MIL left son with strangers

[LaurenS26]

My Son is 15m, I work 4 days so he’s watched by my Mum and MIL for 2 days each. I feel very fortunate to have free childcare, he is the first Grandchild on both sides and they completely adore him, but today has me questioning my MIL.

MIL stopped by a cash and carry to pick up 1 item but due to a no under 16s policy they wouldn’t allow her in with my Son. She asked if she could pay for the item at the door (apparently very important she made the purchase right there and then), but they couldn’t do that and offered to watch my Son while she ran inside to pick up and pay for the item. My MIL then left my Son in the trolley with a few of the female staff at the front door while she ran inside.

She decided to tell me this information in front of my 2 BIL, their partners and my FIL so I really don’t feel like I was given an opportunity to process the information and react. Now that I’m home and thinking about the situation I feel sick to my stomach about all the things that could have happened.

My Husband is going to speak with her but I feel like she would do this again and just not tell us next time.

Am I overthinking this? Or is she completely in the wrong?

I can't believe the responses. There's a pandemic on. No one should be near your baby!

@5475878237NC

@5475878237NC

I can't believe the responses. There's a pandemic on. No one should be near your baby!

She would have been in the shop and going through the checkouts anyway if they allowed under 18s in, people would have been near the kid anyway

Good god in my day it was the norm to leave the baby in the pram unsupervised outside a shop while you went in. You’re way overreacting.

No it was fine. If you complained to me about this I'd say pay for a childminder you cf

OP I do understand. It wasn’t your MILs call to make. No matter if anyone would leave their own child with members of staff- they shouldn’t leave someone else’s child. I look after my DGC and I would NEVER leave them with anyone else. My DD and DDIL have entrusted ME to look after them, not anyone else!

I’d say the op is laughing her head off at the 7 pages of replies ..

@Hallyup6

I agree with you. My maternal instinct would never allow me to leave my young child with a random, unchecked staff member. So what if the business knows who they are? Plenty of people work with criminal records (or haven't been caught yet). I absolutely wouldn't be comfortable and can't believe that any mother would!

I guess most of us are lacking in maternal instinct then. God you sound smug, I hope you never need to unexpectably rely on the kindness of strangers.

@Holly60

OP I do understand. It wasn’t your MILs call to make. No matter if anyone would leave their own child with members of staff- they shouldn’t leave someone else’s child. I look after my DGC and I would NEVER leave them with anyone else. My DD and DDIL have entrusted ME to look after them, not anyone else!

Ever held a baby at an airport while the mother ran after the toddler?

Ever held a baby while the parent struggled with a foldaway buggy?

Ever held a baby for a parent while they brought the toddler to the loo?

I have. This is no different.

I think as a parent this is an ok decision to make if your comfortable with it. However as a grandparent this was not a decision for her to make and should not have left your son with strangers for any amount of time.
and
It wasn’t your MILs call to make. No matter if anyone would leave their own child with members of staff- they shouldn’t leave someone else’s child. I look after my DGC and I would NEVER leave them with anyone else.

I have to disagree.
If you leave your dc with a family member for full days of childcare, then you 100% have to trust that they will make decisions throughout each hour or each day they look after them that are safe and sensible. You have chosen "care from home" which has what I would see as the advantages of the child going out and about, doing everyday things that you would be doing it your were at home with them, and the person you have trusted will have to make all the hundreds of little decision we all make throughout every day, internally 'risk assessing' as they go.
Sometimes, they will make a decision that you might have made differently, but none of us can pre-empt every single little situation and leave a controlling list of instructions for every possible scenario.
You HAVE to trust the person, or you put your hand into your pocket and employ someone. (Keep in mind of course, anyone you employ might also make different decisions at any point from what you might.)

Overall, you have to decide if your MiL and you Mum are trustworthy, sensible people who love and want the best for your little one, or not.

Yes, you can let her know this makes you feel uncomfortable and ask her not to do it again, but she did nothing wrong by using her judgement and making a decision in the moment about what to do at that point. If you analyse everything and start adding to the list however, then you run the risk of her saying she won't do your childcare for you and where does that leave you ?

If it was one item she wouldn't have been long and the shop staff offered to watch him. More than one of them too. I wouldn't be worried.

I hear you. YANBU but, it's probably not a huge deal, either.

Me personally - I wouldn't be happy about it as, I would be thinking over and over in my head about my DD (21mo) who would likely be scared, not being with a familiar face and would be getting upset. For me, it's not necessarily the 'possible dangers' because, although its not impossible, it's unlikely that these women would allow your son to come to any harm.

Not sure if that was the same reason for you but, regardless of the reason you are upset. You are his mother and have the right to decide who you trust to take care of him. I get the impression from your wording that the item your MIL 'needed' was not urgent and so, I assume your reasoning is justified in that, she could have quite easily gone back the following day or even, later that day.

However, sounds like you have a pretty good deal on the free childcare front so, I wouldn't cut off your nose to spite your face! You're right for being miffed but, I don't think it is worth rocking the boat over.

:)

Yes, we all left our babies outside the shops in their prams. You'd come out and find them surrounded by elderly ladies all chatting to them and replacing the toys they had hurled over the side of the pram. Can anyone actually remember a baby being snatched from a pram because I can't and I'm in my 70s.

If she had thrust him into the arms of a passing jogger in the car park you'd have a point. But sitting in a trolley supervised by several female uniformed members of staff, sounds pretty safe to me. Not ideal, but not high risk.

You are over reacting-

I've only read a few of the replies on here and I must say I'm surprised. I wouldn't be happy either and I think it's really out of order for your MIL to leave the child she's caring for with shop staff . If she has chosen to do this with her own child, that would be up to her (although I wouldn't ) but no, she shouldn't have done this with your child .

If I was your MIL and you or your DH complained to me about this the offer of 2 days a week childcare would be instantly withdrawn.

Those of you wringing your hands over this - I feel for your overprotected DC, and also feel sorry for you as you seem to have a very skewed idea of the world and its dangers, and how I would hate to live like that.

It doesn't sound high risk to me tbh. I would have done it too.

Yup, total overreaction. I see in 7 pages the OP hasn’t replied yet so perhaps they know it.

@Mandalay246

If I was your MIL and you or your DH complained to me about this the offer of 2 days a week childcare would be instantly withdrawn.

Those of you wringing your hands over this - I feel for your overprotected DC, and also feel sorry for you as you seem to have a very skewed idea of the world and its dangers, and how I would hate to live like that.

Same. Any hint of this nonsense and I wouldn't be providing 2 days a week free childcare again.

I'd do the same as your MIL