New Baby & WFH. Is it do-able? Or am I kidding myself?

[expectinglittlebear]

Unfortunately my employer do not offer any enhanced maternity pay and therefore only offer SMP. I am due our first baby in January.

Due to finances, I am only able to take 8 weeks of maternity leave (6 weeks SMP and 2 weeks annual leave tagged on the end). Childcare is also extortionate (and also wouldn't want to leave my baby with anyone that young, bar family), so my employer have offered for me to WFH 4 days a week, and then my mum will be looking after baby the other day so I can go into the office (Husband works full time). I am very grateful for this opportunity to WFH around baby as we wouldn't be able to afford for me to be off work, or pay for childcare. So after my 8 weeks off, I will be back to working full time, while caring for our baby too.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and gone back to working full time after a short maternity leave, working from home and caring for baby - is it doable or am I completely kidding myself thinking I can work around baby at home full time? For context, I am an office manager and PA, but my job is relatively easy and stress free. It would be the odd zoom call meeting, but other than that just mainly working from a laptop.

OP - you asked for tips as you said you had no choice, so here goes!

If baby is feeding on you (I'm not sure if you plan to breastfeed or not) then make sure you have your phone to hand so you can reply to emails while they feed/nap on you.

If you've discovered your baby tends to fall asleep in the car or while walking in the pram then set off before you have a call and then make the call when they drop off. If your boss is agreeing to you working from home with baby then they are likely to offer a degree of flexibility to when you call them for updates.

Get a sling so you can have baby close to you and then you have both hands free. I would stand jiggling to soothe baby and have my laptop on the kitchen worktop to work. This was good during times when he wouldn't sleep in his cot.

I haven't read the full thread, so I'm unclear whether you have any support network around you. I didn't have anyone who could help with childcare but I did have people who would help out for a 20min call if I absolutely couldn't be disturbed.

The final bit if advice is to make sure you get enough sleep. In working around your baby, you will not really have any downtime and so you have to watch out for postnatal depression and make sure you don't burn out.

Good luck OP!

@expectinglittlebear

Wow okay, I wasn't quite expecting that much of a response. Thank you I guess! Have any of you actually done this though, or just assuming you couldn't do both...? (I'm looking for anyone here who has actually done this and then either failed at it or its worked for them).

Yes my employer is aware I would be doing both, and actually suggested the idea as they couldn't offer me EMP.

@JewelleryBox Yes it would be 'full time' hours but still working around baby, so yes flexi hours I guess you would call it.

I don't need to have experienced WFH and having an 8 week old to know this is a mental idea.

It will be a challenge but you already know that. How big a challenge will depend on your baby eg how well they sleep, how clingy they are, if they/you are unwell.

Not the same but I finished writing my thesis during my second mat leave. I was lucky as DS2 slept well for a few hours a day and was content rolling on the floor for periods of time. What helped was him napping in our bed with me sat next to him on the laptop as he slept for longer that way. A sling was great for keeping him close when that was what he needed as well as leaving my hands free. Breast feeding reduced additional work load in prepping bottles too.

I was lucky as he was an easy baby. There's no way I could have done it with DS1 as he was the opposite and it took me 5 months to get back to basic functionality.

Not sure how Zoom meetings will work. I think that will be your biggest challenge. Would your mum be free to look after him during those? A big ask I know.

I can't believe that so many people are trying to justify this. It's a ridiculous idea.

Yes - it's not written into any employment contracts that I have ever seen that 'you must not look after a baby whilst working'.

But it IS written into many (and I have seen hundreds, from dozens of employers) that you must give your full time and attention to the role (excepting emergencies of course). Even where this is not expressly set out, it could very reasonably be implied.

The fact that OP's employer has suggested this is ridiculous. Ultimately they have a duty of care towards the OP and this goes against all good practice in terms of meeting the needs of new and expectant mothers.

OP - if you do this, again, you risk damaging yourself, your baby and your employer - or all three. And someone is going to clock that you're not really working full time anyway, so you'll very likely be made redundant.

You need another plan.

Maybe you could manage it if your workload is as light as you describe. However, I think you then risk making it really obvious to your employer that they are paying you full time for 2 days work- why would they continue that long term? You’d be putting your role at risk IMO

I can see lots of other posters have asked this but you've not yet responded I don't think - where is the dad in all this? Why are you having to flog yourself to death juggling a baby & work full time whilst he (presumably) heads off to work unencumbered? You definitely need to look into shared paternity / parental leave but even if your OH did just one day with baby then you could have one decent productive day and use this time to make calls, have meeting without interruption.

What was your plan if you weren't given the option to wfh?

I think the problem with trying to plan, is that you just don't know how you will be physically & emotionally post birth and what type of baby you'll have. With my first I probably could have worked around him if I had to he was very chilled and was quite happy as long as he was either in a sling, buggy or car seat but there is no way on gods earth I could have worked with my second as was ridiculously demanding & screamed A LOT.

Absolutely not. There's a reason SAHMs don't work...

No way.
I could barely look after the baby at that stage!
I had no idea beforehand how hard it all was. And physically too. I was a wreck for months afterwards.

Yikes, no. This will be absolutely hell for you and your baby, keen to hear what your partner is doing to help? Carrying on working whilst expecting you to work alongside looking after a small human who demands a lot of time and attention as they are dependent on you for everything isn't him doing anything by the way.

Unless your employed is offering extreme flexi hours where as long as you get the work done in 24hrs it doesn't matter when you are online it won't be possible.

I don't think the sleep deprivation is the primary issue. Many women go back to work full time at 6weeks pp, most earlier in the states and they cope because you have too.

However, babies are unpredictable. You might have a baby that sleeps really well during the day, is happy to lay on a play mat supervised, really regularly feeds and you have predictable time in your days where you could do work. But the likelihood is that won't be the case, and you won't know that before your in it and struggling. Plus you could have that baby, for a week, then their temperament or needs change and they need all of your attention, don't settle for days on end and need to be held constantly.

If your employer is happy that you will not be available and working uninterrupted 9-5 then have that conversation with them, manage expectations and trial it. But it likely will not be easy at all.

I considered this before having an actual real baby living with us.

It won't work and that's why people don't do it, no one wants to pay for childcare but unless you work an hour a day to fit your life it won't work for any sustained length of time. And it would be shit for the baby anyway.

I hope your DH realises he is in for a shit load of cleaning, washing, cooking and washing up when he comes home because I can tell you that you won't be doing any of that while he's working if you are too.
Let's hope he's not one of those blokes who come home and wonder what on earth you've been doing all day as babies are so easy to look after.
You need to set your stall out very clearly abd early in relation to division of household labour if you insist on this crazy scheme.
Alternatively you fit your "two full days of work" into his days off.

And how long is this situation expected to last ? You won't be able to manage it when the baby is more than about 2 months old, even with the worlds most placid, sleepy baby. They need interaction all day, you can't just stick them on a play mat and leave them there.
Well I guess you can but that would rather defeat the object of having them to start with.

Thank you to all of those that have actually genuinely offered tips / tried to respond. Regretting posting now to be honest... I have always found Mumsnet such a lovely caring place, not one that is rather 'judgey'.

• Yes my employer knows and is fine with it.
• Yes my job is rather easy and stress free and yes my employers know exactly how 'easy' my workload is.
• No, childcare help is not an option initially. As mentioned this is only a temporary set up. Childcare WILL be an option before baby turns 1, once we have had a bit more chance to save.
• I find it rather rude that everyone is making comments about how my DH will be contributing... He will be a parent to his child, just as much as I will be. He is going to be an amazing father, just as much as he is an amazing husband. Due to his job type he can't WFH, he is also the main earner so he can't reduce his hours. He will be doing his part when he gets home of an evening / throughout the night / in the mornings.

Also I can't find it now, but the person who commented saying along the lines of 'shouldn't of had a child if you couldn't afford one' ... WOW. If you had taken the time to read my posts, you would have known that 1. I was told by doctors it would be very difficult for me to have children, 2. when we fell pregnant (very quickly to our surprise and happiness) we had money saved - enough for me to take a longer maternity, 3. sh** happens and our savings have taken a hit over the past few months. I think you need to take a look at yourself, and really think about what you say to people before commenting!! Your post did not add anything to the thread, other than maliciousness.

Again, thank you to everyone who genuinely took the time to answer and offer advice and read through my posts.

I am a regular poster on other talk topics on here, but this was the first and last time I will be asking for any advice on the Parenting thread. A rather shockingly judgemental place.

My first baby slept through the night from 6 wks but she still fed every 3hrs and that wld take the best part of an hour at a time. So get 2 hrs between feeds. She didn't really cry and was always happy but I still don't think I'd get a lot of work done. Maybe a few hrs a day and then need to catch up for hrs in the evening. It's pretty neglectful you the poor baby too just doing the bare minimum care requirements so u can get bk to work.

Doing that full time u will get very resentful and worn out and that's with a gd baby. With my second there's absolutely no way she had me up most of the night at 8wks and was very difficult to feed and just a very difficult baby and she's now a difficult toddler 🙈 still doesn't sleep well at 2.

You can't really schedule any mtgs as you won't be sure what baby is doing or needing at that point. So if ur work are flexible with u doing mtgs when baby is asleep etc then it might be ok.

The fact that OP's employer has suggested this is ridiculous. Ultimately they have a duty of care towards the OP and this goes against all good practice in terms of meeting the needs of new and expectant mothers.

This! They don’t sound a good or understanding employer for suggesting this, they sound appalling.

You didn't ask for top tips and positive stories though OP.
You said "is this doable or am I kidding myself?" Twice.

I personally said "maybe for a few weeks, if you're lucky" but a lot of posters honestly believed that the answer to your question is that no, it's not possible and gave reasons why. I don't see why you're objecting to them answering the question you specifically asked.

I did it when my eldest was 1 - I was actually going to quit my job (academic administration) but my maternity cover wasn't very good and messed a lot of things up, so my line manager allowed me to WFH knowing my DD would be there. Her attitude was as long as you get the work done then she didn't mind which hours I worked. I didn't have a student facing role though and although my job was part of a team it wasn't team based in that I had my own discrete tasks, so it was the perfect job to be able to do flexibly.

I can't see how it would work with a baby as young as yours though OP, and it would very much depend on if your job requires you to interact with other people who work traditional office hours. Sounds like you are stuck in a difficult position though, I hope you find a way to work around it.

You are in a difficult place because I returned very part time soon after birth, but I threw every resource I could into making things easy, such as employing a cleaner and buying in meals. Here are some practical suggestions.

Make a contingency plan whilst you have a clear head in case you are sick after the birth or find you can’t cope. Would your bank or a family member give you a loan to cover living expenses until you can get back to work? Check out the website Turn2Us for grants that might help you.

I would try to establish some realistic expectations with your employer so everyone is clear. Particularly around how they contact you and when to expect a response from you. For instance, that you will respond to email queries within 24 hours of receipt.

Focus the rest of your maternity leave on clearing your freezer and refilling it with batch cooked meals. Buy a big batch of plastic tubs. Every dinner time, make extra for the freezer. Fill the cupboard with cereals that are easy to eat.

As a PP says: your OP didn’t as for tips, it asked if you were kidding yourself to think this is possible.

Very few answers have been rude.
Most have just said that no, in their experience, this would not be possible or would be very difficult.

It’s not rude just because you don’t like the answer.

If you don’t have any other option and are determined to do it this way then why did you bother asking if it’s possible?

@PassingByAndThoughtIdDropIn

You didn't ask for top tips and positive stories though OP. You said "is this doable or am I kidding myself?" Twice.

I personally said "maybe for a few weeks, if you're lucky" but a lot of posters honestly believed that the answer to your question is that no, it's not possible and gave reasons why. I don't see why you're objecting to them answering the question you specifically asked.

I agree. I don't understand why the OP is cross with posters who are giving advice based on their real life experiences.

OP everyone has great plans and ideas before a baby is born, but the reality is often very different. You've had a lot of advice on here from posters. Yes most of it may not be what you want to hear, but burying your head in the sand and going ahead regardless is a recipe for disaster.

Wow that’s absolutely not doable. Newborns are very hard work and they only get harder as they get older believe it or not.
I agree with other posters, and I say this in as nice a way as possible, you are in for a big shock when the baby arrives

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP! I’m sorry you have this work thing to worry about.

We had a woman on my team who joined us when she had a six week old baby at home. None of us knew, she hid it at interview thinking it would harm her chances - it wouldn’t have, people are often promoted while on mat leave on my team but I don’t blame her for thinking that. It was a disaster. She was late to calls, sometimes didn’t show up, we could tell she was distracted, her work just wasn’t where it should be compared with her experience, it was obvious she wasn’t focussing on work when she was at work. People started off as worried, then they became resentful because she wasn’t pulling her weight. It took a while for her secret to come out but by then the damage was done. I know it’s not quite the same as this woman was hiding it, but if it were easy to do and worked well this wouldn’t have played out how it did. She could not wfh and look after her baby at the same time, and I urge you not to try because having been the colleague of someone who did just that, it’s a recipe for disaster. Wishing you all the best.

You asked is it doable, am I kidding myself the majority of people are just answering your question.
I think you posted this expecting everyone to say yes and conform to your narrative. We're not trying to be mean, I've had a baby, it's really hard they require your attention 24/7 while they are awake and you can't predict their temperament and how long they will sleep through the day.

My baby for the whole 6 months just wanted to be on me all the time, he wouldn't sleep unless I was cuddling him and had bad reflux so would puke constantly. It's literally a cycle of eat, nap for 20 minutes, oh they did a poo have to change them (which you also have to wake them up for so they don't get Nappy rash). There's no break until they get a bit older say 3 months ish and you better pray they are easy (mine was not he was colicky and never seemed happy so screamed most of the time for hours on end for the first 6 months).
Yes you might get lucky but even then you probably will only manage 30-60 mins of productive work then will have to tend to the baby for an hour as they need cuddles, reassurance, entertaining, fed, changing.

Remember there's also bottles, if you're not breastfeeding you have to sterilise them and make them up. If bf you have the baby on you constantly for the first few months until your milk supply is established. I forgot to mention you will be up most of the night cluster feeding as this is necessary to build milk supply and this continues to be in cycles as they get older and need more nutrients. If not you still will be awake every couple of hours at night to formula feed (until 3 months they sleep about 4 hours at night then but it's still hard).

@expectinglittlebear

Thank you to all of those that have actually genuinely offered tips / tried to respond. Regretting posting now to be honest... I have always found Mumsnet such a lovely caring place, not one that is rather 'judgey'.

• Yes my employer knows and is fine with it.
• Yes my job is rather easy and stress free and yes my employers know exactly how 'easy' my workload is.
• No, childcare help is not an option initially. As mentioned this is only a temporary set up. Childcare WILL be an option before baby turns 1, once we have had a bit more chance to save.
• I find it rather rude that everyone is making comments about how my DH will be contributing... He will be a parent to his child, just as much as I will be. He is going to be an amazing father, just as much as he is an amazing husband. Due to his job type he can't WFH, he is also the main earner so he can't reduce his hours. He will be doing his part when he gets home of an evening / throughout the night / in the mornings.

Also I can't find it now, but the person who commented saying along the lines of 'shouldn't of had a child if you couldn't afford one' ... WOW. If you had taken the time to read my posts, you would have known that 1. I was told by doctors it would be very difficult for me to have children, 2. when we fell pregnant (very quickly to our surprise and happiness) we had money saved - enough for me to take a longer maternity, 3. sh** happens and our savings have taken a hit over the past few months. I think you need to take a look at yourself, and really think about what you say to people before commenting!! Your post did not add anything to the thread, other than maliciousness.

Again, thank you to everyone who genuinely took the time to answer and offer advice and read through my posts.

I am a regular poster on other talk topics on here, but this was the first and last time I will be asking for any advice on the Parenting thread. A rather shockingly judgemental place.

If you were about to jump into the path of a moving car and people shouted "NO!", would you be upset and call them judgemental? OK, that's a bit of an exaggeration but what you are proposing is a really bad idea. We are advising you not to do this because it's highly likely to harm you, your baby, and your livelihood. I thought I could watch monthly zoom meetings while feeding baby so that I could stay abreast of what's happening in my team. I now laugh at how stupid I was for thinking I could. Your focus should be on you and your baby. There's a reason why maternity leave has been enshrined in law. You need that time to bond with your baby and recover from pregnancy and childbirth, especially if you have medical issues.