NSPCC: Parents who are abrupt with their children and choose low-key celebrations may be guilty of “mild neglect”

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www.pressreader.com/uk/the-sunday-telegraph/20211024/281852941774302

Children's charity criticises 'abrupt parents'

also:

www.thetimes.co.uk/article/parents-who-are-abrupt-could-be-neglectful-60pb8m8wt

Parents who are abrupt 'could be neglectful'

"A big children’s charity has warned that parents who are abrupt with their children and choose low-key celebrations may be guilty of “mild neglect”."

Looks like NSPCC are big into celebrations:

www.nspcc.org.uk/support-us/ways-to-give/weddings-birthdays-celebrations/

"Tailor your event with our favours, gift cards and children’s gifts. It’s an easy way to make a big difference and share with your guests that helping children is important to you. Whether it’s your wedding, anniversary celebration or birthday, personalise your event with us."

I wonder if "walked out on his family, never to see or pay a penny towards his kids again" made the list of acts of neglect, or is it only the stressed and low income single mums left behind who aren't doing a good enough job?

This is massively discriminatory towards neurodiverse children who often HATE over the top celebrations (and in some cases celebrations at all); same with children who are adopted who may find birthdays hard, children who have genuinely been neglected who can't cope with a big Christmas because after making a huge show of it Dad always sold their presents for drink and then hit Mum.

Just so, so tone deaf.

That article paints a more sinister view of this crazy classism.

I was in a private rent after I left my ex.

I wasn’t ALLOWED to decorate (oh I tried to get the landlord to let me. So many times. I just loved puke green🙄).

Also the house was dilapidated BECAUSE THE LANDLORD wouldn’t do repairs.

Jesus wept NSPCC you are so wrong here

What about the best parents giving generous praise for any achievement as it says in the Critic piece
Over praising is harmful, it says according to the uni research in the article below
thecritic.co.uk/issues/october-2021/the-parent-trap/

www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10078591/amp/Complimenting-child-affect-development-research-suggests.html

I also am wary of parents with beautifully maintained homes and beautifully turned out children as ime it's a tense hellhole within!
Hey, just my observation of a couple of families I have known very well. No way would I run a workshop on such a premise..

@ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings

I wonder if "walked out on his family, never to see or pay a penny towards his kids again" made the list of acts of neglect, or is it only the stressed and low income single mums left behind who aren't doing a good enough job?

This!

There's a thread running about poor baby star who was completely failed by social services and although this is NSPCC it perfectly illustrates the problem that the focus is on perfectly decent but non perfect parents meanwhile children and babies are being murdered by unfit parents yet going under the radar.

Low-key celebrations for heavens sake!

My ds is autistic.

I could be accused of "being abrupt". You just have to be simple and black and white with him.

I've also kept everything low key.

But that's been done for him and for his best interests - I'm a social butterfly!

Nice to know it's another thing I can be made to feel guilty about 🙄

In a very few contexts this might be relevant Eg if a family make a fuss of one child but always ignore another with regard to birthdays. Or if a child is punished harshly by withdrawing birthday celebrations because he is ‘bad’. But such a ridiculous thing to say when there are so many diffident cultural ways of approaching birthday recognition.

Perhaps the NSPCC could supply funds to parents who cannot afford to redecorate or renovate their homes. I didn’t know they were in the interior design business.

[quote SadlyMissTaken]This is based on evolutionary theory apparently!
thecritic.co.uk/issues/october-2021/the-parent-trap/[/quote]
This stood out to me too

"Under GCP2, a parent who fails to take their child on trips out, with playing only taking place in the neighbourhood, is given a score of 5 — a reminder this is the worst possible parenting. The best parent provides “frequent child-centred outings”."

I was told off for not taking my DC out to playgroups and soft play. I was struggling badly with undiagnosed disability which had been worsened by the pregnancy, so travelling to those kinds of groups was difficult, plus I couldn't guarantee suitable seating once there (IME your choices were often hard plastic chairs or sitting on the floor - both of which would have caused me immense pain), and that was if I could find a free group as my benefits money went on things I deemed more important (food and bills).

I think some posters are missing how classist this all is too. Realistically they aren't actually going to care if you haven't got around to finishing the renovation project you've started, but they will absolutely care if you haven't decked out your council house (despite knowing full well that they frequently start without any carpets etc)

@SunflowersInTheShade

So is this something that social services will be spending tax payers money on?

Is there any one looking into this stuff - and whether its fit for purpose and worth spending tax payers money on or do they just believe it must be useful as it's the NSPCC?

You've made me think. I've seen 'graded care profile' on our computer system but the system is complicated and nobody has ever mentioned it so I've literally never paid attention. I'm going to dig about to see whether we are paying for this tool or more likely have done in the past. Hopefully no longer - my employer left the stonewall scheme a few years ago so hopefully they aren't paying for this nonsense anymore either

It's incredibly classist.
It screams it so loudly.

@MedusasBadHairDay it’s totally classist.

I was unemployed at first and on benefits. With no family support. It was hard enough to furnish the house and feed and clothe us. (No I didn’t get maintenance before anyone asks)

@BungleandGeorge

Is the actual tool available anywhere?

I've been looking for a copy, but as NSPCC licenses the GCP2 (Graded Care Profile 2 assessment tool) to social services and also sells the training course, it's unlikely that a copy is posted online (unless there is a rogue copy posted somewhere).

@1Week

NSPCC - the same organisation that thinks its OK for an employee to wear a rubber suit to work and upload vids of himself wanking in the toilets at work?? That NSPCC?

The whole idea is a bit dystopia actually.
Ordinary parents default state is to be permanently in the wrong. You'd better hope you don't come to their attention because you can't defend yourself against being occasionally abrupt and have dodgy paintwork in the hall

That's what I thought of too - couldn't find any reference to the case though as I can't recall enough details to search.

Maybe the NSPCC want to let my landlord know he's causing me to neglect my dc and actually allow me to redecorate!

What a load of bollocks.

[quote Waahingwashingwashing]@MedusasBadHairDay it’s totally classist.

I was unemployed at first and on benefits. With no family support. It was hard enough to furnish the house and feed and clothe us. (No I didn’t get maintenance before anyone asks)[/quote]
Yep. I'm very aware that now, as a full time worker in a middle class time and home owner I would be treated very differently than I was back then. Despite being the same person and my kids being treated much the same (aside from them being older obviously).

@StormyTeacups

A house that is clean and tidy most of the time, may be in need of some decoration is classed as mild neglect? That's us fucked then. Perhaps they're about to start selling the services of an interior decorator now too?

Us too!

Wow that is awful, I can be abrupt with my kids especially when they have asked me the same question 36 times. They have one big party when they are 5 and low key family events thereafter as I prioritise a nice family holiday over parties and have three kids. Compared to some of the children I meet in my line of work my children are incredibly fortunate. What a load of nonsense!

This is completely bizarre. I work in children’s services in a therapeutic role and luckily have never come across this.
According to this I would be classed as mildly neglectful. We recently bought a house that needs completely redecorating, new flooring, new kitchen… Sometimes I am abrupt with my children when they have ignored my very polite and reasonable requests.
Some years my kids have had big parties soft play etc but no elaborate preparations, other years just a tea party with cousins.
I don’t actually know many social workers with perfectly decorated immaculate homes, they’re too overworked and underpaid to have the time or money.
When working with families I do look for warmth in tone, engaging their children, praise… but I would be looking at the whole picture.

I was told off for not taking my DC out to playgroups and soft play...

Jeez! I was a child in the 50s and 60s. We lived in a village. There was no toddler group or playgroup and "soft play" wasn't a thing then. We all managed to grow up "socialised" without "soft play", "circle time" and "playdates".

I take my daughter to playgroup twice a week, we see friends and their kids regularly, we have days out most weekends, see family, play for hours on end, go on holiday, she has clean clothes, eats home cooked food every day, we put £200 a month towards her house deposit when she is older. But, because we chose to have a low-key celebration for her birthday (because we refuse to be sucked into the SM photo opportunistic frenzy) then we are considered to be neglectful parents?

Thanks a bunch NSPCC, my monthly donation has been stopped. I will look for a charity whose cause is worthwhile rather than those making outlandish statements such as these!

#angry parent

Christ being "abrupt occasionally" to a child amounts to mild neglect, better ship mine off to a children's home now then if parenthood today is supposed to be 100% Mary Poppins mode