Health visitors when you say no

[Nc4post99]

Appreciate things might have changed due to Covid but when I had dd in 2019, the HV didn’t do an ante natal check but came at day 5 for a ‘house inspection’ of sorts. It felt awfully invasive although we did oblige thinking it would be just where baby sleeps etc, but she checked every single room in the house passing comment on decor etc- was weird.

Fast forward to now. I do plan on having more limited involvement with HV past 6 weeks and not really going to weight checks as we have a baby scale at home and their advice with dd was atrocious, so don’t see the point.

But will they want to look around my house this time? DH and I are fine to do the weight checks in the early weeks of life to make sure feeding is going a ok, but I don’t want a home inspection. Is this even a thing anymore? You reckon if it’s brought up I can just explain baby will be sleeping in a next to me, we know about safe sleep and will follow the guidelines but don’t feel the need for a house inspection? Last thing I want is social services called and you hear horror stories

(We’re a relatively well off couple no concerns from a welfare point of view. We have a paed for my daughter so any concerns and we’ll be straight there (no waiting) )

The community midwives came into my bedroom to see me (spent first few days in bed) or check my stitches but our health visitor has only been in our living room, never asked to see anywhere else. I think you might have just had a nosy one!

I think she did look around every room and I know i remember reading threads about other ppl finding this uncomfortable too
I'm expecting a call soon for his 2ish year check and I really cba . Hopefully I've fallen off the radar

I am so glad I’m too old to deal with this shit! My dc have both refused access to hv on more than one occasion with no further issues

I remember mine asking to see where the baby would be sleeping upstairs and later she also asked to use the loo. She'd been through the kitchen to get in and of course sat in the main living room. She didn't come round until after baby arrived though (pre-covid).

I'm hoping I don't get the same one this time as she was pretty dippy which got on my nerves. I will be engaging with them at least initially though as I'm hoping coming for a new baby might remind them that her big sister exists and is overdue for her development check...

I had a home visit in Feb 21 and she asked to see where the baby slept at night, it was just a quick glance at the next to me crib that's all. She also asked where baby slept in the day (in the pram carrycot downstairs) and was fine with that too. Certainly didn't have a tour of the house or ask where baby's room would be after.

Oh yes I took my midwife upstairs to check my stitches too but that felt totally different. Possibly because I actually liked and respected her...

It's an opt in service. Usually your midwife refers you. Just say you don't want to be referred, or call health visiting service and tell them you're not opting in.

House inspection sounds weird I never had that with awful hv first time. Second time was lockdown so nobody came.

Woah I just thought this was bau. Nosy sod lol.

Did they ask you questions about your relationship too? Like how long you’ve been together, and when you got married etc and your jobs, salary and plan to return to work?

I'm having another soon and think I will opt out if hv service actually. I managed a lot better in lockdown without midwife and hv visits.

Wtf no those questions are all totally invasive??!!!!

@Nc4post99

Woah I just thought this was bau. Nosy sod lol.

Did they ask you questions about your relationship too? Like how long you’ve been together, and when you got married etc and your jobs, salary and plan to return to work?

No. Absolutely none of their business and not normal at all.

I refused the HV second time round. I didn’t feel I needed another person in my home (pandemic baby). They can’t make you. I found the HV pretty useless first time, she wasn’t great and I decided second time round I’d weigh baby myself.

Bit dramatic why would you even think social services would be involved! What an odd thing to say

not sure what part of the country you're in - but nothing like that happened to me in NW - she just stayed in living room and we talked about stuff like safe sleeping, how to feed and was i aware of PND and how to access help if i needed it.
the midwives came to my bedroom on their first couple of visits (but this was pre covid) but thats because i was up there resting and knew they would be looking at my stitches and its far comfier for me to be there for their visit.

@MissMaple82

Bit dramatic why would you even think social services would be involved! What an odd thing to say

It’s not dramatic, one poster here has literally said they threatened to report her.

Must of had a reason to! It absolutely is a dramatic response

@MissMaple82

Must of had a reason to! It absolutely is a dramatic response

She said it was due to her bathroom being tiled. Unfortunately I’ve seen it on countless threads mums being threatened with SS due to not cooperating. I was even told breastfeeding my 9th centile baby was ‘cause for concern’ and they’d be watching me very closely and it was heavily implied a ss referral would be made if I didn’t cooperate.

Just because it’s not your experience doesn’t mean it’s not someone else’s 🙂

@ChikiTIKI

Wtf no those questions are all totally invasive??!!!!

I’d just assumed it was checking we were a stable couple and could provide for DD. Thought it was all standard.

We’d probably get assigned the same woman so at least she doesn’t ‘need’ to ask them again lol. She was pretty much useless in every other way

I have never heard of this before let alone have it happen to me.

There has been a massive increase in babies being victims of abuse, during lockdown, this is highly correlated with domestic abuse, so yes asking about the relationship is part of her job.

New reasearch around SUDI (sudden unexplained death in infancy) was published in February with an emphasis on sleeping areas for babies, so yes also part of her job.

Our baby was summer 2019 so had them out to begin with. Stated how many visits I’d get with the new getting it right for every child scheme. Seemed very proud that they would have so many visits to help. I was a “green” so lots of visits but no extra ones needed. Only came to my living room. Asked lots of questions. They have to ask about finance to make sure your not in hardship but people with high earning jobs can have financial issues....so who knows?
Only time I got grief was when I declined going to a weaning workshop. No looking round my home and I would not have allowed that to happen.
Covid came and all visits stopped. They phoned for a telephone review at the next planned one, 13 months. Asked a couple of questions and said we will be in touch for the 2.5 year visit! Could have said anything over the phone. I asked if they wanted me to come to the health centre for a height or weight check but was advised to only do that if I had concerns. Decided they clearly don’t have interest so when they get in contact about the next one I will tell them I’ll happily take her to the health centre but decline them coming into my home.

4 children here and this has never happened to us! How odd!

That's really weird and if you explain that to your new hv I'm sure they'll agree! Both HVs for my kids have just come round for a chat, asked if I had a bed sorted and if I knew about safe sleep. Did I need any feeding advice etc. They stayed in one room and left! Your HV sounds like they were a bit odd!

If you’re being threatened with ss involvement then it probably doesn’t have anything to do with whether you’re tiling your bathroom or not. I imagine a lot more was wrong to concern the hv

It is normal for them to ask about your relationship though. Both mum explained that although it may seem odd, some people are being abused and are looking for that lifeline.