Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Man told me I was putting my child in danger? I'm annoyed.

182 replies

Sophie1029734 · 14/09/2021 10:58

This is a rant more than anything but would be nice to hear from.others, what's your perspective?

I've gone to take my 19m old to her first play group but its shut for some reason, maybe ive gone to the wrong place but I'm already dissappintmented and have stuff on my mind. Instead I take her for a walk, Im about to have my first period since before pregnancy and my stomachs cramping like mad. I'm already in a bad mood.
I let her splash on a puddle just off the path, cars park there.. she was so close to the bath her leg was touching it. The roads further away so I didnt see an issue. It wasnt a main road, more like the average town road with lots of horses on either side. I had hold of her hood so if she tried anything she wouldnt be able to move away. We were also inbetween cars parked from the houses behind me. This man was repeating the same sentence "it's not wise you let her do that on the road with a truck going past" i pretended to not hear him as i tried moving away. I had to go past him. I turned around and said "how? Shes not on the road with traffic, shes on the area people use for parking?" He just made a face as if I was dumb, going no, it's not wise to do that (he said other stuff but I cant remeber, i was too annoyed). I say dont tell me how to parent and act as if you know better, she was safe. He said I know it's your child but you shoulsnt do that and whatever else I cant remeber. I said i know better (I said this in a response to something he said, cant remeber what but he laughed to himself which pissed me off) I walk off and raise me voice, told him to mind his own business and fuk off 😬 maybe not the best.
Was I in the wrong??

OP posts:
mam0918 · 14/09/2021 13:53

well this is either one of two things too me, it seems she was either:

Playing in an empty car parking space (dangerous as a car could pull in without seeing her regardless of how close you are).

or

She was playing in the small gap between 2 park cars in which case its still dangerous and you shouldn't be playing in an area you could damage other people's property, it might have been his car and he has every right to tell you to move on.

And playing anywhere near a road with trucks going past is stupid regardless, just a terrible road safety example to set her... she'll grow up thinking its ok to play and dart between parked cars.

It's straight-up rude telling an elder/stranger to fuck off... did you're mother raise with no manners or would she be embarrased at how you behave?

sometimes you're wrong, sometimes you're stubborn, sometimes you're right, sometimes you just disagree with someone but no matter which it is telling them to fuck off only looks bad on you.

viques · 14/09/2021 13:54

@Plumtree391

Writing him a note would be a very nice gesture, CovidCovid, and he will appreciate it.
Get someone to check the spelling and the profanity though, otherwise it might confirm all his preconceptions about you ...............
ZoeCM · 14/09/2021 14:00

OP, you were absolutely in the wrong here. You can't let toddlers play in the road, it's teaching them poor road safety. You don't tell someone to fuck off in front of a child, it's setting an awful example. You don't seem to understand incredibly basic aspects of parenting -- it's ironic that this all started because you couldn't cope with your parenting being criticised.

You admit you were already having a bad day -- why did the man deserve to have you take it out on him?

And yh some idiot could come and somehow crash there, but it's pretty hard for that to happen from where we were

This is part of the problem: you were letting your child mess around in the road, but if she'd been hit you would have blamed the driver for being an "idiot", not yourself for being stupid and irresponsible. This is what happens every time there's a thread about something like this: the mother always blames any potential drivers, not herself.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting
PrincessNutella · 14/09/2021 14:02

I think the man was worried about her and he was being caring. There are worse things in the world.

PrincessNutella · 14/09/2021 14:04

A few months ago, on a street that hardly ever gets any traffic, my husband saw a nine year old girl run into the street and get hit by a speeding car. Her mother was only a few feet away. It was horrific, one of those utterly rare an senseless things that any parent would dread. So I have a different view of these things now.

DearFatties · 14/09/2021 14:08

It's straight-up rude telling an elder/stranger to fuck off... did you're mother raise with no manners or would she be embarrased at how you behave?

What a load of bollocks. Who cares how old someone is? ‘Respect your elders’ is such trash. You should respect everyone equally, how we if some shows you disrespect then sometimes our nature gets the better of us. If some stranger was telling me how to parent and kept nagging repeatedly, I’d probably tell them to fuck off too, even if they were right. The guy said his piece, he should have dropped it. Just because he’s old and has a penis doesn’t give him the right to keep on at the OP. So bored of random people dishing out childcare advice like they know it all.

In your case OP it’s really hard to tell what was and wasn’t safe as I can’t picture it really. You say it was a car park so that could be completely quiet but then you mention trucks. But sorry you’ve had a shit morning and I hope it gets better.

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/09/2021 14:10

@DearFatties

It's straight-up rude telling an elder/stranger to fuck off... did you're mother raise with no manners or would she be embarrased at how you behave?

What a load of bollocks. Who cares how old someone is? ‘Respect your elders’ is such trash. You should respect everyone equally, how we if some shows you disrespect then sometimes our nature gets the better of us. If some stranger was telling me how to parent and kept nagging repeatedly, I’d probably tell them to fuck off too, even if they were right. The guy said his piece, he should have dropped it. Just because he’s old and has a penis doesn’t give him the right to keep on at the OP. So bored of random people dishing out childcare advice like they know it all.

In your case OP it’s really hard to tell what was and wasn’t safe as I can’t picture it really. You say it was a car park so that could be completely quiet but then you mention trucks. But sorry you’ve had a shit morning and I hope it gets better.

Clearly your mother did...
Dagnabit · 14/09/2021 14:11

Ah, the old AIBU? Yes, you are. No, I’m not, fuck off routine.

disneydreaming · 14/09/2021 14:11

Yes imo you were in the wrong. While you might have risk assessed the situation and felt it was safe it really is not a good idea to set the precedent to a child it's safe to play on the road.
As I parent I am continually instilling the message to my children that's roads/car parks are dangerous and should be treated with caution. They no never to play on the road. Balls must me in hands or their bag crossing roads and they must walk with their scooter etc.
If I child is between two parked cars drivers are unable to see them so it increasing the risk of an accident should they run onto the road.
While the man may very well have been rude your reaction to him really wasn't acceptable either especially in front of a young child.

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 14/09/2021 14:14

YOU are in the wrong here but seem incapable of appreciating that. What are you teaching your child telling a stranger to fuck off?

Greenmarmalade · 14/09/2021 14:17

I think it’s really admirable that you’ve thought about it more and that you’re going to post that note. Parenting is knackering and it feels like criticism is everywhere, so don’t feel bad if you reacted badly in the moment.

Greenmarmalade · 14/09/2021 14:18

In the summer I saw 2 babies in prams covered over to stop the sun. They must have been an dangerously hot.

I felt I couldn’t say anything for fear of backlash. I guess we should all feel more confident in voicing concern, and accepting it.

DeletedByAccident · 14/09/2021 14:20

Doesn’t matter if you think she won’t run into the road.
As she was playing between cars, if another car-unlikely though it may be-bumped one of those cars, she would have been flattened!

Undisclosedlocation · 14/09/2021 14:23

Leaving your angry, rude reaction to one side.
Just because today’s spot was somewhere you considered safe, you have inadvertently taught your child that it’s ok to play in the road.
Therefore what you did was extremely unsafe, even if it’s just that next time your DD spots a puddle in the middle of a road, she will consider it appropriate to make a beeline for it to play
For that alone YABVVU.

Plumtree391 · 14/09/2021 14:25

The op knows she was out of order and is intending to write a note of apology to the man, therefore all will be well.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 14/09/2021 14:29

Please understand and believe one thing.
Toddlers are unpredictable. You can never ever EVER know that they wouldn't do something.
Please don't assume anything where the actions of a toddler are involved because they are crazy little creatures who are capable of anything and you cannot afford to be complacent.

DearFatties · 14/09/2021 14:29

@GreyhoundG1rl clearly my mother did what? Teach me that everyone gets respect regardless of their age but that I should expect it back and not just accept random strangers having a go at me? Yes, she did. And I will teach my DC that too.

AuntMargo · 14/09/2021 14:29

@DearFatties

It's straight-up rude telling an elder/stranger to fuck off... did you're mother raise with no manners or would she be embarrased at how you behave?

What a load of bollocks. Who cares how old someone is? ‘Respect your elders’ is such trash. You should respect everyone equally, how we if some shows you disrespect then sometimes our nature gets the better of us. If some stranger was telling me how to parent and kept nagging repeatedly, I’d probably tell them to fuck off too, even if they were right. The guy said his piece, he should have dropped it. Just because he’s old and has a penis doesn’t give him the right to keep on at the OP. So bored of random people dishing out childcare advice like they know it all.

In your case OP it’s really hard to tell what was and wasn’t safe as I can’t picture it really. You say it was a car park so that could be completely quiet but then you mention trucks. But sorry you’ve had a shit morning and I hope it gets better.

someone sounds like they have a chip on their shoulder !
GreyhoundG1rl · 14/09/2021 14:32

[quote DearFatties]@GreyhoundG1rl clearly my mother did what? Teach me that everyone gets respect regardless of their age but that I should expect it back and not just accept random strangers having a go at me? Yes, she did. And I will teach my DC that too.[/quote]
That's not what you stated in your ranty, mannerless post at all.
What "disrespect" did that man show op?

tickledtiger · 14/09/2021 14:34

@Mushypeasandchipstogo

YOU are in the wrong here but seem incapable of appreciating that. What are you teaching your child telling a stranger to fuck off?
In the ops 3rd/4th post she says she was wrong, won’t do it again, thought about the others perspective, feels bad about it and is going to apologise to the guy.
CheltenhamLady · 14/09/2021 14:34

I think that you know it wasn't particularly safe but were taken aback that someone mentioned it. You were also very rude to someone just trying to help.

Whether you can see it or not, you were putting her in danger.

Thewiseoneincognito · 14/09/2021 14:36

Sorry OP but that’s just rough, rude behaviour. Were you raised to behave this way or dragged up?

You assume a toddler will play by the rules at all times?

Yeah right, good luck with that, for her safety you can’t expect a child to know what’s right and wrong. Also take note of what others have said about how to behave like a respectful adult to be an example for your dc.

Pebbledashery · 14/09/2021 14:37

You were both wrong.. How can you behave like that in front of your child?

SpareBread · 14/09/2021 14:37

I was raised not to swear. I'd still tell him to fuck off. Yes, you were probably in the wrong, but he didn't need to keep going on.

CheltenhamLady · 14/09/2021 14:38

@DearFatties

It's straight-up rude telling an elder/stranger to fuck off... did you're mother raise with no manners or would she be embarrased at how you behave?

What a load of bollocks. Who cares how old someone is? ‘Respect your elders’ is such trash. You should respect everyone equally, how we if some shows you disrespect then sometimes our nature gets the better of us. If some stranger was telling me how to parent and kept nagging repeatedly, I’d probably tell them to fuck off too, even if they were right. The guy said his piece, he should have dropped it. Just because he’s old and has a penis doesn’t give him the right to keep on at the OP. So bored of random people dishing out childcare advice like they know it all.

In your case OP it’s really hard to tell what was and wasn’t safe as I can’t picture it really. You say it was a car park so that could be completely quiet but then you mention trucks. But sorry you’ve had a shit morning and I hope it gets better.

It is rude to behave that way. If the OP was determined to ignore his advice she could have used less emotive language to get the point across. Gender/age is not relevant, using that kind of language is rude when it is uncalled for. He wasn't 'disrespecting her he was trying to help. There is a difference.