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Parenting

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Original poster

Man told me I was putting my child in danger? I'm annoyed.

182 replies

Sophie1029734 · 14/09/2021 10:58

This is a rant more than anything but would be nice to hear from.others, what's your perspective?

I've gone to take my 19m old to her first play group but its shut for some reason, maybe ive gone to the wrong place but I'm already dissappintmented and have stuff on my mind. Instead I take her for a walk, Im about to have my first period since before pregnancy and my stomachs cramping like mad. I'm already in a bad mood.
I let her splash on a puddle just off the path, cars park there.. she was so close to the bath her leg was touching it. The roads further away so I didnt see an issue. It wasnt a main road, more like the average town road with lots of horses on either side. I had hold of her hood so if she tried anything she wouldnt be able to move away. We were also inbetween cars parked from the houses behind me. This man was repeating the same sentence "it's not wise you let her do that on the road with a truck going past" i pretended to not hear him as i tried moving away. I had to go past him. I turned around and said "how? Shes not on the road with traffic, shes on the area people use for parking?" He just made a face as if I was dumb, going no, it's not wise to do that (he said other stuff but I cant remeber, i was too annoyed). I say dont tell me how to parent and act as if you know better, she was safe. He said I know it's your child but you shoulsnt do that and whatever else I cant remeber. I said i know better (I said this in a response to something he said, cant remeber what but he laughed to himself which pissed me off) I walk off and raise me voice, told him to mind his own business and fuk off 😬 maybe not the best.
Was I in the wrong??

OP posts:

purplecorkheart · 14/09/2021 11:31

I think you were in the wrong and your swearing disgusting. Children should not be playing in the road. Someone sitting in a car can easily reverse without see a small child. You claim that you know that your child would not run, you don't toddles are unpredictable and something they might see today is something that could make them blot tomorrow. Holding her by her hood is not great either. If she tries to run you could lose your grip or hurt her neck if she pulls away.

Maybe he should not have kept going on about it but you should not have sworn.

CiaoForNiao · 14/09/2021 11:35

The thing is. You know you weren't on a main road. You know the chances of a car pulling into that space are slim to none. Your DD doesn't. She's not old enough to understand "you can jump in puddles on this road but not that one" so the sensible thing to do is to teach her that you don't jump in puddles on any roads. In the same way she has to hold someone's hand to cross all roads. Until she's older and you can let her cross without holding on smaller roads. Building up to bigger ones.
He shouldn't have kept on at you. But you shouldn't have told him to fuck off either.

KidneyBeans · 14/09/2021 11:39

@CiaoForNiao

The thing is. You know you weren't on a main road. You know the chances of a car pulling into that space are slim to none. Your DD doesn't. She's not old enough to understand "you can jump in puddles on this road but not that one" so the sensible thing to do is to teach her that you don't jump in puddles on any roads. In the same way she has to hold someone's hand to cross all roads. Until she's older and you can let her cross without holding on smaller roads. Building up to bigger ones. He shouldn't have kept on at you. But you shouldn't have told him to fuck off either.

Exactly this.

If you let her play in the road, how is she supposed to learn that roads are dangerous?

Interested in this thread?

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1 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting

lawofdistraction · 14/09/2021 11:45

I'll always be with her

That's very unlikely and you're not teaching appropriate road safety.

CyclingIsNotOuting · 14/09/2021 11:45

You told someone to fuck off in front of your toddler? I find that more offensive then you letting them play in the car park/side of the road.

toughdaay · 14/09/2021 11:47

Yes you were wrong, but telling him to fuck off was rude too. What does that teach your DD? We all make mistakes and do things that are foolish with hindsight. I once left my sleeping baby in the car to walk my child up to school. I could see the car the entire time and it wasn't really far at all, maybe five or six car lengths. There is a backstory about why I left my baby in the car but it's not really relevant. Anyway when I came back there was a man stood next to my car and he really shouted at me. I was really embarrassed and angry but actually I thought about how it could have gone wrong later and just didn't do it again. Ultimately it doesn't matter OP. You did something a bit daft, listen to why people on here are saying it could be dangerous and don't do it again. Oh and don't swear at strangers while your DD is there.

MadameOvary81 · 14/09/2021 11:49

It's never nice when someone (especially a stranger) tells you how to parent your child. It would put my hackles up, too. With that said, it probably wasn't the best playground for the little one. Even when you think you know your child and that you have the situation under control, accidents happen.

Chalk it up to a bad day and move on.

LukeEvansWife · 14/09/2021 11:49

I think telling him to fuck off in front of your child is appalling

Rainallnight · 14/09/2021 11:50

I don’t know whether what you were doing is safe or not but I’ve noticed a huge increase in the number of people - always men - who think it’s ok to tell mums in public that they’re putting our kids in danger. It’s happened to me and friends numerous times over the past 18 months and it is driving me mad. We’ve never been doing anything dangerous, it’s just patronising behaviour from men telling mums they’re not doing their job properly.

I have a theory it’s a lockdown thing, because we’ve all been forced to spend more time outside with our DC, it’s more visible.

MushMonster · 14/09/2021 11:51

PP got it right.
It may have been safe in that spot at that time, but teach her rules that will apply to everything, at all times, as she is too little.
Puddle splashing, playing only in parks, gardens or paths with no traffic at all.
It is safer, easy message, clear.
He did not need to be so insistent, and you did not need to be stubborn and rude. Lesson learnt! I think parenting teaches parents as much as children

muddyford · 14/09/2021 11:55

Several times in the last week I have heard young mothers using the most appalling language in front of (and even to) their toddlers. Do they somehow think the children won't pick it up?

BorderlineHappy · 14/09/2021 11:56

Yes not really about your toddler running out.More about a car pulling in and not seeing her.Unless you are Usain Bolt,you would have no chance to get them out of the way.

idontlikealdi · 14/09/2021 11:57

It seems very odd to me to let a toddler play in the road, it just wouldn't cross my mind as thing to do.

SummerHouse · 14/09/2021 11:57

You were best placed to judge the danger, not him, not us.

I once had a bus driver offer what he called "a little bit of advice". He told me to take my buggy off backwards next time. I had nearly tipped DS onto the pavement. He was extremely condescending. It was my first time on a bus with a buggy. It was very annoying. All the more so because he was right.

AuntieMarys · 14/09/2021 11:58

You sound a right mare

Dozer · 14/09/2021 11:59

Yes, agree with PPs you were in the wrong. Poor choice of a location to play, safety wise, and a disproportionate reaction to the man who expressed concern - albeit his having been impolite!

Original poster

Sophie1029734 · 14/09/2021 11:59

I regret raising my voice and telling him to fuk off, in the moment It just came out and didnt think before i spoke.
Ive got in, sat down and thought about it all. I feel bad about it, I know where the guy lives so was thinking about writing a note saying sorry. He wasnt intent on being rude and starting an argument, he was expressing his concerns which now looking back were justifiable. I still dont think my little one was in danger, I trusted my judgement and I still do.. but I see why it wasnt the best choice and why he had his concerns. I feel bad about it tbh

OP posts:

TheUndoingProject · 14/09/2021 12:01

I think that’s a good idea OP.

If someone had concerns about my child’s (or indeed any child’s) safety then I’d much rather they spoke up. Your child’s well-being is much more important than your pride.

CoronaPeroni · 14/09/2021 12:02

Pps have said it was wrong for him to say anything. Op came on here to talk about it and has said that she will be aware in future. So it was actually a good thing he mentioned it.

godmum56 · 14/09/2021 12:02

I think an apology is a good idea too. Yes you were feeling in pain and fed up but that is no excuse really is it?

Oliveandsage · 14/09/2021 12:02

You were 100% unreasonable to swear at the man.

I also think, as a parent, it is your responsibility to ensure your child learns good road safety. You may think it's safe to do so in that situation, but your child doesn't know what makes a area safe to do it in, it is your responsibility to teach her that road safety applies in all areas

RisingSunn · 14/09/2021 12:02

I think he was right, but he should have really let it go.

Gazelda · 14/09/2021 12:04

@Sophie1029734

I regret raising my voice and telling him to fuk off, in the moment It just came out and didnt think before i spoke. Ive got in, sat down and thought about it all. I feel bad about it, I know where the guy lives so was thinking about writing a note saying sorry. He wasnt intent on being rude and starting an argument, he was expressing his concerns which now looking back were justifiable. I still dont think my little one was in danger, I trusted my judgement and I still do.. but I see why it wasnt the best choice and why he had his concerns. I feel bad about it tbh

Hey OP. Chalk this up to experience. You won't shout and swear in front of your toddler again. You won't let her play in the Road/car park. FWIW, even though your judgment that she wasn't in danger may be sound, I think posters are more concerned that you're letting her play in an area that should be completely off limits for play. Never let them think playing in the road is OK because one day it may not be OK. You've reflected and decided you could have handled this better. So put it behind you now. I hope your day gets better.

OceanTulip22 · 14/09/2021 12:04

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Highfivemum · 14/09/2021 12:05

Your teaching ur child that it is ok to come off the pavement to splash in a puddle. So next time
She may just walk into the road to do this as she thinks it is ok. I think u are wrong. Teach her the pavement is for walking and roads are not.
The man should if minded his own business but who knows if he has been a witness or worse still be personal involved with a child being hurt on the road. You shouldn’t have swore at him.

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