New Baby & WFH. Is it do-able? Or am I kidding myself?

[expectinglittlebear]

Unfortunately my employer do not offer any enhanced maternity pay and therefore only offer SMP. I am due our first baby in January.

Due to finances, I am only able to take 8 weeks of maternity leave (6 weeks SMP and 2 weeks annual leave tagged on the end). Childcare is also extortionate (and also wouldn't want to leave my baby with anyone that young, bar family), so my employer have offered for me to WFH 4 days a week, and then my mum will be looking after baby the other day so I can go into the office (Husband works full time). I am very grateful for this opportunity to WFH around baby as we wouldn't be able to afford for me to be off work, or pay for childcare. So after my 8 weeks off, I will be back to working full time, while caring for our baby too.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and gone back to working full time after a short maternity leave, working from home and caring for baby - is it doable or am I completely kidding myself thinking I can work around baby at home full time? For context, I am an office manager and PA, but my job is relatively easy and stress free. It would be the odd zoom call meeting, but other than that just mainly working from a laptop.

Impossible sorry, but this is the second thread like this today. I don't know how any mother could think they'd be able to juggle both and knowing that you won't be able to give either 100%.

I assume you've spoken to your employer about your wfh/childcare arrangements, and they're 100% happy with it? I don't know of any employers that would be anywhere close to OK with your plan (covid aside) to work full time and care for a newborn full time.

Also, mat leave starts usually before the birth, your 8 weeks in total is assuming your baby is born on day 1 of your leave - first babies are very often late so this could mean your baby will be much younger.

Also, I could barely fathom night from day at 8 weeks. You are completely underestimating just how much impact labour, birth and recovery, as well as taking care of a newborn is going to have on you.

Is DP eligible to take parental leave to look after the baby while you work?

OP there’s a very good reason no one has responded to say they’ve done this. Because it’s a bonkers idea.

I'm sorry but I have to agree with everyone else, there is no chance you can work with an 8 week old baby at home.

Can you get a nanny or au pair or mother's helper? Or just save as much as you can now and stay off work longer?

It's definitely not a long term plan, that's why everyone else pays for an extortionate nursery place because you can't work and look after a baby.

I can work from home with my children there now but it's because they are 13 and 10 and even at those ages it can be a bit of a struggle sometimes!

I spent years barely making any money after paying for nursery and then breakfast clubs and after school clubs, unfortunately that's just what you have to do.

Have any of you actually done this though, or just assuming you couldn't do both...?

Wow op did you miss the huge pandemic when all the nurseries closed during lockdown?? Yes most people are speaking from experience!

Are you really certain your employer has agreed to you working from home and caring for your baby, because I seriously doubt it. Regardless of whether it's possible (and it's not), it seems unlikely it would be permitted so do check you haven't inadvertently heard what you wanted to.

Bless you. It's a bonkers idea. Even with the easiest baby in the world.

@expectinglittlebear

Wow okay, I wasn't quite expecting that much of a response. Thank you I guess! Have any of you actually done this though, or just assuming you couldn't do both...? (I'm looking for anyone here who has actually done this and then either failed at it or its worked for them).

Yes my employer is aware I would be doing both, and actually suggested the idea as they couldn't offer me EMP.

@JewelleryBox Yes it would be 'full time' hours but still working around baby, so yes flexi hours I guess you would call it.

Well some of us have certainly had babies and discovered how hard it is to have a shower or drink a cup of tea while it’s still warm and so I think we can be pretty confident in telling you that you can’t work full time with no childcare

Absolutely not possible. I'm very surprised your employer would suggest this, looking after a baby is a full time job even if they're quite easy and sleep well.

For the first 3-4 months of my baby's life I binge-watched 'Say Yes to the Dress' when he napped, because that was all my brain could handle. I have zero interest in weddings, am not married and have never wanted to wear a traditional wedding dress. I cannot emphasise enough how much that programme is not my kind of thing. I think that's why it appealed, it required absolutely no thought. My brain was fluff.

@rattlemehearties

Have any of you actually done this though, or just assuming you couldn't do both...?

Wow op did you miss the huge pandemic when all the nurseries closed during lockdown?? Yes most people are speaking from experience!

Not sure there were many people looking after 8 week olds though.

I tried to do this and it nearly killed me. I couldn't really understand, in advance, what would be so hard about it (I also had a low-stress and flexible job) but it was all but impossible. PP are right, the sleep deprivation has a terrible effect on your ability to think or give your full attention to anything. Your baby will need you on its own unpredictable schedule, and can't work around your employers.

Is there any way you could afford to take more time off? Universal credit?

You would still get the reduced SMP for another 33 weeks after the initial six-week time off. I know it's not much but it might keep the wolf from the door.

And yes, I worked from home with a 13-16 month old during lockdown. Obviously rather different to a new baby, but I can't imagine that would be much easier. I can honestly say that trying to work from home with a young toddler was one of the worst experiences of my life.

I am self-employed and there is no way I could have got anything meaningful done with DD around. I worked evenings once she was in bed or when my husband was around instead. At best I could respond to some emails when she was napping but she liked to contact nap so I was on my phone mostly. And she was an incredibly easy baby.

When they're newborn is probably the easiest time IMO because they sleep a lot and don't need a lot of entertaining. I was able to read a lot of books in the first few weeks while DD slept on me. But the older they get, the more they are awake and need constant input. Sitting in the house for 8 hours a day trying to juggle work and a baby sounds awful, sorry.

You are kidding yourself

So after my 8 weeks off, I will be back to working full time, while caring for our baby too.

You won't. You will be at home caring for your baby while trying to send an email or two inbetween feeding amd changes.

You mayyyyy get away with it for a bit if your workload is very light.

Can you take your 25 days holiday as one day per week and get your partner to do the same and get your mum to do an extra day? That way you work 4 days and have proper childcare for 3 of them?

I reckon you might get away with doing that until proper nursery at 6 months if your job is low work load (my DH's office manager and my EA would probably be able to get away with this as their working week is genuinely no where near 40 hours)

Sorry OP, just another voice saying that this would be impossible.

Young babies run on their own timetable and in my personal experience, that won't improve the older they get. At least with a newborn you can put them down and they don't move - as soon as your baby is crawling, it'll get even harder.

Absolutely amazed your boss has suggested this!

I suspect you'll find yourself working until all hours to make up the time lost and then burning out in a month or two.

An 8 week old baby brought me to my knees and that was on mat leave, with DH upstairs (WFH)

If you had an exceptionally easy 8 week old and a piss-easy job you might be able to muddle though. By the time you get to 16 weeks - 6 months, which is the time at which babies start to grasp the concept of being bored you'd be screwed.

@Amberflames That's a very good point. Thank God for maternity leave because with my first very easy baby I was still absolutely shattered and discombobulated, trying to establish feeding, very little unbroken sleep at 8 weeks. It's a bonkers idea at any pre school age really.

Have any of you actually done this though, or just assuming you couldn't do both...?

Right, it's not like thousands of us have actually given birth and looked after a newborn or anything, and could also have totes fitted in a full workday flexibly if we'd only been more motivated. It's also not like most employers specifically forbid this kind of arrangement because it's totally unworkable and horrible for productivity. We're just assuming.

Also, yes, there are plenty of self employed people on here who have gone back to work through need relatively early, and they will tell you directly that you can maybe do a few hours a day, as long as you're in a position to fully control your own hours and work into the evening, but being available for a full workday or in hours set by other people is hopeless, and also that it gets harder as the baby gets more awake and mobile.

But I guess you know better. Good luck!

No way.

So many of us had to wfh with no childcare during 2020. It was hell on earth!

It's not possible and you are setting yourself up to fail. No one I know continued to do this once childcare was an option again.

Use it to bargain for longer maternity leave with your employer or leave and go on maternity allowance etc

If depends on the baby. I’ve worked from that age with both kids but not full time.

I had to do it a few days recently whilst my child was poorly and even with my husband and I both juggling work and the child care it was really really tricky and we were so relieved when they could go back to nursery. It's so so tricky.

Looks like I'm the only one here but with my first, I reckon I could have done this. My baby pretty much slept for the first 3 or 4 months and then was quite happy just sat on my knee, feeding, sleeping, watching telly with me, rolling about on the floor a bit. I would have preferred to chill and watch telly and potter about and do a couple of baby groups than work but it would have been doable.
If your work could be a little flexible and you could do a bit of you work in the evenings when your partner is home or have some help from maybe your parents for an hour or so on some days, to work uninterrupted for some of the time, you could potentially make it work.
It will be easier to do when the baby is small and get harder the older they get so saving as much as possible in the early days to get some days in childcare as they get closer to one would be wise.

I think the thing that was hardest for me, as well, is that so much of surviving with a new baby involves getting out of the house for some fresh air, seeing other mums, getting a bit of exercise and perspective. If you're meant to be working full time at home will the baby is around, you can't do ANY of that. You'll be shackled to two things demanding all of your attention: your baby and your employer.

I was self-employed actually (which is why I couldn't afford to stop work) and at least I didn't have to do Zoom meetings and could just about do some work in the evenings sometimes. But it was absolutely horrible and I felt under constant pressure.

Much easier to work when they are under 9 months. Once they’re mobile you will need childcare