps through from very early on and naps in their cot for many hours a day, and/or is happy to be left alone on playmat or bouncy chair

And IF you can choose when you do your work so it coincides with nap time or after bedtime and it doesn’t matter if you have to down tools whenever baby wakes up

Then you might be able to do a few hours of work a day.

But this is best case scenario and is absolutely dependent on having a very very easy content and good sleeper baby. Which you have very very little control over (no matter what Gina Ford might have you believe).

Much more likely/normal is that you will be fully occupied with baby, tired from night wake ups and could maybe squeeze in 20 min per day maximum.

And if you have a baby like my DC1 you will barely have time to eat and shower and glue your eyelids open after a horrific night, never mind work.

And even the best case scenario is only till they get mobile, when all bets are off and you need to watch them 12 hours a day.

Not a chance in hell. Sorry OP but this is madness. When DD was 8 weeks old I was lucky if I got 5 minutes to myself for a wee.

It’s not possible by any stretch of the imagination. Sorry OP. It’s hard to understand quite how intense parenting is until you’re in it, and I definitely assumed all sorts of things beforehand.

With DS1 I did about two/three hours of work a day from when he was about 2 months to when he was 6 months (when I went back to work full-time, and then had childcare in place to cover all my working hours). That was doable but a bit rubbish (I only realised how much it ruined my mat leave when I had DS2 and had an actual total break from work). Doing so few hours meant I had options like typing at the laptop while swaying with DS in the sling, or just doing all of that day's in the evening when DH got home, that could never have worked for 8 hours a day. The work was also completely independent so had no need at all to be done in business hours. If your work really is that light and flexible it might be doable, though I don't understand who these people are who are willing to pay you full-time to do almost nothing and look after a baby. Personally in your case I'd use nursery just for the mornings or something - if your job is that easy perhaps you don't need full-time childcare but it'll be such a struggle with absolutely none.

FYI. My baby is terribly colicky. He screamed every waking moment for the first 6 months. I simply could not put him down, or at least had to hold him in a sling. While on maternity leave I have been attending classes part time and studying for professional exams. I am so sleep deprived I get memory black outs. I signed up to do this before my LO was here when I naively thought babies sleep.....