New Baby & WFH. Is it do-able? Or am I kidding myself?

[expectinglittlebear]

Unfortunately my employer do not offer any enhanced maternity pay and therefore only offer SMP. I am due our first baby in January.

Due to finances, I am only able to take 8 weeks of maternity leave (6 weeks SMP and 2 weeks annual leave tagged on the end). Childcare is also extortionate (and also wouldn't want to leave my baby with anyone that young, bar family), so my employer have offered for me to WFH 4 days a week, and then my mum will be looking after baby the other day so I can go into the office (Husband works full time). I am very grateful for this opportunity to WFH around baby as we wouldn't be able to afford for me to be off work, or pay for childcare. So after my 8 weeks off, I will be back to working full time, while caring for our baby too.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and gone back to working full time after a short maternity leave, working from home and caring for baby - is it doable or am I completely kidding myself thinking I can work around baby at home full time? For context, I am an office manager and PA, but my job is relatively easy and stress free. It would be the odd zoom call meeting, but other than that just mainly working from a laptop.

Shared parental leave info. Emphasis on the shared - www.gov.uk/shared-parental-leave-and-pay

Your dp needs to take on some responsibility for parenting his child op.

I think it will be hard but doable especially if your hours are as flexible as you say.

Also ring local colleges that do childcare courses. I did my level 3 at a college and we had to do placements for different age groups. One of them was 0-11 months which most of us did in a nursery setting but sone of the girls did a home setting as a mothers help. It's free for you and you'll be with the student the whole time and extra hands just to hold the baby so you can do stuff is invaluable!

Also get a sling
Good luck!!

You probably make it work but it will be awful and it will you sad

I had one of the rare as rocking horse shit babies that slept really well at night. He barely napped during the day though and refused to be put down to nap - he would just power on until he was so exhausted he fell asleep - I have a number of photos that I call the crime scene series as all they need is a chalk outline around the body passed out in increasingly ridiculous places. So in theory with a job that didn't have set hours I could have worked at night and looked after the baby all day but I'm not sure when I would have slept - even a very content, happy, sleepy baby has needs for feeding, changing and entertaining and they really can't just be plonked in a bouncy seat and left to it. Mine could roll at 3 months, drag crawl by 5 months and was on his feet crusing by 8 months. (I swear he also had powers of levitation and a portal to another dimension tucked away somewhere - could not take my eye of him for a second). Even if you have a great birth and a docile new born you will only have a few months before you have a mobile child and you will need a plan b.

Wow these replies are so pessimistic

For some reason this is one of those topics that really seems to wind up Mumsnetters. There’s always a pile on.

@spittycup

Wow these replies are so pessimistic

I'm in uni, face to face, and have been since my baby was 2 weeks. And breastfeeding.

Of course it's possible. However, if anyone wants to do this, you really need to bedshare. That's the only way to get any sleep. But is it possible? Yes.

Uni isn’t work, as a lot of people find out pretty quickly.

I have a colleague who has been doing this for months. Honestly it is crap for her and crap for us, the people she is meant to be supporting. Every time I speak to her (when she is willing to speak which she tries to dodge and send me multiple IMs instead) she either has the baby on her knee or you can hear the baby wailing in the background. It has mean the much more senior staff she is meant to be helping picking up things she should be doing. And honestly that is frustrating - it was one thing with everyone muddling through when childcare was closed or when the child is ill or isolating and the parent is trying to make the best of it, colleagues are sympathetic and pull together. But having no child care outside of this and simply expecting others to bend around it just isn’t sustainable.

Her manager has been trying to close his eyes and ears to the problems but I can see even he knows we can’t go on like this and she will need to arrange childcare or leave.

@zzzu

Wow these replies are so pessimistic

For some reason this is one of those topics that really seems to wind up Mumsnetters. There’s always a pile on.

I know - I wrote a similar post now 10 years ago (on a different parenting board) before I had my DD.

Everyone - apart from one person - claimed it would be impossible and terrible.

Well, I didn't have any choice and it turned out to be absolutely fine.

There are a lot of jobs it won't work for of course - anything that requires extremely set hours and team work involving phone calls or face to face video are going to be almost impossible.

But online work which can be spread out and managed around the baby are possible. You just have to be flexible, very organized and MOST important have a supportive partner.

It was even possible to fit in activities like baby swim class and play dates etc, and some international travel but that was because I had weekly deadlines, not hourly so as long as it was done by a certain day, it didn't matter how I managed my time.

So of course that can't work for everyone but the OPs description of her job so far seems like it might work.

I do think OP would have got quite different responses if she'd said from the off that she was talking about 16 hours of work rather than 40, to be fair. There still would have been some people who said it would have been impossible with their baby, but more people would have said it would be hard but possible. Hers is a really unusual set-up - office manager and PA aren't jobs that are usually set up to be really flexible and entirely self-managed and obviously the hours on paper vs actual hours worked is massively in her favour.

@cabingirl

Literally! My first was born when I was 17, second 20 so it's all a bit chaotic in my house. But all im going to say is im glad I actually had supportive people around me, because it's really unhelpful to tell someone they can't do it

I see no reason why not- human beings are great at adapting. Maybe not everyone, but like you say- if there's no choice you just get on with it!

@BoredZelda

You can't work from home with a baby, or toddler, or young child. It's explicitly written into most contracts.

I’ve had dozens of contracts, this has never been explicitly written in any of them. In fact, I’d suspect there may be some legal issues if it were.

What do you think the legal issues would be?

The old 'Women have been giving birth in fields then getting on with the farming' crap has been around for decades. Ffs

I agree.

I wonder if the folk who believe this are also aware that in some cultures grandmothers had to breast-feed their grandchildren so that the mothers could go out to work, or older children (sometimes still very young) were left to look after babies.

You can't keep a crawling child happily strapped to your back for hours at a time, that's not normal, natural or healthy.

We did an eye opening session at uni on reports of child deaths from Tudor to WWII while in the 'care' of their working mothers. Lack of antibiotics isn't the only reason the IMR was sky high.

@ChocolateDeficitDisorder

The old 'Women have been giving birth in fields then getting on with the farming' crap has been around for decades. Ffs

I agree.

I wonder if the folk who believe this are also aware that in some cultures grandmothers had to breast-feed their grandchildren so that the mothers could go out to work, or older children (sometimes still very young) were left to look after babies.

You can't keep a crawling child happily strapped to your back for hours at a time, that's not normal, natural or healthy.

No - but you can set up your living room so that there are safe play spaces with different interesting things in them. And you can compartmentalize your day so that you have plenty of time interacting with your child, and fit in work when they are engaged with something - by 11 months my DD could absorb herself in a play activity for a good 30-40 minutes at a time - when you are focused you can get a lot done in that time.

My DD gave up her first nap at 13 months and her second nap at 15 18 months so I found the 18 months to 3 years section the most challenging but again, I moved work around to different sections of the day - and got creative with how I worked - writing emails on my phone by the side of a swim lesson etc.

I’ve had dozens of contracts, this has never been explicitly written in any of them. In fact, I’d suspect there may be some legal issues if it were.

Do you think there would be legal issues if a contract said you can't be doing another job while working for us? Or you can't wander off for an extended break while working for us? If you are being paid to work most employers expect you to work not work for someone else, go shopping, have a manicure or look after a small child.
Uni is different in that if you don't manage to do your work or under perform its just you that suffers. At work the people relying on that work suffer too or end up picking up all the things that haven't been done by the person being paid to do them.
I suspect the OP is worried that if she takes leave they will get someone in to cover and discover that it isn't actually a full job.

Yes I had to do this in lockdown when childcare was closed. Baby wasn't 8 weeks but a little older, it was better that she was as she was stuck to me earlier on but its not possible. I was extremely stressed and working every hour that they weren't awake.

If you want to do this you will have to wait until your husband is home.and he can mind your baby full time while you fulfil your work commitments. It isn't possible to work for 8 hours a day while also looking after a young baby. Why do you think maternity leave exists? Minding a young baby is a full time job in itself.

Sorry. You need to rethink this.

You could try to make it work.
The reality is.. It won't.
You'll be back on mumsnet in 3 months time posting about how guilty you feel for not giving your baby/employer your full attention.
I wouldn't do this to yourself. Some things just shouldn't mix, wfh and trying to care for a baby are one of them.

I didn't even manage to find the time to brush my teeth sometimes with a newborn. That's how demanding they are.

@tiggerwhocamefortea

I wouldn't have had a child either if I couldn't have afforded one

Really?

It is unfair for your employer to expect you to do two jobs at the same time??

Even if your employer knows you have a light work load it isn't ideal. You would be setting yourself up for a fall - motherhood is tiring!!

What does your partner think about it could he offer more to help?

No - but you can set up your living room so that there are safe play spaces with different interesting things in them. And you can compartmentalize your day so that you have plenty of time interacting with your child, and fit in work when they are engaged with something - by 11 months my DD could absorb herself in a play activity for a good 30-40 minutes at a time - when you are focused you can get a lot done in that time
I would say that it is a rare 11 month old who will happily entertain themselves for half an hour on their own. The 14 month old I look after spends a lot of the day climbing on the sofa and trying to launch himself off head first and has been able to open doors out of the room for at least 3 months, so impossible to contain them in any one room. He sees it as his personal challenge for the day to get in to the kitchen as many times as he can. He naps for a maximum of half an hour each day.

My own dc. At 3 months, I reckon I could have done a couple of hours work a day, very flexibly around feeds and naps. By six months, consistently an hour in the morning , 2 hours in the afternoon while she napped. But she was crawling by that point so needed constant supervision, so I couldn’t have been sat at a computer leaving her to get on with it. Nor would I have wanted to. Dc2 never napped consistently and didn’t sleep at night either, so there’s no way I would have been fit to do anything else. Babies Need an attentive carer In order to thrive who communicates with them and responds accordingly. Effectively ignoring them while you work isn’t in their best interests at all.
Have you looked to see if you will be eligible for any other benefits when baby arrives? Child benefit. We used to get child tax credits, but I think they have been taken over by universal credits and I don’t know what the Income threshold Is, but worth having a look?

I would also be cutting right back (you and your partner) on what you are spending and saving as much as you can to try to get as many extra days off as you can. Your future self might be glad you had a more frugal Christmas if you have a baby who doesn’t sleep and you are able to keep the stress of work away for an extra month or so.

@Maryann1975
But she was crawling by that point so needed constant supervision, so I couldn’t have been sat at a computer leaving her to get on with it.

So I set up the whole of our living room into a couple of 'zones' using linked baby gates - and had my desk facing out so I could see everything happening within the different baby-proofed areas. I changed up the activities/toys within the different areas on a regular basis - and yes, my DD could easily spend 30 mins+ playing with blocks or exploring an activity type toy. I was able to watch her and work at the same time. Every 30 mins, or longer if she wasn't looking restless, I would join her and play, or take her outside for a walk, or it would be meal time etc.

Some days were more productive than others - those days I caught up with work in the evening when my DH was home.

I found working online and supervising my DD very similar to say doing regular housework tasks while supervising a DC - we don't expect parents to not do anything at all while taking care of a newborn/toddler. I found it was just as easy to do my online work while chatting and interacting with DD as it was doing laundry or preparing an evening meal.

I found working online and supervising my DD very similar to say doing regular housework tasks while supervising a DC - we don't expect parents to not do anything at all while taking care of a newborn/toddler. I found it was just as easy to do my online work while chatting and interacting with DD as it was doing laundry or preparing an evening meal.

Again I guess this comes down to what your work actually is. The work I was doing on my first mat leave was all either writing or editing other people's writing, so I really couldn't multitask in that way. I don't really think I've ever done a job where I could - even just answering emails takes ages if you're only half paying attention.

@Hardbackwriter

I found working online and supervising my DD very similar to say doing regular housework tasks while supervising a DC - we don't expect parents to not do anything at all while taking care of a newborn/toddler. I found it was just as easy to do my online work while chatting and interacting with DD as it was doing laundry or preparing an evening meal.

Again I guess this comes down to what your work actually is. The work I was doing on my first mat leave was all either writing or editing other people's writing, so I really couldn't multitask in that way. I don't really think I've ever done a job where I could - even just answering emails takes ages if you're only half paying attention.

Lol - that's exactly what it was - plus website building, content creation. I really had to compartmentalize my brain sometimes but I'd been used to writing and editing broadcast material while keeping one ear on audio and video output coming from at least 2 other sources.

Okay - perhaps it's my superpower and not normal!

I have what I consider to a pretty easy WFH job with a very lenient boss.

No way I could do it with a newborn to look after too.

Maybe before I’d had one I’d have been naive enough to believe it were possible, but I certainly don’t think that after having one.