New Baby & WFH. Is it do-able? Or am I kidding myself?

[expectinglittlebear]

Unfortunately my employer do not offer any enhanced maternity pay and therefore only offer SMP. I am due our first baby in January.

Due to finances, I am only able to take 8 weeks of maternity leave (6 weeks SMP and 2 weeks annual leave tagged on the end). Childcare is also extortionate (and also wouldn't want to leave my baby with anyone that young, bar family), so my employer have offered for me to WFH 4 days a week, and then my mum will be looking after baby the other day so I can go into the office (Husband works full time). I am very grateful for this opportunity to WFH around baby as we wouldn't be able to afford for me to be off work, or pay for childcare. So after my 8 weeks off, I will be back to working full time, while caring for our baby too.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and gone back to working full time after a short maternity leave, working from home and caring for baby - is it doable or am I completely kidding myself thinking I can work around baby at home full time? For context, I am an office manager and PA, but my job is relatively easy and stress free. It would be the odd zoom call meeting, but other than that just mainly working from a laptop.

OP even if you have a remarkable unicorn baby who sleeps through from six weeks and has a couple of two hour naps every day it would be really hard. You would start resenting your baby every time they woke up.
I think you're setting yourself up for stress and anxiety.

I didn't have a 'good' sleeper either - at night. But babies do all sleep a lot - they just do it in fits and starts.

I wasn't referring to nights. DS had reflux and initially undiagnosed CMPA. He screamed for hours and honestly hardly ever slept even during the day no matter what I tried. I fell into the illusion that all babies did was slept ate and pooped but nearly 2 years later I've learnt he isn't an anomaly in his lack of sleep and it's more common than people like to think.

See, I found that the very hard thing to work around (and as I said I was only trying to do a couple of hours a day) - mine didn't have a very regular sleeping pattern so any given nap could last for anywhere between 20 minutes and three hours, and I found it so hard to settle and concentrate when I had no idea how long I had. It also made me feel resentful and cross when he woke up right when I was getting into it, which in turn made me feel very guilty. He also went through stages of needing motion to sleep in the day, and it's not easy to provide that and concentrate at the same time.

@PinkWaferBiscuit

I didn't have a 'good' sleeper either - at night. But babies do all sleep a lot - they just do it in fits and starts.

I wasn't referring to nights. DS had reflux and initially undiagnosed CMPA. He screamed for hours and honestly hardly ever slept even during the day no matter what I tried. I fell into the illusion that all babies did was slept ate and pooped but nearly 2 years later I've learnt he isn't an anomaly in his lack of sleep and it's more common than people like to think.

I understand - which is why I've mentioned twice to the OP that there's an unknown factor which will only reveal itself once the baby is here, as well as her post birth recovery.

I just feel that it was important to point out to the OP that while not easy it is possible to do what she's proposing because I was in her position (although possibly slightly more flexible job) and I'm in the USA where this is more common because for small companies there is no requirement to offer ANY paid maternity or paternity leave.

I had four weeks unpaid leave - that was the maximum they would let me have.

My second baby was a good sleeper and would have a nap for about an hour in the morning and two hours in the afternoon and be asleep by 630pm BUT that was the very early days - possibly lasted six months tops.The difficult thing that is hard to explain till the baby arrives is how much time they take up - if they're not feeding, they want cuddling or walking or changing or playing . And when they are in the cot- if they're happy to go in it - you're rushing round like mad trying to get the washing on, having a shower etc etc and that's if you have a very easy baby. My other two were Velcro babies that would never want to be put down and so even if asleep would be being held .
The other point is even easy babies get to a stage where they'll need a lot more entertaining and won't want to be stuck at home for hours. If you can get your baby into a routine you might be able to work in the evenings but don't underestimate how insanely knackered you will be .

Needs must. I think it's possible. I spent a total of eight hours a day, everyday, expressing milk and sterilising bottles (baby wouldn't breast feed). I often thought it was like a full time job! It was quite full on but totally doable.

I would get a baby carrier, probably a wrap style one so you can wear and work (and possibly feed) at the same time.

Get a swinging chair.

Take all the help you can get. If I was your friend / sister I would very happily take your baby for a walk on my days off.

Take breaks. Get out the house at least once a day.

Get a good routine of getting your baby to nap in a crib. If not see point 1, get a carrier wrap.

Absolutely best of luck. I am wishing you the easiest baby. I somehow think you can pull this off.

Theres one thing you seem to be forgetting @expectinglittlebear is that you dont know how you are going to be after birth.

Baby could be a breeze,you could be a mess.Hormones,milk coming in.Sleeplessness.
Dont underestimate what no sleep does to you.Theres a reason its used for torture.

If you can do your work over 2 days get your parents to mind the baby for them 2 days and get your work done.
Baby is looked after and everybody is happy.

@Hardbackwriter

See, I found that the very hard thing to work around (and as I said I was only trying to do a couple of hours a day) - mine didn't have a very regular sleeping pattern so any given nap could last for anywhere between 20 minutes and three hours, and I found it so hard to settle and concentrate when I had no idea how long I had. It also made me feel resentful and cross when he woke up right when I was getting into it, which in turn made me feel very guilty. He also went through stages of needing motion to sleep in the day, and it's not easy to provide that and concentrate at the same time.

I know - that is one of the toughest bits. And that reminds me of another tip for the OP.

My strategy was to compartmentalize the job into time/energy segments.

So I'd save up easy, quick tasks for the times when I was feeling tired, foggy headed or DD was restless and not going into that deep slumber.

I'd save the big, intense or time heavy jobs for the hours when I knew someone else would be around to take over the childcare - which meant working over weekends etc sometimes.

I'd save research/ reading stuff which I could do holding a tablet in one hand while walking and soothing. Sometimes I'd read reports out loud to DD - put her right to sleep!

The hardest part for me was when she was starting to crawl and do more interesting things because then it was hard to drag myself away from just wanting to play and watch her all day.

I did it for two days a week and in the office three days, from 3 months old. My baby never slept during the day (or night, if I’m honest). I had a job that held a lot of responsibility but I had been with the company a long time so could do the job blindfolded.

Basically I wedged 5 days of work into the three I was in the office and only did the stuff that was critically urgent on the other two days. It was a nightmare. I change jobs after 6 months to one that was part time.

Do you have any other family who could help you? Even if it’s to come and sit in your house or taken the baby out for 2/3 hours whilst you work?

I know someone who went back to work PT when baby was 3 months old but her mum came over to look after DC.

Only think ‘needs must’ if an unplanned emergency arises.

It’s not doable.

We have paid maternity leave in this country because childcare/bonding with a newborn is incompatible with paid work.

You need another solution OP.

@Cocogreen

OP even if you have a remarkable unicorn baby who sleeps through from six weeks and has a couple of two hour naps every day it would be really hard. You would start resenting your baby every time they woke up. I think you're setting yourself up for stress and anxiety.

Yes I agree with this, I honestly feel sorry for the baby and it'll be miserable for you too. Has your partner applied to reduce his hours or anything in order to help with his child?

Oh my goodness me, absolutely not! You will barely have any time to yourself when the baby arrives, and will be chronically sleep deprived. There is no way on earth that I could have even squeezed an hour or two of work into my days when my baby was that young.

You can't work from home with a baby, or toddler, or young child. It's explicitly written into most contracts.

I’ve had dozens of contracts, this has never been explicitly written in any of them. In fact, I’d suspect there may be some legal issues if it were.

In answer to your question ‘am I kidding myself?’, yes you are. Completely.

Do they actually put this in policies?
Not in any policy I’ve seen.

No, it's not in the slightest bit 'do-able' and yes, you are kidding yourself.

What's more worrying, however, is the fact you're even having to ask. You might want to spend a bit of time finding out what life is like with a newborn before you get the shock of your life! (I didn't have a clue and it hit me like a train)

Yes I agree with this, I honestly feel sorry for the baby and it'll be miserable for you too. Has your partner applied to reduce his hours or anything in order to help with his child?

Parent his child. Parent it, not help with it.

If the OP is back at work then they are in the same boat - a baby and a full time job. Why is this her problem to solve and why should her employer bear the brunt? I know she said he’s a ‘mechanical engineer’ which apparently renders him unable to do anything other than tootle off to work unencumbered, but honestly. This isn’t a woman on may leave asking for help with the baby. This is a couple who both have full time jobs and no childcare. They are equally responsible. OP why haven’t you divided the week down the middle and planned for your half of the week while your partner does the same for his half? Or does his penis render that impossible?

Sorry I didn't even manage to get 1 hour to write Xmas cards the year I had a newborn. Baby was 8-10 weeks old around Xmas.

Wow these replies are so pessimistic

I'm in uni, face to face, and have been since my baby was 2 weeks. And breastfeeding.

Of course it's possible. However, if anyone wants to do this, you really need to bedshare. That's the only way to get any sleep. But is it possible? Yes.

No way on earth. You'll be lucky to manager to shower or eat, let alone work!! Sorry, but you have a shock coming your way. Babies are impossible until they're about 1-2yrs

This isn’t doable. You are kidding yourself. You need childcare.

And even the ones giving you advice about how you could make it work, or suggesting that babies sleep, are forgetting that babies grow - your newborn won’t be a newborn for long and will need interaction, play, and stimulation, and will be awake for longer and longer periods far sooner than you think. And then sitting, crawling etc etc.

It’s just not feasible in the slightest.

Bonkers !

I'm not sure referring to people doing this during lockdown is relevant - unless a significant majority of new mothers put their newborn babies in nursery in the UK... pretty sure they don't. Thought OP said she wasn't referring to toddlers?! I can understand why the responses to this thread seem to have been condescending - unfortunately it's just the harsh reality - something the OP seems wildly unprepared for

I'm in uni, face to face, and have been since my baby was 2 weeks. And breastfeeding.

There is a huge difference between a University course and working a 40 hour week even if it can apparently be done in less hours.

The 2 situations are not at all comparable.