My mum pinched my toddler DD

[EIRA3]

Hi, new to posting and just desperate for advise please. sorry it may be long winded I'm just very upset.

My loving DD is 2yrs 4 months and is going through some difficult tantrums right now, and is also biting, scramming and hair pulling when very frustrated.
I'm trying my best to stay calm, and being assertive no biting etc - I will not bite, scram or pinch back my choice but many ppl family tell me you need to bite back etc but I refuse.

Today My mother who has been great last few months since DS was born helping with house work etc was upstairs putting clothes away with DD and I was feeding DS downstairs - I hear DD screaming and crying and she came down the stairs in a bit of a state, told me she needed wee. I took her to the toilet and she said
Nana hurt and pointed to her leg and there it was a red mark with a bruise, I was in shock.
I calmed her down and my mum walked in and DD started shouting get out.
My mum then explained DD tried to get my make up and my mum said no and DD bit her for her to then to pinch her. She said she didn't realise how hard and that DD needs to stop biting ppl.
I'm so sad I cried, and asked my mum to leave and not sure where our relationship can go, we were so close but I can't have her do this to my child.
Iv not heard from my mother since.
Am I being over sensitive?
My partner just says that's how they used to do back in the day? But I had told her few weeks ago I will not do it back , why on earth did she think it was a good idea?

Thank you

You aren't being over sensitive. She hurt your child, she bruised her. That's despicable, no adult should behave in this way and it's certainly no way to discipline a child

I think you are being over sensitive. She’s done it, ask her not to do it again and move on.

Your mum should have respected your decision, this is your child, your mum's had her chance to make her own parenting decisions.

Contact her. And tell her never do it again. That is not the way you wish to parent your child. If she cannot respect your wishes. Then step away

Ohno. My mum once reacted by tapping my nephew when he kicked her. She burst into tears after that and felt really bad but it was an automatic reaction. At the end of the day your child is yours and your parenting should be followed by everyone if that’s how you set out your disciplines. I’d be upset too and go mad at my mum for that, expecting an apology. . All kids grow out of that phase. On the other hand my aunty once bit my brother back when he was two 😂 he was a nightmare though! He never did it again. Parenting is confusing

She has deliberately injured your child. Whatever you decide to do you must make sure you’re protect your children from further harm.

Oh wow I feel bad for you, did your mum used to do things like this to you?
Did she sound like she was sorry? I hope you’re ok! I think you need to speak to your mum when the dust settles and then set out some boundaries with her and what you expect from her.

She marked and bruised a 2 year old...

My big concern is she isn’t taking responsibility and apologising but is instead blaming a 2 year old for this situation.

@Thatwentbadly

She has deliberately injured your child. Whatever you decide to do you must make sure you’re protect your children from further harm.

And her child deliberately injured her mum..

Bruises aren't instantaneous, although a red mark would be......my son bit me at that age and yes I bit him back not hard in the slightest but I showed him that it's not nice to use teeth ....He never done it again.

Thank you for the replies,
Yes I totally get the over sensitive bit, my heart just sank when I seen my daughters leg, lack of sleep right now doesn't help.
I just don't get why she did it, she's sent me articles on how to deal with toddlers who bite and they all say stay calm etc never bite back.
L

If you can't see the difference that's mind boggling.

I think it’s important to keep communication open with her. It quickly escalated and got upsetting. I think sleep on it tonight. And contact her tomorrow. And reiterate your child. Your rules. Never ever do it again. Or there will be consequences

She BIT your mother. You need to deal with that before you go judging your mother about how she dealt with because clearly how you are dealing with it isn't strong enough

@RunningFromInsanity and her child is 2 so doesn’t have fully developed impulse control and understanding of consequences where as an adult should.

Well, your dd won’t be doing that again.
Is she acting up because of her baby brother?

You are not being over sensitive!
She purposely hurt a small child and she did that despite knowing you didn’t agree with that type of discipline (not that I’d call it discipline).

Well done you for telling her to leave.

I’d expect her to call an apologise or at least show some sort of understanding of what she did being wrong.

I don’t care that it used to be more acceptable. It’s not acceptable now because times move on!

Of course it's not ok she did that.

But she may actually not want to come and help again if she's going to get bit and pinched by a near 2 1/2 to for saying no.

What do you want to happen? Because only you can decide where to go from here.

There's about 4 different viewpoints about this type of thing and you need to decide yours and communicate it.

If i were your mum i eould avoid your daughter until she comes out of this biting "phase"

i can see both sides.
but i tend to follow the law.
if she had smacked the child, once, on bottom or legs, i would have thought that was ok, because allowed by law. in england.
even though it is not your way, and would need to be discussed.
but you say she left a mark. that is against the law.
and a pinch is a much sharper pain than a slight smack.
i guess she was trying to reproduce a biting pain, to make the point to the child. who obviously should not be biting anyone.
but what to do. i don't know.

Regardless of whether some people think a 2 year old can deserve being pinched by a grown adult who is supposed to care for them, it’s illegal to ‘chastise’ a child in a way that leaves a mark. And so it fucking should be. You are absolutely not over reacting.

Tell her in no uncertain terms not to do it again then resume your relationship. As you say she’s been ‘great’ up until then and it’s be crazy to throw away free help if she gets what a big deal it is.

But @alexdgr8, it isn't allowed by law in England as far as I understand. It's allowed only if the parents do it, and court cases have established the parents can't opt to delegate that right to anybody else, such as the grandparents or even the child's school.

To those saying it's a bigger problem that the two-year-old bit - the child isn't anything like close to the age of criminal responsibility, but you're somehow saying the adult in that situation is entitled to break the law in response?

I'm so shocked by some of the responses on this that I'm out. Need to go and press assault charges against my own 2 year old now I've had my eyes opened.