My Daughter with SEN was left hungry at school

[Dolphin7]

I'm just after advice really, a child in my DDs class was confirmed as being Covid-19 positive (he's fine asymptomatic), the whole class was sent home. My phone had run out of battery (Typical!! The only time my phone doesn't have charge!!) and I was unreachable. My other half had been contacted and could not collect earlier than the normal collection time due to work commitments and travel etc. I was able to charge my phone and received the messages mid afternoon, therefore I was only able to collect my daughter 20mins earlier than her normal collection time. When I did collect her she told me she hadn't been allowed to have lunch because of the Covid-19 case in her class (not being allowed to enter the lunch hall I understand, but no one thought to feed her at all!!), so she'd been left to go hungry the whole day apart from some birthday sweets she found in her bag!! Am I being unreasonable to be upset that the school allowed my daughter with SEN (she's on the autistic spectrum) to go hungry the whole day? I understand that I should have been contactable and I always am, just very unfortunate that on the only day ever that my phone didn't charge properly I needed it the most 😫
What would you do now? Complain to the school or beyond?
Thank you in advance for any advice given 🙂

I don't think you'd have a leg to stand on if you complained, like a PP if it was our school they'd have got SS involved.
What would your DH have done if it was an emergency?
You really have to sort out your emergency contacts.

@MrsSchadenfreude

I love the way that schools (and most people on here) assume that there will be a parent (usually the mother) on hand to drop everything and be at the school in minutes. We moved house when ours were at primary school, but both worked 60+ miles away in London. We couldn’t have got back in under 2+ hours, knew no-one at school, and had no family living nearby. So until we had been there a few weeks and had made friends, school had no local contact for us. What were we supposed to do? Also in this day and age, I doubt a family friend would want to collect a child who potentially had Covid.

And of course a member of staff should have brought the child some lunch!

It is the parents' responsibility to organise something though - not the attitude of I can't do it so it's your problem.

@Dolphin7

OH could not have collected sooner than I was able to due to physical distance, transport etc. Otherwise he would have been there. Thank you for agreeing DD should have been fed, DD is fine thank you, Covid-19 negative after home test, she was a superstar didn't even retch!! Did better than I did!!

So just said no sorry cant? My brains not taking that one. If physical distance was an issue I'd be on the phone ringing round.

Obviously you need to give the school another contact.

She should have been fed, it’s crap that she wasn’t. I would raise it with school so if they are in that situation again, they feed the child.

You should also be contactable or if not have an emergency contact who is local and contactable.

If physical distance was an issue I'd be on the phone ringing round.

I also agree, my OH would be calling my work trying to get a message to me, or a friend, a relative.

I love the way that schools (and most people on here) assume that there will be a parent (usually the mother) on hand to drop everything and be at the school in minutes.

Absolutely I don’t expect this. But from the OP - now clarified - it appeared the child’s father just sort of shrugged and said it wasn’t his problem. OK, that’s now clarified that physical distance was the issue and apparently he wouldn’t get there before usual collection time. Most people don’t work more than 3-4 hours away from their child’s school. A mid-morning call to pick up for most people would mean you’d get there within 2 hours, if you left as soon as you got the call.

I still don’t think SEN is relevant to the not being fed. My DC at the same age would definitely not have asked about lunch - they’d be too shy.

Of course I’d mention it - especially if I’d been charged for it in error! - but I wouldn’t think it should be a complaint, more a ‘this happened, might want to consider it in the future for your planning’ way.

I think what is going on here is that you feel bad that your daughter wasn’t picked up so you are deflecting blame back onto the school to make you feel better.

Of course your child went without food - you both left her there.
Once a bubble is closed, no-one can enter it. That's how it works.
So I couldn't even talk to a colleague next door once their bubble was closed, because I couldn't go in it.
That would explain why the teacher and T.A kept their distance.

I think that's probably true. Also not blaming her dh, which I absolutely would have been doing! There were hours involved in her wait it seems, I know we're all wondering how far away the dh works - though could be on an oil rig for all we know. If OP was at work there should have been another way of reaching her. If she doesn't work, didn't they leave messages on a landline too?
The main thing now is that none of the class test positive and the child who is ill recovers quickly.

I would let it go. The school didn't give her lunch because they had asked for her to be collected quickly as per their covid rules.

However your family didn't pick her up quickly.

The error is on your side, as you have been advised already that in the case of needing to isolate you will be asked to collect your children immediately.

Your DD will be fine I am sure, but let this one go as the bigger issue is your family don't have arrangements in place to collect in an emergency. Focus your energy on getting an emergency contact.

I don't think you can complain because you as parents failed to collect your child!. Your phone being off meant you personally couldn't be called, can't be helped, so they called your husband. Their job was done. Your husband is 100% at fault for nor either collecting her, contacting your work, contacting the next person who could collect her or just generally taking his responsibility as a parent to care for his child. You have a problem with him and his absolute dereliction of duty.

It seems a little uncaring but then they probably assumed someone was coming to pick her up. I wouldn’t bother complaining because you also made a mistake and the exact situation is hardly likely to happen again.

People seem to be obsessing about the issue of someone being able to collect OP's child without focussing on the fact that that is utterly irrelevant to the issue of making sure the child had something to eat. Even if OP and her husband were appalling parents who told the school to fuck off when asked to collect, that doesn't change the fact that the school could and should have arranged for food to be given. The notion that the child had suddenly become an unapproachable pariah because someone else in her class had Covid is a nonsense.

What if there had been an emergency that day? I definitely wouldn't be complaining. I'd be too busy being mortified that I'd left my child sitting in school on her own with no one to pick her up.

You keep saying your dd with SEN was left hungry, and talking about principles and distress. But being left uncollected would be even more distressing for a child, while everyone's parents etc came.

I think it's all unfortunate incidents. And I am sorry that your dd was distressed, but you can't blame school when you failed your dd as parents as well.

I expect they assumed she would be collected quite quickly and wouldn't have time to eat lunch. They weren't to know that your DH and you were going to take all afternoon to come and collect your potentially Covid positive child.

I think you and your DH have to take far more responsibility and blame for this than you seem to be doing.

The notion that the child had suddenly become an unapproachable pariah because someone else in her class had Covid is a nonsense.

Why is it nonsense? If someone outside of the class bubble had contact with the OPs DD then the consequences of this could mean more children and adults isolating.

I do think the school should have provided food, but I can see how in the circumstances the meal was missed. After all they didn't expect the child to still be there at the end of the day, when they called a parent to collect before lunch.

I think this whole thread is full of people being OTT, starting with you.

It’s crazily OTT to suggest complaining ‘beyond’ the school. She missed lunch, it’s not great, but there is a specific reason it happened. Point out the error to the head head of course to prevent it happening again.

The mere fact you are suggesting this is a school board level issue does indicate to me you are feeling guilty about failing to get her picked up. You guys are at fault for failing to make sure there was a contact available, and the school will doubtless point this out to you. But you don’t need to let it press your buttons this much - these things happen.

Everyone else telling you you are awful for not getting her picked up needs to chill out. Mistakes happen. Just make sure you have a couple of extra contacts the school can call if your DP is too far out of area to be any use.

Well that's exactly how it works; as soon as a bubble is closed, all those people become unapproachable. If not, the school then has to figure out other close contacts and get them to isolate.
The class teachers mind will be going into home school education mode and they will be thinking about what learning to put on and how to adapt for their class.
Feeding and providing another child who hasn't been picked up probably would cross their mind. When a bubble closes, although there is a system in place, it always feels chaotic and horrible for that class.

@Dolphin7

My DD is honest, matter of fact and truthful. She did not receive any food, nor was she offered any. The teachers didn't pay her any attention, not even to give her work to do while she waited. She was left alone to wait while they were in another part of the classroom.

So her teachers treated her like her mum and dad did.

I'm autistic, as are the rest of my family. Having a minority neurotype has no relation to our nutrition needs and if we miss the odd meal we are fine. However, like anyone, whether autistic or not, if we saw the rest of our class being picked up and we were left there due to dad prioritising work and mum not ensuring she's prepared if there was a crisis we would have been left feeling abandoned and lonely.

Even if dad wasn't much earlier if he'd have immediately rushed out of work to pick up DD it would have spoken volumes, as does sitting and work and leaving the daughter all alone.

Your anger is mis-placed, your trying to place the school in the role of the 'bad guy' to make you feel better about the issues you've have within your own family.

Yes, school should have fed your daughter but they were dealing with a crisis and like yourself with not charging your phone mistakes happen. I'd let this go and focus on improving your own parenting.

*wouldn't cross their mind

I'm with you OP

This thread raises an interesting point, we have no local family and could sometimes both be 3-4 hours travel away for work. So we spoke to friends who said they would help in an emergency but I wonder if thats still a reasonable request if our child possibly has covid :/

FFS

I can imagine ringing my emergency contacts ds has been exposed to covid can you collect him? No? Didn't think so

No one will want to know once they have been exposed unless they are the family who would take care of them anyway!

And for everyone asking about a medical emergency the school take them to hospital and a staff member waits with them until a parent arrives children arnt dumped onto a social worker because they are ill

As others face said, yes, it’s not good that your daughter wasn’t given lunch (although I find it hard to believe that they wouldn’t have given her any) but the issue is that your DH did not collect her, or maybe arrangements to collect her. You put other staff at risk by then having to keep her in school. You need to come up with a plan of what you would do again in such circumstances as to not collect her like that is totally unacceptable.