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Original poster

My Daughter with SEN was left hungry at school

338 replies

Dolphin7 · 13/06/2021 23:42

I'm just after advice really, a child in my DDs class was confirmed as being Covid-19 positive (he's fine asymptomatic), the whole class was sent home. My phone had run out of battery (Typical!! The only time my phone doesn't have charge!!) and I was unreachable. My other half had been contacted and could not collect earlier than the normal collection time due to work commitments and travel etc. I was able to charge my phone and received the messages mid afternoon, therefore I was only able to collect my daughter 20mins earlier than her normal collection time. When I did collect her she told me she hadn't been allowed to have lunch because of the Covid-19 case in her class (not being allowed to enter the lunch hall I understand, but no one thought to feed her at all!!), so she'd been left to go hungry the whole day apart from some birthday sweets she found in her bag!! Am I being unreasonable to be upset that the school allowed my daughter with SEN (she's on the autistic spectrum) to go hungry the whole day? I understand that I should have been contactable and I always am, just very unfortunate that on the only day ever that my phone didn't charge properly I needed it the most 😫
What would you do now? Complain to the school or beyond?
Thank you in advance for any advice given 🙂

OP posts:
Original poster
Dolphin7 · 14/06/2021 00:35

@RogueMNerHidesUnderBigHat

You seem determined to turn this into a complaint op.

But posters aren't really agreeing with you.

No not at all, just clarifying where others are making assumptions, it's difficult to paint the whole picture with an OP - questions are posed that need answers, that is all for a more informed discussion.
OP posts:
Original poster
Dolphin7 · 14/06/2021 00:40

@PastMyBestBeforeDate

As the parent of an autistic child, I think you shouldn't complain. We don't have any family support locally but I can't imagine a situation in which DH would have said he was too far away and that be it. Does he not know anyone else in your life?
DH didn't say he was too far. He was literally, physically too far. Could not time travel and therefore would not arrive before me.
OP posts:
PastMyBestBeforeDate · 14/06/2021 00:55

What? I meant physically too far. What else could it have meant?

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Farwest · 14/06/2021 00:58

The school should have fed her.

Dh should have sorted her lick uo, either by going himself or organising someone else to do it.

You should have been contactable.

Everyone dropped the ball. Not sure why the school is more at fault than the parents

If everyone utterly ignored her in her quarantined area, how did she get water? Use the loo?

Farwest · 14/06/2021 00:58

*pick up

LeroyJenkinssss · 14/06/2021 01:00

I totally get your frustration but why didn’t he call your work to get a message to you? If I was busy at work I couldn’t leave and when my DH was working he’d have to wait until someone relieved him but he would have called my workplace and got someone to pass a message on just in case.

musthavebeenlove · 14/06/2021 01:01

Yes it was wrong that your DD wasn’t fed.
However it’s your job to be available when the school contacts you to ask you to collect her.

Original poster
Dolphin7 · 14/06/2021 01:07

@Farwest

The school should have fed her.

Dh should have sorted her lick uo, either by going himself or organising someone else to do it.

You should have been contactable.

Everyone dropped the ball. Not sure why the school is more at fault than the parents

If everyone utterly ignored her in her quarantined area, how did she get water? Use the loo?

Not saying that the school is more at fault. Just at fault for not feeding her. I agree, I should have been contactable, will always have a charge bank on me in future. The children were sent home at lunch time.
OP posts:
Farwest · 14/06/2021 01:20

I was asking about water and the toilet because missing lunch, although not very nice, is also not a safeguarding concern. She wasn't going to starve by 3.30.

No doubt the school expected one of you to respond and collect more quickly than it turned out to be.

Original poster
Dolphin7 · 14/06/2021 01:30

@Farwest

I was asking about water and the toilet because missing lunch, although not very nice, is also not a safeguarding concern. She wasn't going to starve by 3.30.

No doubt the school expected one of you to respond and collect more quickly than it turned out to be.

DD is 10 yes old. She knows where to refill her water and go to the loo. But she wasn't told that she couldn't refill her water nor go to the loo. She was however told that she couldn't go to the lunch room or have lunch (she was school dinners). Children with packed lunches were allowed to eat their lunch.
OP posts:
Torvean · 14/06/2021 01:35

If the children were sent home and no school dinners were given. Who is supposed to produce a meal?

Did your daughter not have a snack at morning break?

It's not really going to hurt them having missed one meal.

Parents are always very quick to blame schools even if its their own unintentional mistake.

IAmDaveTheSerialShagger · 14/06/2021 01:39

Oh for heavens sake she is hardly going to die from starvation, and so what if she is SEN? Your other half could not be arsed to collect his daughter, so what would happen if she was poorly?

Original poster
Dolphin7 · 14/06/2021 01:42

@Torvean

If the children were sent home and no school dinners were given. Who is supposed to produce a meal?

Did your daughter not have a snack at morning break?

It's not really going to hurt them having missed one meal.

Parents are always very quick to blame schools even if its their own unintentional mistake.

School dinners were available, we were even charged for the non existent meal! It is not about whether it will hurt them to miss a meal, it is the principle and the distress it causes a child with SEN to miss that meal. I didn't unintentionally forget to feed my child, that was the responsibility of the school whilst she was in their 'care'.
OP posts:
MinnieJackson · 14/06/2021 01:46

Hope she's ok now. Do you have emergency contacts at school that could get her?
My sons autistic, (no 1:1 or EHCP) and if we have NO contact after 1 hour of main school day they refer to SS Confused
Does your DD have got dinners then? Ours are still only doing sandwiches or jackets.

Marty13 · 14/06/2021 01:59

Well, I agree with the OP. Whether or not the parents should have been available is irrelevant. The fact is, they weren't and the school should have provided the meal.

And to everyone saying the parents should have sent someone else - really ? I thought the girl was supposed to be isolating and this is why she couldn't have lunch in the first place. So how do you justify exposing someone else when apparently the teachers couldn't approach her ? Makes no sense.

No, she isn't going to die for skipping a meal, and I wouldn't make a formal complaint, but I would mention it to the school and ask for reimbursement for the meal she didn't get. Just to make a point.

Seafog · 14/06/2021 02:08

So she went three hours longer than normal without food?
I think she'll be ok.

User52739 · 14/06/2021 05:12

I think she should have been fed. I also think that it’s astonishing that your husband, knowing you couldn’t be reached, didn’t make more of an effort to have her picked up. He could have called a friend or relative, or arranged for an Uber. Unless he maybe tried those things? I can’t imagine he just accepted she would be there on his own because you couldn’t be reached and he couldn’t get there in time.

For future events, it might be sensible to have your daughter’s second emergency contact be someone who can actually get there in an emergency.

User52739 · 14/06/2021 05:13

*her own, that should say

Pompom2367 · 14/06/2021 05:36

I wouldn't complain op it is a stressful time for everyone

NiceTwin · 14/06/2021 05:41

You and your dh need to up your game. One of you needed to pick her up when called, not when it was convenient for you.
Would your dh have been that blasè if it had been a broken arm? He should have gone all out 6o contact you and you should have stepped up.

Do not complain about her not being fed, I suspect school may turn round and point out all your failings on that day.

MrsSchadenfreude · 14/06/2021 05:52

I love the way that schools (and most people on here) assume that there will be a parent (usually the mother) on hand to drop everything and be at the school in minutes. We moved house when ours were at primary school, but both worked 60+ miles away in London. We couldn’t have got back in under 2+ hours, knew no-one at school, and had no family living nearby. So until we had been there a few weeks and had made friends, school had no local contact for us. What were we supposed to do? Also in this day and age, I doubt a family friend would want to collect a child who potentially had Covid.

And of course a member of staff should have brought the child some lunch!

Strictly1 · 14/06/2021 06:07

The school should have fed her and a parent should have collected her. The school would have been incredibly busy making phone calls, answering questions etc and making sure that no-one else would need to isolate.

wonderpants · 14/06/2021 06:12

I'm a teacher and a parent of an autistic child.
It is a nightmare having to isolate a class. Especially dealing with children that aren't collected as they have to be put in an isolation room which isn't nice for anyone.
I would raise a concern rather than a complaint that she wasn't fed.
Did your DH actually tell the school he wasn't coming and nobody would be there until the end of the day or was it, 'I'll see what I can do!" or "keep trying my wife, she should be able to collect her!"
Were school actually made aware that she would not be collected until the end of the day?

SimonJT · 14/06/2021 06:13

The school should have fed her, but the stresd involved in getting everyone home clearly led to this being forgotten.

People saying call a friend, do you seriously send your child to a primary school that allows any old stranger to collect a child? Or worse, a school that allows a random ube driver to collect a child.

gerispringer · 14/06/2021 06:19

Missing one school lunch is no biggie, OP.