Honest opinion would you work if you didn't have to?

[LifesTooShortYOLO]

No horrible comments please 🥲
I've had the privilege of being a stay at home mum as my husband is in a well paid job so it has allowed us to do that.
Previous to having my son I worked full time.
My DS is starting school in September and I have been looking at little part time jobs to give me something to do whilst DS is at school. I thought that I'm going to have a lot of spare time on my hands as me and DS do everything together every day so I figured I needed something to focus on and have some sort of routine and structure while he is at school.
I have been offered an interview for 2/3 days of 4 hour shifts during the week days.
What would you do?
Would you work if you DIDN'T have to? Honestly? And what would be your reasons for or for not?
Thank you for any help and advice ☺️

I do find that there have been quite a lot of assumptions about 'pensions, and being financially dependant on my husband'.

As a previous poster said which is a very valid point out money is 'ours' we've both trained and worked extremely hard to get to where we are today and everything we do we do as part of a team and I support my husband in many ways other than earning money.

See this is what makes me think this is more about wanting to see responses, than you actually making this decision.

You seem to have phrased the op in a particular way.

Of course if you are sahm money should be shared. But that's not the same as financial independence.

Most Sahms are not. The vast majority of sahms, do not have their own income. So why would the assumption be that you wouldn't. Especially, since you OP only mentioned your husband and income.

Assuming a sahp, had their own income, wouldn't make sense.

And while, I do believe if someone is a sahp the money should be shared. That's often not the case. Especially if the marriage ends. Many people who have been the sole wage earner, cut off their wage being 'our money' between separation and divorce.

Again, the vast majority of Sahp, do not have their own income stream. If the spouse leaves, and cuts off their access to money, life is incredibly difficult.

Obviously, financial independence changes that. So it doesn't apply to you.

The answers talking about you being financially dependent on your husband isn't an 'assumption' that people made.

You asked a question about working and finances and left out half of the financial picture.

They said that based on the information you gave.

@Hekatestorch

I do find that there have been quite a lot of assumptions about 'pensions, and being financially dependant on my husband'.

As a previous poster said which is a very valid point out money is 'ours' we've both trained and worked extremely hard to get to where we are today and everything we do we do as part of a team and I support my husband in many ways other than earning money.

See this is what makes me think this is more about wanting to see responses, than you actually making this decision.

You seem to have phrased the op in a particular way.

Of course if you are sahm money should be shared. But that's not the same as financial independence.

Most Sahms are not. The vast majority of sahms, do not have their own income. So why would the assumption be that you wouldn't. Especially, since you OP only mentioned your husband and income.

Assuming a sahp, had their own income, wouldn't make sense.

And while, I do believe if someone is a sahp the money should be shared. That's often not the case. Especially if the marriage ends. Many people who have been the sole wage earner, cut off their wage being 'our money' between separation and divorce.

Again, the vast majority of Sahp, do not have their own income stream. If the spouse leaves, and cuts off their access to money, life is incredibly difficult.

Obviously, financial independence changes that. So it doesn't apply to you.

The answers talking about you being financially dependent on your husband isn't an 'assumption' that people made.

You asked a question about working and finances and left out half of the financial picture.

They said that based on the information you gave.

We've no reason to doubt the OPs intentions. The fact that the replies have been full of assumptions and generalisations about sahms says more about Mumsnet than anything. Interesting your reply here is to assert the perils of being a sahm again.

Fyi I'm not a sahm myself. I just feel the op was simply asking wwyd and as usual posters have jumped straight to the negatives, many even telling her to get a career. Newsflash - not everyone wants a career and that's fine!

@Mybatteryisalwayslow is there a reason you keep popping up to explain the ops reasoning and intention? And why do you keep telling people what they can and can't think?

The op asked if people would work if their husbands earned alot. She only mentioned her husbands income.

Its not a massive leap to assume a sahp is financially dependent on their spouse. Because the majority are.

The op spoke about their financial situation but left a massive factor out.

The 'shared money' point I raised, isn't applicable to op because she has her own income. It wasn't aimed at the op.

I was saying that many women, me included, would still work, even if the money is viewed as 'joint' because of what happens if there's a separation. Often the money all of a sudden isn't joint anymore. It factors into the decision making process for lots of people. Op asked what we would but only provide half the Information.

The whole point of my post was that alot of the assumptions were made directly because of the Information given.

And yes, I absolutely can have questions about the motive of the post or the leaving out of information. I can also express, the reasons I feel that way which I did.

If I posted 'I am a single parent thinking of giving up work' people would post replies such as I should consider it might be difficult to return to the work place, living on benefits is tight, doing this without any income at all leaves my vulnerable, I could be taking a step back in my career and unable to get that back, I would have a poor pension. People would probably suggest I study from home so I can return to work with more qualifications etc.

I wouldn't get those responses if I posted 'I am single parent. My pension is already taken care of and I have a good income from shares and a ton of money in savings'. Most people would say 'go for it'.

Its 2 completely different situations.

As I said it was Not my intention to leave out information I purely wanted to know if you would work or not if you didn't have to I never even factored some of the reasons ie divorce or separation because that is not an issue for me and I naively thought that the question would be a simple one 😂
In my head it seemed straight forward, ie would you work for something to do and so you weren't bored.

No

[quote Hekatestorch]@Mybatteryisalwayslow is there a reason you keep popping up to explain the ops reasoning and intention? And why do you keep telling people what they can and can't think?

The op asked if people would work if their husbands earned alot. She only mentioned her husbands income.

Its not a massive leap to assume a sahp is financially dependent on their spouse. Because the majority are.

The op spoke about their financial situation but left a massive factor out.

The 'shared money' point I raised, isn't applicable to op because she has her own income. It wasn't aimed at the op.

I was saying that many women, me included, would still work, even if the money is viewed as 'joint' because of what happens if there's a separation. Often the money all of a sudden isn't joint anymore. It factors into the decision making process for lots of people. Op asked what we would but only provide half the Information.

The whole point of my post was that alot of the assumptions were made directly because of the Information given.

And yes, I absolutely can have questions about the motive of the post or the leaving out of information. I can also express, the reasons I feel that way which I did.

If I posted 'I am a single parent thinking of giving up work' people would post replies such as I should consider it might be difficult to return to the work place, living on benefits is tight, doing this without any income at all leaves my vulnerable, I could be taking a step back in my career and unable to get that back, I would have a poor pension. People would probably suggest I study from home so I can return to work with more qualifications etc.

I wouldn't get those responses if I posted 'I am single parent. My pension is already taken care of and I have a good income from shares and a ton of money in savings'. Most people would say 'go for it'.

Its 2 completely different situations.[/quote]
Never told you what you can and can't think. I happen to think you are 'one of those' (along with a few others on this thread). That's why I keep 'popping up' as you say.

What's 'one of those?' - snooty superior types who pop up on MN. They pop up on sahm threads, step parenting threads and often single parent threads. Basically any thread where people don't conform to social norms. They make condensing comments about other people's choices. On sahm threads in particular they love to inform people about how they should have a high flying career, a huge pension pot and beware of your husband as he might leave you if you don't work. You lot on here love to 'educate' these stupid women who chose not to work..far to stupid to realise the financial implications. Hence why you drop in comments about the shared pot that aren't even aimed at the OP...better make these points even when they aren't relevant hey!

Btw this comment isn't aimed at anyone who says they would work as they want to be financially independent. That's completely different from informing someone of the perils of their decision. That's just expressing how you feel.

@LifesTooShortYOLO

As I said it was Not my intention to leave out information I purely wanted to know if you would work or not if you didn't have to I never even factored some of the reasons ie divorce or separation because that is not an issue for me and I naively thought that the question would be a simple one 😂 In my head it seemed straight forward, ie would you work for something to do and so you weren't bored.

It's not naive. You asked a simple question. Your mistake was mentioning sahm. This site is full of prejudice against women who chose to stay at home. I bet if you just said you have money so don't need to work then replies would have been more straight forward

I wouldn't. I hated working. So I'm a SAHM and home educator, and while I educate my children I'm also educating myself about botany and gardening, and learning things about history that I didn't already know. It's great.

If we need more money I'd find a job. We don't so I won't.

It might be that when my children are older and self-direct their learning more then I find something I can do on a self-employed basis. But maybe instead I'll just spend more time growing more things in our garden and learning how to bake/cook more complicated food.

Hi OP, I think if the job is ok then I would go for it. I was in a similar position to you, I didn't work when my DC were little and now they're at school I work part-time even though I don't "need" to financially. In terms of school holidays, both my DC really enjoy sports activity clubs so they are more than happy to do those and at least by me working it covers the cost of the clubs. This summer I have taken 3 weeks off and they did/are doing sports clubs the other weeks so it works quite well. I think I'd be bored if I didn't work at all, but it depends on your situation and if have friends who also don't work who you can see during the week.

@Phyllis321 has summed it up nicely - that's how I feel. I need that Friday feeling and just wouldn't have it without work. Also, I'm not really into homemaking or anything like that beyond cookery, so to fill the time I'd probably just turn into an alcoholic.

Also, I'm not really into homemaking or anything like that beyond cookery, so to fill the time I'd probably just turn into an alcoholic.

This is me, except replace alcohol with MN!!

Not in my current job - teaching but would continue in my dream job - actor

@LloydColeandtheCoconuts

Not in my current job - teaching but would continue in my dream job - actor

Sorry I realise my post wasn't helpful. I'm happy not to have to rely on anyone financially

I don't have to work but I do through choice.

I'd need to be seriously rich before I'd give up entirely and even then I'd do volunteering do I could use my brain and not get bored.

Research has shown that generally working is good for you. There are of course caveats to that and it will depend massively on the job. I enjoy working. I don't love everything about my job but I think I am overall happier working. I have often thought if I won the lottery, I would continue volunteering there. Getting a job with those hours sounds perfect too!

I do, it's so bloody important for my sense of self worth and identity as someone other than mummy.

And I hate being financially dependent.

@DifferentHair

If I was in your shoes OP, I'd study or train for something worthwhile, rather than take a 'little job' which sounds a bit pathetic TBH.

Do you have any interests or passions that you could study at a higher level? If you do need an income one day that will set you up better and probably be more enjoyable than a 'little job'

Someone has to do those "little jobs" as you put it...

Who empties your bins? Feeds school children? Works behind a bar? I know. How pathetic, these little jobs🙄

If I didn’t have to work, so money was no object, I’d be able to do something I really wanted to do and not worry about how much it pays. Or even volunteer.
But only part time.

@HarrisMcCoo

I was quoting OP when I said 'little job', those are her words not mine. And as for your examples: 'Who empties your bins? Feeds school children? Works behind a bar? I know. How pathetic, these little jobs🙄'

Those jobs are done by professionals who in my experience take pride in their work, and don't self refer to their work as a 'little job'.

If anyone is being disrespectful to people in those lines of work, it's OP who is casually thinking about dabbling in something they rely on for income.

I don’t need to work but I love it. I absolutely could not go back to being a sahm. I could have done it if I’d found more sahp friends with broader interests to share together, but I found the longer everyone was off work the more insular our lives became and all we ever talked about was kids and schools and meal planning and our husbands and car seats and gym sessions etc etc . I needed much more stimulation mentally so I went back to work where I have that, and my sahp friendships are much healthier for it.

I love my job and would like to work more!

However, if I didn’t need the money and was taking a job I didn’t love for the sake of it, then no I’m not sure I would work.

I’d be trying to build up my CV in other ways, or develop my hobbies (which might be business ventures in the future or can just be hobbies!)

If I wanted to work again in the future then I would be trying to fill gaps in my CV though interesting experiences and volunteering.

If I thought I would never work again, then I would be trying to find hobbies that introduced me to new people and places and was intellectually stimulating.

I don’t get a sense of how much you liked working before you had kids OP.

Definitely work. At least part time. For quite a few reasons;

1. To feel like I have & purpose
2. Minimal interaction
3. If I were soooo rich, I'd just save my part time wages in a savings account or invest it.

[quote DifferentHair]@HarrisMcCoo

I was quoting OP when I said 'little job', those are her words not mine. And as for your examples: 'Who empties your bins? Feeds school children? Works behind a bar? I know. How pathetic, these little jobs🙄'

Those jobs are done by professionals who in my experience take pride in their work, and don't self refer to their work as a 'little job'.

If anyone is being disrespectful to people in those lines of work, it's OP who is casually thinking about dabbling in something they rely on for income. [/quote]
If anyone is being disrespectful to people in those lines of work, it's OP who is casually thinking about dabbling in something they rely on for income.

😂 Just when you think some of these comments couldn't get more ridiculous! How dare the OP 'dabble' in a job if she doesn't need an income! Would she be 'disrespectful' if she got a career type job too? Still doesn't need the income right? Honestly the OP can't win with some of you - don't work - criticised...try to get a job - it's disrespectful!

All this talk about 'little job' is silly. It's bloody obvious the OP meant a part time job with no stress and limited responsibility. Yet some posters feel it necessary to turn it into something it's not. Even telling her to get a career...maybe she doesn't want one! We do actually need people in this country to do non 'career' type jobs you know!

It's astonishing how some of you have replied on here...she simply asked if you didn't have to work would you? As pp pointed out I'm pretty sure the words sahm have had something to do with it...

@Mybatteryisalwayslow your comprehension is lacking.

You had a problem with a comment much further up because the you decided the op didn't mean what I took her to mean.

I clearly quoted another poster in that reply. So it was very clear it wasn't aimed at the Op. My reply wouldn't have even made sense, with what the op said.

You have decided you know why I am posting. But you are wrong.

I am not Informing anyone. I am sure op knows all sides of her options. I was speaking about why people gave the answers they did, in relation to the information given and why certain assumptions were made. AND also said, that since op gave the additional information the answers would be different. Because independent wealth, makes a massive difference in this situation.

I genuinely don't care if someone is a sahp. That's entirely their choice and everyone is trying to do what's best for them. But op asked what people would do in her situation. Her independent wealth will change most people's answers.

And assuming a sahp, doesn't have independent wealth, because they only mentioned their husbands income when talking about their financial position isn't a leap or wild assumption.