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Original poster

My Daughter with SEN was left hungry at school

338 replies

Dolphin7 · 13/06/2021 23:42

I'm just after advice really, a child in my DDs class was confirmed as being Covid-19 positive (he's fine asymptomatic), the whole class was sent home. My phone had run out of battery (Typical!! The only time my phone doesn't have charge!!) and I was unreachable. My other half had been contacted and could not collect earlier than the normal collection time due to work commitments and travel etc. I was able to charge my phone and received the messages mid afternoon, therefore I was only able to collect my daughter 20mins earlier than her normal collection time. When I did collect her she told me she hadn't been allowed to have lunch because of the Covid-19 case in her class (not being allowed to enter the lunch hall I understand, but no one thought to feed her at all!!), so she'd been left to go hungry the whole day apart from some birthday sweets she found in her bag!! Am I being unreasonable to be upset that the school allowed my daughter with SEN (she's on the autistic spectrum) to go hungry the whole day? I understand that I should have been contactable and I always am, just very unfortunate that on the only day ever that my phone didn't charge properly I needed it the most 😫
What would you do now? Complain to the school or beyond?
Thank you in advance for any advice given 🙂

OP posts:

DarcyLewis · 14/06/2021 21:23

@GreyhoundG1rl

Missing persons isn't a social services thing. It is when the missing persons have failed to collect their children from school.

If it's gets to late at night and no parent/emergency contact has been reached and the child needs to be accommodated overnight then yes. Not if a parent is uncontactable during the school day and the child is perfectly safe at school.

MaryJosephJesusAndTheWeeDonkey · 14/06/2021 21:29

@NiceTwin

You and your dh need to up your game. One of you needed to pick her up when called, not when it was convenient for you. Would your dh have been that blasè if it had been a broken arm? He should have gone all out 6o contact you and you should have stepped up.

Do not complain about her not being fed, I suspect school may turn round and point out all your failings on that day.

Sorry OP, but agree whole heartedly with the above post.

She's 10. She missed food for 3 hours because you/your DH didn't collect her.

You said your DH couldn't go due to distance/travel and WORK COMMITMENTS- yet you back track now?

You're 100% in the wrong and the school did their best.

MaryJosephJesusAndTheWeeDonkey · 14/06/2021 21:33

School dinners were available, we were even charged for the non existent meal!
It is not about whether it will hurt them to miss a meal, it is the principle and the distress it causes a child with SEN to miss that meal.
I didn't unintentionally forget to feed my child, that was the responsibility of the school whilst she was in their 'care'.

No OP, she didn't eat because you/your DH didn't collect her. You couldn't collect her due to nit charging your phone. I Agree with PP - seems like you feel guilty and are deflecting to the school. But it's ok. No-one died. You need to put plans in place for future. Make sure your DH has a plan of action if he can't collect (ring your work, have someone else on standby, or he drops everything and does pick up), you need to make sure your phone is charged, that school has a special ringtone, and that school have your work/home phone number.

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ancientgran · 15/06/2021 14:05

@supersonicsue

And what would children's services have done? Fine if a child isn't collected at school time and the parents have gone AWOL, but I highly doubt social services works have been interested in parents not answering the phone during school hours

As I said elsewhere this is the policy locally to me. Not ordinarily of course, but just for situations involving covid. A social worker would take them out of their school and to a local foster carer who had agreed in advance to accept those potentially covid positive children where the class/bubble needed to self isolate. As foster carers we were asked if we would be prepared to look after a child whose parents did not collect them straight away, but we declined as my husband is CEV. But it has happened, certainly in my area. It would have happened to my foster children too, if we were not able to collect immediately too. I believe the authorities feel absolute priority has to be given to the children going "home" after someone tests positive. This system may differ in other areas but certainly this is true in mine.

That seems crazy to me. So instead of leaving them in their classroom (already contaminated) with their teacher (already exposed) a social worker (who visits vulnerable people) travels in a car with them and leaves them with another family who haven't been exposed?

That seems like it has been designed to spread it as much as possible.

ancientgran · 15/06/2021 14:07

@MaryJosephJesusAndTheWeeDonkey

School dinners were available, we were even charged for the non existent meal! It is not about whether it will hurt them to miss a meal, it is the principle and the distress it causes a child with SEN to miss that meal. I didn't unintentionally forget to feed my child, that was the responsibility of the school whilst she was in their 'care'.

You've forgotten the bit that until the parents picked her up it was the school in loco parentis so they are the ones who didn't feed her.

The OP admitted she had made a mistake, you don't need to point that out, the school also made a mistake which they may not realise.

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/06/2021 14:12

You've forgotten the bit that until the parents picked her up it was the school in loco parentis so they are the ones who didn't feed her.
They were quite reasonable to assume that having alerted both parents; one of them was already en route to collect the child.
The could hardly predict she'd still be sitting there three hours later. That's squarely on the parents.

GreyhoundG1rl · 15/06/2021 14:16

Honestly, if I was the teacher I'd put the whole thing down to crossed wires and accept that these things happen; but if the parent in question had the balls to complain to me and beyond (!) because she wasn't fed during the time she shouldn't actually have been there, they'd be getting a few home truths with no holds barred.

roobicoobi · 15/06/2021 15:11

They were quite reasonable to assume that having alerted both parents; one of them was already en route to collect the child.

That isn't what happened though. They could not alert OP and the DH told them he could not collect the child due to work. Why would they assume someone was on the way?

The could hardly predict she'd still be sitting there three hours later. That's squarely on the parents.

It doesn't really matter if it was 3 minutes tbh. If it's lunchtime you give the kids lunch. All of them.

RaginaFalangi · 15/06/2021 16:20

Yes they should have fed her but everyone who has kids have had to leave work early at some point to collect their child early for whatever reason or at least find someone to pick them up. As soon as my ds nursery had a positive case we sorted something for one of us to go collect him.

Excilente · 15/06/2021 16:52

good lord, no wonder the OP hasn't come back. I'm really not sure why everyone is being so horrible to her.

Even IF the OPs' DH had said he was coming to get her, or would try and get someone local to do it, the fact of the matter is, it was lunchtime, the child was on school dinners, the other children waiting to be collected were allowed to eat their packed lunches, but NO ONE fed the OP's DD!!!

Solidaritea · 15/06/2021 17:08

@Excilente

good lord, no wonder the OP hasn't come back. I'm really not sure why everyone is being so horrible to her.

Because the OP wanted to complain to the school "or beyond" over a single missed meal in very unusual circumstances.

It's not ok that the kid missed a meal, but what an overreaction!

starfishmummy · 15/06/2021 17:15

As a parent to an SN child I can understand that it is upsetting.

But you do need to sort out your emergency contacts and if your OH is at work too far away to get to the school (as mine is) and it's going to be down to you to collect a sick child then you absolutely have to make sure you are contactable.

And yes. I am in a similar position. Have been for 20 years (DS is now at college and Im still doing it)

ancientgran · 20/06/2021 10:25

@GreyhoundG1rl

You've forgotten the bit that until the parents picked her up it was the school in loco parentis so they are the ones who didn't feed her. They were quite reasonable to assume that having alerted both parents; one of them was already en route to collect the child. The could hardly predict she'd still be sitting there three hours later. That's squarely on the parents.

No they weren't. Come lunch time it was obvious she hadn't been picked up and hadn't got food. Nothing reasonable about it at all.

Saying the school got it wrong doesn't mean the parents are absolved of their part in it, father obviously could magically teleport back but OP should have been contactable and she has acknowledged that.

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