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Original poster

MIL left son with strangers

171 replies

LaurenS26 · 16/07/2021 00:09

My Son is 15m, I work 4 days so he’s watched by my Mum and MIL for 2 days each. I feel very fortunate to have free childcare, he is the first Grandchild on both sides and they completely adore him, but today has me questioning my MIL.

MIL stopped by a cash and carry to pick up 1 item but due to a no under 16s policy they wouldn’t allow her in with my Son. She asked if she could pay for the item at the door (apparently very important she made the purchase right there and then), but they couldn’t do that and offered to watch my Son while she ran inside to pick up and pay for the item. My MIL then left my Son in the trolley with a few of the female staff at the front door while she ran inside.

She decided to tell me this information in front of my 2 BIL, their partners and my FIL so I really don’t feel like I was given an opportunity to process the information and react. Now that I’m home and thinking about the situation I feel sick to my stomach about all the things that could have happened.

My Husband is going to speak with her but I feel like she would do this again and just not tell us next time.

Am I overthinking this? Or is she completely in the wrong?

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 16/07/2021 01:45

I think your worries are overblown here unless you feel that this is a case of 'one more reason why leaving the baby with MIL is a terrible idea'.

LO was in the front of the shop and the shop assistants were keeping an eye, with presumably cctv recording everything. This wasn't random strangers in a dark alley.

LimeRedBanana · 16/07/2021 01:46

Well, you can’t help how you feel.

But wow. What did you think they were going to do with him?

worktrip · 16/07/2021 01:56

I understand how you feel, but you are overreacting as these were not random strangers as you imply. She mustn't do this again though as she would lose your trust.

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HappyMeal654 · 16/07/2021 02:05

I'd be upset too. Is it not something that could've waited? I wouldn't just leave my kid with staff if there was the opportunity to go back later or another day without him. Unlikely but anything can happen

Namechangeforthisquestion7 · 16/07/2021 02:06

Huge overreaction! They were store staff not strangers. Please don't get your DH to have a word about it. You'll just make your MIL feel bad unnecessarily. She's giving you free childcare for two days each week? Be grateful.

Getoutofbed25 · 16/07/2021 02:07

I think as a parent this is an ok decision to make if your comfortable with it. However as a grandparent this was not a decision for her to make and should not have left your son with strangers for any amount of time. I think DH should have a word and make it clear that whilst your child is in her care you don’t expect her to leave him with anyone else, times are very different to when she raised her family, if it was some time ago. Be prepared for her to be upset tho and possibly be reluctant to provide ongoing care. This is one of the issues with accepting unpaid family childcare, you sometimes need to suck it up to avoid upset if you are reliant on the care.
I wouldn’t be happy tho.

hulahops · 16/07/2021 02:24

I can't believe people would be ok with this. OP yanbu

1forAll74 · 16/07/2021 02:51

An over reaction to be sure. The lady staff were doing your MIL a helpful and nice favour, just doing the best in a difficult situation.

Oblomov21 · 16/07/2021 03:01

You will remember this thread in 18 years time, actually correct that, a few years time, OP and cringe at how PFB you were.

Llioed · 16/07/2021 03:17

I disagree with the majority of posters here. I would not have left my child with people at the front of the shop, nor would I be happy if my mum or MIL did this either.

This item your MIL had to purchase, could have waited.

I work in retail - what if there had been an issue with a violent shoplifter at the front doors? What if there had been an emergency within the shop that the staff (looking after your child) had to go back inside for?
I know these are “what if” questions but I wouldn’t risk it.

I know for a fact if I asked my mum (retired social worker) about this thread she would agree with me.

Not an overreaction OP - you/your DH needs to tell MIL this is not acceptable. IMO YANBU.

B1rthis · 16/07/2021 03:37

I think that there's more to the story than what your MIL is stating.
Why would a business discriminate against babies? It's not a pub refusing to sell alcohol. Telephone the cash and carry, complain about their policy and see if the story adds up.
Imagine if it had been you, you wouldn't have left your child with any strangers for any reason.

georgarina · 16/07/2021 03:51

what if there had been an issue with a violent shoplifter at the front doors? What if there had been an emergency within the shop that the staff (looking after your child) had to go back inside for?

That could all have happened if MIL had the baby and would be equally risky. Or what if she was pushing him past a drinks display and someone knocked it over and they fell? What if she was crossing the street and a car didn't stop? Etc

Major overreaction. He was at the front of the shop with multiple female staff members who didn't go anywhere. Non issue.

Thursa · 16/07/2021 04:00

Our eldest was born when we lived in Italy. There was a certain cafe we went to with him because the ladies who worked there would come and scoop him up to make a big fuss of him. It was great because we got to have our coffee in peace…

paddlingon · 16/07/2021 04:02

I am a currently registered social worker and this really isn't a social work issue in any way shape or form.

If you want professional childcare OP you need to put your hand in your wallet and pay for it.

It has been very normal to have women mind other women's children for short periods to allow them to carry out a small task. This is a variation of this.

It is fine to decide you only want the formal level of supervision a CM would give you but then you remove the burden of caring from your MIL and organize this.

Otherwise you have to be tolerant of a normal range of caring behaviors, things you might not do yourself but are socially ok for the majority, this is one of those.

Lullaby88 · 16/07/2021 04:27

I understand OP think id react similarly. If husband mentions this to her itl be good. Ur the mum and if this made you feel uncomfortable its your right to mention it

villainousbroodmare · 16/07/2021 04:47

Yab nuts. Absolutely, utterly ridiculous.

FortunesFave · 16/07/2021 05:27

YABU. They were shop staff....not randomers. But I do understand feeling a bit weird about MILs in general. After all, they're not OUR relatives but we're meant to just accept their judgement...and it's hard when you're a new Mother.

My MIL and I were once with DD who was toddling in a shopping centre. The lift stopped and opened and a man got out...as he got out, DD let go of MIL's hand and ran in...then MIL STEPPED BACK AND ALLOWED ANOTHER MAN TO GET IN!

Effectively cutting off DD from us both and leaving her in a lift aged about 18 months all alone with the doors about to shut. Rather than push in front of the man who'd shoved on...she stepped back leaving DD alone in a bloody lift!

I was SO mad. I had to contain myself...I got in the lift before the doors closed and MIL was oblivious. I thought twice after that about leaving her alone with DD I have to be honest.

Hallyup6 · 16/07/2021 05:30

I agree with you. My maternal instinct would never allow me to leave my young child with a random, unchecked staff member. So what if the business knows who they are? Plenty of people work with criminal records (or haven't been caught yet). I absolutely wouldn't be comfortable and can't believe that any mother would!

EmmaGrundyForPM · 16/07/2021 05:37

OP as others have said, you'll look back on this in a few years and laugh at how ridiculous you were.

If you're not happy with your MIL looking after your son, pay a childminder to do do instead.

insancerre · 16/07/2021 05:42

If you want professional childcare then you have to pay for it
Sorry but you are massively over reacting
You’ve got free childcare
You can’t complain about how your free childcarer looks after your child

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 16/07/2021 05:47

Yabu she left him with staff members

My grandad once left my sister in cash and carry , he got home before realising and had to go back for her. The staff gave her a teddy bear. Now that is bad!

Tinacollada · 16/07/2021 05:49

You need to get over it

romdowa · 16/07/2021 05:53

Yabu and I agree with other pp. Your mil left him with staff not child traffickers

Killahangilion · 16/07/2021 06:02

You posted at the wrong time of day OP.

YANBU at all.
There’s no way as a parent and granny, I’d do something stupid like that. As a grandparent, you’re more conscious that this is not your own child and I’d expect a grandparent to be more cautious and less blasé.

You don’t hand a baby over to a complete stranger to look after unless it’s a dire emergency and this wasn’t. Whatever the item was, it could wait.

I’d definitely ask your husband to have a word and start looking at back-up childcare options, just in case.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 16/07/2021 06:02

I also agree that if you're not happy with the care your MIL is providing, you need to pay for professional childcare.

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