Health visitors when you say no

[Nc4post99]

Appreciate things might have changed due to Covid but when I had dd in 2019, the HV didn’t do an ante natal check but came at day 5 for a ‘house inspection’ of sorts. It felt awfully invasive although we did oblige thinking it would be just where baby sleeps etc, but she checked every single room in the house passing comment on decor etc- was weird.

Fast forward to now. I do plan on having more limited involvement with HV past 6 weeks and not really going to weight checks as we have a baby scale at home and their advice with dd was atrocious, so don’t see the point.

But will they want to look around my house this time? DH and I are fine to do the weight checks in the early weeks of life to make sure feeding is going a ok, but I don’t want a home inspection. Is this even a thing anymore? You reckon if it’s brought up I can just explain baby will be sleeping in a next to me, we know about safe sleep and will follow the guidelines but don’t feel the need for a house inspection? Last thing I want is social services called and you hear horror stories

(We’re a relatively well off couple no concerns from a welfare point of view. We have a paed for my daughter so any concerns and we’ll be straight there (no waiting) )

I've not heard of this, my LO was born 2019 and HV just came in to the living room each time. No inspecting, no nothing (she was an angel on earth though) but I've not heard of friends having an experience like this either!

@traumatisednoodle

There has been a massive increase in babies being victims of abuse, during lockdown, this is highly correlated with domestic abuse, so yes asking about the relationship is part of her job.

New reasearch around SUDI (sudden unexplained death in infancy) was published in February with an emphasis on sleeping areas for babies, so yes also part of her job.

Spare bedrooms and my office too right?

How much DH and I earn too right? Given as no other people on this thread got asked those questions it’s clearly not standard practice.

Maybe she fancied a new build on your development and saw this as a chance to look around a house...two birds with one stone and all that.

A home inspection? Never heard of it. You don’t have to have the health visitor visit or use baby clinic at all if you don’t need to. I’ve never found either particularly useful apart from one piece of advice which was worth its weight in gold to me. It is an optional service. You can always just call on them if you have particular worries. Occasionally they do have some useful tips, particularly the older ones.

I have never heard of a HV doing a house inspection. Sounds to me like she justed wanted to have a nosey around your house, watch out for her moving in on your street 😅

My children have not yet reached double digits and our (lovely) HV didn’t do any of this. She came for a reassuring chat and went about her business. She’s a lovely lady.

I’m so sad to hear about these awful experiences

@Nc4post99

Woah I just thought this was bau. Nosy sod lol.

Did they ask you questions about your relationship too? Like how long you’ve been together, and when you got married etc and your jobs, salary and plan to return to work?

Um, no. That is very invasive and quite odd. Maybe it’s particular to your area - some areas do things differently to others, “local policies” and some of them are very nanny state.

@sylbunny

It is normal for them to ask about your relationship though. Both mum explained that although it may seem odd, some people are being abused and are looking for that lifeline.

Totally get that like at your booking appointment and if you got to an appointment alone they ask if you feel safe, but DH was there, she was asking him about how much he gets paid too

I am a HV, I don't inspect houses at all, neither do any of my colleagues, just sit in living room and go through our stuff. We talk about safe sleep and baby's bed and some people like to show us the nursery which is fine. Only once I've asked to see a child's bedroom and that's because I generally had a lot of other worries about the family.
I do talk about relationships and jobs but I usually do it in a chit chatty way to ascertain famil dynamics/stability. I don't ask how much people earn.
You can decline HVs, just tell them when they ring. No-one will report you to social care unless there have been other concerns.
Health visiting across the country has been absolutely decimated, as someone else said, so visits are likely to be greatly reduced wherever you are in the country.

Previous baby was in 2012 and there wasn't anything like this.

Had another baby 4 weeks ago and they wanted to see where baby was sleeping (our room) and the nursery. She said it's new standard practice. She was quite apologetic about it.

They also stated that they had to examine the baby for marks/bruises at each visit and would have to report any new marks to GP/SS who would automatically investigate, even if there was an explanation, and not to take it personally. That hadn't been policy with my last one either.

It's fine, they're just doing their job, but some seem to revel in the power it gives them I guess.

They don't do house inspections they come and sit in the living room and have a chat. Although often it's by zoom. The antenatal is essentially to get to know you pre baby, make sure you have up to date safety advice ( Ie don't go out and buy a sleepyhead type thing) and yes to identify vulnerabilitys. Domestic abuse is vital as it has a massive impact on the child.
If you have no problems you will only have a total of 5 contacts with the HV service and probably only one with a qualified HV
They are up to their eyes in safeguarding and dealing with families who need support!
Oh and baby weight clinics don't exist any more. They book in only baby's who need weight for medical reasons.
Seriously you had a bit of an odd one.
But if for any reason you do have risk factors do not avoid them as that will be a massive red flag and they basically are child protection nurses!

Reading your experience is really giving me the rage. As if having a new baby isn’t hard enough without some busybody nosying around your home.

Luckily I didn’t experience that with mine, but next time round If I do, I’d tell them to get out.

I think it's worth remembering that different things happen in different trusts, the baby weigh clinics have started around here again you just have to book in advance rather than roll up when you can like I did with DD.
As many posters have said some definitely do ask to see the sleeping arrangements (which kind of makes sense) even if they aren't snooping like the OPs one! Not everywhere does them antenatally either.
So anyone stating their experience is gospel, it maybe for your area but it may be very different even in the neighbouring county. But i doubt anywhere has a policy of peeping in the spare room!

@Sidneysussex

They don't do house inspections they come and sit in the living room and have a chat. Although often it's by zoom. The antenatal is essentially to get to know you pre baby, make sure you have up to date safety advice ( Ie don't go out and buy a sleepyhead type thing) and yes to identify vulnerabilitys. Domestic abuse is vital as it has a massive impact on the child. If you have no problems you will only have a total of 5 contacts with the HV service and probably only one with a qualified HV They are up to their eyes in safeguarding and dealing with families who need support! Oh and baby weight clinics don't exist any more. They book in only baby's who need weight for medical reasons. Seriously you had a bit of an odd one. But if for any reason you do have risk factors do not avoid them as that will be a massive red flag and they basically are child protection nurses!

This might sound painfully dumb @Sidneysussex but what are some of the ‘risk factors’?

I had quite bad anxiety In my first pregnancy due to a lot of complications so had a bit of cbt. HV never discussed it with me or one 🤷‍♀️

Why can’t people be grateful that we live in a country where we are offered the services of a Health Visitor? It’s an invaluable service to many parents and children. If you don’t want it just be polite and say so but why not be open minded and listen to what they have to say first?
And the person who said the hv would report to ss if tiling etc not done. I dont believe that is what the hv would have said. Maybe you misinterpreted what she said or maybe there was more for her to worry about than tiles.

Are you sure that they aren’t just offering you a Home Safety Visit like this? Some local areas may set targets for how many visits have to completed by staff working with children

www.safeathomecip.org.uk/who-can-apply-2/

That’s not an inspection really. It’s an experienced eye casting a look to highlight any potential dangers. I think it’s probably meant to be helpful rather than judge-y and it is clearly voluntary though if a local area need to hit a target for number of them to be completed that “I’ll just have a quick look round” might suffice.

@victoriaspongecake

Why can’t people be grateful that we live in a country where we are offered the services of a Health Visitor? It’s an invaluable service to many parents and children. If you don’t want it just be polite and say so but why not be open minded and listen to what they have to say first? And the person who said the hv would report to ss if tiling etc not done. I dont believe that is what the hv would have said. Maybe you misinterpreted what she said or maybe there was more for her to worry about than tiles.

Well I can’t speak for everyone but I’m very familiar with my local service and whilst my assigned HV is ‘ok’, they’ve consistently provided incorrect, out of date and frankly really dangerous advice! So for that reason it’s a not a service I’ll use past initial weight checks.

It’s not about being grateful, it’s about having an appropriate service.

I’m familiar with safe sleep so don’t need to be told, they will not provide breastfeeding support as formula is ‘better’. My office is fine and my bathroom is fully tiled

I told my hvs we didn't want any more visits with my first after his 6 week check and my second when they invited themselves around for his check before his 1st b day

I just don't want them in my home at their convenience, if I have any issues I will contact them, well actually more likely to contact my gp
When I did contact them about potty training with my first, they were absolutely useless so that's the last time I really bothered.

@MakingM

Are you sure that they aren’t just offering you a Home Safety Visit like this? Some local areas may set targets for how many visits have to completed by staff working with children

www.safeathomecip.org.uk/who-can-apply-2/

That’s not an inspection really. It’s an experienced eye casting a look to highlight any potential dangers. I think it’s probably meant to be helpful rather than judge-y and it is clearly voluntary though if a local area need to hit a target for number of them to be completed that “I’ll just have a quick look round” might suffice.

Erm I’m not sure. It was presented as an inspection ie she rocked up with the clipboard and checklist more it felt like one. Home safety visit wasn’t mentioned either, like I said though we have a new build so it’s pretty mundane. I just thought it was a ‘thing’

But our house is safe, i keep up to date with the lullaby trust. I just dont fancy someone having a nose around this time

I would say do what you feel is right. Whatever makes you more comfortable. Nothing to fear, nothing to hide.

Except I meant it the other way around, if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear- so just tell them after your second child you do not feel you need their services.

I’ve never had a HV tread carpets with my three DC (adult DC & two primary school aged DC). Sounds like she was being nosey.

DC2 - One HV was a bit miffed that we hadn’t unpacked and set up nursery furniture that had been delivered the day before.

A few years later, another HV came up to our bedroom, as DC3 had been up the whole night finally falling asleep around 9am, I was about to doze off and refused to get out of bed to go downstairs (baby would only sleep on my chest for the first week). DP asked HV to come back later or another day, but she barged past him, went up the stairs and came into the bedroom opening blinds, muttering about routine and daylight hours and told me to get up 😐

A couple of days later, DC3 was up all night again and had fallen asleep at 7am. I had gone downstairs to eat and HV rang at 7.30 to pre-warn me of a visit later that morning. I completely lost it. They knew not to bother coming round again after that phone call.

@Nc4post99 I’d put money on it being something like that - some kind of local initiative - especially if your local council is a Labour one. They are the worst, in my experience, for being unnecessary PITAs when it comes to bureaucratic nonsense, random checklists, new “mandatory” things that aren’t actually mandatory, etc around children’s provision.

Hope you have better luck this time and hopefully they’ll just respect your decision as they should.

@MakingM it is a labour area, so it may well be. I’m not sure if it will be a thing now post covid. All weight checks were booked in before and then stopped unless you were ‘concerned’. 1yr check was done on the phone and 2 year was done by the children’s centre (both sort of pointless but hey ho)

@HadEnoughofOtherThreads as if! That’s flipping horrendous, I’d have been raging. I hope you complained! Xx