My Ex has not allowed me to see my daugher

[Park14]

My ex husband came home one day (three years ago) and send he wanted to be on his own. My world fell a part and he served me divorce papers on my birthday of that year. After three long years my divorce was granted and last year my father died of cancer. my dad wanted to see my daughter before he passed away and ex did not allow it. The divorced cost me thousands and has left me in so much debt. During the divorce my ex has not allowed me to see daughter since July 2020 just to hurt me and for financial gain. He has now asked for manitance from me when I earn just over 20k and he earns 150k per year. He has alienated my child away from me and no one can help. I have now applied to the court to see my daughter but i have very little faith in the system. i did nothing wrong and I was a good mother. I can no longer afford a solicitor so will be representing myself. My ex is judge and Jury himself and has not just cu me off from my daughter but all my side of the family. I am unable to function as I am in financial ruin, grieiving for my dad and trying to understand how some one so cruel can get away with this Please help

So you were happy for him to be the resident parent?

Is it only access you want?

And sorry but someone who does nothing in terms of seeing their children for a year doesn’t strike me as committed to wanting them back. Men who claim that they didn’t do anything for any time to see their children are given short shrift on here. I think the same applies to women.

OP can you go up to the school after drop off and collect her? That way you avoid your ex and can take her home with you.

What does your daughter want?

It is definitely in the best interests of children to see both mum and dad unless there is something we don’t know about.
I can see any other way apart from to go the legal route and get a court order which he won’t be allowed to break.
Was your daughter happy seeing you?
Were you close with his mum or anyone that you can talk to?

OP can you go up to the school after drop off and collect her? That way you avoid your ex and can take her home with you. she’s 13. It’s entirely possible she doesn’t want to see the OP for whatever reason.

It’s one thing giving that kind of advice re a primary aged child, but that just isn’t going to fly with a teenager who is old enough to know that her mum hasn’t bothered with her for the past year.

To be honest my whole situation is a mess and I am very depressed. I really have had enough. I never wanted to fight over my daughter as a child needs both parents. He has cut me off completely and no one else can help. How much more legal fees can i throw at it. Yes, he can afford it on his salary and I cannot so I have been forced to represent myself and I really have no faith in Cafass as he manipulates people. with his posh words and he knows I am strugglying to cope.

And sorry but someone who does nothing in terms of seeing their children for a year doesn’t strike me as committed to wanting them back. Men who claim that they didn’t do anything for any time to see their children are given short shrift on here. I think the same applies to women.

I rip apart any Man's explanation of why he doesn't see his children and I'd happily do the same to a Woman.

Op you are missing huge parts out.

He is never there, so if she wanted to see you she would.

You could go to the house as he is never there a consent order does not just throw you out of the house the next day.

You have the money from the house but say you were left in thousands of pounds of debt?

I left exh when dd was 12. He tconvinced her I had an affair and she refused to see me.

All the legal advice I got was that unless I could prove what he had done, even if I was given court ordered access no one could force her to comply.

I didn't stop trying I text to ask how she was, mainly ignored. Maybe even blocked at some point. I kept trying. Went to the house sent birthday cards, sent presents for special days.

After nearly she agreed to see me and now 3 more years on she realises how manipulative he is and doesn't see him at all.

So I have been there. But something isn't adding up here. He can't just keep the child, if she lived with you. The police won't get involved but you could have taken steps the next day.

You had the money from the divorce and there is support linked above.

If you tell the whole story, in a clear concise way people will be able to help.

But at the moment you are coming across as though you have something to hide.

@AlternativePerspective

OP can you go up to the school after drop off and collect her? That way you avoid your ex and can take her home with you. she’s 13. It’s entirely possible she doesn’t want to see the OP for whatever reason.

It’s one thing giving that kind of advice re a primary aged child, but that just isn’t going to fly with a teenager who is old enough to know that her mum hasn’t bothered with her for the past year.

Exactly. At a certain age there isn't anything you can do ambushing hervisnt going to help if she has chosen to stay with her dad and doesn't want to see her mum.

@AlternativePerspective it’s not clear from OPs post that her daughter doesn’t want to see her, she said he controls her daughters phone, I think it’s unfair to assume she hasn’t tried to see her during the last year, only the OP can clear this up by adding more information.

I am too scared to go to school to collect her as he will call the police

He won’t be there to call the police. And even if he does, the police can’t do anything. Your daughter has a legal right to see you.

So he was the resident parent?

And she didnt come for visits?

And are you sure that's not because she said she didn't want to, even if it's because of something he told her?

Has anyone advised what will happen if you get court ordered visits and she refuses?

And why did he become the resident parent?

The OP said she only applied to the court 6 weeks ago. So yes, it is fairly clear she hasn’t done anything to see her DD in the meantime.

This is the female equivalent of “my crazy ex won’t let me see the kids.”

Leaving this thread now.

[quote EmpressSuiko]@AlternativePerspective it’s not clear from OPs post that her daughter doesn’t want to see her, she said he controls her daughters phone, I think it’s unfair to assume she hasn’t tried to see her during the last year, only the OP can clear this up by adding more information.[/quote]
But as op isn't seeing her she doesn't know that.

She thinks that. And if she is wrong, even if the dd is being manipulated by the ops ex trying to force her dd to see her, is likely to do more harm than good.

I have tried everything to see my daughter by if the other person does not allow what can I do. he controls her phone - i used to text everyday and I know she misses me. When she was was with me she used to cry when she had to go back. I have no money to get a solicitor and each day is a struggle. Loosing my dad in hospice killed me and my ex was happy that my dad had died as he knew i had no financial support from my dad to help me.

Hmm I'm not sure. If I'm reading it correctly mum hasn't seen her child for 3 years

1 year. July 2020.

I think OP means that when they were together he was never there so she did most of the parenting. But now he has his DD full time he’ll probably be there more unless someone else is looking after her.

Well, you may be now but you haven’t for a year.

What do you mean you are scared he will provoke you OP? Has this happened before - he has provoked you into doing something?

I get the impression that when the OP left the house with one bag, she left her daughter behind at that point, and he has been the resident parent ever since.

OP could you use the money you got from half the house for legal fees?

And yes you need to pay maintenance. What he earns is irrelevant to that.

Op how did he get an order to remove you from the family home?

If the op for half the equity, the financials were done - he owned the house. She even says he had a mortgage on it. Of course she has to leave at that point and if she doesn’t then the court will take action.

*got