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Original poster

My Ex has not allowed me to see my daugher

129 replies

Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:06

My ex husband came home one day (three years ago) and send he wanted to be on his own. My world fell a part and he served me divorce papers on my birthday of that year. After three long years my divorce was granted and last year my father died of cancer. my dad wanted to see my daughter before he passed away and ex did not allow it. The divorced cost me thousands and has left me in so much debt. During the divorce my ex has not allowed me to see daughter since July 2020 just to hurt me and for financial gain. He has now asked for manitance from me when I earn just over 20k and he earns 150k per year. He has alienated my child away from me and no one can help. I have now applied to the court to see my daughter but i have very little faith in the system. i did nothing wrong and I was a good mother. I can no longer afford a solicitor so will be representing myself. My ex is judge and Jury himself and has not just cu me off from my daughter but all my side of the family. I am unable to function as I am in financial ruin, grieiving for my dad and trying to understand how some one so cruel can get away with this Please help

OP posts:
Longestfewdaysupcoming · 02/07/2021 18:43

Where’s the financial gain to him? I don’t understand. Sorry.

MotionActivatedDog · 02/07/2021 18:44

OP the school can’t just not speak to you. You are her mother and have parental responsibility. That’s a legal status. They must communicate with you with regards to your daughter.

Why don’t you just go to the school and collect her?

Original poster
Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:45

when we were going through the divorce i stayed in the marital home for my daughter - he would not leave. He got a consent order to remove me from the home last Feb 2020 . I left with one bag. My daughter is 13 now he was was hardly ever there always away on business or friends. We stayed in the same house during the divorce. I have been told I cannot get legal aid for child custody .

OP posts:

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Original poster
Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:46

To him its more about revenge not just financial gain - hes is deluded and cruel . My dad before he died said he has a black heart.

OP posts:
MotionActivatedDog · 02/07/2021 18:47

Not sure we have the whole story here.

Yep

Use627 · 02/07/2021 18:48

What happens if you turn up at the house? Have you done this?

Original poster
Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:48

I am too scared to go to school to collect her as he will call the police - to be honest they have not helped from past experience.

OP posts:
BingBongToTheMoon · 02/07/2021 18:48

Go into the school at 9:15 on Monday, get them to send for your daughter and take her home with you. Say she has an appointment.
Then go straight to court and file….others here can tell you exactly what is needed .

BunnyRuddington · 02/07/2021 18:49

I have been told I cannot get legal aid for child custody. No, but I've posted the details of Rights of Women and there always the CAB.

Use627 · 02/07/2021 18:49

And the police will do what? Arrest you for collecting your daughter from school? If you've done nothing wrong what could the police do?

BingBongToTheMoon · 02/07/2021 18:49

The police can’t do anything. You both have parental responsibility and there’s no court order to say where she lives.

lovelybitofsquirrell · 02/07/2021 18:50

This doesn't add up at all.

Why didn't you do something 3 years ago? Not being able to afford it isn't an excuse

The stuff about his black heart, being Indian, earning more than you are completely irrelevant.

What is important is your daughter.

What have you done in the last 3 years to see her ? Have you had any contact at all.

I think maybe you need to start again and rewrite your post. Exactly what has happened and what have you done. Maybe we can then help a little better.

BunnyRuddington · 02/07/2021 18:50

I am too scared to go to school to collect her as he will call the police - to be honest they have not helped from past experience.

So if you think he'll call the Police and take action, is there an order saying she lives with him full time?

Doghead · 02/07/2021 18:51

I don't understand the part about him getting a consent order to remove you from the house. Isn't a consent order something you've agreed with him?

Original poster
Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:51

I am too scared to go to the house - as I do not know what he will do. He will provoke me as he is like that. You cannot reason with this person. Even his sister has not spoken to him for 30 years and they only person he speaks to are his parents. My daughter has no cousins from his side of the family. She has loads of cousins /family from my side - this was all her support network which he has taken from her.

OP posts:
lovelybitofsquirrell · 02/07/2021 18:52

@BingBongToTheMoon

Go into the school at 9:15 on Monday, get them to send for your daughter and take her home with you. Say she has an appointment. Then go straight to court and file….others here can tell you exactly what is needed .
Hmm I'm not sure. If I'm reading it correctly mum hasn't seen her child for 3 years. Is that fair on the child to then be taken away from her 'normal' routine? I can guarantee of it was an absent father taking the child from school after 3 years MN would have a hugely different view.

I think there is a hell of a lot more to this story.

Original poster
Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:52

No the consent order was not agreed he basically wanted me to be removed from the house

OP posts:
debwong · 02/07/2021 18:54

@Park14 Maybe it's better if you can tell your full story from the beginning, so people understand it clearly and can help you.

BingBongToTheMoon · 02/07/2021 18:55

@lovelybitofsquirrell I did actually consider that after I posted.
She could easily just refuse to go, or cause a huge scene at school. Wish we could edit our posts.
I definitely agree that there’s more to this.

LemonPeonies · 02/07/2021 18:55

This doesn't compute in my brain sorry. If my DP tried taking away our child from me, I would be breaking every door down until I took them back!

BunnyRuddington · 02/07/2021 18:55

The stuff about his black heart, being Indian, earning more than you are completely irrelevant.

What is important is your daughter.

What have you done in the last 3 years to see her ?

Have you had any contact at all. think maybe you need to start again and rewrite your post. Exactly what has happened and what have you done. Maybe we can then help a little better

I think you're probably better saying exactly what has happened and leaving out the personal stuff about him as well.

AlternativePerspective · 02/07/2021 18:55

There’s obviously more to this that the OP isn’t telling us.

Do you have reason to think the police will prevent you from taking your daughter? And if so why?

If there is no court order in place then he doesn’t have any more rights than you do.

But if he got a consent order forcing you to leave the family home and they agreed to that without any arrangements for residency there is obviously a reason for that.

When you go through a divorce they actively ask about the children and what arrangements are in place, even if it hasn’t gone through the courts.

Me and my eXH agreed re contact with DS without having to go to court.

But they won’t agree a divorce without the finances being in place. If they forced you to leave the family home with no assets then there is a very definite reason why.

Not sure that it’s helpful for people to advise the OP to go and collect her daughter etc as there is likely a valid reason why the ex is keeping the daughter from the OP, and clearly the OP didn’t do anything to maintain contact for 3 years which is also relevant.

lovelybitofsquirrell · 02/07/2021 18:56

@BingBongToTheMoon

Sorry, correction. It's had been a year. I have re read the op. 3 years since the split.

Original poster
Park14 · 02/07/2021 18:56

I have not seen my daughter since Jul 2020 no three years - the divorce took three years. I was seeing her until then. This whole thing has made me sick and to be honest I have no idea what mental state my daughter is in. sometimes I think I should have not got married and had child but in our asian culture you are looked down on and judged,

OP posts:
lovelybitofsquirrell · 02/07/2021 18:59

@Park14

We will all happily try and advise you with next steps. Lots of us, myself included are very familiar with the family court process.

The problem we have is you just keep saying irrelevant info about your ex. Stick to facts/timelines/etc and we can help.