My Daughter with SEN was left hungry at school

[Dolphin7]

I'm just after advice really, a child in my DDs class was confirmed as being Covid-19 positive (he's fine asymptomatic), the whole class was sent home. My phone had run out of battery (Typical!! The only time my phone doesn't have charge!!) and I was unreachable. My other half had been contacted and could not collect earlier than the normal collection time due to work commitments and travel etc. I was able to charge my phone and received the messages mid afternoon, therefore I was only able to collect my daughter 20mins earlier than her normal collection time. When I did collect her she told me she hadn't been allowed to have lunch because of the Covid-19 case in her class (not being allowed to enter the lunch hall I understand, but no one thought to feed her at all!!), so she'd been left to go hungry the whole day apart from some birthday sweets she found in her bag!! Am I being unreasonable to be upset that the school allowed my daughter with SEN (she's on the autistic spectrum) to go hungry the whole day? I understand that I should have been contactable and I always am, just very unfortunate that on the only day ever that my phone didn't charge properly I needed it the most 😫
What would you do now? Complain to the school or beyond?
Thank you in advance for any advice given 🙂

She should have been fed by the school, yes.

However, you do seem to be avoiding the question of your partner's role in this - so he was contactable but too far away: what solution did he propose when asked to collect his child (presumably they told him that you were not answering your phone).

When DS was at primary school we had to provide an emergency contact as a matter of course - it sounds like something your DD's school needs to adopt going forward.

If the other children who were waiting to be collected were eating they're packed lunches then those children who were school dinners should have also been catered for.
All parents should always have an added emergency contact however I'm not sure how many emergency contacts would be happy to step in in these circumstances.

Having to eat a.couole of hours later than usual isn't really a big deal, unless she is diabetic. Sorry but I think the fault, if any, lies with you, her parents. One of you have been contactable and have turned up to collect her, then she wouldn't have gone hungry.

I'm really shocked at your attitude.
What did you Dp DO when the school rang him? He didn't ring you on your work line, or contact anyone else, to pick her up, did he? That's what he is supposed to do.

He should have arranged to get her picked up. Then she would have been fed.

Your whole arrangement, plans, emergency contacts, needs addressing as a priority.

I would not complain. It is very likely an oversight and waiting a few hours for lunch is not damaging to a child.

I've read this whole thread with interest as there seems to be a real issue with OP just not taking responsibility for their own (lack of) actions as a parent!
You have a child, charge your phone!!
Your DP doesn't sound like he tried to even get there. How did he know you were getting at normal pick up time if you were uncontactable? What if you had been held up or another issue? Your kid would have been at school hours later if he had just stayed in work expecting you to pick up!

OP let it rest with the school. Schools have enough cr** to deal with at the moment without you deflecting your guilt on not picking up your own child. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it is true

So her Dad works over 3 hours away?
Where were you? did no one try to contact via a landline, email, neighbour? What if she was in hospital?
They should have fed her but probably assumed you be there quickly so no need.

I actually can't believe all of these replies blaming you.

DP couldn't physically have gotten there before OP did even if he'd set off when he got the call. OP's phone died - it happens, and you're lying if you say it's never happened to you. Just unfortunate it was on this day. Never okay to leave a child, especially a SEN child who wouldn't know to ask for themselves, without food when they are in your care. They were in the school's care.

I'm the emergency contact for my little brother, doesn't mean I'd be happy to pick him up if he was possibly exposed to covid possibly exposing myself and meaning I would have to isolate and not work and not be able to afford my bills this month. Lol.

No I wouldn't complain, I'd say that it's time to update your Emergancy contact list.
Dad who physically can't get to school and by the sound of it doesn't bother to try to make some other sort of arrangement. Plus mum who is uncontactable. That's what left your daughter in this situation really.
Yes they should have arranged a lunch for her whilst she was there, but equally you really should have collected her and not just ignored their message.

@bookish83

I would not complain. It is very likely an oversight and waiting a few hours for lunch is not damaging to a child.

I've read this whole thread with interest as there seems to be a real issue with OP just not taking responsibility for their own (lack of) actions as a parent!
You have a child, charge your phone!!
Your DP doesn't sound like he tried to even get there. How did he know you were getting at normal pick up time if you were uncontactable? What if you had been held up or another issue? Your kid would have been at school hours later if he had just stayed in work expecting you to pick up!

OP let it rest with the school. Schools have enough cr** to deal with at the moment without you deflecting your guilt on not picking up your own child. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it is true

This! I suspect the DH said he would be on his way and they assumed she would be collected shortly. All the phone ran out of battery " typical" Umm no. You check your phone is charged.

@Thatswatshesaid

So her Dad works over 3 hours away? Where were you? did no one try to contact via a landline, email, neighbour? What if she was in hospital? They should have fed her but probably assumed you be there quickly so no need.

What do you mean what if she was in hospital? A member of staff would've stayed until a parent could get there and kept an eye on her, made sure she got the correct medical care. That's why schools have parents sign to say that they can make emergency medical decisions.

I sympathise, OP. If your DP was physically too far away to reach her before the end of the day, what are you meant to do? Hire a helicopter?

Is it possible that the school weren't 100% aware that no-one would come for her before the end of the day and that was the reason for the missed lunch? Maybe if they thought that you'd have been contacted and able to collect by 2 (for example), it wouldn't have been a biggie for her not to have had her dinner, and as time went on dinner (or lack of) just got overlooked? Perhaps raise it as a concern for them to consider should this happen again, but not go in all guns blazing and complaining.

For those who said DP should've contacted a friend nearby, that's really not sensible given the OPs DD is a known contact of a Covid positive child. Much safer for everyone for her to stay in isolation in school until her own household can collect. And an Uber. Really? I wouldn't put my NT 11 year old in a cab on their own we don't have Uber where we live.

I agree she definitely should have been given lunch. And all the 'it's only a few hours, so what' commenters clearly done have a blue in how one missed meal, dropped routine can affect an autistic person. I'm in my 40s and would be thrown if I had been removed from my usual day, never mind missing lunch. My DD is utterly obsessed by time and food and we have to plan her days extremely carefully to avoid any upset.

That's said, no child should have gone without lunch anyway, it's ridiculous to suggest an adult could not have taken a meal to the room the child was in, supervised by an open door if no window/open plan.

The circumstances that led to the delayed collection, while they are OP/OPDH responsibility, there only relevant addition here is that OP will have to be more careful with phone battery and perhaps have a back up person - to be fair though when it's suspect covid I would not want any of my secondary contexts doing the collecting as they both are CEV, so it would be me or DH

It sounds like there were several others who weren't picked up by lunchtime but who had packed lunches.
An adult could have got lunch and put it in the isolation room but at the door/outside the door.
And a neighbour is hardly going to want to pick up a child who's supposed to be in isolation and have her in their house for 4 hours!
I've gone to London (3 hours) on a 6 am train when DH has done school run. There and back in a day. Would not be back in time for school pickup even if I left as soon as called. DH used to do the same. If I was called I'd say he'd need to pick up and would assume he'd just text to update but I'd be in meetings and wouldn't panic if I didn't get one straight away.

Your child should have been offered food. When a bubble closes it means a lot of extra work for the staff so they probably just forgot. I’d mention it to the teacher, who will most likely apologise, and it won’t happen again.

Wow some really perfect parents here aren't there !! Think you are being really harsh on the OP we don't all have people who can collect our children at the drop of a hat and these things unfortunately happen. It wasn't a life or death situation. My dd is sen and I would be annoyed if she hadn't been fed to be honest.

Agree 100% with roobicoobi

I think they should have given her lunch.

But i do hope your partners important work was something genuinley important and not just i am a man important!

Why did you say in your first post that your dh couldn't collect your child because of 'work commitments'?

You should be mortified that:
a. One parent failed to prioritise the H&S of other vulnerable people by wilfully leaving his potentially infectious child in a school in the middle of a pandemic
b. The other parent is too lazy/disorganised to buy and bring a spare phone charger to work in case her child has an emergency, therefore leaving her potentially infectious child in a school in the middle of a pandemic

I imagine the school were too busy ensuring that she was isolated and supervised to even consider that she'd still be there (potentially infecting everyone) hours later because both parents were too inadequate to pick her up

It's not the fact that she wasn't collected. Even the best organised emergency plans can go wrong . It's that your husband just shrugged his shoulders. Iwoumd have expected him to say to the school ' that's odd that shes not answering, I cant come but I'll sort something out' and then try and get hold of you or someone else. Were you at home or at work? I've been involved in tracking down a colleague in similar circumstances because she had told school where she worked and her phone wasn't working. We had to dig out her diary, then contact the customer she was with and get them to give her a message. It was a hassle but it was fine because it was important that her child was collected

@MrsSchadenfreude

I love the way that schools (and most people on here) assume that there will be a parent (usually the mother) on hand to drop everything and be at the school in minutes. We moved house when ours were at primary school, but both worked 60+ miles away in London. We couldn’t have got back in under 2+ hours, knew no-one at school, and had no family living nearby. So until we had been there a few weeks and had made friends, school had no local contact for us. What were we supposed to do? Also in this day and age, I doubt a family friend would want to collect a child who potentially had Covid.

And of course a member of staff should have brought the child some lunch!

I get this but the OP said work commitments, picking up his daughter was less important for him than his work commitments.

I think these things just happen sometimes op. The school would assume your DP would contact you and you’d be there fairly shortly, hence they didn’t worry about lunch. Then presumably it all gets disposed of afterwards. It’s not v nice for your DD, but as PPs have said it won’t have done her any harm. Same with the fact that your phone ran out.

As others have said though, you really do need to sort out another emergency contact - supposing it was something more serious? With your DP being so far away, you are effectively the only emergency contact.

@Gooseberrypies I meant that if their DD was extremely ill she’d want her parents there. I’d hate my DC to be taken ill without me or their father there to comfort them.

I doubt your DP works more than 3 hours away or you would have said he was working away. This is the problem.

Plus it’s not up to your DP to decide that this wasn’t really an ‘emergency’, which seems in part what he has done (work commitments). The school deemed it necessary and as you pointed out they have that responsibility.

Some posters attitude is shocking. Perfect parents?
Can't come back from London?

I don't know what other schools do, but I expect all parents to consider, think about and plan, for emergencies.

Schools have statutory obligations, since 2016, updated in 2018, to have emergency contacts.

Nearly all the schools here ask for emergency contact so that child can be collected within a certain timeframe.

It's no good saying : ' I'm working. I'm hours away'. Then you need to arrange back up.