Any1 notice others are uncomfortable with breastfeeding toddlers?

[Sophie1029734]

I have an 18m old who breastfeeds. She needs it to sleep, may wake up thirsty for some milk, feeds multiple times in the day. It's her desicion to stop, whenever it happens I'll be happy she got to choose when.

I've become so disentised from boobs and sometimes find myself saying to family, think she wants some boob. I dont think about what I'm saying, im just so used to it. But for some reason it makes people so uncomfortable now that she is a toddler and not a baby.
For example, we were at her nans and she was walking around and said mamma boo boo. Everyone jumped in to say, no she said baby and wanted her doll. When the breastfeeding convo comes up, everyone's chatting about when they stopped etc I'll just make convo and say yh.. ill let her decide when to stop and the room goes silent. If LO mentions the word boob the room goes silent. A topic they didnt mind has become something that makes them uncomfortable and sometimes disgusted, I see it all over their face. My family couldnt care less and actively tell me it's an amazing thing, yet none of them were able to breastfeed and those so uncomfortable with the topic did or have watched close family do it.
Anyone else notice others become uncomfortable with you breastfeeding because your child is a toddler?

What surprises me most of all, from this thread, is that mothers breast feed toddlers so often, when the kids are eating and drinking normally throughout the day. If it was morning and at bedtime, I'd understand it; probably would have done it too, had I been able to continue breast feeding. I can't imagine doing it all the time though and have to say, I've never seen it done with an older child (except one on the telly which I mentioned earlier, whose child was 9).

Can never understand people's negative opinions on something completely natural, the world has gone mad!
18 months is still so young, you keep going as long as you want and ignore the haters. The biological norm for weaning is much older than many in the uk feed for and WHO recommended bfing until 2.
No idea why the word boob is frowned upon 🤔 it's hardly an offensive term. My son is too young to ask (10 months), but his older sister does like to declare very loudly that her baby brother is having milk from mummy's boobies.

Putting whiskey in a child’s bottle would be reckless and illegal and is quite different to something that is just socially uncomfortable. I am entitled to my opinion just as she is entitled to feed her child until whatever age.

I think say breast feeding say an 8 year old would be a huge cause for concern. But breast feeding three year olds I'd say was like giving a 3 year old a dummy or babys bottle. Not age appropriate IMHO. They're not babies.

Why 3 but not 8?

Extended breastfeeding is really common amongst my circle of friends (we're not hippies!) I've been breastfeeding for nearly 5 years. My eldest until they were 3, and still feeding my 2.5yo. I've never noticed anyone looking weirdly at me/anyone objecting. Even my in-laws, who are very squeamish about anything to do with bodies/sex etc aren't phased when we talk about it (I am trying to put limits on not feeding outside our home anymore as I'm getting a bit over it!).

It's not weird. Other people have their opinions but it's completely normal, and I've found it surprisingly common.

Socially uncomfortable isn’t the same as ‘not right’, which is what you said. You said, you thought she was doing something wrong.

You’re not doing anything wrong, but people are often odd about breastfeeding (Although I too cringe at boob when used to describe breastfeeding - preferred to use milk myself!)

I breastfed my child for just over two years. The pandemic meant we weren’t really around many people for much of the period when she was aged between one and two, so didn’t face too much judgement.

But there seems to be lots of stereotypes rolled out on this thread about mothers who breastfeed for longer.

I went back to work at six months and my husband took shared parental leave (I expressed in work for about 30 mins a day and we topped up with a bit of formula if necessary), so there was more sharing of care in our family than any other I know. DC was a great eater, took to eating solids very well and I was very glad to encourage her. Her breastfeeding never impacted her eating. We stopped any formula top-ups around one and introduced some cows milk. At one, she was largely only nursing before bed and in the morning (unless ill). We kept that up for a year, before gradually reducing those feeds. It worked for us.

Logically, it seems sensible to me that the best milk for a human child is human milk. So I gave her that, but she also got some formula and drinks cows milk because that was convenient for us. But Breastfeeding gave her huge comfort and was a excellent parenting tool. I loved our quiet time together and was glad of the potential reduction in breast cancer risks for me (because I am at high risk). I agree with a previous poster who said it will be interesting to see what studies show about breast milk in the future.

But mostly I think mothers need to do what works for them.

Suprised she doesn't say bitty

@ProfessorPeach

Putting whiskey in a child’s bottle would be reckless and illegal and is quite different to something that is just socially uncomfortable. I am entitled to my opinion just as she is entitled to feed her child until whatever age.

What about gin? I understand that was quite common in some circles in years gone by, when gin was considered 'mother's ruin'.

@whatthejiggeries

Suprised she doesn't say bitty

Surprised you think that’s funny

There is an old joke that posits that the word “Boob” came about because it serves as a visual representation of what a pair of breasts look like from three key viewing angles: above (B), the front (oo) and the side (b) respectively.

To me the breastfeeding at 18 months is completely fine, but the 'wants some boob' is a bit... I don't know, just odd? Cringe maybe?

So many posters cringing at the use of 'boob', but it's just how parents often talk to their babies and toddlers isn't it? It's called motherese and we do it for all sorts of things. It's not surprising that it sounds infantile and peculiar to adults, but the adults are not the recipient of that language; the child is (or is using it) so does it matter? I mean... 'mother, may I please partake of your bosom nourishment?' or something thereabouts would sound 'off' coming from a toddler, no? Just saying.....

I don't know if it's already been said, but a reason I was given for not breastfeeding past a certain age was that the child will remember doing it. My Dd was 4 years and 10 months old when my milk supply stopped. I asked her a year or so later about it and she did not remember at all.

And bitty is just so,...ugh!

@Mumoblue

Everyone has a point where BF becomes weird and uncomfortable for them, people just vary in when that is.

While I personally wouldn’t BF a toddler, and might feel uncomfortable if I saw someone else doing it, I’d try my hardest not to make them aware of my discomfort- I realise it’s a “me” problem.
OP, if you’re happy with your decision to keep BF then just ignore any comments about it- I’m getting comments from my son’s grandparents about his dummy recently, and it’s just irritating.

Everyone’s got an opinion- but you’re the mum, so it’s up to you.

@Mumoblue Exactly - people have different opinions, but each mum has to do what's right for her and her child.

@Solo

I don't know if it's already been said, but a reason I was given for not breastfeeding past a certain age was that the child will remember doing it. My Dd was 4 years and 10 months old when my milk supply stopped. I asked her a year or so later about it and she did not remember at all.

And bitty is just so,...ugh!

Would it matter if the child had a vague memory of being breast fed? It's there in the memory bank even if not clear. I think it might be pleasant and comforting.

@Plumtree391 I think it would, yes. I think sometimes people have to take their mummy goggles off - given the amount of ‘ick’ replies on this thread, it’s not a massive leap to assume at least some of them will feel uncomfortable.

Seriously though, why is 3 okay but not 9? Or 12?

I don’t think remembering being breastfed is either particularly unusual or on any way inappropriate.

[quote Realyorkshiretea]@Plumtree391 I think it would, yes. I think sometimes people have to take their mummy goggles off - given the amount of ‘ick’ replies on this thread, it’s not a massive leap to assume at least some of them will feel uncomfortable.

Seriously though, why is 3 okay but not 9? Or 12?[/quote]
The natural weaning age is widely agreed by experts to be anywhere between 3 and 7 years old and in many, many cultures around the world this is indeed the norm. Children start to lose their milk (!) teeth and grow their adult teeth between these ages and once a child has their adult teeth, they can no longer latch on properly.

As for kids being able to remember it and finding it 'icky', all I can say is in that case there must be hundreds of thousands of traumatised children around the world.

@Somethingsnappy

That doesn’t really answer my question. If your friend told you she was still bfing her 11 or 12 year old, what would you think of that?

Children around the world don’t all live in western society. We don’t exist in a vacuum, of course we are shaped by our own societal norms.

[quote Realyorkshiretea]@Somethingsnappy

That doesn’t really answer my question. If your friend told you she was still bfing her 11 or 12 year old, what would you think of that?

Children around the world don’t all live in western society. We don’t exist in a vacuum, of course we are shaped by our own societal norms.[/quote]
I do see your point. But I suppose in my case, because I know a lot about natural term weaning, I would find 11 or 12 strange, yes. But that is because I know that that would indeed be pretty unnatural based on what I know about the subject. But I guess I'm not particularly representative of the general British population, so may not helpfully answer your question.

But why would you find 11 or 12 strange? The health benefits are still there, it doesn’t create emotional neediness, it doesn’t affect anyone else. So why would it be strange? Just because your norm is that bf should finish before 7, why does that make it strange?

I breastfed 2 of my 3 children (couldn't my first because of medical issues) until they were 2. With my youngest I went to a playgroup where one mother still openly fed her 6 year old, I admit I found that weird. To me once they were walking and talking it was too weird.

@Realyorkshiretea

But why would you find 11 or 12 strange? The health benefits are still there, it doesn’t create emotional neediness, it doesn’t affect anyone else. So why would it be strange? Just because your norm is that bf should finish before 7, why does that make it strange?

I think it would be ‘strange’ because by that age children are well on into asserting their independence, physically and psychologically from their parents — my nine year old gets rather irritable with anything he sees as ‘babying’ him, is very keen on his bodily independence etc.