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Original poster

MIL left son with strangers

171 replies

LaurenS26 · 16/07/2021 00:09

My Son is 15m, I work 4 days so he’s watched by my Mum and MIL for 2 days each. I feel very fortunate to have free childcare, he is the first Grandchild on both sides and they completely adore him, but today has me questioning my MIL.

MIL stopped by a cash and carry to pick up 1 item but due to a no under 16s policy they wouldn’t allow her in with my Son. She asked if she could pay for the item at the door (apparently very important she made the purchase right there and then), but they couldn’t do that and offered to watch my Son while she ran inside to pick up and pay for the item. My MIL then left my Son in the trolley with a few of the female staff at the front door while she ran inside.

She decided to tell me this information in front of my 2 BIL, their partners and my FIL so I really don’t feel like I was given an opportunity to process the information and react. Now that I’m home and thinking about the situation I feel sick to my stomach about all the things that could have happened.

My Husband is going to speak with her but I feel like she would do this again and just not tell us next time.

Am I overthinking this? Or is she completely in the wrong?

OP posts:
wedswench · 16/07/2021 08:46

I think you're engaging in some very unhelpful and unhealthy thinking here.

I do get it - I'm a huge catastrophiser. I've worked on it a lot because having kids is a breeding ground for it. You might want to get a hold on it now so things are easier going forward.

I mean... if you unpick it, what were you actually worried could have happened?

JackieQueen · 16/07/2021 08:50

I don't think I would have liked this either. Surely she could have picked up whatever it was she wanted on one of the five days she doesn't have your baby.

MargaretThursday · 16/07/2021 08:50

Done that several times. Normally I got back and found whichever dc I'd left being totally spoilt by attention.

Don't worry. They weren't about to stick a special offer on him and put him on a shelf.

Interested in this thread?

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Families General parenting
ChristinaXYZ · 16/07/2021 08:54

I'd have been incandescent! You might judge it risk free with your own child but with someone else's?? It was not your MiL's call to make. so what that they were staff. Nursery staff get in trouble for abusing their positions; teachers have to be CRB checked. These weren't nursery staff they were just shop staff. Your child. Your call. If you instinctively think it was the wrong thing to do then it was wrong. I don't know why everyone is undermining your instinct.

LeonoraFlorence · 16/07/2021 08:56

I understand where you’re coming from. Once DH and DD1&2 were in Tesco. A woman literally threw her little one at him in the aisle so she could go to the bathrooms to be sick. Poor thing was suffering from morning sickness. He ended up sending her to sit down and DDs entertained her little one in trolley while DH sprinted round picking up what she needed. She was very grateful I think and obviously thought DH was a safe bet since he had DDs with him.

Grimacingfrog · 16/07/2021 08:58

They weren't random strangers, as implied in your title they were several staff members.

Almondcroissant25 · 16/07/2021 09:08

For the love of god, do NOT mention this to your MIL. She adores her grandchild, she is free childcare, why on earth upset her or make her feel in the wrong over a complete non-event! This happens up and down the country all day every day and is a completely normal thing to do. Do not make her feel guilty for this. Also, it wouldn’t stop her doing it again because she’s done nothing wrong…

Hockeyboysmum · 16/07/2021 09:09

Wouldnt bother me.

Mix56 · 16/07/2021 09:12

I would be asking why It was imperative she get this one item on one of only 2 days she looks after DC ?
I don't think DC was at any real risk, but think your MIL should avoid it.

Crowsandshivers · 16/07/2021 09:13

If they were randomn shoppers then yeah, be annoyed but they were staff so feel YABU.

Ragwort · 16/07/2021 09:17

Christina 'incandescent' really Hmm?

And you do know that CBS checks (now known as DBS checks) mean very little ... only that someone doesn't have a criminal record ... many abusers have managed to easily get a DBS check.

Llioed · 16/07/2021 09:19

@georgarina

what if there had been an issue with a violent shoplifter at the front doors? What if there had been an emergency within the shop that the staff (looking after your child) had to go back inside for?

That could all have happened if MIL had the baby and would be equally risky. Or what if she was pushing him past a drinks display and someone knocked it over and they fell? What if she was crossing the street and a car didn't stop? Etc

Major overreaction. He was at the front of the shop with multiple female staff members who didn't go anywhere. Non issue.

My examples are referring to the MIL not being with the baby. She is the responsible adult the OP has trusted her baby with.

Your examples are if the baby is WITH the MIL - the OP would accept that. Accidents happen. MIL would never forgive herself if something happened to the baby while being looked after by others. Your examples don’t apply to the original post.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 16/07/2021 09:24

I would be asking why It was imperative she get this one item on one of only 2 days she looks after DC ?

You would really ask someone providing free childcare that?

She popped down to the cash and carry, clearly wasn't aware they don't allow under 18s in, and made a decision while she was there anyway rather than leave and have to go back in a couple of days when she wasn't providing free childcare.

"Thank you for saving me thousands of pounds but I must ask why it was absolutely imperative that you got an item you needed on that particular day and left my son for three whole minutes with multiple staff members rather than go all the way back home, wait for two days and then return to get said item" Confused

BillyWhozz · 16/07/2021 09:30

@ChristinaXYZ

I'd have been incandescent! You might judge it risk free with your own child but with someone else's?? It was not your MiL's call to make. so what that they were staff. Nursery staff get in trouble for abusing their positions; teachers have to be CRB checked. These weren't nursery staff they were just shop staff. Your child. Your call. If you instinctively think it was the wrong thing to do then it was wrong. I don't know why everyone is undermining your instinct.
Incandescent??

And actually, it is MIL's call to make. She had been trusted to look after the child at the time. Based on this event OP is more than entitled to remove that trust but as the majority of the thread implies, she'd be overreacting.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/07/2021 09:31

@ChristinaXYZ

I'd have been incandescent! You might judge it risk free with your own child but with someone else's?? It was not your MiL's call to make. so what that they were staff. Nursery staff get in trouble for abusing their positions; teachers have to be CRB checked. These weren't nursery staff they were just shop staff. Your child. Your call. If you instinctively think it was the wrong thing to do then it was wrong. I don't know why everyone is undermining your instinct.
Well teachers and nursery staff have full access to the child, not 5 minutes in a public place woth other colleagues stood there. Do you actually think these staff were a genuine risk for kidnapping, abusing or killing the child?

And not in this scenario because i don't think theres a wrong answer as such, but mothers instinct isn't always right. Not all mothers are good mothers or have good life experience to build from. That's why places like this exist.

bhy123 · 16/07/2021 09:33

I would be asking why It was imperative she get this one item on one of only 2 days she looks after DC ?

This is a very entitled view in these circumstances. The MIL is doing a huge favour providing free childcare which is quite tying with a young child. You'd expect a family member providing a free service to schedule every chore and errand into her other free days? Perhaps she had guests coming for dinner or needed something urgently. I'd be extremely grateful, not judge her for leaving my son for a couple of minutes with some staff.

FlowerArranger · 16/07/2021 09:38

To those saying OP should pay for childcare to ensure that this kind of thing doesn’t happen:

I engaged a qualified nanny with stellar references for my 10 months old son.

Came home unexpectedly during the day and heard son screaming from outside the house. Nanny was on the phone and clearly had been for some time. She was Australian and talking to her mum back home. (This was in the days before itemized bills…)

God only knows what else she got up to on my dime. Give me a sensible loving MIL any day!

SmidgenofaPigeon · 16/07/2021 09:53

You don’t pay for childcare, saving you thousands, so you need to accept that the family caring for your children fit it around their own daily lives and errands etc. Which is totally fair enough. Maybe she could have done it another time, but maybe she didn’t want to. Her prerogative.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 16/07/2021 10:03

I think you are getting a hard time here Op.

Although I do agree with the majority that YABU and overreacting I understand the overreaction if this is your PFB.

I really would just forget about it now :)

wedswench · 16/07/2021 10:45

I think those who are saying the grandparent can't do this because it's not their child don't understand how families are supposed to work.

If you want free childcare off family members I think they pretty much have free reign to do anything they they'd do with their own child. Bar obviously out dated methods like smacking etc.

Alannawhorideslikeaman · 16/07/2021 10:46

This is a massive over reaction in my book. When I worked in hospitality I regularly minded children for 10minutes or so whilst parents got what they needed, I never minded and they were happy to have their hands free.
In Italy you barely step through the door of a restaurant before your child gets taken off you and handed around the waiting staff Grin

HoppingPavlova · 16/07/2021 11:12

I wouldn’t blink at this. Huge overreaction.

TuesdayRuby · 16/07/2021 11:17

I haven’t done it myself (never needed to) but I’ve been asked several times by other mums to watch their babies (usually sleeping) whilst they go to the loo/pay the bill/attend to older children etc

BrownEyedGirl80 · 16/07/2021 11:19

Yabu

Livpool · 16/07/2021 11:33

You are overreacting- it wasn't 2 randoms
In the car park. It was 2 easily identifiable workers in the shop.

I couldn't get worked up about this.

When my aunt was a baby a teenage girl knocked of my Nan's door and asked if she could take the baby for a walk. She said yes!!! That would be odd and dangerous. This situation wasn't