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Original poster

Just had a huge fight with my mum. Was I in the wrong?

391 replies

Heidi3333 · 18/04/2021 13:26

Just had a huge fight with my mum and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.
I’m 44 and a single parent to a 5 year old daughter. I m temporarily living with my mum and dad at the moment as my brother is renting my flat. My daughter was donor conceived so there is no father around.
I work part time 3 days a week and my parents pick up my daughter from nursery and watch her for a few hours until I get back home. They rarely watch her at other times. It is my mainly my Dad that watches her tbh as he is the one that collects her and she interacts more with him.
My mum is a good granny in that she buys her toys and will take my daughter when they go shopping and takes her along when she walks the dogs but she refuses to play with her. I think I’ve seen my mum play with her maybe once in 5 years. She’s always “busy” or has some other excuse. My Dad plays with her quite a lot though eg board games, cards etc. My daughter says she asks her granny to play but she always says no 🙁 This was bought up in conversation last night and my mum denied it.
This morning I was having my breakfast and my daughter asked my mum to play Lego with her. She reluctantly agreed but about 2 minutes later said she had things to do and was busy and got up and went on to the computer to look at Facebook! I was really annoyed at this and had a go at her and it ended in a huge fight and now we aren’t talking. She said she does her fair share of babysitting and shouldn’t have to do anymore. I think it’s quite heartbreaking that she doesn’t want to play with her grandchild at all. I try and make sure I play with her most of the time.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to put in a bit of effort when asked my by daughter? I don’t expect every time but like I said she refuses 99 % of the time and find it quite upsetting.

Right now neither of us are backing down.

OP posts:
BlueDahlia69 · 18/04/2021 15:48

this Thread just gets weirder and weirder.

OP you're 'unique' I'll give you that Confused

BurningRed · 18/04/2021 15:49

YABU...

I was prepared to back you then I read your OP. Your mum doesn’t have to play or do anything - she’s had her children (you!) and shouldn’t need to be told if/how to parent her grandchild.

I’d apologise to her and extend how grateful you are to have parents that actually do far more than is expected. If you don’t, I would feel if I was your mum, that you were incredibly ungrateful/back off from helping more.

Footloosefancyfree · 18/04/2021 15:51

Apologises I tagged the wrong person

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

5 year olds Families General parenting
Footloosefancyfree · 18/04/2021 15:52

MillyMollyMandyish are you reading the same thread? Have you read ops previous thread she's taking advantage of her dps not the other way round 🙈

Bearnecessity · 18/04/2021 15:55

YABU...

Ldnmum7 · 18/04/2021 15:56

As someone who has hardly any help or support, you sound incredibly ungrateful and demanding. So you chose to have a baby (fine) but you now expect them to step in and pick up the pieces. You need to grow up and take responsibility.

LowlandLucky · 18/04/2021 15:56

Bloody hell you don't want much do you ? You made the choice to be a single parent then get your parents to do the work ! Time you went and lived on your own and gave your parents peace. I hope your child treats you better when you are older.

Ylm189 · 18/04/2021 15:58

Can’t believe this is even a real question. You seem to feel a sense of entitlement that your mum should play with YOUR daughter. Your mum loves her and does what she can and is able to, for your daughter. Why do you have an expectation that your mum should play with her. Reality check!

Quincie · 18/04/2021 15:58

Ime most parents don't play with their DCs and same for DGFs, sometimes DGMs do. They will read to them or take them a walk but play, not much.

CoconutChair · 18/04/2021 16:06

You’re being very unreasonable. Your parents already let you live with them and it seems that they help you out already. I find playing Lego, building dens and small world play with my own DC mind-numbing!! I avoid it as much as possible and suggest that we build a marble run, read, do play doh etc instead. I wouldn’t do any of that with someone else’s child.

ShurImGrand123 · 18/04/2021 16:08

Wow, what a massively entitled person you are! I’m hoping you’ll grow up soon OP, but I’m not holding out much hope.

Your parents should be enjoying the freedom of not having to be responsible for children, now that their’s are supposedly adults, but you are using them as free housing and on tap childcare, and complaining when they want a bit of time to please themselves.

You’re outrageous.

As a grandparent, I’m extremely thankful that you’re not my daughter or daughter-in-law. Mine are lovely and very considerate.

bugaboo218 · 18/04/2021 16:08

Totally unreasonable. Your Mum is right she does do enough with your DD already.

Not your mum's place to play with your daughter, especially when you are there.

You need to give your mum a grovelling apology and accept that not all parents and grandparents like playing with their children or grandchildren.

bringbacksideburns · 18/04/2021 16:09

Sounds like between them your parents must be knackered tbh. Especially if they recently retired from running a farm. If you are 44 i'm presumimg they are in their mid 60s / 70s.They just got rid of one fully grown child only for another with a grandchild to move in!

It's a totally different kettle of fish living all together with being fun grandparents who take your daughter once or twice a week and look after her/ play with her.

Let your mum be. Appreciate what she does do and how fortunate you are that you have hands on parents who are willing to help. Many don't!

MillyMollyMandyish · 18/04/2021 16:10

@Footloosefancyfree Sorry I don't know why you are tagging me. I have said she is being unreasonable but I also said her DD ought to be at school at 5, and just made the point that she said it's her dad doing most of the care.

helpfulperson · 18/04/2021 16:11

So your parents retired, doubtless planning to put their feet up and now they have to look after your child. If I was them I'd be off on a long holiday as soon as rules allowed.

TheSilveryPussycat · 18/04/2021 16:12

You should not be paying the Council Tax on your flat.
Your brother should.
There is a 25% reduction for those living alone (or alone with DC).

Butwasitherdriveway · 18/04/2021 16:13

[quote MillyMollyMandyish]@Footloosefancyfree Sorry I don't know why you are tagging me. I have said she is being unreasonable but I also said her DD ought to be at school at 5, and just made the point that she said it's her dad doing most of the care.[/quote]
Wasn't it you who said mum probably resents the donor?

osbertthesyrianhamster · 18/04/2021 16:15

Jesus wept! I can't abide playing with toddlers and pre-schoolers. Of course, I did as much as possible with my own but I'm not doing much of any of it again (probably won't have grandkids, not bothered). But you live with your folks, they take your DD out, they provide childcare and you had a go at her? If I were your mother I'd consider telling you to move out.

mumofthemonsters808 · 18/04/2021 16:19

You need to lower your expectations, sounds like she does enough to help you already.

MillyMollyMandyish · 18/04/2021 16:20

@Footloosefancyfree sorry I don't know what we are 'talking about' if you are picking me up on something.

I have not read the OP's other posts [here] other than one thread where she said she wanted to adopt or have another child through IVF.

I have posted to say that seems a bit mad when she relies on her parents so much now.

And yes, it's valid to say her mum may resent her going it alone as a single parent.

Are you disagreeing?

MillyMollyMandyish · 18/04/2021 16:21

@Butwasitherdriveway I think we are talking at cross purposes.
'Dad' is the OPs dad, not the father of her child

Butwasitherdriveway · 18/04/2021 16:22

[quote MillyMollyMandyish]@Footloosefancyfree sorry I don't know what we are 'talking about' if you are picking me up on something.

I have not read the OP's other posts [here] other than one thread where she said she wanted to adopt or have another child through IVF.

I have posted to say that seems a bit mad when she relies on her parents so much now.

And yes, it's valid to say her mum may resent her going it alone as a single parent.

Are you disagreeing?[/quote]
You meant to tag me.

Yes, I think the way you phrased it about the donor thing was a bit unfair.

And also takes all the responsibility away from OP

Scbchl · 18/04/2021 16:27

You are being unreasonable. Playing with kids is mind numbingly boring. She takes her walks and interacts with her in other ways she doesn't need to play with her. Sounds like your parents are already alot more involved in her day to day life than most grandparents since you live with them and they child mind for you.

RowanAlong · 18/04/2021 16:30

Sounds like Grandad’s the fun one...in my experience it’s usually granny who does most and Grandad sits back...but so as long as one is engaging with your daughter I think that’s ok?

FinallyHere · 18/04/2021 16:30

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to put in a bit of effort when asked my by daughter?

I'm afraid that I just don't think that you are being reasonable to ask an adult to do what your DC wants. I can absolutely understand why you would want them to, it might even be lovely for them to have that interaction with DGC but honestly, I see no point to trying to force anyone to do anything.

It also sounds as if your mother is already doing done things with the child, anything else would just be a bonus.

Their relationship might change over time so there is nothing to be g DF one at the moment. Falling out with your mother over this sounds like a high overreaction.

Maybe try an apology and hope that your mother will be generous enough to accept it

As for your DC thinking that her DGM doesn't want to play with her. It's really not good to grow up thinking that everyone wants to play with you and that the world revolves around you. If you treat it as nothing, "oh well never mind let's see what else you can do now " you will be doing so.much.more for your child than trying to force things

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