Tonight I am leaving my baby to cry it out

[dandelions876]

I swore I would never do this. But my 13 month old son has been up 6.5 hours and will not sleep. He’s fine when I go in the room, laughing and happy. But as soon as I leave he’s crying hysterically and screaming blue murder. I cannot take this any more, my head feels completely done in. I swore I would never do the cry it out method as in my heart of hearts, I believe it’s wrong and cruel. But after two months of hellish evenings, my mind and relationship in tatters, I feel like I’ve been left with no other option. I’m leaving him to cry it out.

Why don't you just stay with him until he falls asleep?

Why can’t you sit with him whilst he drops off?

Because it doesn’t work. He screams until I pick him up. Then as soon as I put him down he screams and cries again.

Try cuddling him to sleep, down after 20 mins so he’s in a deep sleep

I think with what you believe you will deeply regret cry it out... There are more gentle methods

Where is dad in all of this? Send him in instead.

Have you tried Ear defenders and sitting with him? White noise? A nightlight projection? A muslin to cuddle that smells like you? Is he teething?

@dandelions876

How’s it going?

I’ve tired this a couple of times with my 2.4 year
Old and always cave within 3 min!

What is his sleep like daytime? 13mo should be up at 6-7, 1st nap 10ish, 2nd nap 2ish, bed bout 6-7ish.

If he is up too long, or sleeps too little/too much it all adds up in the evening.

Bedtime routine may help, dark room, white noise...not sure what all you have tried.

But crying may or may not help, I know that eventually they stop crying when they realise no one will come or get too tired and doze off. Maybe do that to give yourself a break and then check if any of the things mentioned could help you overall. Good luck.

Do you really mean cry it out or controlled crying? I understand you are at the end of your rope but this doesn’t sound like a plan. There are many methods you can use that are not just leaving a child alone to cry.

Oh god I don't like the cry it out, is there nothing else you could do? Cuddle and a bottle to sleep? Read to sleep or rock to sleep?

Maybe a stupid question, sorry if you’ve tried this - have you got some relaxing musical toys or lights to distract once you’re out of the room? I think being alone in the dark and quiet can be quite hard for little ones, you can’t blame them for wanting you to stay. I agree that crying it out will be stressful for everyone involved, you probably won’t feel any better for it. At least maybe take a more gradual approach, a few minutes away at a time?

Is cio simply leaving him to cry, or more staged? We had this and let him cry for 30 secs, went in and calmed, left for a minute, calmed, left for 2 minutes etc and it worked remarkably quickly.

I’m hoping you mean controlled crying too, it’s kinder than CIO. If that’s the case, i hope it works for you. Make sure to follow a strategy, and specific times to go back in. Use your partner for support too if you can. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

It’s gonna be okay, OP. Both you and baby need a break.

When we did this, I went in at regular but increasing intervals - 1, 3, 5, 8 mins etc. Stroke child, lie child back down, kiss and leave. Don’t stay more than 30s. Your child will be fine, it’s you that will be briefly traumatised and then look back and wonder why you didn’t do it sooner! Be strong!

@dandelions876 I have let my two children cry it out and it works if you stick to it, each night they cried less and after 3/4 nights they just lay down and went to sleep. As long as you know your son is fed, dry and not in pain, do it. It will not harm him a bit regardless of what others say and your mental health and sanity is important too. Mine are 8 & 10 and are perfectly well developed physically and emotionally. It does not make you a bad mother either ( as I know other people have that ridiculous opinion) .

I’ve tried going back into the room and cuddling (many times), Calpol, more milk.

Just left him to cry for 10 mins, then caved and went back in to give yet another cuddle. Have just left the room and he’s finally quiet. Really hoping this is it now and I can have a break and get something to eat.

Don't feel bad about going back in if you think he needs it. He will get there.

@dandelions876

I’ve tried going back into the room and cuddling (many times), Calpol, more milk.

Just left him to cry for 10 mins, then caved and went back in to give yet another cuddle. Have just left the room and he’s finally quiet. Really hoping this is it now and I can have a break and get something to eat.

Fingers crossed

Hate that everyone commenting on this thread is making you feel bad about this. "You'll regret it" "there's other ways" or patronise you into suggestions you clearly would have tried already.

Do what works for you. I hope you get a decent sleep and evening and it goes well. Sleep is so important for everyone and if you need to sleep train to get it then so be it! You'll do your baby and family a favour in the long run.

@dandelions876 if you google Ferber and look at images you will get the minute wait chart. 3,5 7,10,10 etc. We did this at about the same age and she was sleeping through by night three. I think we got to 7 first night and 3 second. The benefits of a happy rested child were instant.

[quote Lollipop25]@dandelions876 I have let my two children cry it out and it works if you stick to it, each night they cried less and after 3/4 nights they just lay down and went to sleep. As long as you know your son is fed, dry and not in pain, do it. It will not harm him a bit regardless of what others say and your mental health and sanity is important too. Mine are 8 & 10 and are perfectly well developed physically and emotionally. It does not make you a bad mother either ( as I know other people have that ridiculous opinion) . [/quote]
Of course 'it works'. They quickly learn that you don't come when they're upset or scared.

I'm too tired to explain to you how much damage this can do to a person. How it can affect bonding & adult relationships. You have NO idea how it will affect your kids lives.

1/2/5/8 minutes works because they understand you WILL come when they need you. HUGE difference.

patronise you into suggestions you clearly would have tried already. apologies to OP if they found my suggestions patronising. I struggled when my baby was crying to think what to try so I was trying to help.

@AlmostSummer21 I just hope I didn’t do too much damage by leaving him 10 mins. I was at the end of my tether.

He’s still quiet so I think it’s safe to say he’s asleep and I can get dinner. Thanks for allowing me to vent on here, it helped.

Oh cop on @AlmostSummer21, next you'll be telling me saying no to them will damage their confidence. OPs DS has settled after 10 minutes and he'll wake up no worse for it.