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Parenting

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Original poster

Honest opinion would you work if you didn't have to?

224 replies

LifesTooShortYOLO · 26/08/2021 16:50

No horrible comments please 🥲
I've had the privilege of being a stay at home mum as my husband is in a well paid job so it has allowed us to do that.
Previous to having my son I worked full time.
My DS is starting school in September and I have been looking at little part time jobs to give me something to do whilst DS is at school. I thought that I'm going to have a lot of spare time on my hands as me and DS do everything together every day so I figured I needed something to focus on and have some sort of routine and structure while he is at school.
I have been offered an interview for 2/3 days of 4 hour shifts during the week days.
What would you do?
Would you work if you DIDN'T have to? Honestly? And what would be your reasons for or for not?
Thank you for any help and advice ☺️

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 27/08/2021 06:56

Yes. I love what I do and it doesn't actually feel like work at all. I'm self employed (not the dreaded MLM 🤣) and it's great.

Would I work a job I didn't love if I didn't need the money? Hell no.

If you are fortunate enough to not need to take any job you can in order to pay bills then find something you are passionate about and do that.

Phun · 27/08/2021 06:59

@AmazinglyGraceless

I have been looking at little part time jobs to give me something to do

God I loathe this kind of description. Its like it's written straight from the 1950's.

If you want 'something to do' and don't need the money, get a hobby. No need to take a 'little part time job' which from the way you've described it doesn't sound like it has much going for it.

To be frank, if your dh upped and left you, 8 hours a week isn't going to do you much good anyhow so I wouldn't bother.

If on the other hand, you want a career, want a challenge, want to use your skills and improve them, want to be financially independent, then train or study and think of your long term goals.

All of this.

Originally · 27/08/2021 07:07

I work with a lot of men whose wives don't work.

You should hear the way they talk about them.

All this 'my hubby is happy for me to not work'...

...not always, he isnt.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

WaterBottle123 · 27/08/2021 07:10

But you DO need to work as you have no income of your own which makes you obscenely vulnerable in the event of divorce or death. And presumably no pension?

So your post doesn't make sense at all.

GoodnightGrandma · 27/08/2021 07:10

I was a SAHM for a couple of years and enjoyed it, but I started to crave adult company, and it’s nice to get a thank you occasionally !
So yes, I’d work even if I didn’t have to.

JuliaBlackberry · 27/08/2021 07:14

I would have a small part time job because I think it's good to have your own money. But I hate working and I can see why you don't want to!

Izzi0909 · 27/08/2021 07:15

No I wouldn’t..while the kids are young anyway. I think being a stay at home mum is massively undervalued in our culture and much better for kids development / security. May be biased as my mum went back to work when I was a few weeks old!

I’d probably do something like volunteering /
Something I enjoyed or just lots of nice hobbies! Don’t feel guilty, everyone’s different. Some people love their job, some people will be jealous and negative.

Mybatteryisalwayslow · 27/08/2021 07:54

@WaterBottle123

But you DO need to work as you have no income of your own which makes you obscenely vulnerable in the event of divorce or death. And presumably no pension?

So your post doesn't make sense at all.

Lots of presuming from your post!

Jent13c · 27/08/2021 07:57

I have been a SAHM while we were abroad and it really wasn't for me. I was disappointed and thought I'd love it. Even when I'd done a lot of social things at 5pm I was just sitting about waiting for my husband to get home. I was sad that all my colleagues were working and I couldn't.

If I didn't have to work I would work bank or agency, probably just 1 shift a week unless I fancied more. I know one nurse who did all agency and did 3 week contracts up the West Coast of Scotland at a time. If the kids were older I would be well up for that.

Original poster

LifesTooShortYOLO · 27/08/2021 08:20

@WaterBottle123

But you DO need to work as you have no income of your own which makes you obscenely vulnerable in the event of divorce or death. And presumably no pension?

So your post doesn't make sense at all.

Like I have tried to say in previous posts, it's not about the money its more about getting me out of the house to do something with other adults as I worry I may be bored as there's only so much housework and jobs around the home you can do to fill your time. I have a comfortable private pension, ISA and joint investment property's. We also both have life insurance.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 27/08/2021 08:23

That’s quite different though op. Your initial post made it sound like you were relying on your husband to pay for you. Howver you’re indepenently wealthy. In that instance many people wouldn’t work.

Hekatestorch · 27/08/2021 08:26

So you do have an independent income?

You have presented 2 very different situations.

DoubleTweenQueen · 27/08/2021 08:28

@LifesTooShortYOLO I don't understand why you're asking other people's opinions on the generality of being a sahp Vs working.
You seem to have found yourself a p/t job that would fit with you and your family, so I imagine you will try it on and see how it works for you?
You're just pulling out all the tired old sahp Vs WOHP comments. I don't imagine you really need anyone else's advice!

cricketmum84 · 27/08/2021 08:32

I would cut hours down if we could afford it. I don't think I would be able to not work though. I had 2 months of furlough earlier this year and I was bored out of my mind. I actually think my brain stopped working.

In an ideal world I would have married a millionaire and spend my days helping out in a cat rescue.

Mybatteryisalwayslow · 27/08/2021 08:33

[quote DoubleTweenQueen]@LifesTooShortYOLO I don't understand why you're asking other people's opinions on the generality of being a sahp Vs working.
You seem to have found yourself a p/t job that would fit with you and your family, so I imagine you will try it on and see how it works for you?
You're just pulling out all the tired old sahp Vs WOHP comments. I don't imagine you really need anyone else's advice![/quote]
Yes I agree. The thread is turning into lots of silly generalisations which isn't helpful. Best just give it a go and if you don't like it quit!

1AngelicFruitCake · 27/08/2021 08:36

I would because my own mum was a SAHM and doesn’t seem as ‘young’ as other parents who worked and kept up with a faster pace, had to get on with people different to them and had something to focus on outside of the family. Her experiences are quite narrow and it’s a shame for her. Although I benefitted massively from her being a SAHM, I do feel the ‘getting on with it’ that children who had to go to childcare did would have done me a lot of good as I really struggled becoming independent after having so much time devoted to me.

MeMumI · 27/08/2021 08:46

Hmm,

If I won the lottery, I would give up work and become an eternal student, living off my winnings and studying a range of degrees for the rest of my life.

But, failing that, I'd work. If I didn't need the money, I'd reduce my hours to three days a week. I'm currently okay, and working 4 days. Won't work full time, even though I'd earn more, I love my day off too much,

Wouldn't ever want to be dependent on a husband, largely because I detest housework and would not want to become responsible for that. I'd rather work than manage the house. Of course, if I won the lottery, I'd get a full time house keeper who would cook all my evening meals.

In your position, I'd work. Four hours twice a week is nothing.

When my children were little, I worked part time, term time around their school / preschool etc so we never needed childcare. My children now complain how hard done by they are because they never got to go to the cool after school club with their friends, and how much they missed out! Childcare is not always a bad thing.

Em2122 · 27/08/2021 08:56

She is still going to be financially dependent on a man whether she does a little part time job or not.

Aposterhasnoname · 27/08/2021 09:00

If I had an independent source of money, say a large inheritance or lottery win ,then no, but rely on a man for money, no fucking chance, and I don’t have a single shred of sympathy for anyone that chooses to do that, then is fucked when then split up.

Hekatestorch · 27/08/2021 09:04

I get the impression op started this thread to get people to say 'you should work'

See if she could start the sahm vs wohm mudslinging.

Then drip feed that, actually, she is financially independent. Just so she could say 'why do people assume sahm, never have their own wealth'

DwangelaForever · 27/08/2021 09:06

No, being a working mum is horrendous for mental health.

user1471523870 · 27/08/2021 09:07

@LifesTooShortYOLO

No horrible comments please 🥲 I've had the privilege of being a stay at home mum as my husband is in a well paid job so it has allowed us to do that. Previous to having my son I worked full time. My DS is starting school in September and I have been looking at little part time jobs to give me something to do whilst DS is at school. I thought that I'm going to have a lot of spare time on my hands as me and DS do everything together every day so I figured I needed something to focus on and have some sort of routine and structure while he is at school. I have been offered an interview for 2/3 days of 4 hour shifts during the week days. What would you do? Would you work if you DIDN'T have to? Honestly? And what would be your reasons for or for not? Thank you for any help and advice ☺️

I wouldn't work if I didn't have to, or I would choose a job I am really passionate about. My other half earning well is not a good enough reason for me. I would have to be in a situation where I have money from other sources.

MaMelon · 27/08/2021 09:08

@DwangelaForever

No, being a working mum is horrendous for mental health.

For your mental health maybe - for others being a SAHP is horrendous for mental health.

drspouse · 27/08/2021 09:11

I love my work (my colleagues... Not always!) which is a bit sad as we could probably manage on DH salary and his pension from a previous job and wait till my pension kicks in, and DS has extensive SEN and life would be much easier if we never had to find out of school care for him.

cricketmum84 · 27/08/2021 09:14

@DwangelaForever

No, being a working mum is horrendous for mental health.

I disagree. I think being a working mum (whatever hours you choose whether that's part time or full time) has a positive effect on your mental health. It helps you to grow and develop as a person.

Why should we spend 16 years only ever been known as "X's mum" rather than "Y the professional"?

The impact on mental health may be true for you but please don't make a sweeping generalisation and assume that applies to everyone.

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