Real feelings of anger and dislike and resentment towards baby

[Nosleep21]

I feel as though I haven’t slept for the best part of a year, and I haven’t.

What worries me is my own feelings of anger and resentment towards my baby. I am co sleeping because I have to - he just refuses to sleep in his cot - but he seeks out my stomach with his feet and pushes down, kicking me all night. No matter how many times I move his legs he moves his feet back. He sometimes really hurts me. He also grabs my face and pulls my hair.

He hardly sleeps at all. Goes to bed at around 8, though often later, then wakes between midnight and 1 kicking and waving his arms around. He often nods off then something wakes him and he starts pushing down/grabbing me again.

My eyes sting with tiredness and I get no time to myself. As soon as I pick him up from nursery he’s grizzly and upset because he’s tired.

I do love him and I used to love spending time with him at baby classes and swimming and long walks but I work full time so we never get to do these things now. And the nights are beyond horrific.

Is there any end in sight?

How old is he OP?

Coming up to 11 months now.

Yeah I mean it’s really hard I’m currently laid here with a fussy 5mo DD. I’ve had 2 babies in two years and feel like I’ve not slept ‘well’ in forever.

I find it hard to nap but I now take any opportunity that presents itself. DH is off work tomorrow so toddler will be left with him and I’ll be joining DD on all her naps.

My 19mo sleeps through the night in his own cot but I had to gently sleep train him into that it didn’t come naturally. I’ve never done full on ‘cry it out’ but I did sit in the rocking chair in his room whilst he cried in his cot. I’d sing and occasionally give him a cuddle and hair stroke but wouldn’t get him back up. Maybe read up on sleep training and consider trying it if you’re this unhappy?
People can be judgy about it but we were all much happier for it and DS now sleeps so well!

Oh OP, my first dc also used to seek out my stomach and kick and push off on me, it is so frustrating!! I also resorted to (gentle!) CIO and they slept in their own cot through after three nights. It was a hard three nights, but nowhere near as hard as being kicked to bits all night long!

Do you have a partner?

If so, where are they in this?

He just gets so worked up if he’s ever left to cry.

His dad does try to help but DS just won’t settle for him overnight, he does during the day but at night he cries and cries until I get him.

Thanks @TicTacHoh, it’s awful no idea why they do it!

He’s finally asleep - been up since 1 after going to bed at 830. I honestly don’t know what’s up with him.

He gets so hysterical if left to cry it just seems cruel. I don’t know. I did try Lucy Wolfe a few months ago but it didn’t work at all.

Sleep training, pref controlled crying imo. You need to sleep better and so does he.

Mine were all the same! A baby sleeping bag changed my life! They wear them in the bed and they feel more contained and more secure and they sleep better. (And then hopefully you will sleep better!!). Good luck!!

You and partner need to work together. You're a team. Share the frustration, feeling like can't go on. Support each other and make sure you look after each other.

I don't cope well without lots of sleep and got very depressed. Lack of sleep reduces ability to cope etc.

Can you sleep in day when OH is looking after baby and able to settle?

Sleep is first priority and feeling you're not alone. You and OH have each others backs.

Tackle any methods for getting baby sleeping better once you feel normal at least more or less. Otherwise you'll feel even worse.

I can’t sleep in the day, I’m at work.

He does have a sleeping bag but still manages to kick - sometimes I wonder if it contributes to the problem as he kicks around in it. But he kicks anyway

I really don’t think any form of sleep training will work, I don’t have any confidence that this is deliberate. I mean, I think if he could sleep, he would. It’s just I really expected him to be sleeping better by now.

I think ones that age find it hot in parents bed or something.

Going sideways and then kicking in head all night is sadly a standard thing.

Mine both when that age would get in then go sideways and kick one of us and do something can't remember what to the other.

We'd wake up in morning with baby asleep happily top of bed sideways and we'd be on edges having been walloped all night.

It's awful but not just you iyswim.

Is OH at home or PT or nursery? You mentioned he could settle baby in day.

Can you get a few hours when you get in from work? Weekends?

Sleep was the thing that made everything awful for me so that's why focusing on that.

This is a sleep problem. You just sound exhausted.
Do you have the funds for a sleep consultant? I think you need someone to work with you one on one to get him sleeping in his own cot. I can divide the first year of my DD’s life into two halves - when she started sleeping well and I was happy and when she woke at night and I was exhausted and miserable.

I think I would try a bedside cot in your situation. I'm not a good person when I'm sleep-deprived.

Mine never really sleep through the night until they were dry at night. I truly think they woke themselves up weeing, with hindsight. I wonder if this is what wakes yours?

I know you said you don't feel any sort of sleep training is going to help, but sharing this because it has worked absolute miracles with both of mine at very similar ages: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/1394888-What-worked-for-us-Hope-this-helps You do have to stick at it for the initial hard bit but in my experience it bears fruit within a couple of days - and that was at a time (with my first) when I honestly thought nothing would work. You would need to go back to the cot, but that's probably a good thing in terms of your ongoing sleep.

Regardless of what you decide, I've been where you are and while it doesn't feel like they ever will things do get better. It is always just a phase. But in the meantime your rest is the absolute most important thing. Doesn't necessarily have to be sleep, but can you claw back some time for yourself this weekend? Go out for a walk or a nice coffee, or (even better!) have a whole day on the sofa/in bed with a book/TV while his dad does absolutely everything?

I'm so sorry you're in this place, but don't lose hope. Keep trying new things and DS will get there - and in the meantime be as kind to yourself as you possibly can be.

Sounds really stressful

Also sounds like DS thinks this is all part of his nighttime routine now. My thoughts are to try reestablishing a really strict bedtime routine that ends with DS being put to bed in the cot. I mean strict as in doing every bit at exact same time/order. Try to bath every night and make it as close to last bit as possible as going from warm to cool makes people feel sleepy.

It might be more tricky from one onwards for a few nights but I agree with the other posters that a few worse nights would be better in the long run than going on feeling this way.

It sounds like you are reaching out about this because you just need a little push/confidence boost to get going on it again.

Baby waking up in cot at same time each night will get him used to expecting it.

I agree with the comments about the sleeping bag and the temp in your bed. The sleeping bag will help him feel secure in the cot. He might well be waking at one because it is roughly the time he gets too hot from all the body heat and the only way to communicate is through kicking.

It sounds like rather than a sleeping problem as such your DC has had problems learning to self soothe and help himself back to sleep. Have a little look online at ways to help him with this.

Last once you are keeping him back in the cot to make it part of his routine make sure you are taking it in turns each night to be in charge of his sleep/resettling. Your DPs sleep/job is no more or less important than yours.

Good luck with it. I’m wishing you good sleep vibes soon!

We did sleep training around the same age. We used cry it out with dc1. Took about 2 weeks. We used the book happy sleeper. Game changer.

All the best

We did sleep training and I was dead against it, it’s cruel, not responding to child’s needs etc but my husband was insistent. Best thing we did. What I find shocking is how many parents of 4/6/7 year olds I know that still can’t get their children to sleep because they never tackled it as babies.

It sounds like your baby wants to sleep but can't. I would pay for a sleep consultant to advise on environmental factors and changes to routine that may help rather than go down a CIO approach, which to me should always be a last resort when both parents have worked together to try everything else first.

If you both work full time then you should be in it together and your husband should help settle baby after feeds etc and as above, such as when he finishes work. He should be working on increasing the amount of contact he has to the point that baby settles with him.

Can you sleep in a different room after the midnight feed and your husband co-sleep with baby? So basically you settle baby then leave the room and husband gets kicked?

Do you work full time? Working full time with a baby seems like trying to have it all, and I really believe we can, just not at the same point in time necessarily... unless we have partners who are truly in it with us perhaps.

Could you take a leave day or a sick day and have a sleep? Invent a dentist appointment and just take a few hours one afternoon? Just to take the edge off.

We had to do sleep training as I was getting so irrational.

Hire a sleep consultant, it'll change your life and be the best money you ever spent.

You poor thing . I remember being in this situation. I crashed the car one morning when I was so tired. You will not be able to work full time on no sleep. Something has to give.
Take some annual leave. If you can get a sleep consultant/ night nanny for 2 days. You will feel so much better.

Your baby will be too hot in your bed in a sleeping bag ans you will be waking the baby up at night . They are light sleepers. Try a travel cot with mesh sides in your room.

Honestly sleep training is tough for a few days but it works. Look at things like is the baby napping enough / too much at nursery? Are they just overstimulated during the day at nursery ? Tough as it is at this point in time something needs to change. I dropped my work to 4 days and spent the th day sleeping and doing a little housework. Good luck ans hang in there.

Can you take a few days off work and use that time to train him to sleep in a cot? It would be worth a few nights of pain.

It sounds to me the co sleeping is disturbing him as well.

Put him in the cot and when he cries leave it a few minutes , go in and reassure him without picking him up or making too much verbal communication or contact, leave room as soon as he settles. Increase the time before going back in once he wakes up fussing.

You could do shifts between you so you also get some sleep.

He needs to learn to settle and to sleep on his own. He hasn't learnt that skill yet so it will take time.

Agree with a sleeping bag as well.

Mine are teens now but I had 1 bad sleeper. I remember the feeling when someone told me how well theirs slept even now 16 years later.

I would second gentle CC, maybe shush Pat method? Worked for us until various sleep regressions hit and separation anxiety 13/14 months. She's just coming out of that now aged 14m. It was due to starting nursery at 12m. However because we'd done shush Pat she understood how to settle to sleep with less intervention

I've tried co sleeping 3 times in her life and she's not good at it, much the same as your DC op. Kicks and smacks, climbs on face, pokes and screams, anything but sleep.