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Parenting

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Original poster

Man told me I was putting my child in danger? I'm annoyed.

182 replies

Sophie1029734 · 14/09/2021 10:58

This is a rant more than anything but would be nice to hear from.others, what's your perspective?

I've gone to take my 19m old to her first play group but its shut for some reason, maybe ive gone to the wrong place but I'm already dissappintmented and have stuff on my mind. Instead I take her for a walk, Im about to have my first period since before pregnancy and my stomachs cramping like mad. I'm already in a bad mood.
I let her splash on a puddle just off the path, cars park there.. she was so close to the bath her leg was touching it. The roads further away so I didnt see an issue. It wasnt a main road, more like the average town road with lots of horses on either side. I had hold of her hood so if she tried anything she wouldnt be able to move away. We were also inbetween cars parked from the houses behind me. This man was repeating the same sentence "it's not wise you let her do that on the road with a truck going past" i pretended to not hear him as i tried moving away. I had to go past him. I turned around and said "how? Shes not on the road with traffic, shes on the area people use for parking?" He just made a face as if I was dumb, going no, it's not wise to do that (he said other stuff but I cant remeber, i was too annoyed). I say dont tell me how to parent and act as if you know better, she was safe. He said I know it's your child but you shoulsnt do that and whatever else I cant remeber. I said i know better (I said this in a response to something he said, cant remeber what but he laughed to himself which pissed me off) I walk off and raise me voice, told him to mind his own business and fuk off 😬 maybe not the best.
Was I in the wrong??

OP posts:

NotMaryWhitehouse · 14/09/2021 13:04

@Spanielsarepainless

Several times in the last week I have heard young mothers using the most appalling language in front of (and even to) their toddlers. Do they somehow think the children won't pick it up?

You're assuming the parents care......

ViciousJackdaw · 14/09/2021 13:04

[quote discombobulatedonion]@Sophie1029734

You have a sincere attitude problem. Something is making me think you're like this all the time, not just when you're in pain.[/quote]
I don't think she is.

OP has calmed down and been able to reflect on her behaviour. She realises that even though the man was annoying, she shouldn't have snapped. She wants to apologise.

If OP really did have a problem, she wouldn't be able to analyse herself like this.

Granllanog · 14/09/2021 13:04

Lovely example to set your daughter telling someone to fuck off!!!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting

twinningatlife · 14/09/2021 13:05

Just because you are a mother doesn't make your judgment on parenting superior to some else's - you don't always know best. Doesn't matter if it was a man or woman who commented. Just because he doesn't have a uterus doesn't mean that he shouldn't say something if he thought it was dangerous

Dixiechickonhols · 14/09/2021 13:06

He perceived danger you didn’t. Fact a stranger was concerned would make me reassess. He might be overtop or have experience eg knows a child killed in road but most people mean things well. Holding hood and close to road doesn’t sound safe. It’s an area cars park he might have seen speed they pull on or near miss in past. Toddlers can slip away so quickly.

lanthanum · 14/09/2021 13:09

I had a strict rule with mine at that age that you could never jump in puddles on the road, only ones on the pavement. Although there were undoubtedly times when it would have been safe, having a clear rule she knew to follow was more important.

(She was about 9 when we were out in the rain and I said to her that "when you're 9, and there are no cars and no small children watching, it's okay to jump in the puddles on the road". She was utterly delighted!)

stevalnamechanger · 14/09/2021 13:13

You were in the wrong sorry .

You also sound like a potty mouth - sorry not appropriate to swear in-front of children nor at strangers unless you are being attacked or in grave danger IMO 🤣 sorry

AuntMargo · 14/09/2021 13:14

Yea you were rude and arrogant in a nutshell !

Nocutenamesleft · 14/09/2021 13:17

I’d say yes

No road is really ever safe.

The man was concerned about her. Any person concerned for a child’s safety should always speak up. Telling him to F off probably raised flags with him. It would me.

But I think people should speak up if they perceive a child to be in danger.

Nocutenamesleft · 14/09/2021 13:19

@Bluntness100

Well basically he was right, and you didn’t need to abuse him. I’d also think about what you’re teaching your daughter in terms of both road safety and how to speak to people. Your reaction was unpleasant.

Not often I agree with @Bluntness100

But I completely agree

Think what you’re teaching her.

Plumtree391 · 14/09/2021 13:21

@ShingleBeach

If he perceived an actual danger, fair enough for him to mention it. He should have dropped it after you replied. You should not have told him to fuck off.

Yes. He wasn't being rude even if he was sticking his nose in your business. You were very rude! You just don't go around telling people to F off. I'm embarrassed for you.

butterry · 14/09/2021 13:23

Safety comes first, letting your child think playing in any part of the road or a car park is dangerous. I have drummed it into my children that you never play in a road, it's never acceptable and as they get older they need to understand that. The man was being kind by voicing his concern. Swearing in front of your child will only teach them it's okay to do the same and behave like that. They learn from your actions.

sunflowerstory · 14/09/2021 13:26

Don't teach your kid to play in places that cars belong.

PlanDeRaccordement · 14/09/2021 13:30

I'll always be with her so I would never allow her to dart on to the road to be ran over

This must be your first child....anyone who has actually raised toddlers know they are less predictable than a cat and certainly do not ask before dashing off.

I agree with the passer by. It is actually immaterial that it was a man instead of a woman. They were right, you we’re putting your child in unnecessary danger and teaching them to splash in puddles by the side of a road in a parking space between parked cars is not good. I’m sure there were puddles off the road. It’s not like it only rains on roads. You were definitely in the wrong to dismiss them because of their sex and to yell fuck off in front of your child.

QueeniesCroft · 14/09/2021 13:31

Toddlers aren't great with nuance, so while she may have been safe enough on that particular bit of road at that particular time, you have effectively taught her that Mummy lets her play on the road.

TinnedPotatoesRock · 14/09/2021 13:33

Fucking hell, OP has acknowledged she's in the wrong and that she shouldn't have told him to fuck off - stop with the pile on. There's a lot of bullies on here kicking a woman when she was having an off day, I'm sure you're all perfect

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/09/2021 13:37

@TinnedPotatoesRock

I agree op doesn't need any more pile on, but stop with the perfect parenting thing, it's just ridiculous.

Fundays12 · 14/09/2021 13:38

OP as a driver I don’t expect to pull in and see a toddler jumping in a puddle in a car park especially with a parent actively encouraging it. I do on my street expect to see kids cycling across the road but am very used to that so very slow. As a parent teaching kids road sense starts very young. If you let toddlers jump in the puddle on the road/car park your basically saying it’s ok. He maybe shouldn’t have carried on but you were rude.

discombobulatedonion · 14/09/2021 13:40

@ViciousJackdaw

Some of her responses to people on this thread are the reason I've made the assumption that she's like this all the time rather than just on rare occasions. She seems very rude and like she can do no wrong, IMHO.

Drinkingallthewine · 14/09/2021 13:40

My DP works in road safety and the tragedies he's seen because of something small going wrong would make him stick his beak in if he saw a child in a situation where a driver might not see them until it's too late. He wouldn't care if you told him to fuck off.

If you aren't a motorist there's a lot of situations where you don't see how children are impossible to spot while manoeuvring a car. And even if you are a motorist, it's only if you happen to have a job in the emergency services side of things that you may actually realise all the potential dangers.

For your DD, it's impossible to tell her say, that splashing in 'her' puddle on a weekend is fine but not on a Monday because the road is busier for example. Also toddlers wiggle easily out of jackets when parent's hold their hood or sleeve. They are very determined little creatures! I had one who was perfect until a certain age then just legged it every chance he got. Into roads, off paths, in busy department stores. It aged me no end, but we also did plenty of non-essential trips purely to drill into him about running off.

He's terrific now and a stickler for road safety - but he's still only 9 so he's holding my hand for the forseeable future whether he's too cool for it or not.

You over reacted, but you've had time to have a think about it and that's great. If you see the guy again, you can apologise for swearing at him, say you are going to find safer puddles from now on - and thank him for the timely reminder that it's never too early to teach road safety for kids. But after that, don't beat yourself up any more about it, ok?

JuneOsborne · 14/09/2021 13:42

Ah, op, I hope your day gets better.

Marcee · 14/09/2021 13:45

YABU

TertiusLydgate · 14/09/2021 13:46

You told him to fuck off? Classy.

I think you were being a bit daft, tbh.

Plumtree391 · 14/09/2021 13:47

Writing him a note would be a very nice gesture, CovidCovid, and he will appreciate it.

ThorsLeftNut · 14/09/2021 13:50

You’re in the wrong here.

Just because you’re watching and with your child doesn’t mean something bad wouldn’t have happened.

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