Tonight I am leaving my baby to cry it out

[dandelions876]

I swore I would never do this. But my 13 month old son has been up 6.5 hours and will not sleep. He’s fine when I go in the room, laughing and happy. But as soon as I leave he’s crying hysterically and screaming blue murder. I cannot take this any more, my head feels completely done in. I swore I would never do the cry it out method as in my heart of hearts, I believe it’s wrong and cruel. But after two months of hellish evenings, my mind and relationship in tatters, I feel like I’ve been left with no other option. I’m leaving him to cry it out.

Are you sure he’s not poorly ? ear infections aren’t always obvious x

Yes I’m almost certain he’s not poorly. He’s been happy and bright all day - it’s only when put in his cot that he was suddenly very upset. I did give him some Calpol just in case but it didn’t seem to make much difference.

Anyway I’m now feeling shit about myself for leaving him to cry for that 10 mins. I hope I haven’t damaged him on any level or destroyed his trust. It’s not an excuse but I really was at the end of my tether.

You’ve done no damage OP

Do whatever works for you - it’s tough having a little one that doesn’t settle well.

For what it’s worth, I was left to cio by my parents when I was a baby and have the best relationship and bond with them. I have done controlled crying with my babies and found it really effective.

Ignore the amateur dramatics here and do what works for you. Good luck x

Sounds like you're both crying it out.

Cry it out is not something I've done, but if you're at the end of your tether it's definitely always better to leave and let a child cry than stay and end up making it cry.

Give yourself a break, have a brew and a breather.

You wouldn’t have done any permanent damage in ten minutes once, it’s prolonged unattended crying that’s a problem.

Relax with a bit of food and a wine you deserve it.

I can't believe leaving them to cry it out is such a massive big deal these days.
I had to do it as I worked full time as a single mum and would have gone mad if I hadn't had any sleep, I'd have been miserable, DS would have been miserable from lack of sleep, as it happened he learnt to sleep all night from a young age, his cot was always in my room so it's not as if he was on his own crying but he soon learnt to settle.
I'm buggered if I'm rocking a baby and walking up and down all night.
He's a perfectly formed adult now and isn't the slightest bit traumatised from the experience.

Contrary to the other posters I'm going to wish you good luck. Be consistent and you'll get there!

You wouldn’t have done any permanent damage in ten minutes once, it’s prolonged unattended crying that’s a problem.

I have left him to cry for up to 10 mins on about 10-15 occasions before. He’s just a total nightmare to settle sometimes and I’m struggling to cope. Yes I’m a shit mum I know. I really feel like every other mum out there has endless patience compared to me. So pissed off at myself for not being better.

@dandelions876

You wouldn’t have done any permanent damage in ten minutes once, it’s prolonged unattended crying that’s a problem.

I have left him to cry for up to 10 mins on about 10-15 occasions before. He’s just a total nightmare to settle sometimes and I’m struggling to cope. Yes I’m a shit mum I know. I really feel like every other mum out there has endless patience compared to me. So pissed off at myself for not being better.

You don't sound a shit mum. Just desperate.

I really don't believe in cry it out but even I can see you in need of some relief.
Why don't you consider bringing him into bed with your Chichester sleeping? It's the only way I got any sleep with mine.

Also I’ve tried the leaving him for 1 min, 3 mins, 5 mins etc - it doesn’t work for DS. If he’s in a frame of mind where he won’t settle (even if visibly tired) then he just won’t.

I know what you mean, my toddler can be falling asleep on his changing mat etc and the moment i pick him up and move him to his cot he's wide awake and screaming and wanting to climb or lean on me to sleep.
We have tried a few things but at the moment i have put his matters on the floor and i sit next to him but prevent him from leaving the mattress area. This seems to work the last day or two, eventually he lies down and goes to sleep, but he still wakes 2-3 hours later expecting to be picked up.
It's so hard to know what to do (unless you're a Mumsnet keyboard warrior). There some good advice on this thread but ultimately you have to think of your needs as well as your child's. Good luck!

I promise you’re not a shit mum. Sending love with it, stay consistent - it’s more confusing for them if you do it once or twice and not again.

DO NOT THINK you are a "shit mother!!!!" You love your precious boy but you are exhausted,frazzled,frustrated and hungry! You are a human with real emotions. He's healthy and happy and growing. His is unharmed from a ten minute cry. You're doing great!

You’re not a shit mum, the very fact you’re here talking to people about it shows that 1) you recognise you’re reaching the end of your tether and 2) you want help out. Both of which are the actions of someone who wants to do the right thing.

Only you know what that is though and you’ll probably need to try lots of different things.

I can’t even get my DC to be inside a cot without crying hysterically 😬 so we sleep on mattresses on the floor in his room, including him.

It’s tough, nobody has all the answers though, we’re all just muddling through.

Ahh op I tried controlled crying a few weeks ago with my 15 month old. I couldnt cope with it so now we cuddle to sleep. I know how hard it is. I hope your little one stays asleep

We used the Ferber method with DD at 7 months. No regrets in the slightest. Her sleep is now bomb-proof.

Your absolutely NOT a shit mother. Don't feel guilty about it at all. He needs sleep and you need a rest. If it works for you, do it. Happy mum, happy baby. We give ourselves such a hard time as mums, don't stress over something that has worked for you. Your DS will be absolutely fine.

You are NOT a shit mom and you have not harmed your baby. He was crying because he was tired, not because he was devastated that you weren’t there. Please give yourself a break.

Gosh-if your best friend told you she was on her knees with tiredness and felt she had no choice but to leave her baby to cry for ten mins would you call her a shit mum? Please be at least as kind to yourself as you would be to her 💙 you will find your way and you will get where you need to be.

Totally understand how you were feeling. Do not beat yourself up about this. We did a gentle variation of the ferber method at 10 months, and while I found it hard, I now get an evening rather than sitting upstairs and eating dinner in bed. Your child needs a happy, relaxed mum, not a mum who is sleep-deprived and at her limit.

Your all so kind - thank you x

@dandelions876 look after yourself, ignore any judgey mom, you’re doing a great job x

Why did you give him Calpol? Does he have a fever?

@EssentialHummus

We used the Ferber method with DD at 7 months. No regrets in the slightest. Her sleep is now bomb-proof.

Come back after the 8-9 month sleep regression.