My daughter hurts me :(

[Sohurtbyitall]

I don't know what to do. DD is 3, she's witnessed domestic abuse for the first two years of her life and seen her father beat me to a pulp.
I managed to find the strength to leave him but during this time things have just gone down hill.
She's so angry and upset when she has to see him, I'm currently vehemently fighting him through the family court.
She punches me, slaps me, kicks me, and the worst thing she did this weekend was drag her finger nails down both my arms and pinched me so hard, I just sobbed :(
I've tried to seek counselling and play therapy for her but because she's having contact with her perpetrator father they can't intervene.
I've asked childrens services to help me but it results in NFA letters time and time again. I just don't know what to do, I can't cope anymore.. The anger and hurting me, I've already been through that with her father I can't have this from her also.
I picked her up today from nursery and the room manager said she's not been her normal self and has been really distracted, she's a big personality at nursery so it's really noticeable. She said she's seen this before and it's almost like she's lashing out at me for making her see him.
She's so troubled and I just want to help her but I feel physically and mentally exhausted.
What else can I do?

You need a better lawyer. They should be on this...Get all the agencies you have to Involved.

I also wanted to say that you should be proud. You are her safe space, and that's why she feels ok to show you how she really feels. Cling onto that.

Just wake up every day feeling dark and hopeless because of it all.

@Sohurtbyitall

I tried a private referral for play therapy. They can't intervene until she doesn't have contact with him and I was told they can only intervene several months after she's adjusted to another change in her life. I spoke to children's services yesterday and today and the person I spoke to was really lovely. She said she'll speak with DDs HV and her nursery and then revert back to me. We're due back in court towards the end of the year, everything has been documented so I just hope it helps. I'm terrified of him, whether he's in or out of her life, I know one day he'll find me and he's already made threats to kill me.. I feel like I just have to accept he'll be in our lives.

I hope these professionals do manage to help you and your DD.

How many times will DD have to see this man before the court date? Could you say she's unwell and just not take her to those times?

Surely with all the evidence you are getting from professionals who are seeing DD for themselves, as well as what Social Services said originally, the court should see sense and the contact should be stopped.

@Sohurtbyitall

Just wake up every day feeling dark and hopeless because of it all.

It will get better Get support for you Call womens aid Call samaritans

Yes, could she or you not develop a cough next time she has to go?

@thisplaceisweird

Do you just sit there and allow her or do you correct her behaviour?

If she is intentionally hurting you, it would be a short time out in my house. I understand the additional issues and horrible past experiences, but nip it in the bud and show her it's bad behaviour that won't be tolerated.

I think it's not going to work is it?

OPS circumstances are difficult as its probably the child's dad that is the main issue here. The child is only 3 and if that's what the child has seen...

I am waiting for children's services to call me back. They've left a message with the hv and will speak to nursery after. Hoping it helps in some way.

Your lawyer needs to make an application to stop contact and involve cafcaas urgently. Agree you need a good barrister. Please get women's aid to support. Stay strong, you have done so well

OP, ignore the people talking about time out.

@GrandmaSteglitszch

OP, ignore the people talking about time out.

Just because you disagree?

Because it's not appropriate in these circumstances

@Sohurtbyitall and other posters.
This is a very specific parenting issue and although posters are posting from a good place about time out, holding dd firmly but safely etc. it’s not good advice in this situation. I’m qualified to work with parents and children in this situation and even so it’s not safe or relevant to make suggestions only to signpost to support which would enable the OP to access 1:1 assessed and ongoing support.
Attached a screenshot of trained support from this organisation. Who’s in charge?

Thank you, the HV has been in touch today to say Children's Services contacted her but they don't think there is much they can do to help. I will have a look at the trained support.

How are you doing OP? I hope people have started listening to you and you and your daughter are getting the support and protection you both deserve. As PPs have said, women's aid can support you, and for legal advice "rights of women" have a helpline specifically for family and domestic violence issues rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/family-law/