New Baby & WFH. Is it do-able? Or am I kidding myself?

[expectinglittlebear]

Unfortunately my employer do not offer any enhanced maternity pay and therefore only offer SMP. I am due our first baby in January.

Due to finances, I am only able to take 8 weeks of maternity leave (6 weeks SMP and 2 weeks annual leave tagged on the end). Childcare is also extortionate (and also wouldn't want to leave my baby with anyone that young, bar family), so my employer have offered for me to WFH 4 days a week, and then my mum will be looking after baby the other day so I can go into the office (Husband works full time). I am very grateful for this opportunity to WFH around baby as we wouldn't be able to afford for me to be off work, or pay for childcare. So after my 8 weeks off, I will be back to working full time, while caring for our baby too.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and gone back to working full time after a short maternity leave, working from home and caring for baby - is it doable or am I completely kidding myself thinking I can work around baby at home full time? For context, I am an office manager and PA, but my job is relatively easy and stress free. It would be the odd zoom call meeting, but other than that just mainly working from a laptop.

I do bits of freelance flexible work to top up my SMP. I have a two week old (and a toddler but my 'work time' on this is always after she's in bed so I'm not counting her for purposes of this).

I can just about do one of my jobs which is an hour looking at things on the internet and clicking/typing a handful of words. I also do transcription and there's no way I could commit to picking any of that up any time soon, even though it involves no interaction with other people and is just listening and typing, if it weren't for the fact DP is sat next to me cuddling the baby and passing her back to me when she needs feeding.

You could WFH if you've got someone else in the house basically caring for the baby and passing back to you to BF if you do that, I don't think that's unreasonable, but I think you'd find it very hard to do more than an hour or two of work in a day and that won't get any better as baby gets more alert etc. Unless you can do what I do and work in the evenings to make up your hours I don't see how it's possible.

Out of interest what were your childcare plans before your employer offered the WFH? I'm assuming the baby was planned btw when I ask this, I appreciate may not have been.

You cannot do this OP and frankly it puts a bad name to all of us who do WFH and make appropriate arrangements yet people assume you “slack” because people pull shit like this.

You won’t be able to fulfil your responsibilities and you will be riddled with stress and guilt at not being able to give either 100%.

And to be blunt, you do have other options. It’s not as black and white as “I can’t afford childcare so I’ll wfh my my child”. Nobody wants to fork out on childcare, MANY families work at a loss to put their children in childcare and maintain a professional presence through those early years.

When my DD was between 2 & 12 months, I couldn't manage her & had to rope in help, let alone work!

You will struggle to find time to sleep, shower and shit with a tiny baby.
You won’t manage to work full time hours. Not even close.

Of course you can't WFH and look after a baby at the same time! If it were that easy, don't you think lots of women would be doing it?? You wouldn't do either well. Terrible idea.

You should have thought of childcare options and costs before getting pg...

As I have mentioned, yes my employer does know I would be working full time alongside caring for our baby full time.

My workload is incredibly light, we are a very small company and so in my 40 hour work week, if I was to cram all my 'weekly workload' together, it would probably be 2 days max. So yes can easily be spread to when baby is asleep / evenings when DH is home etc.

Thank you for all those who have suggested getting childcare - I absolutely would if I could, obviously. In my original post I did state that this wasn't an option.

@stalkersaga It was a genuine question, there is no need to get funny at all. I was in no way insinuating anything by that question.

Thank you all for taking the time to respond to my question. I do not have any other option with this set up, was just hoping for some tips and tricks from others who have been in the same boat, rather than repeatedly told I am being silly. It is my first baby but I am not stupid and I know it is in no way going to be an easy ride. However, thank you for your advice, it is much appreciated and gives me much more of an insight into what to expect! :)

It depends on how flexible your job actually is.
What if baby needs to be fed or changed when you need to join in with a meeting or phone call? Will your boss be happy that you will be dealing with a client whilst trying to feed and wind a baby?

What if your baby has colic or is unputdownable? How will that work around your working hours, making calls, typing emails?

DD was the easiest baby, only woke from naps to feed and be changed, then would go straight back to sleep in the early days. And I still couldn't have worked from home at the same time because her schedule was her own. I couldn't guarantee that 2pm on a Tuesday was a great time for a meeting just because the previous week she had slept for 2 hours around then. Babies don't work like that

And yes I have done this at the beginning of lockdown. There was a lot of tears from both myself and my child who’s needs where ignored at times. They wanted to be physically on top of me which made working impossible at time, especially as the buttons on my keyboard seemed to really excite them. I basically had to keep them quiet with a constant supply of snacks and shit tv. Nap time was a godsend but was never long enough.

Part time, at a push, maybe, with extra help. But full time is going to be really hard.
Could you afford a baby sitter for a couple of hours a day to give you a block of unbroken time to work, or again, if you can afford it, a cleaner so you and your DH aren't having to find time for that too?
I went back to work when DD was 9 months old and it felt like a break! Looking after a baby is surprisingly time consuming.

I work with a woman who manages PAs and is an Executive PA and has a 1 year old son and also had maternity leave and she WFH and goes into the office 1 day a week.

She manages it but I think she returned when he was 6 months old or older (maybe a year) and she's actually very good with getting work done, making up time and also if she has Zoom calls which mean she can't put her baby down etc then she lets people know.

Any younger than a year then no, sorry, I don't think it will work and you'll be short-changing your employers especially as an Office Manager and PA.

I've done this intermittently over the last 9 months, with a baby who is now a toddler, when hes been unable to attend childcare due to illness.

The first couple of weeks will be fine (assuming you're happy to ignore baby for most of the day) but within a few months you'll be weaning and there's a good chance baby will be crawling at which point they begin to demand attention.

The occasions that I've tried to do both, I barely manage 3 hours of work a day and certainly couldn't take calls or meetings as babies don't work to a schedule, and I've been utterly exhausted by the end of the week.

It's practically impossible, please find alternative childcare.

@expectinglittlebear

Wow okay, I wasn't quite expecting that much of a response. Thank you I guess! Have any of you actually done this though, or just assuming you couldn't do both...? (I'm looking for anyone here who has actually done this and then either failed at it or its worked for them).

Yes my employer is aware I would be doing both, and actually suggested the idea as they couldn't offer me EMP.

@JewelleryBox Yes it would be 'full time' hours but still working around baby, so yes flexi hours I guess you would call it.

With all due respect, most new mothers factor in and save up so they're off for a year (unpaid) or less for the first year of baby's life.

My workload is incredibly light, we are a very small company and so in my 40 hour work week, if I was to cram all my 'weekly workload' together, it would probably be 2 days max

Be careful op, if your employer gets wind of your frankly ridiculously light 'full time' responsibilities you might find yourself on much reduced part-time hours on a permanent basis, with or without a newborn.

Is DH not taking any responsibility for childcare? Can he take paternity or parental leave?

I'm going to go against the grain here and say my mum did this except she returned to work when I was two weeks old. She was a self employed person who worked from home (a few decades ago), mostly on a computer. I'm sure it was hard work but she did do it and I think I'm more or less ok!
Also, if your employer knows full well this is your plan, they could be trying to offer you an arrangement that compensates for lack of enhances mat pay, knowing you won't be working full time hours.
You can always change your mind and get child care or reduce days (if your employer is up for it) later ... and bit late do do anything else about it now.
I DO THINK IT SOUNDS A BIT BONKERS THOUGH! I wouldn't be up for it myself, but only you know your own circumstances.

What are you planning on doing when the baby cries, but you have actual work to do? Closing the door and ignoring it until your work is finished? Or stopping whatever you're doing to spend however long it takes to settle the baby? The first is terrible parenting and potentially dangerous. The second will get you fired in short order. There's a reason everyone shells out for childcare, and it's not because they enjoy wasting money. It's because it really isn't optional.

OP, please listen to what people are saying. It really isn't doable and I worry that you won't be able to cope physically or mentally not to mention have little time for your newborn. Please make alternative plans so you don't go on to suffer burnout or a breakdown while caring for a small baby.

Depending on your job role…it’s very difficult !

I will never forget once when my 1 year old was sent home from nursery and I had to do a call…all ok child sleeping …then they woke up mid me presenting - screaming and I mean screaming!! Swift end of the call and very embarrassed!! This was 17 years ago before video calls thankfully!

My company offered short term WFH without childcare due to sickness etc but we had to get something in place. For example chicken pox - I worked the mornings and husband worked the afternoons - took leave to take care. Or I could make the time up in the evenings but was knackering and difficult to manage with calls etc

In order to do it you literally be working from the moment you woke to the moment you went to bed in order to get everything done. Feeding, changing, settling baby takes much longer than you think. Some babies won't be put down, literally need to be held constantly.

You might get a baby that gets in to routine quickly and reliability has 2 1.5 hour naps in their cot, but that's rare.

I was doing a university masters level course when DC2 was 8 weeks. She was an easy baby and if it had lasted more than a few weeks I wouldn't have coped, and that was 12 hours per week. With DC2 I couldn't have even entertained the idea.

Good luck. DS is 5 months his nappy leaked on the bed this morning so I've washed it. Just remade the bed and he screamed the house down the whole time as I'd had the audacity to place him safely under his jungle gym for all of 5 mins.

Imagine your day. You log on at 9 what is baby doing? You feed and change baby takes 40minutes. Then what is baby doing? Are you just imaging baby will sit in a chair 6hrs a day so you can work? Or do you think they nap 6hrs a day? When are you planning on taking baby out of the house? You can't keep them inside 24hrs a day. What if they are screaming and won't stop and you have a zoom meeting? What if they are nocturnal like my baby? Do you have core hours or could you work 6-9am and then 5-9pm so husband could take over?

@UhOhOops

My workload is incredibly light, we are a very small company and so in my 40 hour work week, if I was to cram all my 'weekly workload' together, it would probably be 2 days max

Be careful op, if your employer gets wind of your frankly ridiculously light 'full time' responsibilities you might find yourself on much reduced part-time hours on a permanent basis, with or without a newborn.

Is DH not taking any responsibility for childcare? Can he take paternity or parental leave?

Exactly.

Also, I don't think OP is factoring in sleep/feeding patterns of a young baby etc - it's great if they sleep/feed well but if they don't (and can quite easily change) then she will be struggling with sleep.

OP - would your mum look after the baby for more time?

And once baby is moving, I'd be concerned about your ability to watch him safely whilst working. WFH without childcare during lockdown has resulted in 2 deaths of toddlers.

Sorry but it's not safe when the baby starts rolling or crawling. I'd be pissed off as your colleague that your focus isn't on your work as well when they are probably also paying for childcare themselves

Op, I had my 3rd DC last year. I managed to do a work out 1 time when he was about 12 weeks. It was 30 mins long. I never managed again. He was constantly in my arms. Either that or he would be so upset that nothing was achievable anyway.

I'd love you to come back to this thread in March and tell us honestly how it's going.