Any1 notice others are uncomfortable with breastfeeding toddlers?

[Sophie1029734]

I have an 18m old who breastfeeds. She needs it to sleep, may wake up thirsty for some milk, feeds multiple times in the day. It's her desicion to stop, whenever it happens I'll be happy she got to choose when.

I've become so disentised from boobs and sometimes find myself saying to family, think she wants some boob. I dont think about what I'm saying, im just so used to it. But for some reason it makes people so uncomfortable now that she is a toddler and not a baby.
For example, we were at her nans and she was walking around and said mamma boo boo. Everyone jumped in to say, no she said baby and wanted her doll. When the breastfeeding convo comes up, everyone's chatting about when they stopped etc I'll just make convo and say yh.. ill let her decide when to stop and the room goes silent. If LO mentions the word boob the room goes silent. A topic they didnt mind has become something that makes them uncomfortable and sometimes disgusted, I see it all over their face. My family couldnt care less and actively tell me it's an amazing thing, yet none of them were able to breastfeed and those so uncomfortable with the topic did or have watched close family do it.
Anyone else notice others become uncomfortable with you breastfeeding because your child is a toddler?

Think of it this way OP...

Loads of those people that you have seen show odd looks (or comment such on this thread!) actually have children who had a dummy until 2, or even 3. Twice as long as you have even been bf!

It's entirely natural for toddlers to want to bf for comfort or to use a dummy!

For some reason, people equate bf with milk only, yet find it 100% acceptable for a toddler to have the plastic equivalent in their mouth for much of the day or to put to sleep.

Sometimes people just need to look at things from the point of view of the toddler themselves, rather than where they are sitting.

I agree op, my family had very very strong opinions against me bf until my daughter was 2 as well. I did it anyway but was mindful of how they felt and wouldn’t just do it anywhere past a certain age. I felt even more judged by strangers.

Absolutely nothing wrong as far as I am concerned.

Women’s bodies are so sexualised in our culture, it’s sad that their actual biological purpose gets lost in that.

Cows udder milk is for baby cows. Human breast milk is for baby humans. The immune system takes years to fully develop and breast milk continues to support the child’s developing immune system hence WHO advice is to breast feed for the first two years for this reason.

I breast fed my children up to between two to two and a half years. I’d introduce the idea of breast feeding being for babies to encourage them to wean themselves. I didn’t breast feed in certain public spaces once they were over 12 months as I was aware others can be uncomfortable with it but all the women in my family breast fed until around 2 which made it easier and I read enough research to know I was doing the best thing even if our culture is a bit odd about it. I still find it weird how we find it acceptable to feed our babies milk made by cows for baby cows over human breast milk which adapts to each individual to also supply antibodies and immunity to their individual environments passed on through the milk. They’re still discovering things in breast milk they weren’t previously aware of and formula while completely fine just cannot support a child’s immune system in the same way.

One of my children needed a general anaesthetic under the age of one and breast milk counts as clear fluid so my daughter was able to feed as normal when she wanted both before and immediately after so wasn’t screaming with hunger and I wasn’t having to try to comfort her with just a dummy or water.

Maybe just be a bit more sensitive to those around you as that can help foster better cultural attitudes into bf to full term in the U.K.

Every year that you breastfed reduces your risk of invasive breast cancer by 6%, and furthermore reduces your risk of heart attack and diabetes - these benefits are extended to breastfeeding a toddler.

The antibodies in breastmilk increase after 1 year of age, offering additional protection to the increasingly independent toddler, from infectious gastroenteritis and also otitis media (ear infection). Breastfeeding continues to protect the toddler from obesity whilst offering a richer source of iron than cow's milk. Evidence shows that even when fed frequently toddlers take around 200ml/24h as a fixed volume, the idea that they "fill up" on breastmilk at the expense of nutritious foods is a myth. The same cannot be said of cow's milk and nutritional deficiency (particularly of iron) due to excessive cow's milk intake is commonplace.

All if the available evidence from anthropological and primate studies suggests that natural term weaning in human beings is somewhere between 2-7 years, the majority by 5 years. There are no breastfeeding 12 year olds anywhere in the world; there is absolutely no need for concern that your child will not eventually self wean. Considering the anthropological data, it's absolute hocum that natural term breastfeeding will impair your child's independence - its a totally normal part of child development in every part of the world throughout history really with the exception of our modern culture.

I'm sorry that you have experienced people's discomfort and ignorance in response to breastfeeding your toddler. It's not their fault as individuals - unfortunately the UK has an anti breastfeeding culture (part of a broader issue of not supporting and valuing mothers and chidren, whether they breastfeed or not; vast budgets spent on subtle formula marketing etc). You just need to draw boundaries if people are actually rude to you. "I'm continuing to breastfeed until x is ready, this isn't up for discussion". Have confidence and other people will question you less.

At her age i'd have thought breast feeding at night and maybe a bit in the morning, would be enough. I'm not sure about her letting you know when she has enough of breastfeeding, it's a habit for her now and she could go on indefinitely - that does happen.

If she is eating and drinking normally all day, why does she need to keep asking you to pull out your boobs for her? What you are doing is demand feeding an eighteen month old as if she was a new born.

My dc is 18 months and still going strong. She doesn't say boob or milk and has other ways of letting me know she wants to feed. Yes have had quite a bit of judgment once she hits 1. Funny how everyone wants to follow WHO advice for covid but not breastfeeding.

I honestly can't believe people think cows milk would be a better option.

@Anordinarymum

Breast is best. That's what they say. Some women can't breastfeed no matter how they try. Some women don't want to for varying reasons. That's what formula is for.

So, for those children who are bottle fed - why don't we see them drinking from a titty bottle when they are older, given that breast is a comfort thing and so the bottle being a substitute for the breast is also a source of comfort? No?

Did you never see a child with a dummy and all of the inventive ways people try to stop their older children having one?

@Notgoodnews

Every year that you breastfed reduces your risk of invasive breast cancer by 6%, and furthermore reduces your risk of heart attack and diabetes - these benefits are extended to breastfeeding a toddler.

The antibodies in breastmilk increase after 1 year of age, offering additional protection to the increasingly independent toddler, from infectious gastroenteritis and also otitis media (ear infection). Breastfeeding continues to protect the toddler from obesity whilst offering a richer source of iron than cow's milk. Evidence shows that even when fed frequently toddlers take around 200ml/24h as a fixed volume, the idea that they "fill up" on breastmilk at the expense of nutritious foods is a myth. The same cannot be said of cow's milk and nutritional deficiency (particularly of iron) due to excessive cow's milk intake is commonplace.

All if the available evidence from anthropological and primate studies suggests that natural term weaning in human beings is somewhere between 2-7 years, the majority by 5 years. There are no breastfeeding 12 year olds anywhere in the world; there is absolutely no need for concern that your child will not eventually self wean. Considering the anthropological data, it's absolute hocum that natural term breastfeeding will impair your child's independence - its a totally normal part of child development in every part of the world throughout history really with the exception of our modern culture.

I'm sorry that you have experienced people's discomfort and ignorance in response to breastfeeding your toddler. It's not their fault as individuals - unfortunately the UK has an anti breastfeeding culture (part of a broader issue of not supporting and valuing mothers and chidren, whether they breastfeed or not; vast budgets spent on subtle formula marketing etc). You just need to draw boundaries if people are actually rude to you. "I'm continuing to breastfeed until x is ready, this isn't up for discussion". Have confidence and other people will question you less.

All this. I'm glad I finally found a post with this information. We are finding out so much more about gut brain links and breastfeeding for longer is so good for this.

Imagine thinking it’s normal to feed your child milk made for and from a different species but not human milk.

Utterly archaic views on this thread. OP you are doing the absolute best for your daughter and your own health - keep on boobing (LOL) and to hell with the naysayers.

The WHO is a toothless tiger and I don't rate any advice from that organisation.

I agree with the PPs who have pointed out that human milk is better than cows' milk, but also think that it's good for the mother to wean their child as soon as they are comfortable taking solids, because the variety of solid foods provides a wider range of nutrients and also some roughage, which is vital to maintain bowel health. I'm unsure why any mother would let their child take the decision on this issue... it's tantamount to letting your child take ownership of your body, and surely encourages them to be overly clingy and controlling?

In many poor countries where women breastfeed for longer, it is partly because they don't have a choice due to lack of access to clean water/expensive formula feed/solid food. They would probably love to wean their children earlier, given the chance.

It’s strange to me that anyone would assume a breastfeeding toddler isn’t also eating a range of solid foods. My DD is 2.5 and tonight ate fish, rice and broccoli for dinner, and would have had the same regardless of whether or not she was still BFing.

OP, due to lockdowns I didn’t have to worry much about BFing in public for a while after my DD turned one. Then, last summer, we had plans to stay with friends and I realised that I didn’t want to feed her in front of everyone. (Not least because she kept demanding I have both breasts out so she could go back and forth between them, which is hardly practical on a friend’s sofa!) I used that opportunity to dramatically cut down on our feeds, which suited me anyway. Now she asks for milk first thing in the morning and at naptime. It’s a happy medium for us, and we’ll probably stop around the time she completely drops her nap. If you’re happy with the feeding relationship, then great. If not, it is absolutely possible to cut down on feeds while still BFing on more limited terms until your child is ready to stop. You should just do whatever feels right and comfortably for you and your child.

Do you know what,
As a mother of a DD who I tried and tried to bf (ultimately it all went to pot and she was bottle fed from 3 months) and now a DS who i worked so hard with to get breastfeeding established, I’m really disheartened that this attitude still prevails!

I worked so hard to get BF going, through tongue tie and reflux issues, and just when it starts to get easier at around 6 months people start to mention when are you stopping?!! My DS is now 15 months old and yes we are cutting down daytime feeds, I don’t really feed him much when out and I’m teaching him to fall asleep without mummy milk…. But that’s all at OUR pace. And he absolutely wouldn’t have been ready before.

Breastfeeding gives my son such security and comfort, why would i take it away for no discernible reason.

Having bottle fed one and then breastfed the second, I can whole heartedly say that breastfeeding is the number one best parenting tool I have. Nothing wrong at all with bottle feeding, but breastfeeding has been better for my second baby than bottle was for my first.

And those who think “it’s more for the mother at that age” - in my experience this is so far from the truth it’s hilarious. My toddler grabs, pulls, kicks, twists, wiggles his body off my lap while he’s feeding - it is not an enjoyable experience for me! What IS enjoyable is having something that will comfort him / make him feel secure abs also hydrate him when he’s ill.

He reacted really badly to his 1 yr vaccinations - high fever, wouldn’t eat, diarrhoea, wouldn’t drink water or cows milk either. I was sooo glad he was still breastfeeding as he stayed hydrated through all that.

A string of rather incoherent thoughts. And some anger. As if we need another stick to beat women with.

Op - tell people to mind their own tits!

Oh, also, regarding the issue of independence: my DD is wildly confident and independent. I sometimes wish she was slightly less so. She trusts me and knows she can always return to me if she feels uncertain, which I think gives her more confidence to try new things.

"They would probably love to wean their children earlier, given the chance."

Wow. This right here stinks of a superiority complex.

I disagree that OP needs to be "mindful" of DC using the word boob

Boob is not rude or offensive as a word or as a concept. Not in 2021!

I always thought I would stop by now and until last week, she was having 2 bottles of formula in the day and breastfed at night, ready to start nightweaning properly in a couple of months. But child had out of the blue started wanting nursing round the clock and it's hard to say no to (just under a year). So it's not always a case of it being the parents choice!

I don't understand why breasts can't also been seen as sexual. Complaints above about breasts 'being sexualised', largely for the pleasure of men.

The primary purpose of breasts is to supply milk.

But, Breasts can be sexual, sources of pleasure, as well as desire. The role of nipple/breast stimulation in influencing sexual arousal in both men and women during lovemaking.

Extended breastfeeding is a difficult issue. I'm not sure what age is the cut off, or why toddlers and young children breastfeeding at age 3 or 4, makes some uncomfortable, but it does. Even to women who may have themselves breastfed their dc.

@Notgoodnews

Every year that you breastfed reduces your risk of invasive breast cancer by 6%, and furthermore reduces your risk of heart attack and diabetes - these benefits are extended to breastfeeding a toddler.

The antibodies in breastmilk increase after 1 year of age, offering additional protection to the increasingly independent toddler, from infectious gastroenteritis and also otitis media (ear infection). Breastfeeding continues to protect the toddler from obesity whilst offering a richer source of iron than cow's milk. Evidence shows that even when fed frequently toddlers take around 200ml/24h as a fixed volume, the idea that they "fill up" on breastmilk at the expense of nutritious foods is a myth. The same cannot be said of cow's milk and nutritional deficiency (particularly of iron) due to excessive cow's milk intake is commonplace.

All if the available evidence from anthropological and primate studies suggests that natural term weaning in human beings is somewhere between 2-7 years, the majority by 5 years. There are no breastfeeding 12 year olds anywhere in the world; there is absolutely no need for concern that your child will not eventually self wean. Considering the anthropological data, it's absolute hocum that natural term breastfeeding will impair your child's independence - its a totally normal part of child development in every part of the world throughout history really with the exception of our modern culture.

I'm sorry that you have experienced people's discomfort and ignorance in response to breastfeeding your toddler. It's not their fault as individuals - unfortunately the UK has an anti breastfeeding culture (part of a broader issue of not supporting and valuing mothers and chidren, whether they breastfeed or not; vast budgets spent on subtle formula marketing etc). You just need to draw boundaries if people are actually rude to you. "I'm continuing to breastfeed until x is ready, this isn't up for discussion". Have confidence and other people will question you less.

Thank you for this fantastic post.

@Ionlydomassiveones

Beyond a certain age it’s unnecessary to breast feed a child and a parent’s job is to help a child ultimately become independent. Weaning is the start of that journey. If you still kept them in nappies or gave them teething rings beyond that developmental stage people would find that weird too.

But breastfeeding IS biologically and developmentally normal into childhood. It would be inappropriate to breastfeed a twelve year old but for a toddler it is totally normal. It is our culture that says otherwise.

@Plumtree391

At her age i'd have thought breast feeding at night and maybe a bit in the morning, would be enough. I'm not sure about her letting you know when she has enough of breastfeeding, it's a habit for her now and she could go on indefinitely - that does happen.

If she is eating and drinking normally all day, why does she need to keep asking you to pull out your boobs for her? What you are doing is demand feeding an eighteen month old as if she was a new born.

It does not go on indefinitely. The child’s jaw grows and adult teeth come in making it impossible for them to latch. Most children will self wean prior to that. I suggest you don’t try and speak with authority about something you clearly know nothing about.

Do you go around policing other adults, telling them that their one cup of tea is enough? I didn’t think so.

What a sad world we live in where people think it's 'weird' to breastfeed a toddler. The WHO recommend breastfeeding until 2 so how the heck can it be weird to breastfeed an 18 month old

I'm still bf my 21 month old and at around 15 months I managed to show him how to sign for milk when he wants a feed. He doesn't have too many words and I thought a sign was better than him yanking at my top! We only feed at home, unless he really hurts himself or he's ill etc. I had cut down to only sleepy feeds, but at around 19 months he got a really bad chest infection and start nursing more free again, so we've gone backwards a bit. I've started cutting back a bit more this week and it's going OK. But it's my choice and I'm trying not to rush him too much. My family are pretty good about it, if he makes his sign they ask me if I want their help distracting him but if he does feed they're still supportive and say it must be doing him good etc. My mil is a bit more judgey about it but ah well. I usually try to feed where it's just the 2 of us, like go upstairs or something, but that's just my preference.

I wanted to self wean my youngest. She decided to stop at 17 months. I was perfectly happy to go longer as I loved it.

Breastfeeding beyond 1 is fab if it's what mum and baby want to do.

Everyone else can just mind their own.

@Plumtree391

At her age i'd have thought breast feeding at night and maybe a bit in the morning, would be enough. I'm not sure about her letting you know when she has enough of breastfeeding, it's a habit for her now and she could go on indefinitely - that does happen.

If she is eating and drinking normally all day, why does she need to keep asking you to pull out your boobs for her? What you are doing is demand feeding an eighteen month old as if she was a new born.

Have you ever thought that breasts not only provide nutrition but also comfort for the children ? What’s wrong of giving some affection to a child if they demand it ?