My mum pinched my toddler DD

[EIRA3]

Hi, new to posting and just desperate for advise please. sorry it may be long winded I'm just very upset.

My loving DD is 2yrs 4 months and is going through some difficult tantrums right now, and is also biting, scramming and hair pulling when very frustrated.
I'm trying my best to stay calm, and being assertive no biting etc - I will not bite, scram or pinch back my choice but many ppl family tell me you need to bite back etc but I refuse.

Today My mother who has been great last few months since DS was born helping with house work etc was upstairs putting clothes away with DD and I was feeding DS downstairs - I hear DD screaming and crying and she came down the stairs in a bit of a state, told me she needed wee. I took her to the toilet and she said
Nana hurt and pointed to her leg and there it was a red mark with a bruise, I was in shock.
I calmed her down and my mum walked in and DD started shouting get out.
My mum then explained DD tried to get my make up and my mum said no and DD bit her for her to then to pinch her. She said she didn't realise how hard and that DD needs to stop biting ppl.
I'm so sad I cried, and asked my mum to leave and not sure where our relationship can go, we were so close but I can't have her do this to my child.
Iv not heard from my mother since.
Am I being over sensitive?
My partner just says that's how they used to do back in the day? But I had told her few weeks ago I will not do it back , why on earth did she think it was a good idea?

Thank you

@AppletonP

Our eldest is 17. The parents who placated their biting toddlers and said "it's just a phase" had the teens who were complete nightmares. I'm not condoning what she did but maybe she's hit the end of her rope and your discipline is hugely ineffective. I would not be having a toddler who bites because they've been told no.

And what would you have done?

@flippertygibbit

Rightly or wrongly, I bet she doesn't try it with your mum again!

She won’t if she doesn’t see her 😏

In my experience of two year old's it's anyone's guess what they are about to do at any given moment.

Obviously it is your child and you get to choose how to deal with her Biting problem. Yes your mum overstepped the mark but that doesn't make her some awful child abuser who cant be trusted with children. It really was how it was dealt with 20 years ago , so she probably thought she was helping.

My child was bitten in nursery by a 'biter' many times as were others and I wished to god her parents would just bite her back and nip the behaviour in the bud. (said child was asked to leave the nursery in the end)

wow

A 2 year old bites and an adult female pinches hard enough to bruise the skin.....

It's pretty obvious who is to blame here and who is abusive and it isn't the toddler.

@evrey

Obviously it is your child and you get to choose how to deal with her Biting problem. Yes your mum overstepped the mark but that doesn't make her some awful child abuser who cant be trusted with children. It really was how it was dealt with 20 years ago , so she probably thought she was helping.

My child was bitten in nursery by a 'biter' many times as were others and I wished to god her parents would just bite her back and nip the behaviour in the bud. (said child was asked to leave the nursery in the end)

That’s cruel of you, you don’t like your toddler being bitten by a toddler so you hope her parents bite her.

@flippertygibbit

Rightly or wrongly, I bet she doesn't try it with your mum again!

The granny will probably 'lamp her one' if she tries anything else.... pinching is wrong surely adults know that?

Lots of behaviours were dealt with the wrong way, the lazy way, the spiteful way and it doesn’t need a revival.

@cashoncollection

Your mother is an adult. Your daughter is a small child. Yes she behaved badly but she is 2 FFS. There should be consequences for bad behaviour but she should be able to trust the adults around her to not harm her.

To pinch hard and leave a mark is despicable.

This. Yeah a child biting someone is bad but she's a fucking kid. If my DM or DMIL did that to my DD they'd never cross my door again, sorry.

No you definitely aren't being over sensitive. What an awful thing for her to do. I don't think I could forgive my Mum if she did that to my DD. Your Mum is an adult she needs to behave like one, your LG is still learning and still so young.

Your little girls sounds quite a handful and the biting issue needs to be addressed. You’ve a lot on your plate and you didn't witness the incident with your daughter, so I don't think it left you with much time to consider how to react. Your daughter was upset about Granny and Granny was upset about your reaction and the thing has now escalated to where you are considering breaking off a life long relationship with your mother. Would that not be a little disproportionate? How are you going to feel if this present estrangement becomes set in stone? BTW after Granny had been dismissed from the house, what happened to the little one? You need to talk to your mum and your daughter about appropriate behaviour. Next year she will be at nursery, and if the biting continues she wont be a very popular child and being blunt about it, you will be blamed. They always blame the mothers.

@Fembot123

God I hope the people saying a toddler biting is comparable to a grown adult pinching don’t have kids or at the very least they’ve grown up and escaped.

Indeed. So many excuses for an adult not being able to control herself so she needs to pinch a child and leaves a bruise.... so wrong

Look into Hand in Hand Parenting, fantastic ways to deal with tantrums. Really totally changed my family life for the better.

@expectopelargonium

If any child of mine ever bit me or anyone else, they'd only ever do it the once.

Some of the responses on here are as if it's 1940, ffs. A two year old is barely more than a baby, they do not fully understand what it means to hurt someone, and they have next to zero impulse control. Yet some of you think it's perfectly reasonable that an adult pinches this child so hard that her skin bruises as a form of discipline and "learning." Honestly, what century is this?

It was once the norm to meet like with like. And it worked.

Bite, pull hair, kick, whatever. Do it gently to the instigator & it stopped them doing it.

@Georgyporky

It was once the norm to meet like with like. And it worked.

Bite, pull hair, kick, whatever. Do it gently to the instigator & it stopped them doing it.

Except that's irrelevant. Granny didn't meet like with like nor was she gentle. She gave a baby a spiteful pinch that bruised her.

Like fuck would she come into my house again.

@backaftera2yearbreak

I think you are being over sensitive. She’s done it, ask her not to do it again and move on.

Did you ask to see your mother's bite mark? A human bite can be dangerous. Did she go to A&E? Do you care? She pinched your bitey dd's bum. Bet DD doesn't bite grandma again.

Bruising does not come from gentle pinching. Lots of things ‘worked’ doesn’t make them right, yes you can subdue a child with aggression and??

I would be very unhappy with DM. I would take a break from seeing her for a while, as I'd need time to consider whether I want this person having a close relationship with my kids.

Pinching someone else's child is pretty aggressive and would she have even told you, if DD hadn't?

@GeorgiaGirl52 Dear god 😫

@expectopelargonium

If any child of mine ever bit me or anyone else, they'd only ever do it the once.

Wow.

I couldn’t forgive such behaviour from an adult to my child, under any circumstances. I hope you & DD are ok.

I fake cried when my baby (yes, a 2 yr old is still a baby) hurt me.

They were shocked they had caused me to cry and never did it again. Never reported to retaliation with violence- wtaf 🙄

People saying ‘bite back’ need to realise some these biters love being bitten too and it’s all a big game to them. DS used to giggle uncontrollably when I tried biting back even when I thought it was quite hard.

Anyway timeouts applied consistantly definitely worked for us.