My Daughter with SEN was left hungry at school

[Dolphin7]

I'm just after advice really, a child in my DDs class was confirmed as being Covid-19 positive (he's fine asymptomatic), the whole class was sent home. My phone had run out of battery (Typical!! The only time my phone doesn't have charge!!) and I was unreachable. My other half had been contacted and could not collect earlier than the normal collection time due to work commitments and travel etc. I was able to charge my phone and received the messages mid afternoon, therefore I was only able to collect my daughter 20mins earlier than her normal collection time. When I did collect her she told me she hadn't been allowed to have lunch because of the Covid-19 case in her class (not being allowed to enter the lunch hall I understand, but no one thought to feed her at all!!), so she'd been left to go hungry the whole day apart from some birthday sweets she found in her bag!! Am I being unreasonable to be upset that the school allowed my daughter with SEN (she's on the autistic spectrum) to go hungry the whole day? I understand that I should have been contactable and I always am, just very unfortunate that on the only day ever that my phone didn't charge properly I needed it the most 😫
What would you do now? Complain to the school or beyond?
Thank you in advance for any advice given 🙂

She said ‘work commitments and travel etc’. I took that to mean that his work commitments meant that he had a large distance to travel.

Oh come on, did you never had lunch 2h later than usual? Not great but we wasn’t going to starve.
Couldn’t your DH have contacted you once he was aware of the problem by calling your office or calling local friends or emailing you etc.??

The DH is getting a lot of flack here, but if he knew they were also contacting the OP, the normal assumption would be that she would pick up their DD as closer and presumably their usual arrangement unless the school contacted him more than once.

Your poor child! I agree that school should have provided her lunch but I wouldn't complain because there was fault on your side too that led to that situation. Understand that dh wouldn't be able to pickup, but he should have tried to reach you by other means (call your work, send an email, call someone who works with you, etc.).

Meh. It's one lunch. Whilst not ideal I can't say I'd be getting aerated about this, it's an unusual situation all round.

You are asking school to have a potentially infected person in a school setting for hours, feed them and clean after them

Yet the majority on here are incredulous that because they couldn't collect for whatever reason that they didn't contact an alternative family member outside the household, or a family friend etc to pickup potentially infected child instead...

[quote Sweak]@fairyannie your post is very contradictory. 'Mistakes happen' 'don't judge'. Yet the rest of your point slates the school for their mistake.

Clearly both parties made mistakes that day. Her daughter is fine. Fair enough to flag to the school but perhaps not complain as such. And op will have her phone fully charged from now on I'm sure![/quote]
Wasn't slating.

Can't you tell the difference?

Just pointing out that school should have been aware of a child left in school who has missed a meal. (Also potential safeguarding issues.)

This is not usually missed.

No excuses - not even covid.

@fairyannie 'no excuses' yet you were ok to excuse the op.

Yes the school shouldn't have missed that the child didn't eat. But as you said when discussing the OP mistakes happen.

I think lots of responses here are a bit extreme. Plenty of parents miss calls or can't drop work at the drop of a hat

Human error also happens in schools like it does everywhere

It's just a case of bad luck but no major harm done

You are asking school to have a potentially infected person in a school setting for hours, feed them and clean after them

This is the same child (along with , presumably, around 28 others) that they had in school quite happily the day before and right up to the time of the decision to send the class home. He hasn't suddenly become radioactive. They are going to have to clean the room the children used anyway, it won't become more dangerous just because one child was in there an extra hour or two. And it's child's play to organise handing over food and collecting plates safely.

This thread is typical AIBU desperation to pile in on the OP at its worst.

Personally, I don't think you should make a formal complaint, however, I would mention to school that your child was not offered any lunch while waiting for pick up and they can learn from this experience.

Without trying to sound condescending, you also made a mistake which prevented you from being able to pick up your child, you and the school both made a mistake, learn from it and try to prevent it from happening again.

[quote Sweak]@fairyannie 'no excuses' yet you were ok to excuse the op.

Yes the school shouldn't have missed that the child didn't eat. But as you said when discussing the OP mistakes happen.[/quote]
I was excusing the OP, because, as you agree, the hungry child shouldn't have been left without food and, as you also agree - mistakes happen.

I said the school was wrong. I did not 'slate' the school - I am not the type of person who would ever 'slate' anyone.

The term 'slating' is an aggressive term which I don't personally use.

If I had a £1 for every child I had 'minded' because of late parents, I would be much wealthier. I've never minded parents being late to pick up their child. Covid or no covid, I certainly would understand a parent not being available to pick up a child immediately without notice.

I used to go shopping after dropping my children at school - before mobile phones existed - I couldn't be contacted in 'unforeseen circumstances' and my husband could not leave his 12hr shift lightly.

Teachers are 'in loco parentis' until the end of the school day. Therefore they have to deal with every eventuality until the end of the school day. If a child has an accident in school they are looked after in an appropriate way. If they need to go to hospital the are accompanied by a familiar adult. If parents are available to collect an ill child from school early - great. If not, they should not be abandoned because parents have assumed their child will be 'well' all day and gone about their business.

Then some parents don't bother turning up on time. I have said this never bothered me as I was always prepared to have any child until parents arrived - these things happen. The OP wasn't late to collect her child she was there before school ended - which is not a problem. The problem was - her child had not eaten for a long period of time.

When schools have closed early because of snow, the children whose parents cannot be contacted/come immediately are looked after until home time.

We didn't have telephones when I was at school. Neither mobile or landline - unforeseen circumstances must have been so difficult then. (Not.)

@supersonicsue

At our local school if there was a positive covid 19 case, the school would try to contact the parents to immediately collect their child, and if unable to contact them, the school would contact children's services.

During these covid times I honestly think it would be awful to complain to the school "or beyond"(your words). I have sons with autism and although they would hate their routine to be disturbed, one missing lunch is hardly important in the grand scheme of things, not when the school were desperately trying to keep 30 children and their teachers safe.

And what would children's services have done? Fine if a child isn't collected at school time and the parents have gone AWOL, but I highly doubt social services works have been interested in parents not answering the phone during school hours.

@MyDcAreMarvel “one of you should have got a job locally”. Mmm. We’d moved from overseas, left on the Friday, school started Tuesday. We moved to that specific village because DH had got a job very locally, but unfortunately he had to see out his three months notice in the London office. So in this period, we were doing childcare shifts - I’d go into London super early and collect them from the after school club at 5, DH would drop them at school and get home around 8.00.

We actually didn’t go back to our house in London because the local authority told us that they wouldn’t be able to confirm school places for the DC until after the start of term, and it was unlikely that they would both go to the same school. So faced with this, we decided to relocate close to DH’s new job, and me commute to London rather than him commuting in the other direction. It was a nightmare time. And we knew no-one there to be an emergency contact for several weeks.

What would I do?
Tell your husband to prioritise his kids over his work for starters

Make sure your phone is charged or give alternative work/ landline number

Whether she has SEN or not the not giving lunch but maybe they assumed all children would be collected on time and they cancelled the lunches

Don't look to blame the school it's not their fault

@omgthepain

What would I do? Tell your husband to prioritise his kids over his work for starters

Make sure your phone is charged or give alternative work/ landline number

Whether she has SEN or not the not giving lunch but maybe they assumed all children would be collected on time and they cancelled the lunches

Don't look to blame the school it's not their fault

OP's husband can prioritise till the cows come home, if the fact is that he physically can't reach the school before the end of the school day how is he supposed to change that?

The children were sent home at lunch time, obviously lunches wouldn't have been cancelled.

Failing to give a child in their care her lunch is certainly the school's fault. They managed to allow those on packed lunches to have lunch.

It sounds like the school punished her because you and her father couldn't get there

Nonsense. Schools don’t behave that way.

I can't believe an adult would see one child sitting with nothing while other children are eating.
The other kids were in the dining hall. OP’s child was in a different room.

Also it is obvious that you weren't the only parent who couldn't get straight there if other children stayed for lunch.

Where does the OP say that other children in the class had lunch?

And what would children's services have done? Fine if a child isn't collected at school time and the parents have gone AWOL, but I highly doubt social services works have been interested in parents not answering the phone during school hours.

It is our LA school’s policy to contact social services if a parent or emergency contact is not contactable during the school day. I have no idea what the SS process is, but it is what our local authority do.

@MintyMabel

It sounds like the school punished her because you and her father couldn't get there

Nonsense. Schools don’t behave that way.

I can't believe an adult would see one child sitting with nothing while other children are eating.
The other kids were in the dining hall. OP’s child was in a different room.

Also it is obvious that you weren't the only parent who couldn't get straight there if other children stayed for lunch.

Where does the OP say that other children in the class had lunch?

I've said before I have known teachers who I think would do it, my DD had a teacher who was vile and definitely seemed to enjoy some children suffering and mine was one of them.

The other kids were in the dining hall. OP’s child was in a different room. Where does the OP say that other children in the class had lunch?

Where does she say it? Here Children with packed lunches were allowed to eat their lunch. Hope that helps you to see how unreasonable it was for one child to be sat watching others eating and obviously those children weren't instantly picked up either.

I've said before I have known teachers who I think would do it, my DD had a teacher who was vile and definitely seemed to enjoy some children suffering and mine was one of them.
Why did you leave your dd in a school with sadistic teachers? Most people would have done something about that.

@GreyhoundG1rl

I've said before I have known teachers who I think would do it, my DD had a teacher who was vile and definitely seemed to enjoy some children suffering and mine was one of them. Why did you leave your dd in a school with sadistic teachers? Most people would have done something about that.

Who says I didn't? Teacher was dealt with and governors involved. My DD was being bullied, teacher stood and watched as she was dragged into a swimming pool and held under the water by the bullies. I believe the only reason she survived was because another adult saw what was happening and intervened.

Don't you think someone who would watch that would be quite capable of watching one hungry child watching the others eat.

@MintyMabel

And what would children's services have done? Fine if a child isn't collected at school time and the parents have gone AWOL, but I highly doubt social services works have been interested in parents not answering the phone during school hours.

It is our LA school’s policy to contact social services if a parent or emergency contact is not contactable during the school day. I have no idea what the SS process is, but it is what our local authority do.

Social services would tell them to call the police if they are worried that the parent isn't contactable. Missing persons isn't a social services thing.

Missing persons isn't a social services thing.
It is when the missing persons have failed to collect their children from school.

And what would children's services have done? Fine if a child isn't collected at school time and the parents have gone AWOL, but I highly doubt social services works have been interested in parents not answering the phone during school hours

As I said elsewhere this is the policy locally to me. Not ordinarily of course, but just for situations involving covid. A social worker would take them out of their school and to a local foster carer who had agreed in advance to accept those potentially covid positive children where the class/bubble needed to self isolate. As foster carers we were asked if we would be prepared to look after a child whose parents did not collect them straight away, but we declined as my husband is CEV. But it has happened, certainly in my area. It would have happened to my foster children too, if we were not able to collect immediately too. I believe the authorities feel absolute priority has to be given to the children going "home" after someone tests positive. This system may differ in other areas but certainly this is true in mine.

Missing persons isn't a social services thing

This would not happen during ordinary times, BUT these aren't ordinary times. And the parent or carer might not be missing as such, just be unable or unwilling to collect their child as soon as possible when someone within the bubble has tested positive. So Social Services in my area ARE called in these circumstances (see my post above).