I have reflected on this topic ALOT since having DD1 3 years ago and honestly I'm still mad about it. The truth of it is, if I had been told the truth about motherhood I wouldn't have had children and I'm not ashamed to say it anymore. I think there is a huge problem in the way society lies to childless women and I think PND rates would be much lower if we stopped the lies.
Childless women are told by everyone around us that having children is the most fulfilling thing you will ever do. It will bring you infinite happiness, infinite love; a love that you've never felt before. Infact, women are often shamed if they express their lack of interest in having children because how could A WOMAN not want CHILDREN?! My mother said all of these things to me and I was too ignorant to ask about the negatives because I simply didn't know they existed. I recall asking how painful childbirth was (since I believed that was the only downfall) and she just smiled and said you forget all about it as soon as you hold your child for the first time and your overwhelmed with love.
What a crock of shit.
All through my pregnancy I imagined a fairytale-esk life with my new baby. My expectations were 100% that my life would be exactly the same, there would just be this adorable little baby smiling up at me the whole time.
The shock of what happened after my DD was born sent me spiraling into PND of course because how could it not? I was NOT prepared in the slightest for what was coming. I was not ready to give up my life; I wasn't even aware that I would have to up my life. Not one person told me the truth. Turns out my brother also had colic as a baby; but my mother failed to mention the existence of colic at any point before DD was completely inconsolable for hours every night.
If any unsuspecting childless person asks me 'what's it like having kids?' I tell them the truth. I love my kids so much and I couldn't be without them now but parenthood is relentless. You will have to sacrifice everything; your body, your hobbies, your social life (at least through the baby years), your freedom. Your life stops being about you; its about the children. You will have to put yourself second almost all of the time. You will be tired; not yawning over your morning coffee tired. Soul destroyingly tired, on the verge of tears because your so desperate for sleep tired. If-I-have-to-change-another-nappy-today-ill-scream tired. You will become distant from your childless friends because you simply have little in common now. In my personal circumstance I have very little access to babysitters so untill nursery (which is now finally only a couple months away!) there's no breaks.
Oh and also, odds are your boyfriend/husband will be pretty useless. (I know this isn't the case for everyone but I really do feel it's alot more common for dad's to be pretty useless)
Obviously everything written here is based on my own personal experiences and everybody's experiences are different. I'm probably going to get a wave of women saying this post is unfair because they did get the fairytale version of motherhood and their lives are wonderful and fulfilled. I'm not trying to invalid your experience; I'm so happy that the motherhood myth worked out for you, but this post isn't for you. This is for everybody who feels cheated by the ideal we are sold on motherhood as childless women; its not your fault. Society really screwed us over.
PS. if you're struggling with a colicy or fussed baby RN I recommend getting yourself a decent pair of ear plugs or listening to headphones while your enduring. Not hearing the screaming, for me at least, helped keep me calm(er) while trying to comfort my babies.