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Original poster

My Ex has not allowed me to see my daugher

129 replies

Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:06

My ex husband came home one day (three years ago) and send he wanted to be on his own. My world fell a part and he served me divorce papers on my birthday of that year. After three long years my divorce was granted and last year my father died of cancer. my dad wanted to see my daughter before he passed away and ex did not allow it. The divorced cost me thousands and has left me in so much debt. During the divorce my ex has not allowed me to see daughter since July 2020 just to hurt me and for financial gain. He has now asked for manitance from me when I earn just over 20k and he earns 150k per year. He has alienated my child away from me and no one can help. I have now applied to the court to see my daughter but i have very little faith in the system. i did nothing wrong and I was a good mother. I can no longer afford a solicitor so will be representing myself. My ex is judge and Jury himself and has not just cu me off from my daughter but all my side of the family. I am unable to function as I am in financial ruin, grieiving for my dad and trying to understand how some one so cruel can get away with this Please help

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 02/07/2021 18:10

I think you need to give a bit more background. Is there a CAO in place already?

Mayaspecialist · 02/07/2021 18:11

How old is your dd?

And can I ask how she came to be in his care for so long. Did he just not return her?

BunnyRuddington · 02/07/2021 18:14

Can I ask why you have only just applied to the Court? Didn't you get a Child Arrangements Order in place 3 years ago?

Anyway, if you can't afford legal assistance, try Rights of Women.

The Legal & Relationships Sections on MN are both very good too.

Are you getting any help with your Debt? Stepchange and Christians Against Piverty are two very good debt charities that won't charge you.

If you are struggling with grief, you probably need some extra support for that as well. Please talk to Cruse about your DF and how you feel Thanks

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Family law General parenting Relationship problems
AngelDelightUk · 02/07/2021 18:14

Did her dad apply for sole custody or did he just take her?

BunnyRuddington · 02/07/2021 18:14

*Poverty

Original poster
Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:15

What is a CAO- I have never heard of it There is no court order - nothing was agreed as he would not do mediation. I submitted a c100 (I think that what it is) form for child custody . My court hearing is in July and CAFASS will be speaking to me on Monday - but i have not faith in the system as my ex is very manuplative and is just wants to hurt me. I am worried that I have lost my one child for eve due to his selfishness and to hurt me. he has a black hart. and think he knows best.

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 02/07/2021 18:19

What is a CAO it's a Child Arrangements Order.

How long has hw had her and when did you apply to the Court? Valid questions that you'll probably be asked by CAFCASS and or the Judge.

Longestfewdaysupcoming · 02/07/2021 18:20

Why has it taken you so long to seek access to your child.

Original poster
Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:21

he did not apply for sole custody he just one day stopped bringing her to the pick up point. he has stopped all contact. My previous solicitor initiated the mediation but due to my old legal debts I could not afford legal representative - as this was consumed by the divorce - which took 3 years. I am now representing myself as I cannot get legal aid and I have tried to ask for help. I am end of my tether and everyday is a stuggle and cannot even grieve for my dad. My ex wanted to know what was in my fathers will to see what he could get from me - this is how cruel he is. he was a absence father to my daugher for 12 years and now for financial gain he is there.

OP posts:
Longestfewdaysupcoming · 02/07/2021 18:23

So your daughter is a teenager?

Original poster
Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:24

I applied to the court 6 weeks ago. I did not apply previously as I could not afford to - stupidly I thought mediation would help - but he did not attend

OP posts:
Mayaspecialist · 02/07/2021 18:25

So he earns 150k a year, but using your dd for financial gain.

He wasn't in her life for 12 years and just took her?

How long have you been divorced? And was there anything in the divorce about child care?

How did you come off in the divorce so badly, financially?

Josette77 · 02/07/2021 18:26

How was he absent?
I'm a bit confused.

Original poster
Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:27

yes the last time I saw her she was 12 - now 13. I cannot even call her as he has control of her phone. he twists everything and manipulates every situation. This is parent alienation - but how do you prove it?

OP posts:
Original poster
Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:28

he was absent as he was working and most weekends he would go away with his friends

OP posts:
Original poster
Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:29

he was never there school events and always made a excuse due to work or he was tired . I was there all the time

OP posts:
Josette77 · 02/07/2021 18:32

Have you tried showing up and just talking to her?

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/07/2021 18:33

If he was an absent father for 12 years, the divorce then took 3 and you saw her for a while after he filed for divorce she’s got to be 16?

When did you last speak to her?

At that age it’ll be up to her whether or not she has contact with you.

What happened with your side of the family?

I’m sorry about your dad.

BunnyRuddington · 02/07/2021 18:33

None of this is really adding up OP. If you'd have asked anyone, or even done a quick google you'd have found that you can get help with Court Fees.

Also, if you had legal representation for the divorce, how did you fair so badly I the financial settlement?

Original poster
Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:33

The divorce took 3 years and I was given have the equity of the house. he was able to get a mortgage due to his high earning and kept the marital home. Yes I have the money but I cant even afford a 2 bedroom flat as my mortgage capacity is so low and have to clear my legal debts first which were put onto credit cards. I am living with my mum as I cant afford my own place. The divorce dragged on as he did not want to give me half the house as he was adamant my father left me something in the will. Which he had not

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 02/07/2021 18:34

If he was an absent father for 12 years, the divorce then took 3 and you saw her for a while after he filed for divorce she’s got to be 16? I was thinking pretty much the same.

Ginger1982 · 02/07/2021 18:34

Why did he end up with her? You say he stopped bringing her to the pick up point so he had full residence when you split up and he was bringing her for contact with you?

Original poster
Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:37

From the financial settlement I only got have the equity from the house he hid all his money and my solicitor at the time send you could spend years looking for the money and spend more on legal fees. He had pre planned everything and hid all his money. He was earning 500 a day while we were married. I have no idea where the money went

OP posts:
Original poster
Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:40

my daughter was staying we me 3 days week and alternative weekends - one day he stopped bringing her for no valid reason. This is complicated story when i tell people they are shocked. He is Indian and he believes my daughter does not need a mother in her life. he has even told the school not to speak to me.

OP posts:
PennyRoyal · 02/07/2021 18:40

Rewind a little so we understand.
He said he wanted a divorce, this took three years to sort. When you stopped living together - not sure who moved out - where did your daughter go? Why did she not stay with you? Was he awarded sole custody for some reason? If so, why did you not kick up the first time he didn't allow her to see you? Not sure we have the whole story here.