My mum pinched my toddler DD

[EIRA3]

Hi, new to posting and just desperate for advise please. sorry it may be long winded I'm just very upset.

My loving DD is 2yrs 4 months and is going through some difficult tantrums right now, and is also biting, scramming and hair pulling when very frustrated.
I'm trying my best to stay calm, and being assertive no biting etc - I will not bite, scram or pinch back my choice but many ppl family tell me you need to bite back etc but I refuse.

Today My mother who has been great last few months since DS was born helping with house work etc was upstairs putting clothes away with DD and I was feeding DS downstairs - I hear DD screaming and crying and she came down the stairs in a bit of a state, told me she needed wee. I took her to the toilet and she said
Nana hurt and pointed to her leg and there it was a red mark with a bruise, I was in shock.
I calmed her down and my mum walked in and DD started shouting get out.
My mum then explained DD tried to get my make up and my mum said no and DD bit her for her to then to pinch her. She said she didn't realise how hard and that DD needs to stop biting ppl.
I'm so sad I cried, and asked my mum to leave and not sure where our relationship can go, we were so close but I can't have her do this to my child.
Iv not heard from my mother since.
Am I being over sensitive?
My partner just says that's how they used to do back in the day? But I had told her few weeks ago I will not do it back , why on earth did she think it was a good idea?

Thank you

My sister was that age when she bit me hard. Mum bit my sister and my sister never did it again.

Your mother is an adult. Your daughter is a small child. Yes she behaved badly but she is 2 FFS. There should be consequences for bad behaviour but she should be able to trust the adults around her to not harm her.

To pinch hard and leave a mark is despicable.

Yes I'm very shocked by some of the responses here too. If your DM cannot keep her cool with a biting two year old she should get out of the situation before she gets so stressed that she feels the need to violently retaliate. if she cannot look after your DC because of your DC's behaviour then she shouldn't be doing it. But there is no excuse for what she did. I would be horrified if my parents did this to my child.

I would expect an apology and be very clear that this is to never ever happen again. (And if it did, I would never leave her alone with your DD again. I'd also be considering whether you want to leave DS alone with her because he won't be able to communicate it if she hurts him.)

God I hope the people saying a toddler biting is comparable to a grown adult pinching don’t have kids or at the very least they’ve grown up and escaped.

It's done now. and no need to be crying. Some people adopted that kind of tactic for punishment years ago. and I have actually seen young Mothers of today,doing the same.. It's wrong, but your Mother needs to learn how to react to these small behaviors from a small child..
No need for a family fallout though.

There are some seriously messed up responses on this thread. Forget about it because it’s free childcare...what the actual...?!

Anyone who laid a finger on my child would be kicked out of my house and not invited back, end of. And I can’t even imagine my husband’s reaction if my mother intentionally inflicted a wound on our toddler. He certainly wouldn’t be writing it off as something they did in that generation that’s for sure.

Are there really lots of people out there who condone intentional physical harm to two year olds?

If any child of mine ever bit me or anyone else, they'd only ever do it the once.

@expectopelargonium

If any child of mine ever bit me or anyone else, they'd only ever do it the once.

You know it’s weird to talk that threateningly about small children yes?

I wouldn't want to be bitten either. You need to deal with that. Probably best if your mum stays away until you have.

If any child of mine ever bit me or anyone else, they'd only ever do it the once

Nice, you must be a great parent...

Wow there are some crazy responses here. If my mother deliberately hurt my 2yo she would never see any of us again. Absolutely disgusting behaviour

This thread is mind boggling your mother is in the wrong you don’t pinch and bruise ffs. I’m not saying go nc calm down and see if she apologises sounds like the last thing you need op.

@expectopelargonium

If any child of mine ever bit me or anyone else, they'd only ever do it the once.

You should be the one dealing with your daughter biting people. How long has this phase been going on and how many people has she hurt?

I'm shocked that your daughter bit her grandmother. Toddlers generally bite other toddlers (which is bad enough) but not often other adults. It does seem to be a significant problem and perhaps your mother doesn't think it's being dealt with firmly enough.

It doesn't necessarily mean what she did is right, although it was in the past quite normal, but I bet your daughter never bites your mum again. Unfortunately toddlers don't really get reasoning or explanations of how to behave. That's adults trying to apply a much more mature way of thinking than toddlers are capable of. Toddlers learn by experience.

Neither of mine were biters thank goodness. I'm not sure what approach I would have taken if they were but I do know if my toddler was biting a grandparent, because they had been told no, it would have been a pretty serious problem.

I don’t think you should go NC either but she needs to come off the defensive and apologise, perhaps you could explain to her the steps you are taking to show DD sensibly that we don’t bite. Biting back and pinching is lazy and aggressive

Also whether you get a biter or not is the luck of the draw not done to some fantastic baby rearing techniques, it’s how you lead them out of the habit that counts.

I too am really shocked by some of the responses here. To compare a 2yo biting to an adult pinching a child is just ridiculous but actually quite disturbed. Wow. Where are those prisons for toddlers when you need them, huh?
I would not let my mother look after my child again if she had ever intentionally hurt my child.

Your daughter is two she is only a baby still. She isn’t going to be still biting when she is older at least that’s highly unlikely! A grown adult should not be biting back. Aside from the obvious fact it’s abusive, and I know people will say that’s an exaggeration but I don’t think it is, it’s hardly teaching her not to bite or pinch or hit as the case may be. There is a reason why this isn’t widely practiced or accepted anymore and I would tell her in no uncertain terms if it happens again she will not be left alone with your children. To be honest I would be reluctant to let her have time alone anyway after that. I probably would speak with her again about it myself but I can see why you might not want to at all! You are not a bit over sensitive though the child was left marked, that’s not ok!

not just ridiculous but actually

Wow, the responses on here tonight!

OP, you did the right thing, and if a grandparent of my child did this they'd never be left in charge of the child again (it'd take a long time before I even left them alone together).

The mind boggles, it really does.

Our eldest is 17. The parents who placated their biting toddlers and said "it's just a phase" had the teens who were complete nightmares. I'm not condoning what she did but maybe she's hit the end of her rope and your discipline is hugely ineffective. I would not be having a toddler who bites because they've been told no.

There’s no need to go NC but your DM needs to know that it isn’t acceptable to do that and you will not tolerate it happening again. My DS went through a stage of pinching and laughed in your face if you told him off or put him in time out so I did pinch him back one day. I only did it once and he hasn’t done it since BUT it didn’t leave a mark and it certainly didn’t bruise so she must’ve pinched pretty hard. She needs to apologise to you.

If she’s biting, hitting and kicking then use professional childcare. They can often support you with solutions. A 2 yo biting adults other than parents seems like it’s getting out of hand. If that’s what she does to gran what would she do to younger babies?

I say this as a mum of biter. He has now finally stopped but only after strict timeouts every time he did it

The 2 year old is learning that it’s not okay. The grandmother knows it’s not okay. Massive difference.

Rightly or wrongly, I bet she doesn't try it with your mum again!