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Original poster

MIL left son with strangers

171 replies

LaurenS26 · 16/07/2021 00:09

My Son is 15m, I work 4 days so he’s watched by my Mum and MIL for 2 days each. I feel very fortunate to have free childcare, he is the first Grandchild on both sides and they completely adore him, but today has me questioning my MIL.

MIL stopped by a cash and carry to pick up 1 item but due to a no under 16s policy they wouldn’t allow her in with my Son. She asked if she could pay for the item at the door (apparently very important she made the purchase right there and then), but they couldn’t do that and offered to watch my Son while she ran inside to pick up and pay for the item. My MIL then left my Son in the trolley with a few of the female staff at the front door while she ran inside.

She decided to tell me this information in front of my 2 BIL, their partners and my FIL so I really don’t feel like I was given an opportunity to process the information and react. Now that I’m home and thinking about the situation I feel sick to my stomach about all the things that could have happened.

My Husband is going to speak with her but I feel like she would do this again and just not tell us next time.

Am I overthinking this? Or is she completely in the wrong?

OP posts:
DinosaurDiana · 16/07/2021 07:06

It was staff, not a stranger.
A Sainsbury’s employee held my baby while I went for a wee once. She was made up as it had been many years since she had held a baby !

Howcanthisbe123 · 16/07/2021 07:07

First baby, it’s all new and your in over protective mode, I can completely understand why you were so cross and feel the way you feel, but even though you don’t think so, it’s not a thing and you are over reacting.

In 10 years time when/if you have more children you will look back at this and cringe slightly, but that’s ok, all parents have a cringe moment they look back on and there are even threads about this very subject in here and they are a great laugh!

boomwhacker · 16/07/2021 07:12

I am amazed at some of these posts and agree with those who are saying YADNBU. There is no way I would have left either of my children with random staff- who are, indeed, strangers about whom you know nothing. Supermarkets do not, in the main, operate crèche services. The staff would in no way be able to focus on the safe care of a child should a customer need serving or an issue arise, and frankly, it's outrageous to expect that of them. They would be uninsured to offer childcare, lacking a DBS and with who knows what background/skills. You wouldn't leave a child in a nursery in those circumstances so why the hell would you leave them with staff in a supermarket? The MIL does two days per week of childcare, leaving 5 days for her to do her shopping. Honestly OP- pay for childcare. That way, you will always have decent quality care that you are in control of. I guarantee that no childminder or nursery staff member would leave your child with a stranger when they were in their care, and if they did, you, and all the others who have no issue with it on this thread, would find an alternative provider.

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Clymene · 16/07/2021 07:15

It's a total overreaction. Pay for childcare if you want people whose focus will be 100% on looking after your child rather than people who adore him but will be caring for him whilst also getting on with day to day life.

Anonymum30 · 16/07/2021 07:15

I would've felt the same as you. Just because you have family helping with childcare doesn't mean that you give up the right to determine how your child is looked after, it just makes navigating this more difficult because of the relationship you have with your MIL. I'm sorry other posters have jumped on you and been so judgemental. Mostly they sound jealous of the fact that you have good family support which is their issue and not yours.

Clymene · 16/07/2021 07:16

And can I remind people that I'd imagine that when MIL was young people used to leave babies outside shops on their own. For ages.

QuillBill · 16/07/2021 07:17

It wasn't a supermarket, it was a cash and carry. It's different because there are people outside on the door and it's different because it happens often in cash and carries and it's different because if you're using a cash-and-carry you probably have a business and if you don't go and get the item that you need for your business you can't run a business properly that day. It's not the same as running out of milk and just managing without that milk for the day. You can't run a fish and chip shop without potatoes for example.

Insertfunnyname · 16/07/2021 07:17

You’re overreacting. She left him with a group of female staff members. Sitting safely in a trolley!

JustATypo · 16/07/2021 07:21

What in earth do you think could go wrong by leaving a young child with a few staff members in the store for a few mins? I think you might need some help with anxiety or understanding what is risky behaviour (which this ISN’T) by getting sick to your stomach about it. Please don’t be that batshit mother and make your husband have a go at MIL, you’ll both sound mad. From your thread title I though she must have found random strangers in a dark alley and dumped him on them while she went of and for a few hours.

Chittychittybangbang123 · 16/07/2021 07:24

Over-reaction, PFB, sorry.
She left them with a few members of staff for a few minutes and I'm sure your toddler enjoyed being cooed over.

Condensedmilkandbanana · 16/07/2021 07:28

I was all ready to say YANBU from thread title. But read post, YABU.
Agree with above post, don't you/husband have a go at MIL, you'll both look a bit unhinged and potentially loose the free childcare.
This is a non-issue, I'm assuming she just mentioned that the staff were helpful there and watched them, otherwise I cannot see the need to mention it!

Hallyup6 · 16/07/2021 07:29

@caughtinanet I assumed someone was going to make a comment about nursery staff so was referring to a crb. And, as an example (albeit a rare one, I'm sure), our Hermes driver was lovely with my children, delivered for years, would neve have thought there was an issue. He's now in jail for inappropriate behaviour with children. You can never be too careful.

Ragwort · 16/07/2021 07:29

Ridiculous overreaction.

Mandalay246 · 16/07/2021 07:30

I have been a receptionist for many years, and have lost count of the number of times people have left their babies with me while they've had to duck out to the car, go to the loo etc., and I have been a complete stranger. It's perfectly normal and you are massively over reacting.

Clangerschick · 16/07/2021 07:33

You’re completely mad to be even thinking of saying something to her over this totally non event. If you want your kid under lock and key pay to put them in a nursery.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 16/07/2021 07:36

It's a total non-event, they were staff so hardly going to run off with him.

Booger123 · 16/07/2021 07:38

She should not have left the toddler. Nothing in a shop is that important.

You get what you pay for, get some professional childcare.

WhoNeedsaManOfTheWorld · 16/07/2021 07:40

Bloody hell. I thought you were going to say she left him with a neighbour and went out for the day
You are being ridiculous

AnxiousWeirdo · 16/07/2021 07:42

I thought she'd left him with random members of the public at first so I was all geared up for "what the hell is MIL playing at?!"

However, staff at a store is a completely different thing, I've regularly been left holding babies / young children at every supermarket job I've had (usually a dump and run scenario if they've forgotten something). You're overreacting op.

AnotherDayAnotherCake · 16/07/2021 07:43

Context is everything here.

Staff members for 5 minutes while she pays? YABU.

A stranger in the park while she gets her nails done? YANBU.

Mrstreehouse · 16/07/2021 07:43

I think you need to get it in to perspective and to the poster who said it’s not a problem to be protective over your children, we’ll no it’s not but being massively over protective is quite different and can cause more harm that good in the long wrong. You need to assess risk and that’s what your MIL did. This feeling that the world is out to ‘harm my baby’ is not healthy. The news has made us all super anxious and wary but is not a true reflection of society as a whole. They were not random strangers and sound like there were more than one of them. Incredibly Unlikely they would cause harm ( not entirely sure what kind of harm or damage you are perceiving could have taken place) when they are at work. Baby was fine and if you are uncomfortable with this scenario maybe you need to have a gentle word with MIL and reset your boundaries. However I think you need to relax a bit with your attitude and realise it’s not the end of the world.

Blippibloppi · 16/07/2021 07:44

@Clymene

And can I remind people that I'd imagine that when MIL was young people used to leave babies outside shops on their own. For ages.
This. Accessibility is so much better than it was when I was a baby in the early 80s. Always left outside a shop because mum couldn't get the pram in. DH was left outside the supermarket once as DMIL forgot about him and walked home with the shopping.
lollipopsandrainbows · 16/07/2021 07:46

Flip it around and think of other situations you might end up in. My child threw up all over in Shoe Zone one year. I was in a large shopping complex, around an hours drive from my home. She was absolutely covered in it. The pram was saturated. It was a mess. The ladies in the shop were brilliant. They went and fetched blue roll and wiped down my child as I held her in my arms. Two other ladies were wiping the pram best they could. They then took me and my child into the back office so we could strip off her clothes and get her down to the nappy. Then one of the ladies suggested I run to primark and buy some clean baby grows, so I could get her home in clean and warm clothes. Primark was 3 shops down, then there's queues etc. My brain debated what to do, but let's face it, I couldn't take my child home in that state, so I took them up on it and legged it to primark, leaving her with the Shoe Zone ladies. I was only a few minutes, but when I got back they had her cradled in a towel, the pram was as clean as it could be, and my daughter was perfectly fine. One of the ladies then walked with me to the car park and helped me fold the pram.
So, those at the store were just trying to be kind and helpful. Yes some people can be untrustworthy, but do we really live in a society where we think something terrible is going to happen to our child when not in our sight? I wrote a card to those shoe zone ladies and I'll always be forever grateful for the care they gave that day.
On the drive home she threw up again, and as I was a single parent I drove to my dads house and asked him for help to clear things up. I can say 100% he was not as keen or as helpful as the Shoe Zone ladies!!

FlowerArranger · 16/07/2021 07:47

@LaurenS26 - you seem to have disappeared, but I hope you are taking people’s comments on board.

Remind yourself that most people are good people, and many love children and like to help. Being vigilant is one thing, but do not go through life assuming most people are potential abusers.

Your child was left with.several female employees for just a few minutes. Chances are most of them were mothers.

None of them could have abused your child without the others noticing. They all probably welcomed the opportunity to help your MIL and coo over your lovely child.

Patapouf · 16/07/2021 07:50

I can't believe there's anyone saying you overreacted!

I'd be furious, no way on earth would I allow anyone to have my child again if they leave them outside a shop!!!