NSPCC: Parents who are abrupt with their children and choose low-key celebrations may be guilty of “mild neglect”

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www.pressreader.com/uk/the-sunday-telegraph/20211024/281852941774302

Children's charity criticises 'abrupt parents'

also:

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/parents-who-are-abrupt-could-be-neglectful-60pb8m8wt

Parents who are abrupt 'could be neglectful'

"A big children’s charity has warned that parents who are abrupt with their children and choose low-key celebrations may be guilty of “mild neglect”."

Looks like NSPCC are big into celebrations:

www.nspcc.org.uk/support-us/ways-to-give/weddings-birthdays-celebrations/

"Tailor your event with our favours, gift cards and children’s gifts. It’s an easy way to make a big difference and share with your guests that helping children is important to you. Whether it’s your wedding, anniversary celebration or birthday, personalise your event with us."

So this is their hard sell for their products?!

Wow
As if parents don’t suffer enough guilt.

Wtf???

Well that’s a bit silly isn’t it.

However I can’t imagine social workers have the time or budget to care about how elaborate a child’s birthday party is.

What a load of rubbish. I would imagine that not having much money may mean that parents can't afford to be spending on their homes or on birthday parties. This is really quite a nasty and judgemental way of looking at things.

This is so wrong it’s almost funny !!!
So if you buy their tat you’re a better parent ?!!

That’s stupid

I could understand the abrupt thing if it was the default way of speaking to a child. The low key celebrations and also the mention house "in need of some decoration" just seem odd (and tied up in how much money parents have)

I mean does this mean I've been neglectful because some of my rooms haven't been painted in years even though they would benefit from a repaint

From the article 'Homes in need of 'slight repair' or those that are 'reasonably clean most of the time with some redecoration needed' would also score a 3 for slight neglect.

But you can't ignore your children to do the repair and decoration or that would be worse neglect.

Are the NSPCC branching out into a home maintenance service?

I would find a parent who was never “brisk, flat or abrupt” especially in times of stress to be completely fake and probably acting - and at risk of dangerously damaging their own mental health by feeling the need to keep up a cheerful facade at all times. I’m a parent and a teacher and I can honestly say I’m brisk or abrupt when needed; and children are not idiots and are capable of realising there’s more going on in the world than just themselves!

The OTT celebration thing is a bit generation Instagram too. I suspect what would have been seen as a lavish celebration when we were young might now only scrape into low-key.

A house that is clean and tidy most of the time, may be in need of some decoration is classed as mild neglect? That's us fucked then. Perhaps they're about to start selling the services of an interior decorator now too?

I saw this this morning. Terrible. Devalues (for lack of a better term) the idea of neglect.

From the article 'Homes in need of 'slight repair' or those that are 'reasonably clean most of the time with some redecoration needed' would also score a 3 for slight neglect.

I don’t know how anyone could write that with a straight face. Children are not in any way neglected because the living room could do with a fresh coat of paint, or because their parents can’t spend loads of money updating an old but still functional kitchen.

Do social workers appreciate this input?

The one that got me was;
"other behaviours that score three include being “occasionally flat, brisk or abrupt, when burdened with problems” even if the parent is mostly warm and responsive."

So we're not allowed an off day even when burdened with problems

So we must all be Stepfird wives with an Instagram account.

Devalues (for lack of a better term) the idea of neglect

It really does.

Loads of people including me must be guilty of neglect then. My house is mostly clean but often messy mainly due to the kids. A few rooms could do with redecorating, mainly because of the kids. Most people are abrupt with children it goes ask nicely, repeat, firmly tell child to get shoes on/fasten seat belt/ whatever it is that they are ignoring you about until you use your firm voice.

Free spirited children whose parents gently tell them to not do that are often a complete nightmare as they have no boundaries.

I’d agree with a pp it downgrades neglect. If we are all mildly neglectful it’s harder to say what is “real” neglect. I think it’d discourage people from reporting as they aren’t perfect themselves.

I have had no time for the NSPCC ever since their "Full Stop" campaign which said, basically, that everyone - including you and me, dear reader - was a potential abuser. That's a sick way to look at life. It's actually the other way round: most people are decent, only a small minority are not.

I would be more worried if a house with children in was immaculate. I would worry that children weren't being allowed to play for fear of messing up their show home.

Plus, I redecorated my whole house recently (by necessity, as I had it re-wired) and the children haven't even noticed much. If it's their bedrooms, they care, other things - even major ones like a new kitchen - get a brief but uninterested 'that's nice, Mum' and then on with their day. They barely even notice.

It's also good parenting to show your children that you're a human being with feelings and not just a MumBot. I get tired and crabby or stressed and I say 'I'm sorry. I'm feeling a bit xxx. It's not your fault, but I am being a bit impatient and fed up today.' Does that not foster empathy?

Its basic poor people should not have custody of their children

"rich" people who make open displays of wealth via interior design choices and spending on other non-family members deserve to have children

Probably trying to get at the "making memories" crowd. My mum and dad took us on so many holidays to "make memories" that our house was a bit of a tip and we never invited anybody round, as for parties... never at home, not one.

Childhood seemed lonelier despite the great trips.

@SickAndTiredAgain

From the article 'Homes in need of 'slight repair' or those that are 'reasonably clean most of the time with some redecoration needed' would also score a 3 for slight neglect.

I don’t know how anyone could write that with a straight face. Children are not in any way neglected because the living room could do with a fresh coat of paint, or because their parents can’t spend loads of money updating an old but still functional kitchen.

Do social workers appreciate this input?

We had SS involvement when DD was a baby (long story, they were totally in the wrong, and there was definitely some bias due to us being on benefits and in a council house). One of the things we were pulled up on was that the hallway wasn't decorated, and the stairs were wooden rather than carpeted. We'd been living there about a year, a year in which we had 2 kids under 5, one of whom had a lot of additional medical needs. We'd already had to borrow money to ensure the bedrooms and living rooms were carpeted, we couldn't justify the hallway too. So it got used against us.

I suspect this has been sensationalised and taken out of context. How many ‘indicators’ are there? What score would prompt concern? There has to be some way of gauging low level abuse and neglect, none of the indicators on their own will mean anything. I also suspect a social workers judgement of a ‘reasonably clean house’ is rather different to most peoples’. They see people living with children in houses covered in animal excrement, no sheets on the bed, rubbish everywhere..

That article makes me laugh, my DH is a social worker and even he agrees we'd defo go down for mild neglect.

Some of my house needs redecorating - because I’m using all my money to send my mildly autistic son to private school (the caring nature of the teachers and small class sizes suit him). I am in no way neglectful. I don’t like the NSPCC ever since they became obsessed with home education equalling child abuse. Most abused children are act school and I home scummy child when even his teacher admitted that they couldn’t support his spiky profile (behind in some areas, very ahead in others). For some kids with mild SEN, home education is a life saver.

I will say though, that I work as a tutor and a couple of years ago I tutored a boy who seemed very unhappy. His parents didn’t celebrate his birthday (they were of a religion which sometimes doesn’t celebrate birthdays). He sobbed his heart out in my lesson. I ended up making him a cake and buying him some bits and bobs out of Smiggle for the next week. He told me about a year later that it was the only thing which had stopped him wanting to kill himself. To all outward appearances, he had a good life, food, private school, tutors, not being beaten etc but there was definitely a ‘lack’ of emotional care which was harming him.