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Original poster

My Daughter with SEN was left hungry at school

338 replies

Dolphin7 · 13/06/2021 23:42

I'm just after advice really, a child in my DDs class was confirmed as being Covid-19 positive (he's fine asymptomatic), the whole class was sent home. My phone had run out of battery (Typical!! The only time my phone doesn't have charge!!) and I was unreachable. My other half had been contacted and could not collect earlier than the normal collection time due to work commitments and travel etc. I was able to charge my phone and received the messages mid afternoon, therefore I was only able to collect my daughter 20mins earlier than her normal collection time. When I did collect her she told me she hadn't been allowed to have lunch because of the Covid-19 case in her class (not being allowed to enter the lunch hall I understand, but no one thought to feed her at all!!), so she'd been left to go hungry the whole day apart from some birthday sweets she found in her bag!! Am I being unreasonable to be upset that the school allowed my daughter with SEN (she's on the autistic spectrum) to go hungry the whole day? I understand that I should have been contactable and I always am, just very unfortunate that on the only day ever that my phone didn't charge properly I needed it the most 😫
What would you do now? Complain to the school or beyond?
Thank you in advance for any advice given 🙂

OP posts:
cansu · 14/06/2021 08:13

They should have given her lunch but it would have been manic organising the collection of all those children. If you feel you need to point out to them that she didn't get her lunch. Think though about what you want from it. If it is an apology and for them to recognise they made an error then fine. Someone will apologise and they will be upset that your dd was hungry. They will also probably remind you that you and your dh need to do better on being contactable. I think you also need to do some work with your dd on asking for lunch. I have a child with and so I understand that it is difficult but given she was able to tell you she hadn't had lunch I would be rehearsing with her what to say and to whom.

NothingIsWrong · 14/06/2021 08:14

I'm an emergency contact for several people. Absolutely no way would I be agreeing to pick up a child who was a close Covid contact and put my family at risk of an isolation. Anything else, fair enough, but I won't risk my self employed husband potentially not being able to work. That is too much to ask of anyone.

TooHotSendHelp · 14/06/2021 08:15

DS missed lunch in primary after he was told to finish some work and was forgotten about in the classroom and when the teacher came back lunch had already been cleared away.

I mentioned it to the school just to try and stop it happening again but it wasn't a complaint as the teacher wouldn't have done it on purpose and it was purely an oversight.

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Kottbullar · 14/06/2021 08:15

My children's school guidelines make it clear that in this eventually the junior pupils will be pretty much left to their own devices in a room until collected in this eventuality.
So it wouldn't surprise me that no lunch was offered.

Knowing she wouldn't ask for food it's pretty shocking your DP wasn't keeping in contact with school to check she'd eaten and if they'd been in touch with you to collect her.

roobicoobi · 14/06/2021 08:17

The OP made no reference to this being an issue for her daughter's routine. The issue was told as being angry the school didn't feed her.

And so it should be. No child should be left without a meal. Perfectly fine to comment on how 'it's just one meal' type comments don't really take into consideration the affect on an autistic person as well though.

I don't think we need to generalise re autism here. Daughter did not appear to be upset about a missed routine which is good

'Did not appear upset' - yeah. I have heard that one many a time Hmm

roobicoobi · 14/06/2021 08:19

Why couldn't he have called another parent from her class since all the children had been together?

My youngest is about to leave primary school. 7 years in and I would not have a clue how to contact any of the other parents. Why would I?

ineedaholidaynow · 14/06/2021 08:19

In this time when you know there is a higher risk that you might get called to pick your child up, with bubbles bursting, you need to make sure you are contactable.

If your child has play dates with friends in the same bubble, I would be asking their parents if they mind being the third emergency contact, just in case. Particularly if one of you works a long way from the school so realistically would never be able to pick up in an emergency.

Sally872 · 14/06/2021 08:20

Yeah they should have fed her. But as it was an unusual day where they probably had lots of additional tasks as a result of covid I would not complain about this one off incident. I imagine they thought parent will be here soon, let's not expose anyone else. I think the bigger issue is parents not collecting child. But unusual day and unlucky this happened on the day your phone wasn't charged. Expect it won't happen again. So lesson learned is charge phone and collect child immediately.

When dh got the phonecall did he say "can't come physically too far" and leave it to the school to contact you or did he say "I can't come, bit I will track down mum or someone else to helps asap"

ineedaholidaynow · 14/06/2021 08:20

@roobicoobi doesn’t your child have any friends from school?

Whinge · 14/06/2021 08:21

My youngest is about to leave primary school. 7 years in and I would not have a clue how to contact any of the other parents. Why would I?

I'd say that's pretty unusual. Has she never been on a playdate or day out with a friend ,where you would have been in touch with a classmates parent?

Notonthestairs · 14/06/2021 08:22

Regardless of how a parent behaves they should have fed her.

They are responsible for her until she is collected by a parent.

I can't imagine the staff in DD's school (she has ASD and LD) not providing food and opportunities/reminders to top up water bottles.

MyDogCalledMax · 14/06/2021 08:25

@Dolphin7 why do the school not have a work number for you!?

LeopardHawk · 14/06/2021 08:31

@roobicoobi

My youngest is about to leave primary school. 7 years in and I would not have a clue how to contact any of the other parents. Why would I?

That's one of the oddest posts I've read on here.

In 7 years plus, you've never had a play date, a birthday party, joined the class WhatsApp group? Hmm

DarcyLewis · 14/06/2021 08:32

@roobicoobi

Why couldn't he have called another parent from her class since all the children had been together?

My youngest is about to leave primary school. 7 years in and I would not have a clue how to contact any of the other parents. Why would I?

That's very unusual and most people would have contact details for other parents in their child's class. If you don't have family back up then developing reciprocal relationships with friends is even more important.
roobicoobi · 14/06/2021 08:34

doesn’t your child have any friends from school?

No.

I'd say that's pretty unusual. Has she never been on a playdate or day out with a friend ,where you would have been in touch with a classmates parent?

It probably is unusual, but it could also be the same for OPDH.

DD is autistic. DD doesn't do play dates or going out with friends. Sure she as been invited to parties over the years, I wouldn't keep a parents number after sending a polite no thank you though.

roobicoobi · 14/06/2021 08:36

That's one of the oddest posts I've read on here.

Is it really? Not half as odd as not being able to understand that people are different. So rude.

In 7 years plus, you've never had a play date, a birthday party, joined the class WhatsApp group?

Yes she has been invited to parties but I don't keep numbers. I don't think there is a WhatsApp group, if there is I have certainly never heard of it.

Branleuse · 14/06/2021 08:36

I think its shit that noone fed her, but I wouldnt kick up a fuss since nobody went and got her either. Poor kid

Joeblack066 · 14/06/2021 08:37

Really shocked how MN is doing a pile in on the OP. My work takes me all over the country, my DD’s daughter died when she was 10, I have no siblings, all my friends work. She’s grown up now but that could so easily have been me. It was an unfortunate set of circumstances not instigated by the OP.
OP I can understand that with SEN not getting food could be more upsetting that just plain hunger. The issue is not the food, but that the school have not considered your daughter’s needs that she may not be able to ask for. My suggestion would be that you have a chat rather than complain, and clarify that those with SEN do not react the same as NT and therefore careful questions need to be asked.

MintyMabel · 14/06/2021 08:37

Many of us don’t have family nearby who can just step in and collect our children at short notice. You can’t magic up a spare granny from nowhere!

I don’t have family close by. What I do have is a couple of her friend’s parents who, if it really came to it, I know would pick her up. I haven’t made those connections by accident. I’m not an outgoing type person who makes those contacts easily, so if I can do it, most people could. That said, in a Covid situation I wouldn’t ask. I’d make sure either one of us was contactable.

Why should catering staff risk covid

This is hyperbole. There are ways they could have got food to the child with no additional risk. They should have fed her.

What would you do now? Complain to the school or beyond?

I’d make sure my phone was never out of charge if I were the only emergency contact available @Dolphin7. If your husbands oh-so-important job takes him hours away from the school, you need to be on top of things like having charge in your phone. If someone said you were going to get a call about winning £1m, you’d make sure you had charge. Prioritise your daughter the same way. Work with her to ask staff in those situations. Her SEN doesn’t necessarily mean that is impossible.

Don’t complain to the school. You might raise it to let them know there is a hole in their procedures, but do so in a contrite way which starts with something like “I know I should have been there to get her and I’m really sorry I wasn’t, but….”

This is on you. Don’t deflect it onto the school.

BungleandGeorge · 14/06/2021 08:37

@Blossomtoes

We moved house when ours were at primary school, but both worked 60+ miles away in London. We couldn’t have got back in under 2+ hours, knew no-one at school, and had no family living nearby

That seems the height of irresponsibility, how bloody awful for kids if they were ill or injured. And how unfair on the staff. Modern parenting blows my mind.

Well when I was a kid (before modern parenting) there were no mobile phones, parents were often not contactable and there wasn’t the expectation that parents would collect at the drop of a hat. The school never rang my Dad as he was at work, if mum was out they waited. You can’t really expect a random parent to be your emergency contact. Perhaps covid isolations are a bit different (although having an additional child from the class would be an additional risk to them) but why would you expect another parent to hotfoot it down to school or A&e if your child was unwell?
LeopardHawk · 14/06/2021 08:40

@roobicoobi

Is it really? Not half as odd as not being able to understand that people are different. So rude.

The parents in my children's classes are all 'different ' from each other. Different ages, nationalities, cultures, lifestyles. Some have disabilities. Some are autistic.

We all have each other's contact details. Same for every other parent I know with primary school children.

You're saying your children go to play dates or parties at their friends' houses, you exchange numbers with the parents, store them in your phone so you know whose number it is, and then after each play date or party you go into your phone and delete the contact?

Yeah... no. That's bollocks.

Bettyboopawoop · 14/06/2021 08:42

They should have fed her to be honest, one of my son's triggers us being hungry it can lead to meltdown.

justmaybenot · 14/06/2021 08:43

SEN or no, you need to be able to collect your dc if necessary, or have someone else able to if you can't. In one way the school should be complaining to you rather than the other way around.

Reallyreallyborednow · 14/06/2021 08:43

DH didn't say he was too far. He was literally, physically too far. Could not time travel and therefore would not arrive before me

So your DH works over 3 hours away?

If school called before lunch, and he couldn’t get there before normal pick up time at what, 3:30?

He really commutes 3hrs+ each way?

supersonicsue · 14/06/2021 08:44

At our local school if there was a positive covid 19 case, the school would try to contact the parents to immediately collect their child, and if unable to contact them, the school would contact children's services.

During these covid times I honestly think it would be awful to complain to the school "or beyond"(your words). I have sons with autism and although they would hate their routine to be disturbed, one missing lunch is hardly important in the grand scheme of things, not when the school were desperately trying to keep 30 children and their teachers safe.