My Daughter with SEN was left hungry at school

[Dolphin7]

I'm just after advice really, a child in my DDs class was confirmed as being Covid-19 positive (he's fine asymptomatic), the whole class was sent home. My phone had run out of battery (Typical!! The only time my phone doesn't have charge!!) and I was unreachable. My other half had been contacted and could not collect earlier than the normal collection time due to work commitments and travel etc. I was able to charge my phone and received the messages mid afternoon, therefore I was only able to collect my daughter 20mins earlier than her normal collection time. When I did collect her she told me she hadn't been allowed to have lunch because of the Covid-19 case in her class (not being allowed to enter the lunch hall I understand, but no one thought to feed her at all!!), so she'd been left to go hungry the whole day apart from some birthday sweets she found in her bag!! Am I being unreasonable to be upset that the school allowed my daughter with SEN (she's on the autistic spectrum) to go hungry the whole day? I understand that I should have been contactable and I always am, just very unfortunate that on the only day ever that my phone didn't charge properly I needed it the most 😫
What would you do now? Complain to the school or beyond?
Thank you in advance for any advice given 🙂

@MoppaSprings

In your first post you say your husband couldn’t get there due to work commitments and travel, by your second post it was only due to travel, so the work commitment seems vanished when you didn’t get the desired response.

What did the school say when your husband told them he wouldn’t be picking her up?

I read it that he was working so far away he couldn't get there in time. So work and distance linked.

It sounds like the school punished her because you and her father couldn't get there.
Or more likely, the school had contacted both her parents so had quite reasonable expectations that they'd be along any minute to collect their child??

I think it’s perfectly fine not to want to ask a parent who you’ve met once while dropping at a party to have your child all day at their house. I would certainly only ask someone I was friendly with and trusted. I can quite accept that some people wouldn’t know any of the other parents to that extent

@supersonicsue

At our local school if there was a positive covid 19 case, the school would try to contact the parents to immediately collect their child, and if unable to contact them, the school would contact children's services.

During these covid times I honestly think it would be awful to complain to the school "or beyond"(your words). I have sons with autism and although they would hate their routine to be disturbed, one missing lunch is hardly important in the grand scheme of things, not when the school were desperately trying to keep 30 children and their teachers safe.

So instead of leaving them with their teacher, already exposed, in their classroom, already exposed, your school would want a social worker to come and collect the child, exposing social worker, and take them where?

@TeacupDrama I would understand most people wouldn’t want a potentially exposed child coming home with them, but if a parent is picking up their own child from the same bubble, and their child has play dates with the child left at school, they might offer to help out. Might mean masks, if possible, and staying outdoors in the garden until the other parent picks them up.

@GreyhoundG1rl

It sounds like the school punished her because you and her father couldn't get there. Or more likely, the school had contacted both her parents so had quite reasonable expectations that they'd be along any minute to collect their child??

No they hadn't contacted both parents, they couldn't contact the mother, they didn't have a reasonable expectation that they would be along any minute as father couldn't get there.

Or more likely, the school had contacted both her parents so had quite reasonable expectations that they'd be along any minute to collect their child??

Exactly. We don't know what the OPs husband said on the phone to the school. He could have said he wasn't able to collect, but would get in touch with the OP. The school may have been under the impression that the OPs daughter was going to be collected very shortly, not right at the end of the the school day.

[quote ineedaholidaynow]@TeacupDrama I would understand most people wouldn’t want a potentially exposed child coming home with them, but if a parent is picking up their own child from the same bubble, and their child has play dates with the child left at school, they might offer to help out. Might mean masks, if possible, and staying outdoors in the garden until the other parent picks them up.[/quote]
But there child might be clear and OPs child might be infected so a whole family exposed when it just isn't necessary. Child is in their classroom, teacher or TA already exposed could stay in the room. Why risk spreading it?

@Whinge

Or more likely, the school had contacted both her parents so had quite reasonable expectations that they'd be along any minute to collect their child??

Exactly. We don't know what the OPs husband said on the phone to the school. He could have said he wasn't able to collect, but would get in touch with the OP. The school may have been under the impression that the OPs daughter was going to be collected very shortly, not right at the end of the the school day.

So school staff unable to ascertain if a. Father is on his way b. If father can contact mother as they can't

Doesn't sound that reasonable to me. Maybe a training issue?

Schools don't get to just stop prioritising a child's welfare because parents have been asked to collect. Another staff member could have collected her dinner and left it outside the door if necessary. They should have fed her.

@ancientgran

It sounds like the school punished her because you and her father couldn't get there. I think that is awful, if they have an issue with you they need to address that but while she is in their care they need to feed her. I don't think her own teacher should have left until all "her" children got picked up, no need for other teachers to be involved.

I can't believe an adult would see one child sitting with nothing while other children are eating. Also it is obvious that you weren't the only parent who couldn't get straight there if other children stayed for lunch.

I don't think it is OK for any child, certainly not OK for a child with special needs.

Seriously? I think it's an awful unfortunate situation on both sides, school and parents. But I wouldn't imagine school staff knowingly do this. It's very unlikely and absurd to think school did this on purpose to punish her because of parents.

@TeacupDrama

I don't think most people would be happy to collect someone else's child when it would mean they then had to isolate for 10 days ok they may not as a contact of a contact but it's a risk as if your DD tested positive they would have to

There is also the issue of who is collecting them. I am a contact at GCs schools. If school phoned me (it has happened) I would be prepared to take the risk and collect GC. I'm sorry not going to expose my husband to extra risk (he's 74 and vulnerable) for a child I don't know.

-It's unfortunate that your child was left unfed but not a biggie given the circumstances.
-You need to be more on top of charging your phone, having a spare, being contactable by the school - especially given the pandemic AND that your DH has "work commitments" that render him unable to do anything to help a situation where your child is alone at school, left hungry and wondering where her parents are.

• You need to sort out other emergency contacts, cos you know, just in case.
• You need to stop looking to blame the school and start taking a bit of responsibility. So does your DH.
• Well done on your DD for being resourceful and digging through her bag for the sweets. She seems like the most proactive one in this situation. Maybe give her some emergency snacks in her bag in case this happens again.

If the children were sent home for lunch then the school would have assumed she would have been collected and had lunch at home but because you were uncontactable, she had to remain at school, this really isn’t a school problem, there should always be someone available to collect your child in the event of an emergency.

Also, as she has hot school dinners and not a packed lunch, then it makes sense they didn’t allow her to enter the school hall to eat a school meal, possibly infecting other school years. They did what they could in difficult circumstances.

Make sure this is a lesson learned and that one of you are reachable in future.

OP it was an oversight that the school didn’t think to provide food for your daughter but they expected her to be gone so this wasn’t planned for. And she really should have been. You need a better backup if you OH isn’t able to pickup at short notice, the school shouldn’t have been babysitting a child who was not supposed to be on site. Once you’ve sorted a better backup system as your first priority, then you can remind the school to check up on the nutritional needs of children whose parents have not collected them when they should’ve done.

Seriously? I think it's an awful unfortunate situation on both sides, school and parents. But I wouldn't imagine school staff knowingly do this. It's very unlikely and absurd to think school did this on purpose to punish her because of parents. Well given the attitude on here from parents who seem quite happy to pile in on OP because her phone battery was flat and ignore a child sitting hungry while watching others eat I think it is perfectly possible.

If it wasn't intentional then I think they let the child down as it doesn't take much effort to notice that one child is going without.

I'm not sure why people think it is beyond the realms of possibility that a parent could be more than 3 hours away. In normal times my job requires a lot of travel, either overnight or leaving at 5:30 and getting back at 10pm. I have had the phones calls asking me to collect and I've had to say I am 5 hours away, I'll ring my husband but could you keep trying him as well? they should ring him first as he is listed as the primary contact but somehow they always default to me

I've multiple ways of getting hold of dh (as have the school), but there is the possibility that he's out in an area of no signal which would delay getting hold of him. It would be extremely rare but it's not outside the realms of possibility. Previously our emergency contact was FIL but he's died. My parents live 200 miles away. It wouldn't be appropriate to ask someone outside the immediate family to take a covid isolating child, even if I felt confident enough to ask.

This is an unlikely but possible situation and I would have expected the school to have plans in place to deal with it, including looking after the child's food and drink. It doesnt have to be that a parent is too far away. For example the parent might be on their way to pick up and be involved in an accident.

The OP's DD doesnt have to go into the hall to eat- a packed lunch could be made up for her and delivered to the classroom. (Our school is school dinners only and they have a packed lunch option)

I work as lunchtime staff and in our school, if a school dinner child is not able to come to the lunch hall for whatever reason, we take a plate and cutlery to their class.

The staff member who was supervising the kids while they were being collected, should have noticed that your DD wasn't eating.

I'd mention it to the school but not so much as a complaint but just as a way of informing that this happened. Oh and also get a refund for the money they charged for the meal that never was.

[quote ineedaholidaynow]@ancientgran I can pretty much guarantee that the school did not punish this child. It would have been an oversight. Good to let school know, so that they can check their procedures to ensure it wouldn’t happen again.[/quote]
If that is the case then they failed in their duty of care to that child. Not sure why all the blame is on OP when the school staff are with the child, in loco parentis.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow
I think you need to do a sensible risk assessment. The teacher has already been exposed, the risk of sitting socially distanced with all windows open etc with one child in the room is less than a child being left all alone. Yes we should follow covid procedures to reduce spread but sometimes life isn’t straightforward and we need to realise the risks of other things sometimes far outweigh the risk of covid. I’m quite shocked that anyone would think it ok to leave a 9 year old with no supervision for hours, if that is indeed what happened.

I don't think being SEN is relevant really - any 10 year old would be hungry if they missed a lunch? 🤷‍♀️

At the end of the day your partner was contacted - surely there was another way of contacting you eg via a work colleague/boss etc - its very remiss of you not to be contactable - as soon as your DH knew he couldn't get hold of you he should have gone to get her or authorised a friend or something?

Like others have said the school would have assumed someone would be along shortly - it's a pandemic and they are hardly going to go against test and trace to isolate pupils who might have come in contact with covid by letting your DD into the lunch hall to potentially expose everyone else (abs then risk more groups being sent home) when everyone else manages to collect their children?

If it wasn't intentional then I think they let the child down as it doesn't take much effort to notice that one child is going without.

It's very likely there were other children who weren't eating, as they were also school dinners and waiting to be collected. The school obviously couldn't have forseen that the OPs daughter would be at school for another 3 hours after lunch.

I'm delighted that some of you have jobs right next to home, family round the corner, and a host of friends who would walk out of work for someone elses sick child.
That isnt everyone
DH is frequently 3000 miles away.
My family is over 200 miles away.
My friends, and the parents of my child friends work.
It's not easy. Do you know what's even harder? When you call someone from the hospital, asking if they will collect a child and hold onto them until their grandparent can get out of work and drive north and you get told no because they are getting their nails done (but their kids will be getting looked after by someone). It sort of puts you off asking for help again.

@Pickersgill

I'm not sure why people think it is beyond the realms of possibility that a parent could be more than 3 hours away. In normal times my job requires a lot of travel, either overnight or leaving at 5:30 and getting back at 10pm. I have had the phones calls asking me to collect and I've had to say I am 5 hours away, I'll ring my husband but could you keep trying him as well? they should ring him first as he is listed as the primary contact but somehow they always default to me

I've multiple ways of getting hold of dh (as have the school), but there is the possibility that he's out in an area of no signal which would delay getting hold of him. It would be extremely rare but it's not outside the realms of possibility. Previously our emergency contact was FIL but he's died. My parents live 200 miles away. It wouldn't be appropriate to ask someone outside the immediate family to take a covid isolating child, even if I felt confident enough to ask.

This is an unlikely but possible situation and I would have expected the school to have plans in place to deal with it, including looking after the child's food and drink. It doesnt have to be that a parent is too far away. For example the parent might be on their way to pick up and be involved in an accident.

The OP's DD doesnt have to go into the hall to eat- a packed lunch could be made up for her and delivered to the classroom. (Our school is school dinners only and they have a packed lunch option)

Exactly. My DIL is a doctor in acute care, son works away sometimes, I wonder how people would react if she just walked out on her shift and left one of their loved ones needing care because the school wanted GD collected.

For all those saying that there should be more emergency contacts.

My kids have
me
dh
both my parents
my best friend who lives round the corner

brilliant! loads of emergency contacts! except neither my parents nor my best friend could pick up if it was Covid related. It is not that easy to work round Covid.

and while either dh or I could drop everything if she was rushed to hospital, it is much harder to justify that work wise when it is a collection due to someone else having Covid.