Tonight I am leaving my baby to cry it out

[dandelions876]

I swore I would never do this. But my 13 month old son has been up 6.5 hours and will not sleep. He’s fine when I go in the room, laughing and happy. But as soon as I leave he’s crying hysterically and screaming blue murder. I cannot take this any more, my head feels completely done in. I swore I would never do the cry it out method as in my heart of hearts, I believe it’s wrong and cruel. But after two months of hellish evenings, my mind and relationship in tatters, I feel like I’ve been left with no other option. I’m leaving him to cry it out.

A poster commented further up about remembering being left to cry it out at 3 and being scared and confused and none of the CIO mums want to comment on that? You don't think that's sad for such a small child to be left alone and scared?

There are very few “CIO mums” on this thread. I’m a Ferber mum, if you want to categorise people like that. If my daughter remembered sleep training like that I’d tell her that yes, it was bedtime and mum left her for 10 minutes (which is the max I’d have left her before going back in) to see if she could fall asleep by herself.

This morning she woke up very early, which is unusual for her. I went in, told her it was still nighttime, and she went back to sleep.

@EssentialHummus but that doesn't change the feelings of fear the child had at the time is what I meant. That would make me so sad to think of my baby being scared like that

@RaspberryBubblegum

A poster commented further up about remembering being left to cry it out at 3 and being scared and confused and none of the CIO mums want to comment on that? You don't think that's sad for such a small child to be left alone and scared?

Oh do fuck off! I’m not a “cio mum” but my baby was a “leave me the fuck alone baby” 6 minutes crying on his own. Or an hour plus crying in my arms.

People like you made me choose the hour plus in my arms for weeks and feel like the worst woman on earth when I resorted to the six minutes alone option.
Your opinions and guilt trips are damaging to mothers and babies.

It’s about balance for me raspberry. I don’t doubt that my daughter might have found sleep training stressful or confusing for short periods, or even that she felt a bit abandoned for those periods (again, we’re talking about timeframes of a minute up to ten minutes in our case). I also don’t doubt she feels genuine anguish when I say no to more cookies or TV or going out in her pants when it’s -5 outside. But her needs aren’t in a vacuum - I have needs (like sleep!) and long-term it’s about balancing everyone’s needs and then wants.

Also I might be wrong but if a 3 year old still needs to ‘cry it out’, maybe there are other issues with them (sleep related or otherwise) that the parent should’ve looked in to? A 3 year old knows that it’s bed time. Either they are having a tantrum because they don’t want to go to bed, or there is something genuinely upsetting them that needs addressing, in which case it’s nothing to do with their sleep routine.
It’s pretty obvious to a mom when their 5-6 month old is crying just because they are tired and nothing else (well I can tell anyway).

Mine is 12 months. His sleep isn’t perfect, but I have found it easier to just relax and start again a bit later if he doesn’t nap or sleep when he should.

You mentioned he was awake for 6.5hrs at that point, they just do that sometimes. If he still doesn’t seem super sleepy, I would just let him play another 30 mins and get yourself some food in that time. Then start bedtime a bit later with him a bit tireder and you having eaten.

Mine ‘should’ nap twice a day. Today he woke early (5.30! It’s usually more like 7), napped 9-10.15am. Then was still super tired on waking himself and has been moany all morning. He still refused to nap at 1, refused to nap at 2. Then I had to pop out and he’s just fallen asleep now at 3.15pm. It’s later than I would like, but before I used to get super stressed about it, but now I figure I gave him the opportunity to nap, he wouldn’t, but won’t last 10am until bedtime without another nap so I have to just let him take one now.
Bedtime is now 7-8.30pm depending on nap times and length, and how tired he is.

Also found mine gets annoyed if we stroke face or sit next to him whilst he falls asleep now. So I just sit on chair in his room so he can see me.

Don’t feel bad OP.

I have been where you are - beyond exhausted, spending most of my days in tears, my health was at risk, I didn’t feel safe driving to/being at work and my marriage was in ruins.

My son was 9 months old when I sleep trained (controlled crying) for naps and bedtimes and within a week he was a different baby.

After we’d done the training he was getting 6 hours more sleep per 24 hours than he was before we did the training and the difference in his character was extraordinary. Some seem to forget that getting enough sleep is just as important to a baby as it is for an adult.

It pulled on my heart strings a little when I did it, but for numerous reasons we had to do it. We couldn’t have carried on the way we were.

I hope you are doing okay

We started this last night and at first it seemed like it had worked! After 40 asleep But then woke an hour later and no matter what would not stop crying ( screaming at times) for two hours…. It was awful and then woke again at 5 with more crying. I felt like we could not stop otherwise it would have all been for nothing. Anyone who has had success did you get more crying during the night wake ups? Did it get better and how quickly ?

We did controlled crying with my youngest three and it’s the best thing ever. We went back in after 3 minutes, then 5, then 10, I dont think they ever took longer than half an hour in total to fall asleep.

I remember the first night they’d wake three or four times, second night once and by the third night they’d sleep through.

Babies cannot manipulate! It is impossible! What is wrong with you? 🙄 Such a warped way of thinking.

You sound absolutely horrific!