Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

MIL left son with strangers

171 replies

LaurenS26 · 16/07/2021 00:09

My Son is 15m, I work 4 days so he’s watched by my Mum and MIL for 2 days each. I feel very fortunate to have free childcare, he is the first Grandchild on both sides and they completely adore him, but today has me questioning my MIL.

MIL stopped by a cash and carry to pick up 1 item but due to a no under 16s policy they wouldn’t allow her in with my Son. She asked if she could pay for the item at the door (apparently very important she made the purchase right there and then), but they couldn’t do that and offered to watch my Son while she ran inside to pick up and pay for the item. My MIL then left my Son in the trolley with a few of the female staff at the front door while she ran inside.

She decided to tell me this information in front of my 2 BIL, their partners and my FIL so I really don’t feel like I was given an opportunity to process the information and react. Now that I’m home and thinking about the situation I feel sick to my stomach about all the things that could have happened.

My Husband is going to speak with her but I feel like she would do this again and just not tell us next time.

Am I overthinking this? Or is she completely in the wrong?

OP posts:
HereComeTheHolidays · 16/07/2021 07:54

Complete overreaction

Clymene · 16/07/2021 07:57

@Patapouf

I can't believe there's anyone saying you overreacted!

I'd be furious, no way on earth would I allow anyone to have my child again if they leave them outside a shop!!!

No one left him outside a shop. Hmm

The OP's MIL left him with a couple of shop assistants while she ran inside and bought a single item.

Obviously if that is going to give you a fit of the vapours, then of course you should pay £70 a day for people whose job it is to look after your baby.

Personally, I think the baby is probably better off being with people who adore him.

anon12345678901 · 16/07/2021 07:58

@Patapouf

I can't believe there's anyone saying you overreacted!

I'd be furious, no way on earth would I allow anyone to have my child again if they leave them outside a shop!!!

Of course she overreacted, she left him with a staff member. Not alone to fend for himself.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
Hopeisnotastrategy · 16/07/2021 07:58

This is a non-event. Move on.

Gumbo · 16/07/2021 07:59

When DS was 14 weeks old I took him to see my family, which involved a 12-hour flight. At one point I needed to go to the loo, and there was no possible way I could have taken him with me (the baby changing unit was over the toilet, so I couldn't have just taken him and strapped him in that). The long-suffering very lovely man beside me offered to hold him while I went - I was sooo grateful! Astonishingly, DS was fine...

Sometimes situations arise where you need to make a judgement call regarding your DC; OP, your MIL did nothing wrong and you need to relax a bit Smile

pinkteapots · 16/07/2021 08:00

Overthinking. Over-reacting. And i feel for your MIL because you even accuse her of 'deciding' to tell you at a time you couldn't process the info as if she was being sly, and suspect her of plotting to lie should it happen again. Really she told the story in front of people because its a non event and she wasnt self conscious about it. You also suspect a list of horrors were ever so possible in the 10 mins he was supervised by staff... the poor staff, your poor MIL.

davidrosejumper · 16/07/2021 08:01

For me, this one needs an 'YABU' button. I am sorry, but leaving him with multiple store staff, is not like leaving baby with a random stranger. They are literally on the job (an in full view of CCTV, probably).

You have to have a little faith in people.

1starwars2 · 16/07/2021 08:01

Have you heard of the concept of Safer Strangers?
I heard a teacher explain it to kids before a school trip.
Kids need to know who to approach if they need help. Eg police. One of those categories is uniformed shop staff.
They are likely to be a safe person to help a child.
Your child was never in any danger/at risk.

thedancingbear · 16/07/2021 08:09

Complete non-event.

Do you have other 'issues' with you MIL?

BillyWhozz · 16/07/2021 08:10

This was a very different story to what I expected when I clicked on the title of the thread. Complete non-event.

Disfordarkchocolate · 16/07/2021 08:11

I think I would have been a bit unsettled by this initially but actually people here have made good points. If she was a regular customer she probably knew the staff members too.

bhy123 · 16/07/2021 08:12

Sorry, I also think YABU. The risk of anything bad happening was miniscule.

Appreciate that times have moved on since we were kids, but parenting is a continual challenge of managing risk while helping to develop their independence as they get older. It was a leap of faith to allow my children to catch the tube alone from Year 6 but I was doing the same at their age. I'm far more risk averse than my parents were but I know I can't wrap my kids in cotton wool until they leave home. You have this joy to come, it gets worse as they become teenagers!

Figgygal · 16/07/2021 08:13

Left with a member of staff for 2 minutes not an issue
Left with a random off the street or other customer yeah I’d be miffed
Those 2 days childcare are prob saving you £4-500 a month I really wouldn’t make a fuss over this

saraclara · 16/07/2021 08:19

I thought these were going to be random strangers in a car park. Not two uniformed shop staff.

Think about it logically. There were two of them. Members of staff. What do you think could happen? I can't think of a single thing. Each was witness to the other, they are employed there, there are cameras all over the place.

90% of parents will have to do this at some point in their lives. In my case it was library assistants that were left holding the baby for five minutes.

You're overreacting. Your MIL told you it happened because she knew that while it was an unfortunate situation, it wasn't dangerous.

Jujujuly · 16/07/2021 08:20

Yes sorry OP I agree with the majority - this was a non event. I’m not sure what you’d worry would happen here. They were staff (so identifiable, wouldn’t leave), there were more than 1 (so pretty unlikely that even if one was a crazy baby snatcher that the others wouldn’t stop them), it was for a very short time. I’d be annoyed if it was a random off the street but this is a different scenario and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it at all.

You could mention to MIL that you’re nervous and would rather she didn’t do it again, but make clear to her it’s very much a case of you being over cautious. Lucky you getting all that free childcare!!

Terhou · 16/07/2021 08:23

So those would be my most immediate and realistic concerns but then I suppose you can't rule anything out. Bit extreme but they could be anyone as it's not like you need an enhanced DBS check fo work for a cash & carry or anything. The place literally doesn't allow under 18 in so it's not like these are people who work with children. Some staff could happily work there despite a record that would ban them from ever working around children.

So what precisely are the chances of two random members of staff who have been put on door duty both being banned? And what are they going to do to the child with other members of the public walking by them all the time, probably in view of people in the shop and/or the car park, and with the child's carer coming out at any moment?

what if there had been an issue with a violent shoplifter at the front doors?

Presumably they'd have the sense to get the child out of the way, just as a parent would in the same situation.

What if there had been an emergency within the shop that the staff (looking after your child) had to go back inside for?

I really struggle to think of any emergency likely to happen in a cash and carry that would require people working on the door to go inside. Has anyone here ever encountered that situation? I certainly haven't.

Monkeytapper · 16/07/2021 08:24

don't risk the chance of free childcare by making an issue out of it

BeachPicture · 16/07/2021 08:27

I really don’t get why posters are saying get over this.
She clearly knew it was wrong and told you in an environment you couldn’t react in.

In current conditions and climate yes I wouldn’t want random strangers touching my baby and at 15m they are old enough to be upset at being left by their caregiver. She should have gone back another time

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/07/2021 08:28

@boomwhacker

I am amazed at some of these posts and agree with those who are saying YADNBU. There is no way I would have left either of my children with random staff- who are, indeed, strangers about whom you know nothing. Supermarkets do not, in the main, operate crèche services. The staff would in no way be able to focus on the safe care of a child should a customer need serving or an issue arise, and frankly, it's outrageous to expect that of them. They would be uninsured to offer childcare, lacking a DBS and with who knows what background/skills. You wouldn't leave a child in a nursery in those circumstances so why the hell would you leave them with staff in a supermarket? The MIL does two days per week of childcare, leaving 5 days for her to do her shopping. Honestly OP- pay for childcare. That way, you will always have decent quality care that you are in control of. I guarantee that no childminder or nursery staff member would leave your child with a stranger when they were in their care, and if they did, you, and all the others who have no issue with it on this thread, would find an alternative provider.
Then op needs to pay for childcare if she wants a dbs checked childminder.
bhy123 · 16/07/2021 08:37

Some of the scenarios mentioned are verging on fantastical. Leaving a toddler outside to chase a violent shoplifter? Parenting is stressful enough without a disproportionate assessment of the level of risk involved. She was left for a few minutes while staff watched over her, not abandoned on the side of the road.

Your MIL is doing you a big favour and perhaps she sometimes needs to run errands on her childcare days. I don't think it's fair to judge her so harshly for taking a risk that was next to zero of endangering your child's safety.

LittleTiger007 · 16/07/2021 08:38

When I saw the title of this thread I was outraged for you and came on to support you and say never let your mil look after your child again etc. But, whilst this wasn’t ideal, it does sound very safe. It was for a brief moment. He was safely sitting in a trolley with a number of staff members watching him. Therefore he wasn’t about to be stolen or abused, instead he was probably cooed and fussed over. I think this is a non issue and you shouldn’t risk damaging your relationship with your MIL. As you say, you are blessed to have free childcare from family members who adore your child.

Lalliella · 16/07/2021 08:39

Good thing the other family members were there and you didn’t get chance to speak out. You’re way over-reacting. This situation is fine, your DS was perfectly safe. Please don’t get your DH to talk to her. She sounds great to have your DS for 2 days a week and to be honest about what she’s done with him and not cover anything up. I bet your DS loved being fussed over by the staff!

nimbuscloud · 16/07/2021 08:40

Are you there op??

WimpoleHat · 16/07/2021 08:42

Unless MIL has a long history of reckless decisions and neglectful behaviour, to react this strongly to something so harmless is ridiculous.

Agreed. Please remember that she’s doing you an enormous favour; she isn’t in your employ and she needs to do her own “life stuff” like shopping etc when she has your DS (just as a parent does). If you want to be able to dictate what someone does on their time with your son, then you need to pay a nanny (but, in my experience, many also do their own stuff with their charges in tow). She left him with a member of staff for a minute or two - as has happened since time immemorial. You may not have wanted to do that - fair enough- but it doesn’t make MIL neglectful or dangerous.

Ewanispurple · 16/07/2021 08:43

Going against the majority here but I too would be really upset about this! Sad