Long term consequences of a baby not eating

[lavenderandwisteria]

I can’t get ds (8 months) to wean. I have arranged for the HV to see him but I’m not hugely confident she’ll be able to tell me anything I don’t already know.

What are the consequences if this continues?

Get THERE when they are ready* oops

You haven't done any damage! Please don't worry about it, and upset yourself.

HV's aren't really the know-alls they seem to be . Babies don't do things to schedule - if they did, they'd all be born on their due date, and learn to sit up, crawl, walk etc at exactly the same time!

I’m sorry if you feel some of us are trying to minimise your concerns. That wasn’t my intention and I can see why you’re worried - I just think it doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong. There’s nothing worse than anxiety where there’s grounds for being anxious, I find, and when your baby is out of sync with age related expectations, it can be really difficult.

I would push to speak to the HV, even though she probably won’t be able to provide any ideas that people haven’t suggested here.

It is normal for them to look leaner and slim off as they get mobile. DC2 was fat as butter at six months and is now a much slimmer and more proportioned toddler.

I don’t think your anxiety has damaged him - he may be picking up on it, he may not. For what it’s worth, I think if you can “fake it till you make it” in terms of being relaxed around mealtimes, that would be good. But I don’t think you’ve caused any damage by worrying. He may well catch up quite quickly once he does get going, or he may be slower to progress with food for a while.

Thanks. Hopefully he’ll get the hang of it but I do want to know what the potential problems are if he continues refusing food.

My 17 month old isn't an eater. She wasn't interested in food at all until 9/10 months. Even now she eats a couple of mouth fulls for maybe 2 meals and occasionally a snack.
The HV said that they would be concerned if she wasn't interested by 12 months and I spoke to her at 10 months. However I didn't ask what the referral route would be.
I still offer her every meal and now she's picking at bits I'm not too worried, she's just not a big foody. However she is no.4 so I'm quite a relaxed parent now. I would have worried far more with no.1 or 2.

It is really early days for him yet and as far as I know there are very few implications , certainly none of the professionals I spoke to when our baby wasn't eating were concerned about the lack of solids under 1. they were more concerned that nothing at all went in his mouth and he was very reluctant to touch anything wet or sticky.

Is there any chance he has reflux? If he does then it might actually hurt him to eat and swallow.

Have not read the full thread, first few pages but wanted to reassure you that there is likely no problem. It feels like a big issue, especially if you have friends who's children are eating 3 meals plus snacks and have reduced milk intake but there are lots like yours who just aren't ready.

How are all other milestones going? Does your child generally bring things to their mouth? Toys? Anything else in their hand? Do they babble like other babies their age? Are they able to pick things up? Are you seeing start of pincer grip? If answer to all these is mostly yes, then there is probably no problem at all.

Don't stress or worry, they will pick up on it and even less likely to eat. Just sit them down with you every meal time with something on their tray from the meal. Buttered toast is plenty. Have a clean mat on floor so can pick it up and give it back to them if it drops and just leave them to it while you eat. It is very likely that they will try at some point in the next 4 months when they are ready. Most important thing is no pressure and they are seeing you eat

I’m sorry op, this sounds really stressful and is obviously worrying you. Don’t be fobbed off by the HV, make sure she is weighing your little one regularly.

You may have already tried this, but what would he do if you got a tuff tray, stuck him in just a nappy and put things like cooked coloured spaghetti, custard and other food for sensory play. You say he puts toys in his mouth, so maybe treat it as a sensory toy and it could make him realise he can eat it?

Hi OP, this sounds like it has been a tough time for you and your little one. Lots of others seem to have given some helpful points and answered your original question about the consequences.
I was just hoping to send a message with something which could be helpful.
Would you consider sharing your little ones feeding and nap/sleeping routine? Or how many oz a day do they have? For example, are they too full from milk in the morning for first feed?
With my first child I did spoon fed purées and finger foods. With my second child (currently six months), family life and work are both hectic; my husband and I are both self employed and time together is always something we seems to be striving for. It means that our six month old has been so excited to sit with us and join us at the table. We try to make family meals on a weekend a fun place. I never really got around to making any purées, and just gave our child a plate of finger foods of exactly what we are having. Other than checking he's not choking, or losing too much food on the floor we almost haven't had time to notice him eating. My point, meant kindly and I hope not coming across as a critical comparison is that, as others have also suggested, are you able to really take the pressure off it all? Just serve whatever you are having, chat with your partner, if you can and they are there, or make small talk with your child about anything else! I know this sounds ridiculous! I often have meals with just my two children and chat about rubbish with the older one! He enjoys serving up food for himself, and me. He is a big child and generally likes food, but still has thinks he likes and won't try. We just generally are consistent, don't make issue etc.
Some other food posts about older children's eating may be useful - with similar tips and starting habits young. All about not pressuring to eat anything.
You mentioned that he clamps his mouth shut and turns head away. Does this mean you are trying to put food in his mouth? Are you able to try not doing this and let your baby choose? I sometimes put food into my little one's hand to hold. Or put something on cut in a strip standing on its end (if it will balance), so they can reach for and hold it themselves. Or even just leave an empty baby spoon (or one or your own safe pieces of cutlery), for then to hold and play with at the table. Pop some music on and have a dance before a meal, so it's a fun place to be and go to for supper.
Agree with the points about their high chair being at the table - so they're part of you and the family. One with a tray means they are set back and physically cast out. If the chair is causing too much drama at the moment, perhaps go back to a lap for meals at the moment. Let them get messy touching your food. Then maybe in a day or two put their chair in a different position and try a new set up.
My nephew is nearly four and struggled with food as a baby. He would physically choke and gag on anything that wasn't a purée. He was set back from his large family with a tray and almost seemed to use food as a way to get attention amongst his family. Perhaps if he had been up with everyone it would have been more inclusive. Now he does eat, but very much only the food of his choosing - fruit, processed white foods.

I hope I am not being patronising with suggestions and my experiences; especially when I am offering advice when you have only asked for future consequences.
Good luck and hope the rest of your day has gone well. Would love to hear how your little one gets ok.

Thanks, there are some really helpful pointers there but he really won’t engage with food. It’s a worry. We don’t have a table to eat at, it’s an office, so that obviously doesn’t help matters.

He has 5lz bottles, maybe 6-7 a day. I was trying to feed him in the morning but he wasn’t interested. He’s also waking up every hour at the moment which is odd and not napping well.

I hear you.
To answer your question directly which is the potential issues if he just never eats are:
Weight loss, malnutrition, speech and language delay. If he started to lose weight or develop any concerning symptoms you'd be referred to a paed before it got anywhere near dangerous. This won't happen though unless he had something underlying going on (no idea what. A paediatrician would be able to tell you)

OP, I've worked in HV'ing for a good few years. Lots of children aren't ready for solids at 8 months, it's not at all uncommon. Sometimes it just takes them a bit longer. If the HV is doing a home visit make sure you've told her before hand to bring scales (just incase, if you've only said you want weaning advice she probably won't automatically think to bring scales), so atleast then you can get an up to date weight plotted on his growth chart.

A few random bits of advice that you're probably already doing: Keep offering him 3 meals a day consistently. Even if it's a bit of the toast you're eating, a few bits of pasta off your plate, even if you know he won't touch it, just offer it.

Offer food in between bottle feeds so he's not starving hungry. Almost offer it as an activity rather than a meal.

He doesn't have to be strapped into a high chair if he hates it.

Eat together, when you offer him something, you take a bite too. If you're having lunch, let him sit and watch you eat with the same food infront of him. Model it for him.

He'll do it! He's just not interested at the moment, and that's ok.

Sorry - x posted.

I won't say any more as you have the HV coming who you can talk to properly.

Don’t know if this is if any help but we’ve just come out of dietician care. My little one was not interested in food , dropped some weight and was also waking every hour/90mins for feeds - absolutely exhausting. She had been refluxy as a younger baby and we’d been advised to feed little and often to help this. As a result the dietician felt she’d never learnt how to feel hungry and always wanted to be topped up. The dietician said that babies are very good and taking in the right amount of calories and my dd was taking all the calories she needed through milk (esp at night) and therefore had no interest in food. She advised I spaced out feeds (I was breastfeeding) during the day so that she got used to the feeling of being hungry and took bigger feeds. This had the knock on the effect that she slept better at night and then after a couple of weeks she began to be more interested in food. It wasn’t instant but she went from everything - literally every morsel- being dropped on the floor to her now eating a range of foods. She’s not the hugest eater in terms of quantity but we’re getting there. To give an idea of timeline we were referred at 6/7months and it was 9months before she really started eating properly.

Oh and the other thing I was told is that it is my responsibility to offer food at mealtimes. It is the baby’s responsibility to eat. They won’t starve themselves.

Does he have reflux at all? Also, what formula is he on?

@Capricornandproud

Havent rtft and will be flamed for this but I believe in the old fashioned ways. A spoon feed and when they’re showing no interested, a pink wafer bloody biscuit! I was the oldest cousin of about 2 dozen granchildren and would just be trying a bit of sweet yogurt on my (scrupulously clean) little finger in their gob before they could protest. You’ll SOON spark their interest. Once the get over that initial hurdle, soggy toast for a good old munch seems to work. Also, they still have bottles of milk well into toddler hood (or mine did) but I really did cut those down to make sure they were hungry.

I would insisit on getting him checked but quite simply to reassure YOU. He might never be someone that has a huge appetite. But until he can tell you I do understand that it is your cross to bear.

You're suggesting she weans her 8mo with... sugar???

Sugar??

@lavenderandwisteria I'm not sure if this will be helpful but I hope so.

My DD is 5.5 years now, she didn't eat any solids at all till she was over 3 years despite 'weaning' from 5 months. She does have medical conditions but I don't think that's relevant here, you are asking what happens if he continues to refuse to wean and I hope this is at least somewhat reassuring. Ofcourse I know that you know he will probably just start eating properly in the next month or so and none of this will apply.

Our experience
Short term: well meaning suggestions from all and sundry on how to get her to wean. Nothing helped.
Weight monitoring and eventually specialist high cal milk.
Continued weight and health monitoring.
Speech and Language input.
Eventually started to wean without any particular trigger at 3 years.

If she failed to gain weight despite the high cal formula (which also has extra vits and minerals) if would have been necessary to get calories into her with a tube down her nose (nasogastric) or in her tummy (gastrostomy). She continued to have bottles until very recently but it's perfectly possible to drink high cal formula from a cup too.

Hope that is more helpful than scary!!

Lots of messy play.

Sit him in washing up bowl with food stuff. Beans, rice pudding, custard (one at a time not mixed!)

Put some toys in.

Then just let him play.

Also try and stick with one method. If your going from BLW, to find her foods to pouches etc it could be quite overwhelming.

I know plenty of children who didn't eat until 2/3 and they all eat perfectly fine as teens.

@lavenderandwisteria

He clamps his mouth shut and turns his face away.

In the nicest possible way because your clearly distressed this is likely because he senses the tension and anxiety from you and therefore instead of eating it he's becoming anxious and refusing.

See above about fun play with food and taking the anxiety out of putting it in his op mouth.

My 13 month old is under the care of a dietician as wasn’t that interested in food, food messy play has helped tremendously! She didn’t entirely refuse but would have a bite and then be done.

I found all of the health visitors to be entirely useless but I asked my GP for a dieticians referral. We have a great dietician who was happy with what we’d been doing already but gave us some good tips.

He’s had a bit of an ella’s kitchen porridge pouch … maybe this is the start of things turning around?

@lavenderandwisteria

He’s had a bit of an ella’s kitchen porridge pouch … maybe this is the start of things turning around?

Amazing 👍

Keep going with a no pressure approach. Try not to be disheartened if he doesn't eat anything again for a fee days.

Best of luck

He knew you posted here and it was game over

If it is any consolation to you, my friends son was 8lbs at 1 year old. That’s not a typo. That was his birth weight. I could not believe it when she told me that, he spent his first year almost entirely in hospital, and his mother still gets upset talking about it. Well he suddenly started eating too and it all turned around, and he is in his 40s now, is extremely intelligent and has a great job, is 6ft tall, and has children of his own that are very good eaters .
That’s all true and I know the family really well. Time cures a lot of things with babies. All the best.

He really did. He’s actually eating a bit of cheese on toast. I mean most of it’s on the floor but … I’m trying not to cry in sheer relief!