Defensive parents - iPads

[Imbarb]

Why do other parents get get defensive whenever I say I don't give my 2 year old an iPad? 🧐

People get defensive when other people make different choices. Never more so than in parenting.

DD doesn’t have a tablet or watch tv and a couple of people I know to chat to have been appalled she doesn’t know who peppa pig is

I’m okay with that. Peppa is fucking annoying and none of that is compulsory.

Depends when and how you say it, potentially.

Maybe you sound judgy or superior when you say it

My DS doesn't have the iPad or phone but it's never been brought up in conversation? Do you judge people who do use iPads etc? I find this a bit odd to be brought up in conversation. A bit smug maybe?

They probably don't, really. Why are you saying it? Is there any need to say it repeatedly, other than to sound superior?

People get defensive if you highlight anything that they know deep down is not good, but they choose to ignore it and do it anyway.

Perhaps they are just baffled about why you need to repeatedly say it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@CoalCraft

Maybe you sound judgy or superior when you say it

How would that actually sound? I think your comment is a defensive one.

Who are you saying it to? I never had this kind of conversation on a day to day. What I do with my kids at home isn't up for general chit chat.

Huh? lol, it sounds like you’re a bit smug tbh.

I think all sorts of tools are useful in parenting, screens have their place. They also help keep little ones amused, so theres time to clean, and cook...secretly I think these superior mums are jealous often, because they talk these moves up so much, then they can’t back down and “cheat” like us other mums who also have lives outside of our sprouts. My dd watches the good dinosaur, while I get to watch desperate housewives. I’m winning.

I'm guessing it's your tone OP 😜

Are you sure they’re defensive, rather than just a bit confused as to why you wouldn’t want your kid to have a go on an iPad? What reasoning do you give them?

My 17 month old occasionally gets an iPad to distract from things to avoid a tantrum but actually she’s advanced in her words, logic skill, reading books, physical movement etc so I would feel judged if someone had to bring up they didn’t give their child an iPad as if it were somehow saying I am messing up my own child when that’s obviously not the case.

Oh look, and to prove your point it’s happened here.

Who says she repeatedly says it?

Why would not using a tablet be smug? Would that mean it’s better not to give your child one?

As to when these things come up, they just do, along with sleep, food, routine, potty training, tantrums etc all pretty boring and routine parts of toddler chatter.

If parents who give their kids tablets are allowed to talk about it, are those who don’t not?

@Frogartist

Since neither I nor DH have a tablet, and DD is unlikely to so much as see a tablet until she's old enough to be spending time away, I'm not sure what I'd have to get defensive about!

How does the OP "sound smug"? I don't think she's used enough words for anyone to interpret it like that!

Everyone calling me smug etc is defensive. This is my point.

I shared a conversation with my friend who told me my toddler spoke so well for her age and I replied 'I have nothing to compare it to other than I guess she's not yet glued to an iPad'

She responded 'what's that supposed to mean'

It meant nothing other than what it said.

Another conversation with a different person when my toddler turned 2, she said 'I got my son N iPad for his Birthday' I said, oh luckily she's not into iPads yet. She replied 'why's that lucky, so you think it's bad?'

Like apparently, wanting your kids to be present is bad because it offends other parents lol.

I've never been smug, what's there to be smug about? It really does trigger so many parents though quote clearly shown in these responses

Ok, well both of those comments are judgemental so I can see why you had negative reactions to them. Why would having an iPad or other tablet available mean that a child would not be present?

It does sound like you think you're superior by not letting your child watch TV.

Your child being a good talker and not being allowed screens are not necessarily linked. You making that link is what makes you seem superior when speaking to a parent who presumably lets their child use a screen sometimes. The implication being that if they had made a different choice, their child would speak better.

Foot in mouth syndrome OP. When your friend said your toddler speaks it would have been polite to say ´thank you’ and you could have added, ‘we try to do lots of reading’ or ´I try to speak to her as much as possible’. Mentioning you think it’s linked to not using an IPad wiil have made your friend think you’re implying (her!) children who use iPads are delayed speechwise. You may be right, but it’s not a tactful thing to say.
For the second conversation, um clearly you do think using Ipads is bad, so it’s not surprising your friend responded as she did....

@AssassinatedBeauty

Ok, well both of those comments are judgemental so I can see why you had negative reactions to them. Why would having an iPad or other tablet available mean that a child would not be present?

They are "all absorbing " and addictive. There are not an ideal activity for anyone really, but particularly for young children.

I can see why you think the comments are judgemental though.

In the first instance, did you know her child was glued to an iPad? If not no reason for her to feel attacked. If so, you might have been insensitive. Did she have a child who took longer to talk?

I’d never bring it up unprompted but people do ask, and when they do of course it’s fine to say your child doesn’t have one or isn’t interested.

Tone matters if you want to stay friendly with people

Yeah I would have taken both of those comments as critical of me, sorry.

Butt out of other peoples choice.

@Imbarb

Everyone calling me smug etc is defensive. This is my point.

I shared a conversation with my friend who told me my toddler spoke so well for her age and I replied 'I have nothing to compare it to other than I guess she's not yet glued to an iPad'

She responded 'what's that supposed to mean'

It meant nothing other than what it said.

Another conversation with a different person when my toddler turned 2, she said 'I got my son N iPad for his Birthday' I said, oh luckily she's not into iPads yet. She replied 'why's that lucky, so you think it's bad?'

Like apparently, wanting your kids to be present is bad because it offends other parents lol.

I've never been smug, what's there to be smug about? It really does trigger so many parents though quote clearly shown in these responses

My child is very present thank you. More present than some of her constantly tantrumy toddler counterparts born to “ I will never use an iPad” parents. I agree overuse is bad. She maybe gets 10 minutes tops a day use of my IPad to play a pop the balloon animal game or watch Sesame Street etc. I agree overuse of technology is bad but I don’t overuse it. In addition some of those who do have no choice, they have to juggle childcare and work etc.

@MrsTophamHat

It does sound like you think you're superior by not letting your child watch TV.

Your child being a good talker and not being allowed screens are not necessarily linked. You making that link is what makes you seem superior when speaking to a parent who presumably lets their child use a screen sometimes. The implication being that if they had made a different choice, their child would speak better.

See this is it entirely. We spoke about my child I answered I regards to my child.

The defensive response is to assume that anything I said, is backhandedly aimed at their child, when it's not.

I don't care what other people do with their kids as long as they aren't arseholes but when ever I mention anything about an iPad, there's apparently an ulterior motive.

Bizarre