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Original poster

My Daughter with SEN was left hungry at school

338 replies

Dolphin7 · 13/06/2021 23:42

I'm just after advice really, a child in my DDs class was confirmed as being Covid-19 positive (he's fine asymptomatic), the whole class was sent home. My phone had run out of battery (Typical!! The only time my phone doesn't have charge!!) and I was unreachable. My other half had been contacted and could not collect earlier than the normal collection time due to work commitments and travel etc. I was able to charge my phone and received the messages mid afternoon, therefore I was only able to collect my daughter 20mins earlier than her normal collection time. When I did collect her she told me she hadn't been allowed to have lunch because of the Covid-19 case in her class (not being allowed to enter the lunch hall I understand, but no one thought to feed her at all!!), so she'd been left to go hungry the whole day apart from some birthday sweets she found in her bag!! Am I being unreasonable to be upset that the school allowed my daughter with SEN (she's on the autistic spectrum) to go hungry the whole day? I understand that I should have been contactable and I always am, just very unfortunate that on the only day ever that my phone didn't charge properly I needed it the most 😫
What would you do now? Complain to the school or beyond?
Thank you in advance for any advice given 🙂

OP posts:
ancientgran · 14/06/2021 09:28

@Whinge

If it wasn't intentional then I think they let the child down as it doesn't take much effort to notice that one child is going without.

It's very likely there were other children who weren't eating, as they were also school dinners and waiting to be collected. The school obviously couldn't have forseen that the OPs daughter would be at school for another 3 hours after lunch.

Presumably they didn't know when they'd be collected anymore than OPs DD. Schools have food, child needs feeding. Not rocket science is it.
Lottie4 · 14/06/2021 09:28

If a child isn't allowed into the dining hall for whatever reason, normally they'd have a meal plated up and taken to them.

However, the kitchen at our school are very particular about who can touch what, only children having hot meals and MDSs can touch cups, cutlery, plates at the moment. Not saying I'd want a child to go without food, but two MDSs have a full on shift with 100 children to look after/help, cleaning and putting away to do at the same time. We only leave the hall if it's for a medical emergency. Children having sandwiches have to bring in their own drinks, cutlery and MDSs aren't allowed to touch their things at the moment. It's harsh but we're in a pandemic.

Appreciate OP couldn't be contacted, but DF has responsibility here as well - he might not have been able to leave immediately, but most employers would allow time off for a child (even if you have to go back and make your hours up).

mam0918 · 14/06/2021 09:32

SEN is zero to do with this... do you think if it was a non SEN child its fine?

She should have been provided with something, my DS has dietry issues that mean their preset menu wasnt suitible and they often use to make him a sandwhich, they keep the stuff to make basic food like that in school.

Overall though its your DH in the wrong here, it doesnt matter if you have work your child comes first... unless he was really physically unavailible then you are expected to go get your child work or not, do you honestly think non of the other parents work but they still went to get their kids the fact he didnt could be interprated as neglect.

Even if my DH couldnt physically go get DS and I was unreachable he would phone to send someone to get DS (family, friends or at worst ask one of DS friends parents if they could pick him up too).

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WorraLiberty · 14/06/2021 09:33

@GreyhoundG1rl

It sounds like the school punished her because you and her father couldn't get there. Or more likely, the school had contacted both her parents so had quite reasonable expectations that they'd be along any minute to collect their child??
Exactly what I was thinking.

I'm surprised anyone would jump to the conclusion the child was being punished in any way.

How could they possibly have known when the OP would pick her messages up?

purplecorkheart · 14/06/2021 09:33

Did your dp make any attempt to contact you other than your mobile phone? Does your workplace have a landline? A colleague's mobile?

You say firstly due to work commitments and then due to distance your husband could not make it. Did he actually try? Or did he just dismiss the school because he was doing important man work?

pennylane83 · 14/06/2021 09:35

@ineedaholidaynow

Is there a reason he didn’t try and get someone else to pick her up, or would she not go with anyone else?
Given the reason she had to go home was due to being a contact of a positive case, to put her into the care of someone outside her immediate family would have been irresponsible - should she have also been positive that's another family that would've then been put into isolation!
EmbarrassingMama · 14/06/2021 09:36

So your husband works four hours away from school and, when school said they couldn't contact his child's mother, he said he wasn't going anyway?

If you DD got sent home on Friday any test you did at the weekend does not reflect her Covid status. Please make sure you isolate for the ten day period.

FlippinFedUp21 · 14/06/2021 09:39

A catalogue of errors all round. You didn't have your phoned charged, your DH wouldn't pick her up, and the school should have given her lunch. I wouldn't kick up a stink personally - no one would come out of it looking like a saint.

Hont1986 · 14/06/2021 09:39

One missed lunch isn't worth bothering about. OP is trying to avoid the guilt she feels about not being contactable by claiming the school is actually the one in the wrong here.

ineedaholidaynow · 14/06/2021 09:41

It would be good to know if the DH gave the school a time when they thought the child would be picked up. I'm assuming he would be second on the list if he normally works 2 to 3 hours away from the school, so would know that OP hadn't been contactable. What did he try and do to help the situation?

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/06/2021 09:42

Didn't your dh try to contact you, op? When he'd been told by the school that your mobile was off so you may not have got the message?

DancesWithTortoises · 14/06/2021 09:43

I agree the expectation was that a parent would arrive very quickly. Not the school's fault.

CaraherEIL · 14/06/2021 09:44

I am amazed when they spoke to your partner that if he couldn’t be there and you weren’t contactable there wasn’t a single other person that he could agree then and there with the school on the phone to pick your daughter up.
He must have been aware as he came off the phone to them that no one would get to the school until finish time.
So in all honesty if they had provided a lunch was he actually bothered that she would be sat in a room alone for 3 hours? I cannot understand why he didn’t sort an alternative then and there when he knew he couldn’t make it.

Excilente · 14/06/2021 09:46

another who remembers the days when we didn't have mobile phones and if we weren't at home, were uncontactable and kids had to wait in the nurses room/staff room/office until collection.

I think the salient point here is that it was just before lunch and the other kids were allowed to eat their packed lunches. The OP's child was on School Dinners, so knowing someone wasn't available potentially until pick up time, to collect her, they ought to have provided her with her school lunch.

Quartz2208 · 14/06/2021 09:47

Did your partner ask about food? Or try and contact you some other way as well?

Yes he couldnt make it but surely you must have an email or a work phone that HE knows that he could have tried. Did he explain to the school what time you would get there and ask?

What did he do when he got the phone call

Crowsaregreat · 14/06/2021 09:50

So - school called you and left VM. Called DH and what - did he say he couldn't get there? Did he say anything else, or just leave it for you to pick up VM? Did he tell the school he wouldn't be able to get there until the end of the day?

I'd imagine the school thought one of you would turn up any minute and the lack of a meal was an oversight.

RedMarauder · 14/06/2021 09:51

Did your dp make any attempt to contact you other than your mobile phone? Does your workplace have a landline? A colleague's mobile?

I've read the entire thread and this is the only person I see being at fault.

There are plenty of parents who can't just up and leave their workplaces. However when it comes to their children they would contact the other parent's workplace reception(s) and other people who could contact the other parent if they couldn't contact them themselves.

Greenmarmalade · 14/06/2021 09:51

I would respectfully complain to the school to ensure that they have something in place for next time. This is unacceptable. As a teacher I would certainly want to know, to make arrangements to ensure it didn’t ever happen again.

I’d also make sure she has a long-life snack that stays in her bag for any future times she may need it and not be able to ask.

Excilente · 14/06/2021 09:51

with regards to 'other parents' as EC's, i had one other person who i was mutual EC with in the school, and she's a friend/distant relative, and i wouldn't be willing to collect her kids if it was covid isolation.

I'm still listed as a contact as i have a disabled child and ALWAYS have my phone charged, so she knows I'm always contactable in an emergency.. and right now, were it covid related, I'd be trying to locate my friend, rather than collect her child. At a push I'd agree to watch her walk her home and wait in her garden. (They're yr 9 now)

HarebrightCedarmoon · 14/06/2021 09:52

Yeah, getting someone else other than parents to pick up could be interesting when they are being isolated for Covid reasons, even if you do have four emergency contacts.

But school should have fed her once they realised she was going to be there for a little while.

Greenmarmalade · 14/06/2021 09:52

Safeguarding means that the school should take care of the child’s needs as the parent isn’t there. If for WHATEVER reason the parent is late to collect, the school need to make sure the child is well looked after, including feeding her!

5zeds · 14/06/2021 09:53

Your dh should have contacted your workplace who could have passed on the message. You should make sure you have someone to pick her up if called in a timely manner. You are asking school to have a potentially infected person in a school setting for hours, feed them and clean after them. That’s not safe or reasonable for the staff and other children and if your child hasn’t caught it you are putting HER at more risk by leaving her in that environment where she is filling bottles and using toilets. Be sensible. The schools can only operate if they can get those surrounding a positive case out of school and deep clean their classroom. Poor staff, I expect they were very keen to scrub the room, and go home and shower before keeping a distance from their own families.

GreyhoundG1rl · 14/06/2021 09:53

@Greenmarmalade

I would respectfully complain to the school to ensure that they have something in place for next time. This is unacceptable. As a teacher I would certainly want to know, to make arrangements to ensure it didn’t ever happen again.

I’d also make sure she has a long-life snack that stays in her bag for any future times she may need it and not be able to ask.

Respectfully complain?! I agree the teachers will certainly want reassurance that it won't happen again, but that's for op to do, not the school 😂
RuleWithAWoodenFoot · 14/06/2021 09:59

We had to walk some children home the last time this happened to a bubble in my school. Parents just didn't answer the phone. What if their child had been in a serious accident and was in hospital?

You can have a moan - I agree she should have been fed - but the come-back will be 'you should have made arrangements to collect her'.

Inertia · 14/06/2021 10:00

Why haven’t you given the school your work number?

Why didn’t your partner make arrangements to get hold of you when he knew he couldn’t get to school?

That said, the school could have found a way to provide lunch if they knew nobody was going to collect for several hours. I suspect it was down to poor communication between adults who were trying to juggle many problems at once.

I would email the head and/or Senco to bring it to their attention, as the procedure needs reviewing. You also shouldn’t be charged for a meal your child didn’t receive.

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