Any1 notice others are uncomfortable with breastfeeding toddlers?

[Sophie1029734]

I have an 18m old who breastfeeds. She needs it to sleep, may wake up thirsty for some milk, feeds multiple times in the day. It's her desicion to stop, whenever it happens I'll be happy she got to choose when.

I've become so disentised from boobs and sometimes find myself saying to family, think she wants some boob. I dont think about what I'm saying, im just so used to it. But for some reason it makes people so uncomfortable now that she is a toddler and not a baby.
For example, we were at her nans and she was walking around and said mamma boo boo. Everyone jumped in to say, no she said baby and wanted her doll. When the breastfeeding convo comes up, everyone's chatting about when they stopped etc I'll just make convo and say yh.. ill let her decide when to stop and the room goes silent. If LO mentions the word boob the room goes silent. A topic they didnt mind has become something that makes them uncomfortable and sometimes disgusted, I see it all over their face. My family couldnt care less and actively tell me it's an amazing thing, yet none of them were able to breastfeed and those so uncomfortable with the topic did or have watched close family do it.
Anyone else notice others become uncomfortable with you breastfeeding because your child is a toddler?

Can’t believe the anti breastfeeding here on mumsnet. It’s normal to feed to 2 years. We may not be in a third world country but so called third world countries are better at somethings than develop nations. History of a type of vaccination way before the west, infection control- think if we had asked the areas used to dealing with Ebola how much time and many lives we could have saved in this pandemic.
On a personal note I fed ds until he was 2.9 years and he never got a sickness bug even when I was vomiting with noro virus and he was holding my hair back as he wouldn’t leave me.
I’m still feeding dd at 13 months and I shall make sure I get my boobies out more frequently to normalise it!

Can’t believe the anti breastfeeding here on mumsnet. I

Unfortunately mn is a representation of the outside world and the problems we face those of us that we don’t stop bfing when others want us to.

I think she wants some boob is probably the bit people find a bit ick

The actually breast feeding I don't think is odd. 18 months is not that old

I think it's just Western society!

We're not used to seeing breastfeeding, our society was very prudish until quiet recently.

I breastfed until 12 months and would aim for the same again if I had a second. By that stage though it was only just before bed/nap where possibly (I work full time so wasn't around during the day).

I find it odd seeing older children breastfeed. I find it odd because I'm very rarely exposed to it. It's not our societies 'norm'. That does not make it wrong.
Breasts have been overly sexualised. We can't change that overnight. Their intended use has been forgotten or ignored by so many for so long.

Not that it's your job to educate, I'd be prepared to answer questions if people tell you it's weird. Have some responses up your sleeve. It sounds like you do tbf, you sound like you handle it well.

I don’t think boobs are for men. My boobs are mine. No-one else’s. They aren’t my child’s either.

I do find it bizarre when I see older kids breastfeeding on tap during the day. Not disgusting or wrong or in any sexualised way. Just, why? Going into full toddler age, 18 months plus I don’t really think children need to be breastfed during the day. They should be getting a full, balanced diet from food with milk as a drink for calcium & refreshment a couple times a day at most. My 18 month old has milk in the morning & at bed time. She has water the rest of the time. She doesn’t need the additional calories or sugar on her teeth from milk drinking during the day.

Each to their own though I suppose!

As for comfort, I give my child plenty. We cuddle all day long if she needs it! But milk is still just morning & bedtime..

Nah, doesn’t bother me at all, it’s about comfort as well as nutrition.

I did feel slightly ick at my friend still breastfeeding her 6YO.

There's a really good group/page on FB called "Breastfeeding Older Babies and Beyond" if you want some support/backup that what you are doing is perfectly normal.

People are weird about it. You’ll see all kinds of shit about how it’s unnecessary (like adults never do things that aren’t strictly necessary just for fun / comfort / whatever…), just for mum’s benefit (clearly not true), preventing independence (even if this were the case, toddlers aren’t actually meant to be independent) etc etc.

It’s part of the general anti-breastfeeding attitude in the U.K., I think. I remember posting on mumsnet once that I was struggling with breastfeeding and was told by so many posters to give up. When I said I really wanted to persevere some posters almost seemed angry and accused me of being a martyr for something that wasn’t even that important for my baby.

Breastfeeding toddlers is subject to the same attitude - that it actually doesn’t have any tangible benefit and it’s just an opportunity for mum to be smug and ostentatiously self-sacrificial.

Of course that’s nuts! Breastfeeding benefits children for as long as they do it, and natural term weaning is somewhere between the age of 4 and 7. There’s nothing remotely weird about it. It just makes people feel uncomfortable because of their own prejudices and self-doubt about their own choices. A person who was perfectly comfortable with their own feeding choices wouldn’t feel a moment of discomfort about someone’s else’s.

Breastfeeding may not be ‘necessary’ from a nutritional perspective, in that you can substitute it for alternatives. But why, if breastfeeding works for you? Why give them the milk of another animal instead of the milk perfectly designed for them? Why deny them the immunological benefits of breastfeeding? Why deny them the comfort and security of being able to feed in the way that has been their primary source of comfort since birth? Why deny yourself the ongoing protection from diabetes and breast cancer?

Extended breastfeeding is healthy, natural, beneficial to mother and baby, comforting, safe, convenient and free. That other people can know this and still feel weird about it is very much their problem, not yours!

@RiversideAnne thanks for your post !

I breastfed both my children until they were two. At home, out and about, everywhere! No one ever looked twice at me (and I wouldn't have given a toss if they did). Its a fantastic thing you are doing OP, well done. Hopefully, the more mothers who do this openly will normalise it and we can change the awful breastfeeding rates in the country.

Beyond a certain age it’s unnecessary to breast feed a child and a parent’s job is to help a child ultimately become independent.

Except it’s only western society that tells women not to BF.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a grown man latch on to his mothers nip to get to sleep. To say that every single human being is ready to give up something at the same point is ludicrous.

I'm not sure where this idea that a child who is still breastfeeding past the age of 1 doesn't also eat a healthy and appropriate range of solid food comes from. Lack of experience and limited imagination, I suppose. Admittedly my sample size is small, but my 18 mo eats very well, as well as breastfeeding (and no, he's not fat, before anyone asks!)

When I'm at work he happily does without breastmilk, but on our days together he does ask for mummy milk. Is it essential to his survival? No. It's it beneficial to him? My own experience and the evidence suggests that it continues to be.

Lots of posters saying it’s not ‘necessary’ to breastfeed an 18 month old - well it’s not ‘necessary’ to breastfeed a newborn either - both would be fairly fine on formula or cows milk, there are health benefits at both stages for Mum and baby breastfeeding, but OP wasn’t asking if it’s necessary or beneficial.
We have some of the worst breastfeeding rates in the world, and statistically close to zero term breastfeeding, so it is unusual to feed an older baby or toddler and unfortunately some people will be uncomfortable, and in a few that will lead to them being rude or obviously awkward. The same way lots of people are uncomfortable when you breastfeed a young baby.
Interestingly in my own circle 4 or 5 other women I know fed until 2 or 3 years, but they are also
doctors, I don’t know if they’re statistically more likely to feed longer but it feels normal in my social circle.

@RiversideAnne

I don’t think it’s anti bfing as such, more that if baby isn’t getting enough food or gaining weight, it does seem quite selfish for the mum to put their bfing goal before nourishing their baby

I also find the remarks about ‘low bfing rates’ to be odd. If you truly support a woman’s feeding choice then there is no ‘acceptable’ level of bfing - that’s your own projection of what you would find acceptable. Given formula is safe, nutritious and enables women to share the baby’s care or go back to work, why insist on an arbitrary level of bfing? That’s just as interfering as someone making disparaging remarks about someone bfing

Also comments about ‘western sociey’ influencing people. Of course it does, we live in it what do you expect?!

How on earth is a comment "babies over 6months being breastfed is weird" acceptable?

If you have a problem with older babies/toddlers and children breastfeeding then you need to recognise that this is 100% YOUR problem. We have been brainwashed by society to view breasts primarily as sexual objects.

Mother's should be able to wean from breastfeeding whenever the time is right for them and their child- be that 3 days, 6months, 3 years.

Denying your child something that is beneficial to their health, comforting, familiar and biologically normal is not going to promote their independence.

Feed until one of you decides you want to stop. It's less common to see an older infant being breastfed, so it's more noticeable.

DD was bf until just short of two, she wanted to feed on and off all the time and tbh it was all a bit much and I decided to stop.

Breastmilk is full of immune boosting stuff, it's still good for kids past 12 months and contains beneficial stuff they won't get elsewhere. I even read that if babies pick up a bug, it passes through their saliva on the mother's nipple, the mother's immune system makes antibodies which are secreted in milk and huzzah, the baby never even gets sick with the bug.

@PinkDaffodil2

Lots of posters saying it’s not ‘necessary’ to breastfeed an 18 month old - well it’s not ‘necessary’ to breastfeed a newborn either - both would be fairly fine on formula or cows milk, there are health benefits at both stages for Mum and baby breastfeeding, but OP wasn’t asking if it’s necessary or beneficial. We have some of the worst breastfeeding rates in the world, and statistically close to zero term breastfeeding, so it is unusual to feed an older baby or toddler and unfortunately some people will be uncomfortable, and in a few that will lead to them being rude or obviously awkward. The same way lots of people are uncomfortable when you breastfeed a young baby. Interestingly in my own circle 4 or 5 other women I know fed until 2 or 3 years, but they are also doctors, I don’t know if they’re statistically more likely to feed longer but it feels normal in my social circle.

Well educated, wealthier mothers are more likely to breastfeed in this country.

@SpikeDearheart

I'm not sure where this idea that a child who is still breastfeeding past the age of 1 doesn't also eat a healthy and appropriate range of solid food comes from. Lack of experience and limited imagination, I suppose. Admittedly my sample size is small, but my 18 mo eats very well, as well as breastfeeding (and no, he's not fat, before anyone asks!)

When I'm at work he happily does without breastmilk, but on our days together he does ask for mummy milk. Is it essential to his survival? No. It's it beneficial to him? My own experience and the evidence suggests that it continues to be.

90% of the people replying on this thread haven’t breastfed. This always happens on MN whenever someone tries to put up a post on bf / asking for bf support - it gets hijacked by formula evangelists

@Notgoodnews

Every year that you breastfed reduces your risk of invasive breast cancer by 6%, and furthermore reduces your risk of heart attack and diabetes - these benefits are extended to breastfeeding a toddler.

The antibodies in breastmilk increase after 1 year of age, offering additional protection to the increasingly independent toddler, from infectious gastroenteritis and also otitis media (ear infection). Breastfeeding continues to protect the toddler from obesity whilst offering a richer source of iron than cow's milk. Evidence shows that even when fed frequently toddlers take around 200ml/24h as a fixed volume, the idea that they "fill up" on breastmilk at the expense of nutritious foods is a myth. The same cannot be said of cow's milk and nutritional deficiency (particularly of iron) due to excessive cow's milk intake is commonplace.

All if the available evidence from anthropological and primate studies suggests that natural term weaning in human beings is somewhere between 2-7 years, the majority by 5 years. There are no breastfeeding 12 year olds anywhere in the world; there is absolutely no need for concern that your child will not eventually self wean. Considering the anthropological data, it's absolute hocum that natural term breastfeeding will impair your child's independence - its a totally normal part of child development in every part of the world throughout history really with the exception of our modern culture.

I'm sorry that you have experienced people's discomfort and ignorance in response to breastfeeding your toddler. It's not their fault as individuals - unfortunately the UK has an anti breastfeeding culture (part of a broader issue of not supporting and valuing mothers and chidren, whether they breastfeed or not; vast budgets spent on subtle formula marketing etc). You just need to draw boundaries if people are actually rude to you. "I'm continuing to breastfeed until x is ready, this isn't up for discussion". Have confidence and other people will question you less.

This

Honestly no. I breastfeed my 2.7yo and have never had a comment or an odd look. Family would br hypocrites anyway. I was breastfed for 18 months and MIL breastfed her eldest past three both in the 80’s.

I may be oblivious but the general public doesn’t seem to care either and yes I feed her whenever. I’d say at this age it’s 95% about comfort but that’s fine.

I get way more comments on the fact my 4yo has a dummy.

@olderthanyouthink

If the goal is independence why on earth of toddlers in nappies for longer and longer now? It used to be normal to be out of nappies around 1.5 years and now some people seem to thing that it's child abuse to potty train before they miraculously just decide to use a toilet at 3 or 4. If we're aiming for independence why is it so uncommon for toddlers to be allowed to help with household tasks?

Kids are babied so much now but milk from their mothers is weird passed 6 months.

(DD has been using the toilet and helping with food prep since nearly one, still breastfeeding at two and a half)

I read an article that suggest mothers who breastfeed / try to breastfeed, even if it’s just colostrum, are far more likely to invest the time it takes to potty train earlier too, and also invest more time in education. Potty training and breastfeeding are both linked to wealthier, well educated mothers.

I breastfed my eldest two DDs until they were around 3. However youngest DD only got 5 months because I spent a week in ICU, followed by 2 weeks on a ward. She’s 5 now and I still carry immense guilt and shame that she didn’t get what her siblings got.

@WhatsTheBFD

Guilt and shame???? Please don’t!!! The bfing health benefit is negligible and you did what your daughter needed at the time, despite your own wants. That makes you a wonderful mum!!