MIL left son with strangers

[LaurenS26]

My Son is 15m, I work 4 days so he’s watched by my Mum and MIL for 2 days each. I feel very fortunate to have free childcare, he is the first Grandchild on both sides and they completely adore him, but today has me questioning my MIL.

MIL stopped by a cash and carry to pick up 1 item but due to a no under 16s policy they wouldn’t allow her in with my Son. She asked if she could pay for the item at the door (apparently very important she made the purchase right there and then), but they couldn’t do that and offered to watch my Son while she ran inside to pick up and pay for the item. My MIL then left my Son in the trolley with a few of the female staff at the front door while she ran inside.

She decided to tell me this information in front of my 2 BIL, their partners and my FIL so I really don’t feel like I was given an opportunity to process the information and react. Now that I’m home and thinking about the situation I feel sick to my stomach about all the things that could have happened.

My Husband is going to speak with her but I feel like she would do this again and just not tell us next time.

Am I overthinking this? Or is she completely in the wrong?

My PIL have done some seriously dodgy shit when it comes to childcare but I don't think I'd get worked up if MIL did this. When I started reading the thread I thought you were going to say she left your kid with a couple of random shoppers, which would be pretty reckless. But several staff members? I really think the risk there is vanishingly small.

I agree with the majority and think that this is a complete non-event. Your dc was perfectly safe and probably enjoyed being fussed over. My MIL cared for my dd a lot when she was small and I wouldn't have given it a 2nd thought if she had told me that she had done this.

Massive over reaction….you are so lucky to have free child care from your parents and parents in law ! I would have done what your parents in law did . It is very tiring looking after a baby and the responsibility and worry is immense . If you don’t trust their judgement find a nursery .

I have done this- the lovely ladies on the customer service desk at ASDA watched my baby while my toddler needed the loo. Sensible decision I thought. Please don't worry!

@Hallyup6

I agree with you. My maternal instinct would never allow me to leave my young child with a random, unchecked staff member. So what if the business knows who they are? Plenty of people work with criminal records (or haven't been caught yet). I absolutely wouldn't be comfortable and can't believe that any mother would!

Checked for what?

Can you be more specific about what criminal activity might have occurred.

I had to leave my then 4 week old baby with the security guard (a man!) while I went to do a Covid PCR test. It's not ideal but these things happen.

If you don't trust them you'll have to pay for childcare.

You should be very greatful for free childcare.
My mil and parents sometimes do things I don't agree with but so long as it's only small things and not bad for the baby I bite my tongue and get on with it.
These were staff members not strangers, if you want professional childcare you have to pay for it.

I'm not sure if the pandemic is on your mind too but cases are so high here I'd have been really concerned one of them touched my baby and gave her Covid. So in answer to what's the worst that could happen, my family being seriously ill or dying!

I think DH should have a word and make it clear that whilst your child is in her care you don’t expect her to leave him with anyone else, times are very different to when she raised her family, if it was some time ago.

In what way are things different? Are supermarket staff more dangerous these days?

I think the OP is entirely overreacting.

What could have happened?

Over-reaction and I can't believe some of these responses.

The child was left with STAFF.

What in gods name "could have happened"?

Some people are just on the constant look out to be outraged.

@Flittingaboutagain

I'm not sure if the pandemic is on your mind too but cases are so high here I'd have been really concerned one of them touched my baby and gave her Covid. So in answer to what's the worst that could happen, my family being seriously ill or dying!

Covid isn't passed by touch

Complete overreaction!!!

I completely agree with you op, i would be really annoyed!

No I wouldn’t like this either.

Now that I’m home and thinking about the situation I feel sick to my stomach about all the things that could have happened.

Like what exactly? It was members of staff. They are hardly all going to collude and kidnap your ds.

This happens on a daily basis in cash and carries. People have businesses to run. If they run out of something and have to get it and have a child with them then it's a good solution. Obviously not for a full restock but for a few minutes.

If you want your MIL and mother to provide free childcare two days a week each then you are going to have to expect that they are going to have to run errands and that your baby is going to have to fit in with them.

Meh, I would have done the same thing in her situation.

They're probably used to having to watch kids, I doubt your MIL is the first person to rock up with a baby and be told the baby can't come in.

I was irrational with my first, thought leaving him in a bouncer might affect his attachment to me…?! I was really anxious, and this would have upset me. But I had to be realistic and aware of how precious I was being.

You are so lucky, your mil and mum care for your son all day precisely so he doesn’t have to go to strangers. I would swallow a big gulp of humble pie just for that. I would thank her for finding a solution so she could still go about her business while remaining a reliable child carer for your son.

PFB syndrome

Not sure I could work up the energy to be bothered about that. If she's looking after him for two days for free then she's occasionally going to need to run errands or do normal life stuff. Presumably she was in the shop for a minute or two at most if she was just paying for something and he was with several members of staff.

God there are some hideous comments on here. Calling OP "nuts", "ridiculous", telling her she will "cringe in a few years time". If you disagree that it's an issue, fine, but there's no need to try and belittle and mock a mum who has a legitimate worry - it just isn't one that you share.

YANBU at all OP. There's nothing wrong with being protective of your kids and don't let anyone make you doubt that. Other people are free to have their own attitudes to risk. Doesn't make them right and you wrong.

FWIW I would be extremely unhappy with this too. The oh-so-witty comments about child trafficking and abduction aren't really what it's about. Of course it's vanishingly unlikely that a group of female shop workers are going to do this. That's not the issue. I have friends (one friend in particular) who I would never leave in charge of my child, even while I visit the loo, because she is absolutely shit at taking basic care of kids. She sat my 5 mo on the edge of a worktop and wandered off, with my DH having to literally dive across the kitchen to catch him when he instantly fell off. She tried to give a hard boiled sweet to my 18 mo. There are a million dangerous things that well-meaning people can do that would harm a baby in just a few minutes. It's not unreasonable for OP to be unhappy that people she doesn't know (and MIL doesn't know) were in charge of her baby. Something could easily have happened to distract them and nobody knows how attentive they were or whether they had any common sense, because nobody knows anything about them - including OP and her MIL. It only takes a split second for something to go wrong.

I think this is one of those threads where a popular opinion gets established early on and subsequent posters just get bolder and bolder in their nasty comments towards the OP. It's like a playground here sometimes.

What actually could have happened? Realistic scenarios, not spontaneous combustion type ones.

You might very well find yourself in a similar situation at some point. I remember one time an airport member of staff had to hold DD as I didn't even have the pram. He held her and cooed over her while I went through security checks.

Unless MIL has a long history of reckless decisions and neglectful behaviour, to react this strongly to something so harmless is ridiculous.

You said yourself that MIL is besotted with her GS - she really isn't going to do anything to cause him harm. She managed to bring your DH up OK. If the shop was Bookers or similar, they don't allow children because there are forklifts and pallet trucks moving around the shop, stacks of boxes, some of which can be quite heavy, and their trollies have no provision for children - it's not somewhere people go to do their weekly shop. The store will also have security cameras.

Leaving your son with several female shop assistants for a few minutes is not putting your son in danger.

What on earth do you think might have happened to him??? If she'd left him with randoms outside then I'd be furious but not this!!!! You need to chill out a bit.