New Baby & WFH. Is it do-able? Or am I kidding myself?

[expectinglittlebear]

Unfortunately my employer do not offer any enhanced maternity pay and therefore only offer SMP. I am due our first baby in January.

Due to finances, I am only able to take 8 weeks of maternity leave (6 weeks SMP and 2 weeks annual leave tagged on the end). Childcare is also extortionate (and also wouldn't want to leave my baby with anyone that young, bar family), so my employer have offered for me to WFH 4 days a week, and then my mum will be looking after baby the other day so I can go into the office (Husband works full time). I am very grateful for this opportunity to WFH around baby as we wouldn't be able to afford for me to be off work, or pay for childcare. So after my 8 weeks off, I will be back to working full time, while caring for our baby too.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and gone back to working full time after a short maternity leave, working from home and caring for baby - is it doable or am I completely kidding myself thinking I can work around baby at home full time? For context, I am an office manager and PA, but my job is relatively easy and stress free. It would be the odd zoom call meeting, but other than that just mainly working from a laptop.

Op why is your bar set so low that a great husband is someone who gave you a STD??

You are living in a fantasy thinking this about your husband and thinking that you can work and look after a tiny baby. Don't you understand that we would all work from home and look after our babies at the same time if it was at all feasible? It's not. Take it from people who know.

I genuinely wish you all the best. You are in for a hard time.

I had my first baby last year and WFH from 12 weeks due to lack of maternity pay. I had no idea if it would be possible and made plans to sleep train, formula feed, get into a good routine so I knew when I could work. It just didn’t work out that way. DS1 was a poor sleeper, getting into a routine was incredibly difficult- more than I imagined, and I tried everything. I also only had to work sporadically in the day and could do most jobs in the evening when DH was home. The sporadic jobs were impossible to do as well, especially if I had a phone call and DS was crying so I’d end up feeding at the same time to prevent crying, which worsened the routine structure. In the end, I had to get a nanny to come during the day as the small tasks were also impossible.

I don’t want to suggest that you are being naive or it’s not possible, as I was the same as you. But try to lower your expectations, have a plan B and a plan C ready in case things don’t work out as you wanted

Okay I stand corrected, it doesn't sound like he will be a great father, he treats you like a mug and with no respect, no way is he going to pull his weight. It sounds that you were as delusional on that thread as on this one mind

I've worked from home for nearly 10 years now with various employers and there's no way I could have done it AND look after a baby or small child.

The baby stage might be easier if you don't ever have to take phone calls or attend meetings. If you have X amount of work to do before the end of the day then you could schedule it around the baby. But do you really want to not be giving your baby the interaction it needs? You won't be able to take it outside for walks, or to baby groups, or to the park or simply just be with the baby and chatter away. These are the things good childminders do. It really isn't just a case of eat, shit, sleep, repeat. A baby will flourish through interaction with you

As for wfh with a toddler - it would be easier to train a unicorn to play scrabble

Hi OP,

I know you have had lots of responses but wanted to comment as i have had experience of this. When I returned to work last year I tried doing 2 days from home, caring for my baby at the same time.

Unfortunately, it did not work. I had a fairly easy going baby but their care just massively gets in the way of concentrating on work. I ended up needing to put her in childcare on those days too.

I think your situation does sound a bit more flexible than mine as I had quite a demanding job. I guess the only way you can truly find out is to try it and see how it goes.

Wishing you all the best

Oh OP having seen your previous posts about your husband I feel really bad for you. It’s understandable that you feel defensive and protective of him but honestly…just no. Nothing about this entire set up is going to work. But you do need to keep your job because you will need it I suspect. Even if posts are hard to read, do keep asking for advice on here because these women know what they are talking about when it comes to relationships and babies. Don’t get angry with us for telling you what you don’t want to hear - take a deep breath and listen.

Although I suspect the OP won’t be back now the holes in the story about her wonderful supportive DH have been exposed.

@ChikiTIKI
How does one “try it”.
Maternity leave ends, working full time starts, if it doesn’t work OP is either sacked or quits her job.

I believe (although have no personal knowledge) the reason for leaving a job impacts how long you need to wait to receive any benefits.

It doesn’t sound like OP could afford 6 weeks without any income if she can’t afford the extra 6 weeks on mat leave.

Sorry but when you said your husband was amazing I knew he wasn’t and now it seems you have posted about him before and he’s certainly not.

I must say you acknowledge even in your thread title that you might be kidding yourself but you have not accepted the replies. I wish you all the best anyway.

Hiya, I have done it but not without help. My ds is two but was born just before lockdown. I run my own business and couldn’t leave the team during pandemic crisis so went back to work at 10 weeks. I worked three days and had a lot of on screen time woth people. There is no way I could have coped without my DH taking the load.

Every kid is different and every quarter of the first two years is different. There are some strategies- finding ways of containing and entertaining, baby wearing on your back for napping/comfort but the trouble with babies is they aren’t predictable. So when it came to meetings with clients etc I couldn’t really schedule them for when I knew he wouldn’t need anything- it’s just impossible to predict.

Of your company are happy with flex hours - where the work gets done but maybe not all in core hours, you can probably make it work by handing over baby when DH gets home. I do feel for you- I was exhausted and I had a lot of help.

Good luck! And congrats!

OP, I think you need to find a Plan B as your initial plan is very unlikely to work.

Alongside the exhaustion of being a new parent and the relentlessness of meeting the baby’s needs, you are going to be physically and mentally recovering. I’d be very concerned about postnatal depression with so much to manage.

I’d look at alternative ways to extend maternity leave. Even if you can’t manage a full year, every bit will help. I racked up an overdraft and a substantial credit card balance during maternity leave which was I transferred to a 0% one and which I repaid over my 1st year back to work. We were able to take 2 mortgage payment holidays without if affecting our credit rating so maybe look into that sort of thing? I’d look at every single possible option to reduce outgoings and scrape together enough for a bit longer off.

@expectinglittlebear
I'll ask again because I don't think you have answered this question, what was your plan for childcare if your employer had not allowed you to work from home or go part time?

OP I think you've already had lots of replies but I just wanted to say don't underestimate the effect pregnancy and birth will have on you, physically and emotionally.
You say you're going to be leaving an 8 week old but I don't know many people that have worked any later that 38/39 weeks, you are uncomfortable and exhausted by this point so any time before would eat in to your time afterwards. You can also be forced to begin mat leave if you are off with a pregnancy related illness in the last 4 weeks before you are due, which could leave you with very little time afterwards.
Emotionally you will likely still be very fragile for 2-3 months after birth, it's a huge change and you may not get much sleep at all for a very long time. It would be really hard for you to work in the evening after looking after a baby all day, you'll need to rest.
In addition to this you will want to spend time with your baby, being unable to concentrate on them for a large chunk of the day would be heart breaking for you. They need interaction and stimulation for development, they could sleep all day but equally could cry all day, you just don't know. By 8 weeks most of us are starting to enjoy baby groups and spending time bonding with our babies, making mum friends, enjoying coffees etc. You'd miss all of this. Mat leave is so precious, your baby is clearly longed for.
Personally I'd take at least 6 months off, then pop little one with a childminder 2-3 days per week to get your work done as they are much cheaper than nursery.
See if you can take a mortgage break, cut back on all you can between now and then. Buy completely second hand for baby etc. As tough as it will be financially, you can't get the time back and nor can you run yourself in to the ground.

I found the newborn days really boring and tedious. If your workload is light then I think it is doable

@Hoppinggreen

No, no you can’t and I can’t believe your employer would agree to it You will be a rubbish employee and/or a rubbish parent if you try to combine the 2 with no childcare I am assuming this is your first baby, which explains why you would even ask this

1/ Employer offered it so of course agrees to it 2/ OP didn't come on here to be told she'd be a rubbish parent or employee 3/ patronising

I've got a 4 month old (16 weeks) and truly, it's not possible- even if your contract meant you could have a baby at home when working (most don't).

I meant to do my self employed job a few hours a week alongside baby but with SIGNIFICANT lack of sleep, baby perhaps sleeping for 30 minutes at a time - and most of the time on you, my brain couldn't compute anything more than what's for dinner.

look up the 4th trimester.... it hits you like a truck, in the most wonderful but difficult way.

it MIGHT be possible when the baby starts sleeping reliably with a few hour long mid-day nap but that doesn't happen until 4 or 5 months (if you're lucky, some babies don't do this even then).

You get £600ish a month from SMP.... save to match your needs for at least a few more months of maternity.
tbh - when you go back to work, you don't make much more money if you consider childcare costs. (I'm gonna get £600 after nursery fees and I'm LUCKY to have that - many don't).

as a side point... put your baby's name down for nursery down early if you're gonna go down that rote - at 4months postpartum many places near me are out of space.

With only DS who is 3 months old I could probably manage to do my part time job but if need to outsource some stuff more like laundry and cleaning and food just because I'd lack time. But he feeds well and sleeps like a fucking unicorn so most days I'm getting a few solid hours when he is asleep and he mostly sleeps through so I'm not that tired but THIS IS DUMB LUCK.

Also it's temporary, in a few months he will be moving more and sleeping less and that's just going to be the opposite of helpful. I have a DD who is 3 and my god when she was about 8 months old she started doing my head in because she was in to everything. When DD was 17 months lockdown 1 happened and it was a nightmare for me and DP to try and work doing her, I've manage just about when she was 2 to WFH solo with her home for a week here and there and I'm a wrecked after it every time, long time would just finish me and my job isn't that hard.

It's absolutely not going to work. There is simply no possibility.

There's obviously the fact that your work would absolutely suffer - how will you sit on zoom calls with a crying baby? How will you work at a laptop if your baby is one of the many who won't nap unless being cuddled or walked? How will you make up for the time spent changing nappies, feeding your baby etc when you'll also be up all through the night and needing to rest at some point yourself?

But more importantly, this would be so bad for your baby. Babies thrive on the input they get from their parents - the playing, the being talked to, the stories, the cuddles etc. A baby who isn't getting these things because their parent is working will not thrive. You would be severely compromising your baby's start in life, and you can't make that time back up later.

Looking after a baby is a full time job. There's simply no way to do another full time job alongside it. It would be so very bad for your baby for you to consider this.

You need to find another option. Since your workload is so light could you ask your employer if there is scope for you working 3 days rather than 5? They might not be willing to pay you full time for that (and you might not want to illustrate to them that you don't actually have enough work for a full time job) but since they're apparently happy for you to try to work and look after a baby, they might be flexible. Then you would only need to find a solution for 2 days, since your mum can cover one.

Can your husband work compressed hours so he has one day a week off? Can he go part time for a while? Can he take a sabbatical or period of leave? Does his work have a shared parental leave policy? Sometimes they can be an excellent way of getting more paid months of leave between you than you would get on maternity alone.

Can your mum he persuaded to do an extra day? Any other family who would help?

Can you find another job with part time hours for better pay?

Can you take out a loan to pay for childcare? Sell anything?

Can you reduce your living expenses so that you can stop working?

I do basically think you're being profoundly naive here, and considering decisions that won't work for you, your baby or your employer. You have to wise up a hit before the baby arrives, and that might involve some difficult decisions. It really sounds like you might have to rearrange quite a lot of your life to make this work.

Anyone else curious how OP is getting on…

Baby is 5 months old and I am totally exhausted and sleep deprived. I still have 10 months more of maternity leave left. I can't even imagine even till now I can get back to work any soon

I did the same when my daughter was 1 and son was 2. But think newborn stage would have been easier as they don't tend to run climb and get up to mischief! I am an office manager and PA and it's changed everything for us. My employer is happy, my clients are happy and my family is happy.

Considering most people have now had some
Experience of wfh and childcare thanks to the pandemic etc then I think you need to take people’s advice on board.

you might have an easy baby and great you can work.

Or you can have a baby that wont settle unless they are on you, or cries constantly.. i assume you wont be breastfeeding? Because otherwise baby will need constant feeding the first couple of months.

you can go into it being optimistic but you also have to be realistic. looking after a baby is hard at the best of times. I had a very easy baby but i can’t imagined trying to juggle fulltime work around her as a first time mum.

Best of luck.

I really need to learn to read the dates posted.

Dead thread 🙄

Currently have a 4 week old and no way could I work, they're so inconsistent you'd never know if you were coming or going!

@Covetthee

I really need to learn to read the dates posted.

Dead thread 🙄

Haha yes ditto!!

I don't think it will be easy but depends what's expected of you and how flexible you can be (can you work all hours?). It sounds horrendous to me but I have to concede that my mum went back after 2 weeks "mat leave" mostly WFH self employed and still has those customers to this day many many years later so she must have coped. I doubt she was doing 8 hour days.