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Original poster

Honest opinion would you work if you didn't have to?

224 replies

LifesTooShortYOLO · 26/08/2021 16:50

No horrible comments please 🥲
I've had the privilege of being a stay at home mum as my husband is in a well paid job so it has allowed us to do that.
Previous to having my son I worked full time.
My DS is starting school in September and I have been looking at little part time jobs to give me something to do whilst DS is at school. I thought that I'm going to have a lot of spare time on my hands as me and DS do everything together every day so I figured I needed something to focus on and have some sort of routine and structure while he is at school.
I have been offered an interview for 2/3 days of 4 hour shifts during the week days.
What would you do?
Would you work if you DIDN'T have to? Honestly? And what would be your reasons for or for not?
Thank you for any help and advice ☺️

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Hekatestorch · 27/08/2021 09:14

Tbf I am confused why op is going back to work now. Her ds is starting school but, according to other threads also has a 6 month old.

Seems a strange time to go back to work after being a sahp, especially if you are independently wealthy.

Justgettingbye · 27/08/2021 09:22

@DwangelaForever

No, being a working mum is horrendous for mental health.
Not for me it isn't
IdblowJonSnow · 27/08/2021 09:34

Yes take it because you've had a long gap. If you don't like it you can leave or look for another job.

You're in a lovely position now but you just never know what's around the corner. Also, you might really enjoy it?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 27/08/2021 09:36

@DwangelaForever

No, being a working mum is horrendous for mental health.
GrinGrinGrin

This is genuinely one of the funniest things I've ever read on here.

Also hard to see how the DS will be disadvantaged or his mother will be massively stressed out if she works a whopping 8 hours a week, entirely while he's at school.

Sonarl · 27/08/2021 09:39

Yes. And apart from 4 X 1 year maternity leaves I always have done, since leaving university. I need a life outside of hone/kids/partner or I would have severe mental health issues (and not with my family). being a working mother has been great for me and my family.

DifferentHair · 27/08/2021 10:05

I would absolutely work.

I like using my brain and having a sense of accomplishment outside of child rearing. I think it's good for children to grow up watching their parents work and understanding the connection between work and money and choice.

I also would never feel comfortable being financially dependent on a man, I suppose it goes against my values and I wouldn't want to set that example for my children.

And if I'm completely honest- if I had a school aged child I suppose I would feel embarrassed and 'less' than other people for not working or doing something else if note. I would feel inadequate speaking with other men and women my age who I would feel are contributing more to society and their family than I am.

DifferentHair · 27/08/2021 10:07

If I was in your shoes OP, I'd study or train for something worthwhile, rather than take a 'little job' which sounds a bit pathetic TBH.

Do you have any interests or passions that you could study at a higher level? If you do need an income one day that will set you up better and probably be more enjoyable than a 'little job'

Scarby9 · 27/08/2021 10:10

Yes. I do now.
I like the variety, the interaction and the mental stimulation.

Scarby9 · 27/08/2021 10:11

If you don't have to work and you find you don't like it or it doesn't fit with your life, you can always leave.

Dancingonmoonlight · 27/08/2021 10:12

No and IMO the majority of those talking about financial independence do not have the choice about having to work and it’s just blabber and self talk.

The only thing I would advise is setting up a pension fund for yourself.

MzHz · 27/08/2021 10:18

I’ve worked all my life, and then a few years ago things changed for me for the better, I ended up losing the job I’d had for 6 years in a pretty traumatic way

Initially I had a lot to do at home, building work etc, but when that was over I got v bored.

So I got myself a pt job, wfh and a year on I’m still doing it, loving it! No it doesn’t pay huge amounts, but it means I have my own money to spend and save etc and most importantly my brain is kept busy

I found life shrank to very little, everyone I know works because I’d always worked so it was pretty lonely and there was nothing new

I did do lots of yoga for a while, but that’s just a healthy way of killing time really.

I’d advise you take the job, if you don’t like it, you can leave, there’s no pressure but I think from what you’ve said, you’ll feel better in yourself

Siracha · 27/08/2021 10:21

@LifesTooShortYOLO If I didn’t have to I wouldn’t

drpet49 · 27/08/2021 10:24

I would definitely always work

^Me too. I would be bored at home doing nothing all day long

user1471554720 · 27/08/2021 10:26

I would work part time if I didn't 'need' to work. I studied a subject in college and did professional exams related to this. I have always worked in this field and really enjoy it. My field is business related. If I ever won the lottery, I would buy a business, pay someone to run it, and work part time in an advisory role.

For me, it is not about earning money, but feeling that I have an interest away from dcs. I am introverted so getting involved in community groups may not suit me as well as working.

However, if I didn't need to work, I would not work in something in which I have no interest eg customer service, shop work, cooking.

Miseryl · 27/08/2021 10:34

Only if I independently wealthy via other means. I'd still have to do something though or I would get depressed. Maybe start my own business or do volunteer work.

Newmum29 · 27/08/2021 10:34

Yes. Parenting is harder than work and less rewarding.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 27/08/2021 10:44

Couldn't bear to live off someone else, I absolutely need my own money and a sense of independence.

We currently both have full time jobs, my DP also has a part time job plus we do our own full time childcare and have another baby on the way. We just about cope.

If I could have it any other way I'd work part time, get my DP to ditch the second job and I would love it if family bothered to help out once in a while.

In your situation OP, i would get a part time job just to give you your own independence and something else that's yours only.

Poppy709 · 27/08/2021 11:12

Yes I would work if I didn’t have to, I think part time working is perfect for me.
Like others have said OP, could you invest some time in some courses so you find something you enjoy? I am a teacher and enjoy my job and find it very rewarding.

Bluntness100 · 27/08/2021 11:26

@DwangelaForever

No, being a working mum is horrendous for mental health.
Do you think it’s just women who can’t cope or men too then? Is it horrific for a fathers mental health to work?

Staying at home doing childcare and domestic chores and having to rely on someone else to pay for me as an adult would have been horrific for my mental health. I had the option, I didn’t even consider it. As my husband didn’t consider him staying home.. And I think we provided good role models for our daughter. There’s nothing wrong with the house wife model once children are at school. But many women couldn’t stomach it.

Bluntness100 · 27/08/2021 11:28

@Dancingonmoonlight

No and IMO the majority of those talking about financial independence do not have the choice about having to work and it’s just blabber and self talk.

The only thing I would advise is setting up a pension fund for yourself.

Lol seriously? I can assure you mine is not blubber and I could have stopped, I chose to have a career, just like my husband, as bewildering as that is.😂
AColdDuncanGoodhew · 27/08/2021 11:28

Yeah I would, I work full time over 4 days just now but last year I was 2 days a week (12 hour shifts).

If I didn’t have to work I’d probably do 2-3 days a week within school hours, that’d suit me lovely!

AColdDuncanGoodhew · 27/08/2021 11:30

Forgot to add reasons why i’d work - for the routine, getting out the house, seeing and chatting to other people, money helps even if it were going into savings or for buying myself things.

evilharpy · 27/08/2021 11:32

If I was independently wealthy e.g. from inheritance or lottery win and knew I'd be able to retire comfortably - no, I wouldn't. At least not my main job, but I do some part time fitness instructing which I love and I'd still do that.

If I was financially dependent on a man - no way I'd give up work. Nobody knows what the future holds. I'd want to ensure I was protecting my own earning potential and funding some sort of retirement.

tiredanddangerous · 27/08/2021 11:34

I went back full time last year after 12 years as a sahm. We don't need the money now but what I do need is a pension.

My wages allow us to bump up our savings and get some work done on our house.

MaMelon · 27/08/2021 11:36

@Dancingonmoonlight

No and IMO the majority of those talking about financial independence do not have the choice about having to work and it’s just blabber and self talk.

The only thing I would advise is setting up a pension fund for yourself.

Nope, not blabber and self talk here. I’m sure many others feel the same.

Otoh, I don’t feel those who say no are blabbering - I believe they simply have a different viewpoint. See how that works?

So how do you envisage setting up and paying into a pension fund if you’re not earning - has another working adult to do that for you?